Abandoment books and unresolved grief are issues close to me.
My father commited suicide before I entered kindergarden. There was a lot of silence and denial.
I began to recognize that I had a problem when the movies about Vietnam and the affect on families were released and I would sob for hours after the movie was over.
I began reading childrens books on grief and found the better written books to be very validating. Old Badger is my favorite in this category.
From there I read about the Orphan Trains of the early part of this century. Mothers who could not care for their children, orphaned children and abandoned children were placed on trains in the Eastern part of the US. The children traveled by train to the midwest. Got off at a stop, lined up for inspection. Those that were not chosen, got back on the train to the next stop.
There is a wonderful book written about the orphans of World War II. It is excellent.
With each tear, I healed just a little. May God bless us each and every one of us. Sometimes there is just not enough love to go around.
Lost in the Victory: Reflections of American War Orphans of World War II
by Calvin L. Chistman, Ann B. Mix, Susan J. Hadler (Editor)
Hardcover: 251 pages
Publisher: University of North Texas Press; 1st ed edition (January 1, 199
ISBN: 1574410334
Ann Mix founded the American WWII Orphans Network (AWON) after searching for information about her father, who was killed in the war. Like most children who lost their fathers in that conflict, she had almost no information about him; few even have any memories.
With Susan Hadler, a psychologist and war orphan herself, Mix conducted interviews of these war orphans and compiled their stories, which were edited for this book by military historian Christman. One of the most striking things about these narratives is the conspiracy of silence.
Most told of growing up feeling ashamed and embarrassed that they had no father. Often, their mothers and other family members were unwilling or unable to talk about the fallen soldiers.
Comparatively little attention has been paid to the war's effects on these children, recommending this as a useful addition to collections with a general interest in the history of World War II.?Roseanne Castellino, Lucas Varity, Inc., Buffalo, N.Y.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences
Product Details
Paperback: 274 pages, less than $20 new
Publisher: North Atlantic Books (September 1, 1997)
ISBN: 155643233X
by Peter A. Levine, Ann Frederick "A herd of impala grazes peacefully in a lush wadi..." (more)
Peter Levine in "Waking the Tiger," postulates that trauma exists not in the event or in the story of the event, but is stored within the nervous system. Many common physical ailments are actually residues of thwarted trauma reactions incurred during such events as surgical procedures, falls, pre or prenatal stress and/or childhood accidents and traumas.
The body has a natural, innate, and miraculous capacity to heal once these reactions are understood and guided.
Levine reinforces the holistic nature of the human being. Our bodies and brains connect instinct, emotion and rationality to our experience. Trauma may create damaging and often enduring symptoms. Human beings have a harder time than do animals in releasing trauma and may carry it throughout our lives.
We often become frozen in trauma, unlike animals that can cope with the unpredictability of nature.
This may provide a major interference with our health, peace of mind and the ability to live joyfully and creatively. When human trauma remains unhealed, the energy of the trauma and accompanying emotions remain locked within the brain and held within the body's musculature, tissues and organs, awaiting discharge.
The author writes about an oft-forgotten aspect of trauma, freezing or immobilization during a traumatic experience. Modern medicine/psychiatry emphasize the "flight or fight" response while often neglecting the freeze response. The concept of the freeze response in the face of overwhelming threat provides a missing link to symptoms such as dissociation that our old ideas of "fight or flight" fail to explain. Immobilization in the face of threat is an automatic biological response that is not voluntarily chosen by the victim. This provides redeeming message to trauma survivors.
Levine points out that our memories are not literal recordings of events, but rather, a complex of images that are influenced by arousal, emotional context, and prior experience.
Memories may even transform over time as new experiences add layers of meaning to the images. While remembering the past can be an important aspect of therapy, appreciating the subjective quality of memories is crucial to integrating them appropriately into the healing process.
Those with deep psychological scars may have dissociated the memory from their minds and are living in a numbed, tensed body awaiting its release so the body can return to wholeness and optimum mental and physical health. The author asserts that psychological wounds are reversible and that healing comes when the physical and mental letting go occurs, similar to the way the tiger experiences the coming and going of threat, tensing in response to danger, and as the threat passes, the tiger's muscles shake, twitch and let go right then and there the fear related energy which now is forever out of mind and body. Trauma is stored energy that must be released.
Heartwounds : The Impact of Unresolved Trauma and Grief on Relationships
by Tian Dayton
Product Details
Paperback: 230 pages, about $15
Publisher: HCI (October 1, 1997)
ISBN: 1558745106
Trauma has been defined as an interruption of an affiliate or relationship bond. If left unsettled, past grief and psychological trauma can continue to impact our adult relationships and cause us pain in our entire lives.
It's possible we may not even realize what is happening to us because usually relationships fail in parts rather than in total. Early childhood losses or traumas can create pain that is relived in adult intimate relationships.
Intimacy can provide both an arena for re-enacting old pain and/or healing it. In this fascinating work, noted psycho dramatist Tian Dayton shows readers how relationships can be used as a vehicle for healing, personal growth and spiritual transformation.
Through fascinating case studies and probing exercises, Dayton helps readers get in touch with the deepest parts of themselves and heal the wounds that plague them.
This book is one I reach for again and again in trying to understand feelings and behavior for those who did not have good models for dealing with loss, grief, stress, and depression. The book has several easily understood charts and summaries to explain its points. But the author writes clearly and uses good case histories to (1) explain what happens to individuals in trauma and loss, (2) what they take into their relationships with others from the tragedy.
The author offers much hope that people can work through the origins of problems which blight relationships and grow beyond them to be healthy and happy themselves and with others!
Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery
by Susan Anderson
Product Details
Paperback: 111 pages
Publisher: Rock Foundations Press (March 1, 2000) I
SBN: 0967375517
This book is wonderful. I read it from cover to cover and it changed me forever. It's simple and straightforward and gets right down to the core of how to deal with abandonment ... I found it to be an incredibly insightful book, written from the heart.
This book clearly defines the lessons/stages that are critical in the abandonment recovery process. I read this book to identify where I was in the process and it validated that I was on the right track. Worth the read if you are suffering from any sort of lingering or fresh abandonment pain.
Black Swan is designed for readers needing help with abandonment issues from childhood, as well as those currently dealing with love-loss. Susan Anderson uses an allegorical treatment approach to convent her twelve lessons of abandonment recovery developed over twenty years of research, clinical practice, and workshop experience. Black Swan is enhanced for the reader with a preface, postscript and two appendices. Each of the "twelve lessons" is clearly marked within the chapters, as well as outlined in the appendices making them readily accessible for further reflection. Black Swan is highly recommended for the non-specialist general reader struggle to cope with the emotional traumas of abandonment and loss.
[This message edited by cd103 at 9:54 PM, February 6th (Sunday)]
