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Newest Member: Loriann (44709)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hello, and Welcome to Year Two
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am quickly approaching the end of year two and let me be one of the few to say:

"It wasn't as bad as I had heard"

It was not easy, but I feel like none of this ever will be easy. Without question yr 2 was easier than years 1...phew. My hope is that yr 3 will be easier than yr 2.

I think there are clear reasons why year 2 was "not so bad" :

- A deeply remorseful WH

- A WH who never lingered in any "fog"

- A WH who was accountable for his actions.

- Moved 1600+ miles away (this was HUGE in easing the turmoil): never run the risk of seeing MOW, my WH never sees MOW co-worker, I left so many triggers behind.

-When I experienced bad days during this past year I had a WH who continued to show patience and understanding, who never once said (or made me feel) like I should get over it already.

-During year two I continued to believe that I am far better than either WH or MOW. They did what they did, they must live with what they did and they must live with who they are. I am VERY happy with the person that I am and would NEVER change places with them. I like what I see in the mirror. Bottom line...I never struggle with self esteem before or after my WH A.

So, for those entering year two...it is not always as difficult as you might read. I would encourage you to enter in a positive mind set.

I did enjoy the post, very creative. Sadly, it does ring true for so many.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
petite71
♀ Member
Member # 36475
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to be at the WTF Hotel for 2 yrs. He is so lucky I am giving him another chance. This WTF Hotel sucks a** & I am not going back if it happens again.
Thanks for sharing your reviews about the WTF Hotel.


1st DD 03/24/2012 2nd DD 07/13/2012 TT A. in 2002 same girl when we were dating.
Status:Getting Stronger...we can get through this & are healing together
BS(me):41
WS(Husband):40
LTA 10 yrs EA/PA 9 times. friends with benefits.
Us..Together 12 yr

Posts: 125 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great. Thanks for the warning.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3868 | Registered: Dec 2011
boontje
♀ Member
Member # 33247
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the post Rebreather. I think I'm in year two, but not quite sure if the broken NC at the end od year one set the clock back to day one. At times it feels like that and others, not so much. I don't really know where the heck i belong these days.


Me: BS
Dday: June 2011
Working on R, one day at a time

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.
― Ernest Hemingway



Posts: 934 | Registered: Aug 2011
raindancer
♀ Member
Member # 34023
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where the fuck is the door to the Plain of Lethal Flatness?!?! I just keep wandering back and forth between Anger Gym and the Who Am I? place!


BS - Me, 34
WS - Husband, 41
Married 5 years, together an eternity.
DDay - 9/13/11
Reconciling

"Well I've been had, yeah I guess that's how it looks. And it's not funny like on TV, and it's not smart like it is in books."


Posts: 1649 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Ohio
lifeblowntobits
♀ Member
Member # 33687
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, September 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather, could you possibly write a manual for all of us?? This year 2 has got my brain so tangled that I usually can't put into words what I'm feeling. Yesterday, I just kept reading Twigs and raindancer's posts saying, "yes, yes, yes, thats me too!!". (the cat is starting to think I am little kooky! )

Not a linear journey is an understatement, I feel like I am just running around in circles visiting all the lovely destinations that year 2 has to offer!

I know it has been said before....but always worth repeating.....INFIDELITY SUCKS!!!


Me-BS-44, Him-WH-45-very remorseful
OW-Married, opportunistic co-worker whore
DD#1 7-30-2011: everything else lies until 2-12-12
Married 11years, DS19y, DS15y
2.5 years out: in a good place, light at the end of the tunnel


Posts: 1646 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Illinois
brokenfyrman
♂ Member
Member # 31938
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Four more days and I get to check out into year 3. What's the next stop on this screwed up journey?


Me BS 42, STBX 40 renamed numero cinco
OM#2 puppylove from HS
EA 10/07 thru 5/08
PA 5/12,13,14 and 7/26 of 08
Admitted to calls/email texts 08/08, TT until D/Day 10/10
OM#1, 9 mos after "I do"
She walked out on me and her kids 1/1/14 (

Posts: 314 | Registered: Apr 2011
girlsbird
♀ Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

30 days until check out. Just want someone to tell me its not like the Hotel California.

(Edited cause I posted after 30...)

[This message edited by girlsbird at 5:54 AM, September 28th (Friday)]


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
RS2731
♀ Member
Member # 33947
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, for those entering year two...it is not always as difficult as you might read. I would encourage you to enter in a positive mind set.
Thank you for this! I am in a pretty decent place right now. We still have issues and there are still bumpy moments, but overall I feel much better. I was starting to freak out a little about that.


Me - BS, 36
Him - WH, 36
Married - 11 years
DS - 4
D-Day - September 2011
In process of R.

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.


Posts: 2213 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: CT
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Rebreather.

The Gym and The Lounge are overcrowded and not a place I want to stay too long. I've stepped out the door and hung out in The Plain for a breather but then ventured back into the Gym and Lounge again.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this. It's wonderful to smile.

Yesterday was the 21 month anniversary of Dday for me. I'm welcoming the Plain of Lethal Flatness with open arms. I've been running like a maniac up and down the halls of the WTF Hotel between the Lounge and the Gym. Unfortunately the Mind Movies Theatre has been getting undue attention lately. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.


Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2011
DWBH
♂ Member
Member # 35512
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately the Mind Movies Theatre has been getting undue attention lately.

Yeah, I've been a regular attendee of that theater lately as well. It usually concludes in the Anger gym, and me having some very raw knuckles after wailing on the heavybag (aka OM).


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 41 (ThornyRose)
M: 16 years, together 19
2 Daughters: 14 and 12
D Day: 9/25/2011; Lies & TT to 5/4/2012
~Double betrayal; caught them in the act~

Posts: 729 | Registered: May 2012 | From: WI
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, there is a tunnel under the Plain. You don't have to go through the Plain. I think for some, the Plain is welcome relief and to others, not so much.

But I'm sorry, I don't know where the tunnel is. I could never find it. I had to go through the Plain.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
del311
♂ Member
Member # 33840
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, September 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

rebreather that was badass!!! crazy how true it is! you had me on the floor laughing!!!


BS(me)..39
WS(her)..38
OM(boy)..22(WTF)
Married..18y
2 children..18 & 5
DDay 3/3/11 "EA only"
DDay 3/7/11 "yup PA"
Grasping for R...fingers.cramped.losing.grip...

Posts: 96 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: san diego
Buckeye Wife
♀ Member
Member # 28702
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, September 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, been hanging out in the WTF hotel and the Anger Gym quite frequently. I've been a guest for way too long.

I think I've found the Plain too. So my stay has been extended as I am well into year three.


BS (Me): Forties
FWS(Him): Forties
Married over twenty years
DDay: 1/20/10
R'ing

Posts: 1018 | Registered: Jun 2010
0115
♀ Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, September 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather...this goes down (in my opinion) as a Top Ten Post!!! Really well done. I have a feeling that it's going to stick and it will become new vocabulary for SI Kind of like batshit crazy or curtain rods....

Anyway,

Eventually transportation will be provided.

Can I ask WHY is the transportation provided so scary to get on like the hang glider with AAA batteries or the jet ski with no lifejacket that only goes 100mph??????

I'm trying to get to Letting it All Go or The Ultimate Forgiveness All Inclusive's down the road but can't you please provide a limo or something????????????


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 1003 | Registered: Apr 2011
hopefully
♂ Member
Member # 29906
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RB - so very true. I believe my transportation out is coming on Tuesday in the form of a flight to Vegas for our 15th anniversary which is right before the beginning of year 3. We are in a really good place finally.


Me:42
fWW:38
Kids 3 - 5, 11, 14
DDay : 10/16/2010

Posts: 70 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: New Jersey
DancinOnThinIce
♀ New Member
Member # 29873
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, October 1st (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if I'm in year one or two at this point. Dday s 9/2010, we didn't move into R until 2/2011. Turns out it was false R. True R started in 7/2011.

I have no idea where I am anymore.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW
Kids: 3 DD
D Day: 9/23/10
Status: R

I've never been good at sharing. ~ me


Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: dancinonthinice
Exhausted in OH
♀ Member
Member # 34340
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


BS 42(now 45), WH now 46
Married 15 (now 18!), together 22, 3 great kids - 15, 13, 10
DD Sept 2011 - 4mo PA; on DD also admitted to ONS in 2007
R going well
And now I realize...- Me OEA - old college friend
No longer exhausted nor in OH

Posts: 427 | Registered: Dec 2011
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off, Rebreather, you are a joy! Love this post!

What RidingHealingRd wrote got me bc although I think my H is hesitant to really (REALLY) examine FOO issues, the points below are all ones I can relate too.

We are just starting Y2. I can go from Anger/Plains and Acceptance on any given day.

I think there are clear reasons why year 2 was "not so bad" :

- A deeply remorseful WH

- A WH who never lingered in any "fog"

- A WH who was accountable for his actions.

- Moved 1600+ miles away (this was HUGE in easing the turmoil): never run the risk of seeing MOW, my WH never sees MOW co-worker, I left so many triggers behind.

-When I experienced bad days during this past year I had a WH who continued to show patience and understanding, who never once said (or made me feel) like I should get over it already.

Here's to all us newbie twos. Keep talking to us WiseOnes!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2228 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Topic Posts: 69
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