SurvivingInfidelity.com® > New Beginnings
Just came across this thread and I am amazed at how far we have all come.
Update for me:
I am still not dating but am thinking it might happen someday in my future. I have no one in mind and I am quite happy with my single life but you never know who will walk in your life.
I have a new job starting on the 14th of Nov. Better pay, better benefits and better future for me. I now have a 2-5 year plan in place for the rebuilding of my credit and the purchase of property and the building of a new home
I am so very happy now and I am so glad I walked that long road to recovery.
When my ex moved out his stuff one day before divorce hearing, the house looked like it had been ransacked. I painted, had carpet laid to cover up holes in the floor, and bought a few pieces of furniture. I now have a soothing atmosphere to come home to. I also took my sister on a tropical vacation, something my ex didn't want to do. All through this I had his voice in my head saying "NO", but I went ahead anyway. It was liberating.
Always fun to bump this one up as well, as there is so much more to NB than dating!!!
I believe I mentioned somewhere that I went to a concert in Big City 2 hours away a few weeks back. My friend's friend had backed out at the last minute. I had never heard of the artist (Father John Misty) but he is fabulous. I bought the CD and every single song is great. Listening to it right now, in fact. Love it!
New me is more spontaneous!
I'm just starting my NB and I'm already kicking ass and taking names:
1. Started a BAN group in Fairfax, VA. Our first meeting is coming up this weekend.
2. I am looking for a nice town home and plan to really make it my place. I will be getting paintings and furniture throughout the next few years to create my feel to the place.
3. I am going to get professional pictures with my kids to create family pictures in the new house.
4. I have joined toastmasters to improve my speaking skills.
5. I've taken the lead position in my tech group at work.
6. I'm reading tons of self help books to improve myself.
All in all, I'm keeping busy and enjoying my NB.
1. My XWH was a major grinch, so I have my first Christmas tree up in over a decade!
2. Just went to a movie by myself, and it was absolutely fantastic. I can't wait to do this more often!
3. Had a wonderful day at work. It was the day of my review, and I wish I could relive it many times over. Or at least have it on videotape.
4. I bought a fabulous bright purple winter coat, and three strangers have stopped me on the street to compliment me on it.
5. I made a new friend last month who is willing to wake up really early and run with me before work. I am too lazy to go by myself, but will get up to meet her. This frees up my evenings and knocks me down to one shower per day!
6. Drinks tomorrow after work with one of my best friends!
I'm not dating...and am concentrating on spendning time with my 4 month old daughter...and on my running! I am trying to get my mileage up so I can run a half marathon or full marathon in April!!! I ran 2 marathons the year that I got pregnant...in fact was 3 weeks preggo during the 2nd one! haha! Unbeknownst to me! But, I have no desire to date right now...just enjoying my ME time with baby girl!!!
Just went to a movie by myself, and it was absolutely fantastic.
I LOVE going to the movies alone! I actually prefer it ... now I find I get annoyed when I go with someone else!
I've only dated a few guys, and it certainly hasn't been #1 or a big part of my NB.
- Getting out of my comfort zone. If I expect different results, I have to take action. (Hard to do sometimes!)
- Hired for and started a great job last week, but it is something I have never done before and I feel stupid - huge learning curve. This is probably the most difficult NB I've had besides the obvious one.
- Refinanced my house so it is mine, and XWH has no more ties to it.
- Repainted most of the rooms in my house. It is mine and my kids' house. Trying to remove all traces of XWH.
- Actually started the work to finish my basement, instead of just talking about it for three years.
- Started running again. Trained for and ran 2 5Ks last year and this year. Hope to run more races next year since I am not working weekends anymore.
- I have healed.
- My kids have healed.
- I am trying to make new friends, starting with my neighbors. This is kind of hard for me because I like my alone time.
- Maintaining my health, physically and mentally. I feel younger than I am, and that's all I can hope for. Well, besides wishing I looked 10 years younger.
- I think just starting this new life with my kids. That's my favorite NB of all.
Nowadays I finally get to go to school, where I meet new people every day. I like what I'm learning to do well enough, and some days I even dare to think I might be getting good at it. The odds of me earning a modest independant living in the future are actually better than virtually nil (providing I can make it through the time it takes to graduate and pay off my student loans, that is).
Best of all, I have no passive aggressive dark cloud hanging his threatened-feeling resentment over my head for daring to try something that has a chance at working.
New life, new career. Not a bad start if I do say so myself.
My hair was growing out, and I chopped it all off again! STBX hated my short hair and loved it long. He said that "only lesbians" have short hair. Nice, huh?
I love doing things for me and not experiencing any criticism.
I just got word Friday that I have been pre-approved for a mortgage, so it's likely I'll buy a house in the next few months.
I started my new job a few months after D-Day, so I've been there 9 months now, and things just keep getting better for me there.
My life is exactly how I want it and completely different from how it was when I was married. When I was married, I really thought the life we led was what I wanted (never going out, sleeping by 9, living in the suburbs) but now I realize that I just went with what he wanted.
Life is really, really good!
I can't even imagine dating - just the thought makes my stomach turn - so that won't be in my future, not for a long time if ever.
I just bought and moved into a new house. I need to do a lot of decorating, which I've never done in my life. It's one of those situations where I'm so overwhelmed by where on earth to start that I often just don't do anything. But, yesterday I bought a new lamp - yay! And I was forced to buy a new couch so I'd have somewhere to fall asleep while I watch football on TV. I'm hoping the rest of the furnishings find me as I attend estate auctions and sales this coming spring and summer.
I'm back at my previous job but I negotiated for 3 days/week instead of FT. I was losing myself at work, feeling like I was ALWAYS there, and couldn't do that anymore.
My hormones and grief over losing my father after moving to be with him last year still make me a weepy mess, sometimes just out of the blue. It's a lot like how I felt the entire rest of the year after kicking my XH out back in March of 2011 and then breaking my foot so I was literally stuck and alone. My foot hasn't healed right, so there are still a lot of days when I feel stuck and lonely. Some days I handle better than others.
I've joined 2 meetup groups that are suddenly not doing anything (this must be some variation on being a forum thread-killer, right?)
I've reached out to a couple old friends/acquaintances and asked to meet up for coffee or lunch, and tried not to sound too desperate about it
So I am trying to do NB stuff, but sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and nothing really changes.
I do absolutely love eating what I want when I want. I love that I can hang a picture I like on any wall I want. Stuff like that is damn fun!
Seriously wish I lived closer to some of you. My recent thread about "the friend problem" was a very verbose rant about how lonely I still feel here. I have such a hard time making friends. But I'll keep trying!
Can't wait for spring/summer -- I may not be able to walk, run, climb or do anything else that involves weight on my feet, but I can swim! And I can attend estate auctions! And I can go to gardening shows! Can't wait!!
So I am trying to do NB stuff, but sometimes I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and nothing really changes.
Even if that's how you feel, it's a true NB.
In my NB, many things were the same as my marriage, only better. Because it's exactly what you want.
I believe that so many of us BSs put up with BS from our WS (ha!) and our NB is an opportunity for us to live our life exactly the way we want to.
I love this thread! I'm relatively new here and I'm just starting my NB.
My biggest thing I've got going on right now is I'm building a house. I'm so excited. It's kept me busy picking out colors, cabinets, countertops, etc. it should be finished in another 3-4 weeks!
Since d-day I've lost close to 50 pounds. I've started exercising 3-4 days per week. I've been getting lots of compliments on my looks, so that's been a huge boost to my self esteem- which took a beating after d-day.
I took my boys on a long weekend trip to Atlanta. It was somewhere we've never been- and although it was hard, we did have a great time together.
We are currently planning a Disney cruise for spring break. I have never been anywhere tropical and I've always wanted to go on a cruise, so I'm going and taking my boys!
I've also reconnected with old friends. We've had a lot of laughs and dinners in the past few months. I'm so happy I have them.
I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I'm finally heading in the right direction.
Thanks for the uplifting reads you guys!! Made me remember some of the things I have given up and will be pursuing again soon. I am most looking forward to seeing the change in my kiddos.
I think I'm going on a trip with a friend between semesters! First vacation I've taken since XH and my honeymoon that wasn't to see family/go to someone's wedding.
Yay, Ama, that should be a lot of fun!
I went looking at houses today. Of course I fell in love with one at the upper range of what I wanted to pay. It has a copper ceiling in the kitchen and a turret. A turret! Still trying to decide what to do...I could afford it, but things would be tight until bonuses get paid next January. Plus, it's rather big for one person. But it is absolutely fabulous.
Well, I moved into my new house last weekend! I'm still unpacking and I'm looking forward to decorating. I'm also going to spend next weekend in Atlanta with one of my friends. Just going out, shopping, dinners, etc. I'm excited- it should be a lot of fun. Then, the next weekend is the Disney cruise with my kids. So, lots to look forward to! I still have bad times, but they are happening less often and are less intense. I'm looking forward to the day when I don't think about my x or the ow at all!