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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Emotional Detachment: What is it? And how is it accomplished?
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, June 14th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for RIP


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
lovinggrace
♀ Member
Member # 12267
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Detachment is so important, but, like a previous poster said, its very easy to slip back into investment when the other partner shows the slightest improvement.

LG


BS~45 FWH~44(oneluv)
Dday~12/03 R~10/04 False R...D-day 8/23/2011
I'm putting on the full armor of God! (Eph 6:11)

Posts: 938 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Native Texan in Tenneessee
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is excellent. I'd like to share it with my Divorce Care classmates if that's okay with you. I think that these points apply whether infidelity has rocked your M or some other issue.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3385 | Registered: Oct 2011
takingtime
♀ Member
Member # 35661
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This really hit home. I must remember all of this each time i feel myself slipping. Too many times i have given in when my WS shows the slightest bit of remourse only to be hurt yet again when he can't decide.

Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2012
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, June 19th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying again, feel free to take to group. I hope it helps


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
rainbow123
♀ Member
Member # 12329
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, June 28th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is really positive.

A new hobby with new friends who are not part of the past (as well as those who are) and safe places (my bed with books, radio and so on being one) really help me.

I like to know there are things I can rely on that nobody can take away from me. Like my bed. My cat. When he dies there will be another cat. That's in my control. And so on.

I don't need him any more. I have rebuilt my world without him in it and it's good, it's solid an it's mine.

Was still a bit of a bummer when he 'accidentally' sent a text clearly meant for a woman to me the other night but even so!


BS,50, WH 49. Dday number one 01 July 06, followed by dozens more. No remorse. Divorced 08.

Badly scarred but doing OK. Possibly better than he is.

"It will be alright in the end. And if it's not alright, it's not the end."


Posts: 483 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: UK
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, July 4th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:46 AM, July 5th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My jaw just hit the floor...this post is screaming at me. I tried to do more for ws....never enough. I have a lot of guilt over covering for my addict son...that ones a doozy. I couldn't confide in ws cuz he would say horrible things to ds so I lied and covered for him, financially. That is one of my biggest guilts. This is so helpful. Thank you

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:54 AM, July 5th (Thursday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3940 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 5:42 PM, July 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, July 16th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
Giordano101
New Member
Member # 36264
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 26th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Lordhasaplan?,

I'm a BS and just wanted to say "Thank You, Thank You" for this truly amazing post. Number 2 and Number 5 have been eyeopener.

Thanks!!!!!!!


Posts: 5 | Registered: Jul 2012
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, August 2nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow we need a bump of detachment!


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, August 11th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
justjul
♀ Member
Member # 36383
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, August 11th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Detachment is so important, but, like a previous poster said, its very easy to slip back into investment when the other partner shows the slightest improvement

This really said it all for me, too.

....I think when this happens, we have to remember to forgive ourselves(that's part of loving ourselves, right?), dig deep for our strength.... It's there, even if it doesn't feel like it---God knows it doesn't feel like it now for me-- and try to detach again. I think.


DDay: 6 August 2012
Me: BS (30s)
Him: WH (30s)
Together 2001; Married 2009
No children

Posts: 151 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: On the other side of the world (most likely)
Saragirl
♀ Member
Member # 36417
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, August 11th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing this, I want to let go but so scared for all the reasons that were said.

But I need to learn how to let go, I am working one step at a time


Posts: 138 | Registered: Aug 2012
GreenMom
♀ Member
Member # 36385
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone just linked me to this post and I wanted to say thank you for sharing it.


DD#1 6/14/12
DD#2 7/29/12
Reconcilation attempt didn't last long...WH moved out 8/10/12
Divorcing... hoping to be done soon
Making a fantastic NB for myself and my family!

Posts: 535 | Registered: Aug 2012
petite71
♀ Member
Member # 36475
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing this information!!!


1st DD 03/24/2012 2nd DD 07/13/2012 TT A. in 2002 same girl when we were dating.
Status:Getting Stronger...we can get through this & are healing together
BS(me):41
WS(Husband):40
LTA 10 yrs EA/PA 9 times. friends with benefits.
Us..Together 12 yr

Posts: 125 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your welcome! Hope it helps.


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1795 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 115
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