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User
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Topic: Finally seeing
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hurting1600
♂ Member
Member # 36368 |  Posted: 3:41 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012 |     |
I am finally started looking at what I had in the marriage. Poor communication. Emotional distance, compartmentalizing, ignoring my needs. Everything was basically sucky. Yet I spent all my time trying to make her happy. Now here I am trying to fix it. Am I hoping to fix her or trying to fix the marriage. She says she wants to but I don't see her doing alot of work. More hoping things will get back to normal. So feedback. Do I need to just be ready to move on? I can't imagine that. But I will not ever go through this crap again.
BH me 50
WE her 44
3 children
Married18 years
Hopefully moving towards R
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012 |
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349 | | Posted: 4:18 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012 | |
Listen to her actions, h1600.
Here's what a remorseful, hardworking WS should look like -
Before You Say Reconcile - by Fighting2Survive
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=406548
(((hurting1600)))
BS - 34
FWH - 32 (Crazz)
Limbociliation - today, 82% R.
Sarcasm is the body's natural response to stupidity. - Some Shirt I Saw Today
Posts: 9361 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California |
traicionada
♀ Member
Member # 10310 | | Posted: 5:04 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012 | |
Oh! you're on the fixing people business...so was I. Needless to say, it didn't pay off  But it also doesn't sound like you're ready to give up yet so how about coming up with a plan that works for both of you?
Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...
Posts: 3040 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas |
hurting1600
♂ Member
Member # 36368 | | Posted: 5:10 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012 | |
I also realized that since DDay I have given her what she wanted. Closeness both in the bed and out. The only thing she is missing is fun. Needless to say I havent been very fun. It is hard but I need to set some boundaries for my own sake. If I dont then the closeness will disappear when the anger and resentment set in.
BH me 50
WE her 44
3 children
Married18 years
Hopefully moving towards R
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012 |
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146 | | Posted: 7:11 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012 | |
I just bumped this up for you to read:
http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=408443&AP=1&HL=
Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!
Expect the best from life and give the best to living.
Posts: 2459 | Registered: Dec 2011 |
hurting1600
♂ Member
Member # 36368 | | Posted: 10:09 PM, August 7th (Tuesday), 2012 | |
I am so there. My ws works on everything I want her to. I initiate everything. Tonight I will wait for her. To talk. To talk about us. To talk about the A. We will see. Pray for my strength.
BH me 50
WE her 44
3 children
Married18 years
Hopefully moving towards R
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012 |
FrozenTear
♀ Member
Member # 32680 | | Posted: 4:11 AM, August 8th (Wednesday), 2012 | |
My WH still rarely starts conversations about the A or events that might bring up A issues. He is good at working with me when I bring it up.
Good Luck and hope it will work out for you.
BS (me/wife)
WS (husband)
Last DD (12/14/2010)
Together since Dec, 19th 2006
"Chaos begins to multiply, exponential memories overide my sympathies."
Posts: 163 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: USA |
traicionada
♀ Member
Member # 10310 | | Posted: 12:24 PM, August 8th (Wednesday), 2012 | |
Lifting you in prayer  Peace & Serenity; that's all we can ask for...
Real love is a CHOICE, NOT a feeling...
Posts: 3040 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Dallas, Texas |
Hopeful85
♀ Member
Member # 36366 | | Posted: 10:21 PM, August 8th (Wednesday), 2012 | |
I'm new at this so my advice wont be too helpful...but if she isn't willing to try then it might not be worth it?
I caught my BF cheating with hookers. ew. However he is telling me how willing he is to work on things and has started individual therapy and we discussed couples therapy to start....he's reading on how to better himself and he is starting to show he is trying but its all very new to us since I only found out a week ago. I gave him a copy of: http://www.emotionalaffair.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Understanding-Your-Betrayed-Spouse.pdf
I NEVER thought I would be looking to R....always said cheating was THE dealbreaker. but a long time ago we had something great and I am willing to try to get it back. I know our relationship had issues...I just wasn't aware the issues were so big that he would go outside the relationship. A person can only change if they want to...if she doesn't see the problem and feel the desire to change from within then you may be better off preparing for things to end. I made a list of "rules" and if he didn't agree with them then I was willing to walk away but by agreeing he showed he was trying so here I am trying to R...I would put your thoughts in writing and try and discuss with her. Then follow your gut...goodluck
Jess
Posts: 60 | Registered: Aug 2012 |
| Topic Posts: 9 | |
