SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings
Oh! I forgot to mention this in my earlier post....but I used to love camping...would take off for weekend hiking trips before I was married. And while WH would always talk about camping...we just never did it.
This summer I am taking Teslet camping...just a quick overnight at a local place. I am so excited to start doing this with him and hopefully get him built up for longer and longer trips
I love this!
Since STBX left me in August I:
- Moved out of my parents home with my son and my dog to prove to myself that I could do it all alone.
- Took my son on vacation for a week in Disney. This was a healing process for me too because I realized that I wanted a divorce while I was away.
- Lost almost 60lbs and I keep melting
- Started getting my financial house in order. It's slow going, but I'm getting there.
- I dipped my toes into the online dating pool (oh boy) starting in November/December. Met a few "winners" and in the beginning of February, a wonderful guy found me. It's so nice to be treated as I deserve to be treated, and to have someone appreciate every little thing you do for them as well as the big.
My son is thriving, I have great friends, an amazing family, and a healthy relationship. I honestly haven't been this happy in an extremely long time.
Lola, I maaaaaay have bumped this for you
Glad you are coming into your NB! There is great life to be had in the "beyond" divorce.
I have been a regular in D/S for a while. It's nice to see so many familiar names here.
Although I am not divorced since I was never married to DA (aka dumbass). I still want that new beginning for me and my kids.
This thread inspired me to really think about how we are better off now. I love reading every one else's responses. It's inspiring.
My best NB is that I've gone back to college. I never knew what I wanted to be "when I grew up", and since I was happily married and would have this great retirement from the military, it wasn't a big deal that I didn't have a career. We were both ok with my "low rent" job.
Since my hand was forced by his actions and I'm now facing the prospects of living off my "low rent" job, I've had to do some serious re-arranging of my life! I won't lie, it's been stressful!! But it's forced me out of my comfort zone and into pursuing my dream!!
I took a few oil painting classes and realized that it is very relaxing for me.
6 years out now and my NB has included:
Changing careers which involved going back to college and becoming an apprentice plumber. I am now the lead hand field plumber for a large construction company and pull in almost 6 figures a year. Being able to financially take care of myself and put my 2 DD's through university without student loans has been by far the most important part of my NB.
Travelled, some for work, some for fun.
Completely redecorated my old house including installing all new flooring on the main floor (did this myself ).
Bought myself my first new vehicle ever which a year later I still love every time I get in it.
Made some fabulous new friends and learned how to laugh and cry with them.
My life is 180 degrees different from what it used to be and I feel that I am living truer to myself than I ever did while I was married.
Seeing friends more often.
Sometimes I just get in the car and drive. I don't feel like I have a leash anymore (WS would text/call all the time if I was running errands).
See more movies.
See my family more.
I'm not ready to date yet, but I want to be. Sometimes I get excited about dating again and sometimes I get a little
I started taking care of ME! I've been eating better and working out and have lost almost 30 pounds. I've started writing again, gone back to school, got a new job, am enjoying what I want on TV with no apologies, don't feel guilty doing "nothing" if that's what I feel like doing, and my biggest change is I'm saving every dime I can to move back to Seattle!
I'm adding to my list...
-Going back to school to further my career
-Joined a Bocce team (for the summer - won't have time once school starts)
-Made new friends at a MeetUp and have plans to see 3 of them again, plus just had lunch with a 4th!
I may have signed up to join the local friends of historic preservation group today.
And I've been looking into some basic gardening classes to try to cure my infamous black thumb.
Thanks for starting this!
I'm actually doing a lot of things that we did together while married, only better. For example, going to races and then staying after to chat with people.
I've taken up painting.
Reconnected with a bunch of friends.
Got a new, amazing job (XWH started his affair a month after I found out I was losing my previous job.)
Learning to take care of myself: physically, mentally and spiritually. Starting with a self-inventory of things I know I want changed in my life/behavior.
I returned to college full time, changed my degree in turn changing my career.
I am learning two foreign languages.
Doing the stuff I want to do because all the WW did was bitch and belittle.
downsized house & decorated
bought a new car
took first vacation (Florida) in years
bought new wardrobe
slept in first time in years
discovered new movies
reconnected with myself
I still don't consider anything I have done since d-day a nb ...
An no I do not think a nb is related to having a new guy in my life.
I just feel like everything I have done is survival ... It was either sink or swim ... I'm kinda doing a very poor dog paddle ...
Leaving CO was me running away ... School survival, I wouldn't want to do anything else but b a nurse, even if it did not mean survival, if it was just me staying busy.
New rental house some new furniture ... Still survival being closer to my gma to help with her.
The meetup.com thing is just what I thought I'm pose to do next ... Socialize meet new people do new things ... Seemed like the next step I was suppose to do ...
Still no idea what a nb is pose to b or look like ... For me anyway ...
I bought a new house, my first mortgage on my own, and am keeping house & garden under some kind of control!
I have just ordered some new flooring for it, and am currently doing some painting.
I changed to a full-time job, which cuts down on the free time I have, but is much better for financial security.
I have just booked my first solo holiday, I am going to go trekking in Nepal, with a small tour group.
My two French Bulldogs have died (old age) since WH left, I currently have a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, but am maintaining contact with my French Bulldog Group friends, and hope to be able to get another Frenchie in the future.
Full-time work mean't I have been unable to spend as much time riding & caring for my horse, who lived at my parents property & they are getting too old for that responsibility, so I made the decision to locate a retirement place for him where he is well cared for & I can visit regularly.
I started dating about 6 months after WH left, the relationship is 2 years old, but BF is currently depressed & it has got extremely difficult. As a couple we have been members of the local Harley Owners Group & I have been learning to ride a motorcycle. I am continuing with that, as I'd like to get my licence, to show I can do it if nothing else. Whether I stay in the HOG club, who knows, although there are many nice people there.
Alot of what I do I do for survival, as someone else here has said. I work, I pay the bills, I take care of myself & my animals & help out my parents as well as I can. My dad has just been diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease so I try to help out around their property, with stuff like cleaning out the chimney etc. Don't want Dad getting on the roof!
[This message edited by Tictac at 6:05 AM, July 1st (Sunday)]
bb, I know a lot of the things I've done have been very conscious choices on my part. I am in a big, ugly, unhappy rut right now with the way things ended with G, so I pushed myself to join a meetup group, pushed myself to make dinner plans with the women I met there, pushed myself to join the bocce team. None of it comes naturally for me, but it's like taking medicine - I may not like it on the onset, but I know the result is worth it.
After XH split, I bought him out of the house and refinanced to me. I undertook a massive project of "getting the XH out". I re-painted EVERY SINGLE ROOM. Including the basement and garage. XH was a terrible packrat almost hoarders type style. I cleared out the de-cluttered and reorganized everything.
Currently in the works in the outside of my home. Doing landscaping and getting it pretty. ALL BY MYSELF! Ok, so DS7 likes to help putter with me.
I did some financial planning. Very important. One salary now and wanted to make sure my retirement and DS's college education would be squared away. XH refused to commit to DS's college in our divorce agreement. He currently has no responsibility agreed to it.
I started reading a lot about affairs and infedelity. That is how I found SI. I did a lot of self-help. I've been able to heal and move forward. Still hate my XH but I am happy with how my life is now.
AND! Most importantly, the bond with DS is just like superglue. Been a great mom overall I think. We love each other so much. He frequently says "it's us against the world, mom." THAT'S RIGHT KID AND WE CAN TAKE IT ON NOW!
i started with re-focusing on a hobby and making a small business out of it. i got laid off shortly after i separated so I focused a lot on career.
now i'm continuing to work on upgrading my career (trying to come up with a 5 year plan). i'm learning more about budgeting and investing. i continue to focus on trying new things that i've always wanted to (planning a trip to learn to surf and one to skydive). i'm trying some meetup groups in my new home town so i can meet new friends.
basically, even though i have an SO, i have continued to try and focus on stuff for me. keeping my life full and rounded