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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hello, and Welcome to Year Two
needrespect
♀ Member
Member # 37951
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Year 2
I feel as if I have schizophrenia.
I love, I hate
I hate, I'm Indifferent
I'm indifferent, I'm scared
I'm scared, I'm hopeless
wash, rinse, and repeat.
Most of all I am just lost.
FML


BS-me 45
WH-40
married 11 yrs, together 15
DS13 DS9
Dday May 2012 EA
False R... Dday#2 11/30/2012 PA same MOW

The opposite of love is not hate ... It is indifference.
Status:%$$&^&^$#@@
seems I'm on the 15 year plan


Posts: 69 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Year two, here we go.


I refuse to let a wound ruin me.
**Guts over fear.**

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Angel177
♀ Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love these posts that remind me I'm not the only one feeling the way I feel and that there is hope for a brighter future.

Year 2 is tough but as long as it's going to be worry getting through the hard stuff then that's all I need.


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 244 | Registered: Oct 2012
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh geez, I totally forgot about this! The WTF hotel, not to be confused with the Hotel California. Because you can check out any time you want, but you CAN leave.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6442 | Registered: Jan 2011
reallysad2012
♀ Member
Member # 37658
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow...this popped up just when I needed it. There have been a few year two posts lately I have found helpful. I always find the support I need here.

Year 2...I thought I was going to be 'done' with this already because my fWH is so remorseful and doing so much to help me. Still....I visited WTF hotel all through Sept/Oct/Nov. December was the Plain and back to WTF hotel a few times. Now...I am submitting to that fact that this sucks and I can't change it. I actually feel like I am not banging my head on a brick wall anymore. Maybe this is the beginning of the elusive acceptance.


me BS
him WH
his A was in 2001, DDay confession 9/5/2012

Posts: 99 | Registered: Nov 2012
RegretfulHusband
♂ Member
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel you, need respect.


Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Year 2...I thought I was going to be 'done' with this already because my fWH is so remorseful and doing so much to help me. Still....I visited WTF hotel all through Sept/Oct/Nov. December was the Plain and back to WTF hotel a few times.

Reallysad, interests me to read this. My fWH is the same way. I was in the Plains in Dec. for sure and I expect to go back there someday. I guess I was in the Anger Lounge just last week. I think I am sitting on a train right now and its parking for a while...I am looking around. So far the view isn't bad.

All aboard!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahhhh the Hotel -- you found it!!! I loved the Hotel thread when I read it the first time.

I still remember being stuck between The Gym and The Lounge. Venturing into the Plain and heading back into the Gym. I was sooooo angry. I was afraid I was going to get stuck in the Gym forever and saw nothing out past The Plain, so why bother.

I made it out of there and out of the Plain and into Progress. You were right. That's why it's so easy to just say 'Yeah, what Rebreather said'.

Year 2 did suck but it did get better.


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
RegretfulHusband
♂ Member
Member # 41873
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, not digging year 2.


Me: FWH, 34
Her: BS, 33
Married: 6 years
Together: 10+ years
Kids: 2 Boys under 5

DDay1: 7+ years ago
DDay2: 1.5 years ago

"The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."


Posts: 142 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: United States
33years
♀ Member
Member # 41053
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I'm still in my first year and it's a bit unnerving to see what year two holds (if we make it that long)
However, the analogy was clever!


Me (BS) 58
Him (WH) 57
DD July 10, 2013
My Motto: "I'm fairly certain that nothing anymore is certain"

Posts: 73 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Middle of USA
Kiwigirl
♀ Member
Member # 36185
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rebreather, your thread really nailed it! I think I'm on the plain of lethal flatness right now, hoping that a bus out will come by...


BS - 36 (me)
WH - 34

D-Day 19 April 2012
Trying R


Posts: 118 | Registered: Jul 2012
sad34
♀ Member
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, January 10th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I hate is people who think you should b over it by now. Like say my mother in law. Or my family who has said make a choice, divorce or just stop talking about it:(
They don't understand, year 2 is when it really hits like u said:(


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this post.

Bumping it up for anyone who is entering or in the middle of year 2 right now.

[This message edited by DixieD at 10:45 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last posted in Jan., so 4 months later, year two more resembles what needsrespect wrote...

I feel as if I have schizophrenia.
I love, I hate
I hate, I'm Indifferent
I'm indifferent, I'm scared
I'm scared, I'm hopeless
wash, rinse, and repeat.
Most of all I am just lost
.

I actually looked at the Alzheimer's web site the other night to see if I fit "early onset". My memory has been very poor.

I will add that I don't feel lost all the time. Some days I feel very hopeful. However, sadness now seems more to do with our FOO issues then with A thoughts. I don't spend a lot of time feeling sad about the A and I don't obsess anymore.

Thank goodness this train has comfy seats and interesting people to reach out and hold my hand once in a while.

Well done, Rebreaher. You are one clever woman.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

make a choice, divorce or just stop talking about it:(

so good to read this. losing a friend, or at least our closeness, because of this.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4914 | Registered: Dec 2010
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting that this was bumped recently. I have read several posts the last few weeks which said the same thing, but differently and some not so eloquently. The message was the same however.

This whole original post by Rebreather was so spot on, but this...

Beyond the Plain lies something called Progress and Healing and Real Acceptance. Be patient. It appears you must spend your time in the Hotel and the Plain before you can journey further. Eventually transportation will be provided. Don't ignore too many options for transport as you do not want to be stuck in either place for too long.


is so eerily true, it is scary. I was not ready to hear it when it was first posted. Thanks for bumping. :)


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1475 | Registered: Jun 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling the first tendrils of acceptance here :)
start of year three..

[This message edited by rachelc at 12:39 PM, May 2nd (Friday)]


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4914 | Registered: Dec 2010
Teach8
♀ Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still one of my all time favorite posts. Thank you, Rebreather. Just entered year three and glad to say goodbye to year 2, and I'm hoping and working for that healing and progress.


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 506 | Registered: Aug 2012
learningtofeel
♀ Member
Member # 39543
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just logged on to post something about Year Two and found this incredible post bumped up.

Here is my analogy, at two weeks in to Year Two. It's like when you watch a really intense scary movie and you can hardly take it in the first time, and then you go back and watch it again. You know the plot so you're not spending as much time trying to figure out what the hell is going on, but the intensity is still there, AND you notice other things that you missed when you were just trying to keep up with the plot the first time around.

I feel myself "doubling" in some way, reliving every day of last year but without the shock and trauma. It's such a constant undercurrent these past couple of weeks and I can't stop thinking about them together. I feel I have regressed. I'm trying to remind myself that we are really doing well! We are talking, sharing ourselves with each other, doing Retrouvaille post weekends, continuing with our outstanding MC, he is still in IC and still working hard. All that is really good! And I'm hoping it will carry me through this second round.

Sending comfort to everyone in Year Two.


M 1989
3 young adult kids
D-Day 4.13.13
WS (him): 7 OW over 15 years
BS (me): had no clue

Posts: 97 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Lostinthismess
♀ Member
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I logged on earlier today, desperate for some relief. And this is the thread I read.

Year 2
I feel as if I have schizophrenia.
I love, I hate
I hate, I'm Indifferent
I'm indifferent, I'm scared
I'm scared, I'm hopeless
wash, rinse, and repeat.
Most of all I am just lost.
FML

Pretty sum sums it up. I know I can feel happy. But when I don't, I forget what it feels like. Scares the shit out of me.


Dday- 4/4/13
fwh- harrypotter
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 330 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Ca
Topic Posts: 69
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