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User	Topic: The story so far...
lll2 New Member Member # 36450	Posted: 1:31 PM, August 12th (Sunday), 2012 Ok, I feel like I'm in a twelve step program, knowing that it's going to take more than 12 steps. Hi my name is lll2, and I had an A. It was an emotional/sexual A online. There was never any physical contact, ever...But because I broke the trust, she may never believe the truth. We had two D-days. The first one a couple of years ago was emotional with someone who didn't even realize it was going on. The last one happened 4 days ago. I had never seen someone in pain, true pain until that day. The fact that I hurt the one person, in the whole world, besides my kids, that cared for me burns me to my very core. It was a serious wake up call. NC was implemented immediately, and I cut friends of 22 years two days later. I know that it will never be enough. I fear she will never believe me. Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2012
authenticnow ♀ Moderator Member # 16024	Posted: 6:09 PM, August 12th (Sunday), 2012 1112, Welcome to SI. I'm glad that you found us and have started posting your story. D-day is a serious wake-up call for remorseful WSs. The key for you now is consistent truthfulness and transparency and solid NC. It will take a lot of time to rebuild the trust, and right now what you can do is work on you and be there for your BW. Start reading the Healing Library (top left) and keep posting (as you're comfortable, of course). You're going to find a lot of great support here. AN Anyone can love a rose, but it takes a great deal to love a leaf. It's ordinary to love the beautiful, but it's really beautiful to love the ordinary. Posts: 26021 | Registered: Sep 2007
BaxtersBFF ♂ Guide Member # 26859	Posted: 6:21 PM, August 12th (Sunday), 2012 Welcome Ill2, EA's can be deceptive to those who are in it. It is often thought of as "well, we never met, so what's the big deal" when really, you have spent as much time investing in someone else as what you should have invested in your own spouse. I'm curious, are you saying that the first EA was one-sided? Have you gone NC with that person too? WH - 44 BW - gerrygirl Posts: 5634 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
lll2 New Member Member # 36450	Posted: 8:19 PM, August 12th (Sunday), 2012 I have been reading and re-reading everything in the Library and the forum since we found the site on day 2, I would have posted sooner but had some login issues. The first EA was completely one-sided, yea I'm pretty messed up. When I approached the 1st EA, I was shut down, hard. NC was immediate, I had been keeping a journal to work through my feelings at the time, and realized that everything I fantasized about her was available in my BS. My BS found and read the journal about month later. I thought things went to hell then. I was scared...but apparently not scared enough. [This message edited by lll2 at 9:03 PM, August 12th (Sunday)] Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2012
lll2 New Member Member # 36450	Posted: 8:20 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2012 Part 2... Ok, we are a week out and had a couple of good days, I hope this post doesn't trigger her too badly, but I need to finish this, for both of us. Not long after the the first EA I was contacted by the daughter of an ex. I had raised the girl as my own for her first two years. We talked on and off for a couple of months before she started having trouble with her mom. I was sent an email by the ex wanting me to try to talk to her daughter. I agreed. After that the ex and I talked on an off every few months just catching up on what been going on in our lives and our families. Now a couple of months ago we both ended up joining a group on FB filled with old high school friends. We started talking more and more. At some point someone posted something about the women posting pic of themselves. Most of them said you they could post those on FB. So I said if they would post I'd create them a site to post on. That's when I got the first pic from the ex. The site had nine members four of which were women. Two of the women posted 3 pics each. The ex then started to send me some more graffic pics and vids titled "just for you" I sent some back. Do to my kids sometimes using my computer I created another site just for her to post these on... At first I didn't think what I was doing was anything more than looking at porn...now I know better. I have started IC, I have NC with everyone that was a member of the website and left all FB groups. We also ordered some of the books listed on this site... I never want to hurt my wife like that again, it kills me to see her in pain. That's one of the reasons it has taken me so long to finish this post, like I said we had some good days. This may change it but I needed to post. Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2012
BaxtersBFF ♂ Guide Member # 26859	Posted: 10:30 PM, August 16th (Thursday), 2012 Keep getting it out there. These are good steps. WH - 44 BW - gerrygirl Posts: 5634 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
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