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Non-Dating NBs

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timeforchange posted 4/23/2012 02:43 AM

Reading everyones accomplishments I feel like a proud mother.

Yup I am really proud of you all.

I think the biggest benefit of all these changes is that I rebuilt my self esteem and confidence. Never again will I believe someone when they try to put me down.

I can do anything if I try hard enough. You do not know what you can accomplish until you try.

I also think we are all teaching our kids a valuable message.... About how to handle problems in life. And getting back up after every fall :)

[This message edited by timeforchange at 2:48 AM, April 23rd (Monday)]

stronger08 posted 4/23/2012 03:27 AM

Great topic. I always thought that this forum was for dating advice and such for the most part. I personally jumped into thw dating pool way too early and discovered I was certainly not ready for it. I had some horrible experiences dating. Including dating a woman who tells me on the 3rd date she was married. But it was OK cause she and her H have an open M.

After that I personally threw myself into my work. I was able to secure myself 2 promotions and almost doubled my salary in 3 years. Not to mention the sizable increase in bonus at a higher level. I made corporate VP and was doing very well financially. My ney years resolution for 2011 was to get myself together totally. I took the whole year of 2011 working on myself. I did not date or have any flings. It was all about me and where I wanted to go in life. I went back to IC to achieve this. I had learned that my whole life has been spent sacfificing my self hapiness for someone elses. That I could not enjoy the fruits of my labor as I was constantly doing things for someone else. I also was working like a dog. 60 work weeks were the norm for me. The stress of working too many hours dealing with the fallout of my XWW A(s) the subsequent S/D and the continuing saga of custody issues and CS took a big toll on me. I was not taking care of myself. After D-day I pick up a bad habit of drinking to self medicate and kept that up till last year. I was not a full blown alcoholic. But I could see that I was heading in that direction. I gave that up also during this time.

Late last December I realized that hey your gonna be 50 in 2012 and what have you done to enjoy your life ? Pretty much nothing. I wanted to cut back on my work and start to enjoy life again. but they did not see it this way. So I was let go. I'm not sorry about taking this stand as I will take the entire year of 2012 off to decompress and enjoy things. I have the resources to live off of thanks to 32 years of hard work. My exit was so amicable with my employer I was invited to apply for a position again once I am ready. While I'm not having much success in the dating life. I'm also not out there looking for one. I have a certain criteria that I need in a date and will stick to it. Its going to be about me for awhile. I plan on a road trip this summer to see the many beautifull things this country has to offer. All by myself. I have moved into a new home in a new area. Still getting settled into it. I plan on eventually getting a place in the mountains for retirement once I go back to work. Everyone I know thinks Im nuts for what I have done. But I just know this is what I need to do. For the first time in my adult life I have direction and Im happy being me.

LS_Betrayed posted 4/23/2012 06:31 AM

I have a job interview Tuesday, that I hope leads me to a path of a calmer more predicatable schedule.

Also, I started riding my daughter's horse, and running 5 days a week.

LS_Betrayed posted 4/23/2012 06:33 AM

Oh! I forgot to mention this - yesterday I bought a brand new fancy tempur pedic mattress! It gets delivered Wednesday and the old one gets hauled away, and it will take some of the bad juju with it.

I love mine!!!

jiax posted 4/23/2012 07:00 AM

I have tried online dating, but i am going to pull my profile I think. I might attempt it again later this summer when the divorce is finalized.

Since the separation in July:
- Bought a new house, and have almost completely renovated it
- lost 80 pounds. I run 10k every day.
- embraced a much healthier lifestyle/food choices
- most importantly, I have become a great dad.

Amazonia posted 4/23/2012 08:07 AM

LS! You didn't mention the beamer! That's definitely a NB if I ever saw one!

LS_Betrayed posted 4/23/2012 08:22 AM

So true Amazonia!!! I adore the Beamer.... I feel classy... LOL and you know what I AM classy!!!

ARae2 posted 4/23/2012 08:22 AM

My NB really started when I took off to France. Best and most liberating vacation I have ever taken.

I also have posted a few times about my non-dating new beginning. I'm in the process of becoming self sufficent in my home. I was on my own for the first time ever. I'm redoing my house by painting, landscaping, learning how to take care of it, etc. Its a huge accomplishment that I can now mow my yard.

I also have a much stronger faith and am much more involved in my church.

I refocused on my family/friends and have a stronger relationship with my parents, brother and nephew than ever before. I don't turn down invitations to dinner and just spending time with the people who matter.

My NB is so much more than dating. Its refocusing on myself and finding myself for the first time. This NB form has allowed me to realize that its okay to just be me and its okay to make mistakes.

deanab posted 4/23/2012 10:24 AM

Mine involved mostly working on being okay with myself by myself.

I've always had a fear of being alone. I've always went from guy to guy. I knew after my D that this would be something I'd struggle with BUT wanted to overcome.

So for my NB, I practiced being alone. I would stay home and watch a movie being miserable but I did.. over time it was enjoyable and I even look forward to it now.

I also threw away a lot of things around my apt that reminded me of my ex. One night at 12am I decided I hated my comforter set that I shared with the ex so I got up from bed, pulled the comforter off the bed, put the shams, all the fancy pillows etc into the comforter and grabbed it like a huge bag like I was Santa Claus. I dragged it from my bedroom all the way to the dumpster like that. LOL I don't know if anybody saw that but I'm sure people that I was throwing away a body!

I've thrown away other things here and there. I've sold furniture. I sold all the jewelry he gave me to have money for my new place.

I will be moving into my own new apt in a week which I will decorate my style!!

I've branched out and have made new friends whom I see often. I've went to salsa lessons, concerts, shows, all things that my EX would have either not done or done because he had to.

It's been a blast!!

But most of all, my NB involved loving myself. I can say with no hesitation I love me!!! I'm fantastic and know my worth for the first time in my life. This has changed everything in my life. From the smile I wear everyday to the way I date now.

FaithFool posted 4/23/2012 13:14 PM

Aside from the 280 lbs of loser, I got rid of a house that was costing me a fortune every month, and recycled my ancient Honda Civic in exchange for a year's free use of CarShare.

Downsized to a 700 sq ft condo, got rid of piles and piles of junk that we had been hauling around for years.

Working on the last couple of boxes right now

Started back at university to work on finishing honours history so I can get an MA before I 'retire' in a few years.

In 41 more sleeps I'll be getting on a plane for 3.5 weeks vacay in the UK, Ireland and Portugal visiting friends and cousins.

Have some winter pounds to lose, so have to get back to yoga and some weight training again.

The first couple of years were difficult, but I took lots of short amazing trips to beautiful places to ease the pain.

Painted my accent walls apple-green and had a green glass tile backsplash installed in the kitchen. Ex *hated* anything colourful, everything had to be white or navy blue.

Have my down moments like everyone else, but for the most part life is pretty good at the moment.

Crescita posted 4/23/2012 15:25 PM

Iíve done a lot of things for myself, made some necessary changes, splurged, taken on new and old hobbies, and spent more time with friends and family, but honestly, I donít think I am much different than when I was married. Trying new things, going new places, keeping active, etc, have always been priorities. I feel like Iíve just been keeping on, living life. Things perhaps just feel easier now that Iíve quit trying to drag him along with me.

juliette posted 4/23/2012 16:02 PM

I kept my house, refinanced it and with the help of my family, renovated it.

I am slowly starting to drive in town (only on Sunday afternoon when there is no traffic though )

Planning a trip with Romeo to the town we love most.

Planning to go back to school in 2013.

Made new friends

NaiveAgain posted 4/23/2012 16:11 PM

I went back to college. I am on the Dean's list with a 3.95 GPA. I am a member of several clubs and organizations at school, including the honor society. I just got elected President of our Student Government.

I am starting to dabble in politics.

stretch13 posted 4/23/2012 16:32 PM

my first NB was opening my business and starting a blog. oh, and quitting smoking for good.

i wouldn't have been anywhere near ready to date peterpan without the NBs that were mine all mine all mine.

IrishLass518 posted 4/23/2012 16:52 PM

I am not dating and not nearly ready too. I am experiencing my NB.

I started working at a lube shop and have 1 promotion and the 2nd is imminent (all in under a year).
I moved into a shared home with my sister and brother-in-law and I have built in childcare for my son :).
I started writing lyrics and I have shared a few with local songwriters and they liked them.
I do my own decorating and my room and house look the way I like.
I bbq and so it well.
I build the campfires.
I am teaching my son gun safety and how to shoot his pellet rifle.
I do my car maintenance and even installed a new car stereo on my own over the last weekend.
I start college again in the fall.
I provide for my son and I do it well. He may not have everything but he has everything he needs.
I joined a family wellness group with my son and we both do IC.
I play football with my son.
I garden with my son.
I have taken my son and all of his siblings to Great Wolf Lodge for his birthday....on my dime.
We are making plans for more family outings and trips.
This is my time, my kids' time. WE finally get to be a family without the stain and strain of his A.
I am so happy

IrishLass518 posted 4/23/2012 16:53 PM

Double post sorry

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 4:57 PM, April 23rd (Monday)]

IrishLass518 posted 4/23/2012 16:53 PM

Stupid computer

[This message edited by IrishLass518 at 4:56 PM, April 23rd (Monday)]

Amazonia posted 4/26/2012 12:48 PM

Bump for new-to-NB folks and lurkers

ImNellNow posted 4/26/2012 13:05 PM

My NB begins in full on May 22. My offer on a townhouse was accepted this morning and I will be moving from The Marital House into Nell's Home!!!

Lola2kids posted 4/26/2012 13:46 PM

Not ready to date. Nope. Hope I might get asked on a date someday and that is a step for me.

My accomplishments?
1. Lurker here and this in now my second post in NB. Yay!
2. Getting the house in my name and making it more MINE day by day, purging his junk and his stank from the place.
3. Building a new safe place for my twin girls that doesn't include him.
4. Building my confidence that I never needed him, he needed me and it's his loss.
5. Going to Las Vegas with the girls because I wanted to see the Grand Canyon and share that with them.
6. Planning a trip to the beach for when school ends.
7. Taking control of my life and not letting him keep me under his thumb.
8. Getting my self-esteem back after years of verbal abuse. IC was a hard step for me to take. I still keep it a secret from dumbass and my family. It's something I am doing for me.
9. Getting back into my work with more concentration that I have had in the last year since DDay.
10. I can do a lot! I just did the drain for my sister's new kitchen sink. It wasn't that hard. I can fix more things than he can for sure.

10 for now is good I think.

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