As much as it sucks. I love him, but i don't like him very much right now. Is that the BS version of ILYBNILWY?
I'm still scared of saying no though, of the repercussions... Even though I am now 100% sure he won't do it again.
So it pisses me off of the three people I've told (in person) to be told RUN. Not very supportive advice is it?!!!
I love this man. We 're in therapy, he goes to sa meetings, but his work is in the way of everything. I am not sure I will stay. I am going out of state for awhile next month to regroup and think.
I don't really know what to write at the moment - I am so new to forums and don't want to jack a thread.
I've posted three times today, and am considering bailing on this "relationship" but then I get that reminder in my head of him loving me, so I am totally split. In limbo - we are messed up... Please read my story if you care to know more, and I don't have many posts if you're up to finding out more about my situation.
thanks everyone here, this place is very helpful.
But I am completely self-sufficient. My reason to stay may change in the future.
[This message edited by heartlandgirl at 11:32 AM, March 11th (Monday)]
I am strong enough to leave tommorrow, if I have too!
I could have left right away. This was five years ago. I made more money than him, the economy was better, and I could have gotten more for the house. But back then I was still "in love". Now I don't feel like that anymore. He is just someone who I used to love. There is a song about that and I totally get it now.
But how do I walk away from a marriage that I have been in for so long? The truth is I like being married. I like him to mow the lawn and shovel the snow and take out the garbage and clean up the basement. I like having someone to go out to dinner with. I like having someone to go to the movies with and to talk to each and every day.
Do I wish the affair never happened, of course I do. So does he. But it did happen and it forever changes how I feel about him. If he died tomorrow I would probably be relieved, because then I would no longer have to think about leaving him. It would be over.
I would probably cry and be sad that he is gone. But not ever in the same way if he had never betrayed me. I guess I am getting older and thinking that I don't have many more years on this earth. I know several people, who were the same age as me, and they are gone now. I will probably die before him anyway.
There really is no reason for me to stay. But also, there is no reason for me to leave. I haven't noticed any backsliding. However, he is a habitual liar and I do sometimes catch him in lies. He doesn't have my respect and sometimes I think he is really stupid. He doesn't have any common sense. The only reason he has any money at all is because I rein him in when he would just prefer to spend it all.
Our daughter is starting her last year of college next year. When she is done, I will no longer have financial obligations to my children. At that point it will just be him and me. She has a boyfriend and I fully expect her to move out shortly after graduation. Then decisions will have to be made. Until then, I am just staying with no reason to stay.
OK, I'll be the third guy. I'm trying to stay. Out of curiosity I posted the following in another thread, then thought it was better suited for this one:
What would you do if you were in your mid 30s, physically attractive, both partners are financially secure, no children and one cheats for nine months?
Including by bringing the OM to your home when you're at work.
They continue to work together, but claim there's NC except for work emails.
Would you stay or would you want to D and start fresh?
Before the A we told each other we were ready to have kids.
By staying, am I just risking eventually having children and having the A weigh so heavily of us that we would have a dysfunctional home? Or possibly eventually having a broken family?
We are both in IC and MC.
I'm not going to make any decisions for a while and definitely not going to make a decision based on anyone else's opinion, but I'm just curious what others have to say.
Again, no kids, we can both afford to D and we're both attractive and in our mid 30s. Together for 12 years, nine month affair.
I'm trying not to include love as part of my question because I love my WW. Whatever she feels for me is clearly a lot less than what I feel for her.
You seem to be doing quite well. I have to confess though...over 20 years ago, before marriage, I retaliated against my live in partner's infidelity (there was so much more I didn't know about). I had a year long emotional A with some physical, but it really was emotional A. Got caught and told partner I would stop. He was a client (so kinda work together) and I saw him every week at work. But quickly I continued the A until the man quit his job and I never saw him again...except 4 years ago..he sat next to me and my husband at a restaurant - strangest thing. I just ignored him..now I wish I would have spoken to him or something. It was weird.
I'm just saying that affairs at work have such ties...ok? So make her leaving a deal breaker, maybe and then you may feel a lot better. Of course I know nothing of either of your situations...
[This message edited by trappe25 at 10:38 PM, May 24th (Friday)]