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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Non-Dating NBs
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, November 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I intrude in here? I am not planning on dating any time soon. For now it is just my son and I! Exactly how I want it to be! I want to become more active on here so I have another support system but I rarely feel like I can add anything significant to the conversations or have the wisdom for advice and often feel like I'm the awkward social one intruding on a conversation.

Phmh that sounds exciting and very interesting! Enjoy!

I started running again today (I was an avid runner most of my life. Had to stop when I was undergoing fertility treatments and for the pregnancy. Dday happened. Single parenting.... Circumstances) so it was great to get out! I'm as unfit as can be but just happy to get started again. I'll only be able to run 3 mornings a week at this stage (not ideal but it's something. It's the only time someone can look after my son for a short while) but after months of NO me-time it is huge for me. I also went to my first IC session last friday here in the new city we moved to. So first session in 3 months. Miss my old IC but this new one seems nice too.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BrokenDaisy,

Please contribute more often!!!

NB is about so much more than dating. I didn't date for at least a year and still wrote on here like crazy.

Great job starting to run again. That was one of the things that helped me to heal after D-Day and divorce. Supposedly it's as potent to help you heal as anti-depressants.

Welcome, and please contribute more often! We love to see you down here!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't want this one to fall too far from the top!

Made a couple of new acquaintances this week that may turn into friends -- we'll see!

What have others been doing?


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, November 24th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm working on friendships. I'm becoming close to a couple of co-workers...I haven't had friendships like this in over 10 years!
Also reaching out occassionally to new people and finding acceptance. It's so wonderful.

Working hard on the master's degree.

Rediscovering weekend down time...watching reruns of my favorite comedy series.

My NB is pretty simple but I love it


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4687 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
blue8888
♀ New Member
Member # 40896
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went back to school. I was already in the process of signing up when D-day hit but didn't let it stop me and have high As in both my classes so far.

I am buying a new wardrobe, new bed, and bedding just for me.

I am working out again and eating healthy.

I have been decluttering and reorganizing parts of the house. Separated our files and paperwork.


Me- BW 31, WH- 29
M 11 yrs Together 13
2 kids (special needs)
Last Dday 9/26/13 EA w/ 19 yr old OW, too many prior EAs to list, one he kissed
Divorcing
My value hasn't decreased based on his inability to see my worth.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United States
PhoenixRising88
♀ Member
Member # 35214
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, November 25th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blue8888 - LOVE your tag line!!!....

I myself have finished packing and just waiting on Sunday to get here so I can move out and on and restart my life, lived for me this time. No interest whatsoever in anything even remotely resembling dating anytime soon at all. The waters need to calm first. I need to calm first. I need to soothe and heal me first.

I want to be able to focus on and finish my Masters. I want to be able to read when I want to read and eat when I want to and go where I want to and by God put what's best for ME first for a while. Because we see where putting my husband first got me!!!


Me: BS (43)Him: EX, aka "The Dink"(50)
D-Day#1 12/22/11. D-Day#2 5/23/2013.

Divorce final 2/10/14.

Throw me to the wolves and I'll return leading the pack.


Posts: 429 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: North Texas
rsm46
♀ Member
Member # 34957
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've reconnected with old friends and family I haven't seen in years. I spend more time at the gym and even started playing volleyball again. I love playing because it's great exercise but I don't have to think about anything, and I get to hang around other people who have similar a similar interest as me.

The one thing I wish I had more time for was reading. I love getting lost in a good book!


Happy days are here again:)

Posts: 158 | Registered: Feb 2012
BrokenDaisy
♀ Member
Member # 37063
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, November 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phmh Thank you for the kind welcome

Running again is doing me wonders! Other than that I am working very hard on myself in IC. I am determined to heal properly and completely from this. I'm venturing out with my son more often too, going to parks and playgrounds etc so we're not always just at home. Small steps forward.


Me BxW, him SA NPD WxH
1 wonderful toddler - sole legal custody to me and supervised visitation to xwh.
DDay 01/2012
10/2013 Finally Divorced!!

Posts: 266 | Registered: Oct 2012
Decimated
♂ Member
Member # 31656
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, November 29th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my XWW's betrayal I divorced her, bought her out of the house and put my focus on my children...and myself. My first instinct was to get out and start dating when the kids were with my ex. I joined a OL dating site. After meeting a handful of women I realized I wasn't ready. I just didn't seem to be attracted to any of them...no desire to get to know them is this normal? I guess it didn't help that my ex always still seems to be around. I feel as if she is trying to keep me close as her backup plan.

I bought myself a new car...a nice one too. I bought a new wardrobe of clothes. I then started the nesting thing. I have re-done almost every room in my house...new paint and furniture...etc. As a designer, this keeps me busy, creative and helps to keep my mind off everything that's happened over the last few years. Also, because I never really got the truth from her I must assume that her posom was in my house at some point. This drives me to change everything and reclaim it for myself.

The divorce was final about a year ago but I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I still have major trust issues and I feel that any relationship I enter now would be doomed. I see so much betrayal and infidelity around me that I don't feel safe becoming emotionally attached. I am successful, fit and handsome, or at least that's what I've been told, but women don't seem to be beating a path to my door. I think I must be giving off a leave me alone vibe. I guess it doesn't help that I can't seem to initiate anything...take a chance. I guess that makes non-dating the only choice I have right now.


Decimated
Me -BH 48
Her-WW 40
D Day #1 9/09 (found out about friendship, she promised NC...she lied)
D day #2 1/11 (found out EA on going...she lied)
D day #3 4/11 (found out EA was a PA...still lying)
M 16 years, 3 kids
Divorced - 1/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Mar 2011
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, December 26th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, December 27th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, it's been awhile. My NB has not included any dating. It did start small, with pink sheets. I had wanted them forever and I saved up and got the whole bed set. Then it was taking all of my kids to a special place for IrishLad's birthday. We had a blast,I paid for it all and it has become an annual tradition. I worked a low pay no benefits job for a year and a half in order to rebuild my skills and then took a temporary job for more skills and that led to a State job. I took IrishLad to Disneyland, bought a new car after my bankruptcy was discharged and am rebuilding credit in order to buy a house for IrishLad and myself. I am proud of what I have done and where I am going.
Right now I seem to be at a crossroads. I am thinking more about wanting to be in a relationship again but still don't want to go date a bunch of people. I am okay with waiting until I am completely ready. I also feel like I don't really belong in D/S anymore (it's been my go to area in SI for so long) yet I don't know that I am really in NB either. I've been hanging out between D/S, General and NB lately but really don't feel like I am settled anywhere. Just going through another change I suppose.
PS I also wrote a ton of song lyrics in the pink sheet stage. They weren't terrible


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, January 11th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping up as we've some new people lately -- NB is about so much more than dating!

Tonight I had people over at my house, which is something that XWH never allowed. We played board games and I made dinner and it was fantastic!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Paying off debt.
Went to a health retreat, experienced Reiki and new foods.
Started ADs.
Inching closer to having this degree I've been working on.
Decided never to date or have a SO again, will satisfy my sexual needs by myself. It's just not worth it.
Getting house ready to sell in a year. We have lived here 12 years.
Hosting a neighborhood social for first time ever, this is huge for an introvert.

Posts: 4715 | Registered: Dec 2009
AppalachianGal
♀ Member
Member # 31672
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread is awesome! Just what I needed to read. I'm not divorced or separated, very close to d-day but wondering if there was life out there for someone like me -- a 41 yo woman that had never really done anything except be a wife & mother. Thank you all for sharing!


BS (me) 41; WS, 44
DD#1- 09/07/10 secret cell found, texting ho-worker. Denies EA/PA
DD#2- 12/29/13 admitted ONS (1993) with bar slut 3 yrs into marriage
DD#3- 01/21/14 ho-worker from 2010 involved "one-time BJ."

Posts: 447 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: TN
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went house hunting with one of my motorcycle riding buddies today. We found a few really decent looking places near the University and then he suggested that we go look in a really cool historic neighborhood near downtown. We found a few great houses but the one I'm most intrigued by is the one we found in Armory Park (the downtown neighborhood) that's a small two bedroom, one bathroom in probably the coolest neighborhood in town, within walking distance from one of my favorite breweries.

I hadn't considered getting a roommate until this guy decided he wanted to change his current living situation and the possibilities it's opening up are really cool.

I'm thinking it might be getting closer to time to start a dating New Beginning and this is a good first step.

[This message edited by h0peless at 8:35 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]


Posts: 1736 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
littlefoggy
♀ Member
Member # 41429
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, January 12th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made cookies for my neighbors.

I was so isolated with STBX. I am going out and making friends.


Me: BW 30
WH 37
DDay 11/12/13
Divorcing

Posts: 497 | Registered: Nov 2013
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 6th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. No one else showed for my yoga class tonight, so my teacher and I had an amazing private class. She has changed my life. I was able to tell her this, and we had a great evening. I so recommend yoga to everyone. It's amazing -- the breathing that I learned has helped me through so many bad situations, and I'm getting so much stronger and even happier than before. Amazing.

2. I finally ordered a rowing machine -- I'd been thinking about getting one for years. I'm going to put it together tonight.

3. I realized that I'm a pretty good cook. XWH always did everything he could to make me feel bad about myself, including telling me how terrible my food was (while eating a lot of it!) and now that I don't have him around, I'm creating all sorts of fun meals.

4. Seeing one of my favorite singer-songwriters in concert tomorrow night. So excited!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
still confounded
♀ Member
Member # 7826
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, February 10th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so grateful for this thread! It's been a long time since I visited the SI site, and even longer since I posted anything. But this morning I got triggered by a Facebook post by my ex's daughter (from his first marriage) and I started slipping into a "Blues in a Minor Key" mood.
I jumped onto SI just to write in my online journal here, then looked at the forums, thinking, "But where do I belong? I'm long past the divorce, and I do not have any interest in dating ever again" (I did try it; no dice). NB at first glance, judging by most of the subjects of posts, was all about dating ...
And then I found this thread, for NB without the 'hooking up' factor! Yay. I read a lot of the posts and now feel reassured, recentered, clear-headed and clear-hearted!
One comment rang so true: I am much, much happier today than I was in the years (how many? gads!) leading up to D-day.
Mostly what I treasure today is my freedom (from anxiety, from abuse, from hurt, from constant criticism and negativity) and the love of family and friends.
And I am having lots of fun -- guilt-free fun!


"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.

Posts: 1302 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: up the river, NY
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for gypsybird.

NB is so much more than dating -- it's finding yourself and moving on with your life!

My non-dating NB has been fantastic lately -- full of friend activities.

Trying to figure out logistics around an adventure race around the city. I want to do it with my parents and with a friend of mine, but my parents are hesitating because they're worried they'll have to climb a rock wall. Weird!

And, I just found out that I'm going to the first round games of the NCAA tournament in a few weeks. Yay! I have not been to the tournament since 1993 when a Jason Kidd-led Cal shocked Duke. 21 years ago (when I was 14) -- it's about time to go again!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3406 | Registered: Dec 2011
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

phmh,

Thanks for bumping this for me. What a great thread! I do feel I'm doing pretty good with non-dating NB's. I think I tried to read in here a little too soon, and though it IS about more than dating, the dating-related posts made me feel sad and alone. I'm definitely in a better place now, with currently ZERO interest in dating. I'm genuinely happy for those that are ready, and I know I'll get there eventually.

Thanks for the warm welcome; I will definitely spend more time in here!


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 919 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 205
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