Topic: Repeating same conversation.....
♀ New Member
Member # 36107
| Posted: 11:36 AM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012|
Hi, I'm new. BH and I are about 4 months out from D-Day. We are trying very hard to recover and SI has helped me a lot. I have read on The Healing Library about answering the same questions from BH over and over again. We have discussed it and he has told me that it does help him to do so. I won't lie, it is really tough for me to go through. It's usually questions about the details of the affair - the whens, the whys, the whats, etc. I know that for many BS it is helpful. I just get frustrated, even though I know it is part of the healing process. I can see that a lot of his anger is subsiding and now it seems we're moving on to another phase. I guess I just needed to get that out and maybe hear how others cope with it.
[This message edited by Jems at 11:37 AM, July 15th (Sunday)]
Posts: 17 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: South Florida
Member # 26859
| Posted: 11:55 AM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012|
I didn't get a lot of questions like others I've read about, but the idea is that you are making the decision to stay with your BH just as he is choosing to give you the gift of R. So you aren't so much coping, or finding a way to cope, as you are doing what it takes to heal from the infidelity. If that involves answering questions over and over, then that's what you do.
As long as you are honest, consistent, and willing to do this, your BH will eventually put alall the pieces together in his own mind and the answers to the questions won't need to be constantly reinforced by you.
WH - 43
BW - gerrygirl
Posts: 5470 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
Member # 36071
| Posted: 12:17 PM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012|
I can totally relate to the repeating questions. It does get very frustrating. I too am hoping that gets less frequent.
All you can do is continue answering. I finally made a timeline and I think it helped him.
Posts: 61 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 16024
| Posted: 12:45 PM, July 15th (Sunday), 2012|
Welcome to SI.
I'm sorry you're frustrated. Recovery from an A is not for the weak. Your BH will need a lot from you and it can be exhausting.
Have you told your BH everything? The whole truth? No omissions?
I ask because my BH told me that he would ask the same questions over and over because his gut was screaming that I was leaving things out and/or lying/minimizing. He said he figured if he kept asking, eventually the truth would come out. He was right.
Make sure your BH knows everything, and always be truthful.
SI is a great place for support. I'm glad you found us.
[This message edited by authenticnow at 12:45 PM, July 15th (Sunday)]
Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a great deal to love a leaf. Its ordinary to love the beautiful, but its really beautiful to love the ordinary.
Posts: 25125 | Registered: Sep 2007
♂ New Member
Member # 35984
| Posted: 10:53 AM, July 18th (Wednesday), 2012|
Repeated questions can be very hard. For me they're not so much the ones about the A specifics, more about my personal behaviors toward my wife. Last night we were watching TV and snuggling and she asked me why we hadn't done it more often then like we used to. It's those questions that really tear at me.
The way I deal with them is to genuinely think about them. Some betrayed partners might not be so patient as mine, but I do my best to think about it and give a truthful (of course) and thorough answer. In a lot of ways questions like that are harder to answer for me than "when was the first time you cheated" or "where?"
Anyway, between my ramblings..... being thorough and truthful helps. Show that you're giving the questions serious thought, especially if they're not straightforward "where, when, who" type questions.
Posts: 7 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 35424
| Posted: 2:30 PM, July 18th (Wednesday), 2012|
[This message edited by authenticnow at 7:25 PM, July 18th (Wednesday)]
BW - me,
WH - him
Married 27 years, 3 lovely grown kids
DD#1 August 2011 - 2 PAs over last 9 months
DD#2 April 2012 - A continuing...
DD#3 May 2012 - Finally over
R'ing again - this time he's serious.
Posts: 85 | Registered: Apr 2012
Member # 24849
| Posted: 2:36 PM, July 18th (Wednesday), 2012|
Minerva, BS's aren't allowed to reply to a WS's thread with a stop sign on it...
FWW - 39
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent...
Posts: 4706 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
|Topic Posts: 7|