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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hello, and Welcome to Year Two
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

21 months here......guess that means year two is coming to a close soon.

I soooooo enjoyed your style on this rebreather!

Thank you.

Past 4-5 months have me healing deeper and faster. I lost track of how exactly year 2 has been vs year one.....but feel year two has produced better harvests at the end then any fruit of year one did.

Keep going rebreather and mr rebreather.....a slug if us are following your lead!


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 6:54 AM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

21 months out and finally I can see some light at the end of the tunnel... I think it's that transport that Rebreather mentioned I intend to get on it!

Year 2 has been brutal! If I had known it was going to take this long for me to feel happiness again, to look at my husband and feel the warm fuzzies, to feel tenderness towards him well up inside me, to feel secure in his love, to feel sure of my decision to stay in this marriage... well I might have turned around and run, screaming! Glad I didn't though!

I have grown SO much in the last year. Affair-related issues aside, I have gone through a personal transformation that I am eternally grateful for... and it hasn't ended yet! I still have some work to do. But I am so grateful that I have been through a Year 2 - a year when I had to choose between getting bitter and getting better, a year when I was forced to confront my "ugly", a year when the rose-coloured spectacles were forcibly removed from my eyes and there is was: me, my life, my marriage, my FOO - in all their ugliness and I had little option but to fix the broken. What a journey it has been, and I still have places to go! I'm not done yet!

I don't think I could have got through it without my fellow travellers. Some brilliant people have travelled Year 2 with me and I am forever grateful for their wisdom and strength.

[This message edited by ItsaClimb at 6:57 AM, May 3rd (Saturday)]

BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39246
DOH!  Posted: 1:38 PM, May 3rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are in the 2nd week of year 2 and I find myself in and out of the Unnumbing Spa and the Anger Gym daily.

My H and I are our bond. But sometimes feeling closer to him makes me take steps back. Still have a hard time making myself vulnerable to him...Still paranoid about finding the A underground, even though there is no evidence of this and I check everything. I know where he is at all times..

I think he is getting to the point of understanding that his AP could have been anyone and that he was pretty messed up and selfish. Sometimes I don't think he understands how much he failed our family and decimated me. But I also wonder how much of that is for me to heal because he will never be able to wrap his head around the trauma that he has caused. Just like I will never be able to wrap mine around how his wayward mindset made him feel justified and ok with what he was doing.

With an LTA it is just so freaking hard to know that YEARS of your marriage was a sham. H says he doesn't see it that way. He wanted me to be happy. But on the rare occasion that I look back on those 4 years I don't see how he could possibly been trying to make me happy. He was NEVER around. Gosh I hope this doesn't mean I am on the five year plan.


Me: BS
Him: WH
OW=UW or Ugly Whore- cow of WH
UW claims to be pregnant w/ WH baby and I HATE her for it.
DDay: 4/23/13
Together: 14 years
Married: 10 years
Kids: 3 beautiful boys. Ages: 8, 4, & 19 months
Trying to R-Some days are

Posts: 179 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Southeastern U.S.
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping up again for anyone struggling with the Year 2 blues.

Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
♀ Member
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DixieD thanks so much for the bump...never would have found this! I'm right in the middle of year two and really needed this laugh!

When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14

9/9/14: filed for divorce

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8

Posts: 109 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, June 22nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep still checked into that WTF hotel....but I'm calling for room service and a bottle of something on ice....
this isn't some cheap ass hotel....but it is not the Ritz either!

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr

Posts: 676 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
♀ Member
Member # 43520
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really? REALLY? Year two is worse then THIS??

Dday: 4th of January, 2014
WH 50
BS 49
18 years of marriage...three children
One affair PA/EA
"You didn't see me I was falling apart, I was a television version of a person with a broken heart." The National

Posts: 273 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 41828
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto to the BRILLIANT! And as a closet stand up comedian, I also ditto that you should go on the road with that! It's not that it's funny, because the shitty situation we are in is far from funny, but you should be teaching a class for mental health providers for sure!

And DITTO again to the request for a year 3!

I am a month away from the 2 year antiversary and am already dreading it. I see clearly the progress we have made but I am feeling that this isn't leaving my thought patterns fast enough.

Your post made me happy. Thank you.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ Member
Member # 41828
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am printing this and putting it in my wallet to refer to when I need support. Sooooo well done!
Ditto to the request to post re year 3!

Posts: 77 | Registered: Dec 2013
Topic Posts: 69
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