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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hello, and Welcome to Year Two
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are glad you are here. Let's take a tour, shall we?

Behind you, we have the Year One Hall of Hell. While you will never have to travel back there again, it will follow you for awhile and you will cast furtive glances towards it was a very dangerous place for you. Be mindful it is there, but don't turn back and travel down it again.

Ahead, you have The What the Fuck, Are you Serious, this Really Happened Hotel. The amenitites of this fine establishment include the Unnumbing Spa. Here, the general sense of disbelief you've held for the past year becomes an acceptance that what happened, happened, and can't be undone. The WTF Hotel also features the Anger Gym and the Who Am I Lounge which you will bounce between on occasion.

Outside the WTF Hotel lies The Plain of Lethal Flatness. Here, you won't give a shit about anything. You will generally be thinking "really? this is my life? serious? are you shitting me? I don't know what I want, who I want, and I certainly don't understand why I don't want any of it, but I don't."

Beyond the Plain lies something called Progress and Healing and Real Acceptance. Be patient. It appears you must spend your time in the Hotel and the Plain before you can journey further. Eventually transportation will be provided. Don't ignore too many options for transport as you do not want to be stuck in either place for too long.

Thank you, and good luck on your journey.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6497 | Registered: Jan 2011
worst-year-ever
♀ Member
Member # 33003
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Year Two SUCKS.

Just had to say that.
Carry on.


Me: BW
Him: FWH
4 kids & 20 years together
DD: 7/7/11
OW1: 3yr+ LTA
OW2: My xBFF
Trying to R

Posts: 1282 | Registered: Aug 2011
girlsbird
♀ Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well said!


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
RS2731
♀ Member
Member # 33947
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have the ability to always make me laugh!

I'm starting Year 2 in a not so bad place, but I can refer to this when (if) it tanks.


Me - BS, 36
Him - WH, 36
Married - 11 years
DS - 4
D-Day - September 2011
In process of R.

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.


Posts: 2213 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: CT
DWBH
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't appear to be a linear journey. Lately, I've been taking day trips between WTF Hotel, and The Plain, interspersed with some really good, legitimate Acceptance visits.


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your post is so spot on! Unfortunately my H chose to kind of blow things up in year two, so it set things back.

Although I think he is still vacillating between year one and year two right now in his healing due to not dealing with things. And we are quickly heading towards year three.

My healing seems to be on the fast track and I was really having trouble with the flatness and the WTF factor. Lately I am moving towards real acceptance and that feels good.

Year two is a real bitch. Hang on for the ride. I thought one was hard, but nothing compared to two. I think year two is where the BS has to really make the choice to start healing and stay in the marriage or not. It is a really tough choice.

Great post rebreather!


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4975 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Twigs323
♀ Member
Member # 34055
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather,

What would we do with out you? I guess the fact that I can actually laugh at this post is a good sign.

Speaking of tours, when does your one woman stand up fall tour start???


It doesn't appear to be a linear journey. Lately, I've been taking day trips between WTF Hotel, and The Plain, interspersed with some really good, legitimate Acceptance visits.


^^Me too, DW, me too^^

(((((rebreather)))))


Posts: 1429 | Registered: Nov 2011
Exhausted in OH
♀ Member
Member # 34340
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Rebreather, you made me laugh out loud (not an easy task as I enter the WTF hotel ). Are you implying that our Sept 2011 club is dominating the R board lately? LOL

For months, I have read this board and thought that I would somehow avoid the 2nd year woes. And here I am, exactly 8 days into year 2, and find myself thinking all day long - WTF? This really happened?

Thank you for reminding us that we are normal. I have been feeling a little crazy


BS 42(now 45), WH now 46
Married 15 (now 18!), together 22, 3 great kids - 15, 13, 10
DD Sept 2011 - 4mo PA; on DD also admitted to ONS in 2007
R going well
And now I realize...- Me OEA - old college friend
No longer exhausted nor in OH

Posts: 436 | Registered: Dec 2011
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you rebreather for this rated r preview of the upcoming attraction at my local. Not there yet, but thanks for the synopsis. Be well.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Nailed it.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exhausted, it's hard to see so many of you struggling in the same place. It's my codpendance! LOL I want to make it easier for you somehow, but I know you just have to go through the stages and the process. But you ARE normal, that is for sure. Nobody ever said normal wasn't shitty, right?


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6497 | Registered: Jan 2011
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im about 6 weeks into year two. Ive already visited the WTF Hotel,but can't seem to stay out of the Angry Gym. I long to visit The Plain. But,alas,WH keeps saying stupid shit,and I find myself living in the Gym.

Spot on post,rebreather. As usual.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7499 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
btrayedbyhim
♀ Member
Member # 26941
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BRILLIANT! Totally BRILLIANT!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...
Can you do a Year 3 for me? I'll frame it!!


As of Dec 2009:
Me: BS46
Him: FWH39 - NPD
Married: 20+ years
Kids: 3
D-Day: 9-28-09
Spent 4 yrs trying. He blew it.
Arrested for DV: 9-6-13
Fuck Him

Posts: 397 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: an island at the beach (aka heaven)
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Evil  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather - I sent you a pm, like yesterday!


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's


Posts: 5062 | Registered: Dec 2010
skatey0
♀ Member
Member # 33207
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is brilliant!!

Made me laugh out loud, I may even send it to my MC.

I am firmly i year two and looking forward to my transportation!!


Me - BW 31
Him - fWH 31
M 4yrs Together 8yrs
Kids (2) 6yrs and 3yrs
D-day #1 21.4.11
D-day #2 23.06.11 (whole truth apparently)
OW 26yrs from his work,M no kids, EA/PA started March 11

I am married to a compulsive liar


Posts: 178 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: UK
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It doesn't appear to be a linear journey.

Agreed on the not linear. I met anger first. WTF came and went quickly. Anger returned (at myself the second time - why did I let your stupid and childish actions impact my life? oh because I thought you were a grown up.) Lethal Plain is here but fading. I really like it here but if I stay I will leave if you know what I mean.
Acceptance is just around the corner. I can actually see it. It's like truth - its exists but is a shadow that keeps moving on me.

Truth is I have healed mostly on my own and now if I want it to work I have to let her back in. She doesn't know the way so I need to show her.

Thanks for the laugh Rebreather.

Take care...



Posts: 1428 | Registered: Jan 2012
HurtButHoping12
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are a few months into year 2 and omg, this is SO spot-on. Year 2 sucks!


BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do


Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Acceptance is just around the corner. I can actually see it. It's like truth - its exists but is a shadow that keeps moving on me.

Truth is I have healed mostly on my own and now if I want it to work I have to let her back in. She doesn't know the way so I need to show her.

Change the her to him, and this is how I feel. Standing still on this I guess. I think when I get to total acceptance, I can truly let him back in.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4975 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That made me laugh! Thanks! And jayzus -- how the hell am I going to survive that long? I honestly just want to lie down and float away right now...


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2012
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am two months into yr 2 and I am on the Plain. Its not that I dont care but right now I dont care. KWIM?


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1632 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
Topic Posts: 69
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