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User Topic: anyone been to a B A N meeting?
sevensisterhood
♀ New Member
Member # 36851
Default  Posted: 5:20 AM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm planning to go to one in my area. Usually about 6-10 people each month. No idea what to expect, I'm just desperate for support. Amazingly, none of my close friend have veen through this--although both my sister and sister in law have done, and are both D. It's a little raw for both of them, so I'm trying not too lean too too hard....

So any thoughts, experiences, reflections (given that all meetings and locations will differ) would be gratefully appreciated. Thanks.


Me-53, married 23 yrs, 25 yr relationship; PA at his HS reunion, year + of s/texting, phone, Facebook; CraigsLIst postings, Ashley Madison, OKCUpid account, Adult slut sites..... "I never used them!!".

Posts: 39 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Massachusetts
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I wanted to go to a meeting, but there were none in my area. I wondered if there would be such support that the members might check on each other's WS's.

That was before, though; I am now S and divorcing.

Let us know how it goes.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
sadsad
♀ Member
Member # 24400
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I found it to be a great help to speak with others who understand. I made some great friends who I keep in touch with. I highly recommend it!


Married 20 years
No children
Admitted texting and phone affair 2-09 TT until 4-09,found out PA. They dated in High School. PA lasted 7 months
We're in R after a very long road.
I will never be "over it" and don't know if I will ev

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jun 2009
wreck3d
♂ Member
Member # 36536
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I encourage you to go. I was extremely nervous leading up to it and tried to talk myself out of it countless times, but it was an incredibly positive experience that made me almost feel good for 3 hours. It helps a lot to be in the presence of others that have felt the same pain and truly understand what you are saying. It seemed like no matter what I said, they all shook their heads saying "yeah, been there, seen that, I know how it feels".

It also helps to see that while there are many similarities in everyone's stories, there are also differences that make you stop and think "wow, not only is my story not unique, there a lot of 'other' things that could have happened that at least I'm not having to deal with".

In my case, I was the only male at the meeting, so I kinda felt like I was crashing the party, but they couldn't have made me feel more welcome and I'm very thankful I went. Meeting face to face with others in various stages of R, some divorced, some dealing with multiple A's, it just gives you so much information and knowledge and all in a personal setting that makes a huge difference. The real hugs are worth it alone. :)

If you are on the fence about it at all, please just try to get yourself to attend that first meeting and I think you'll be very, very thankful you did. Good luck.


BS(me)36
WW 34
3 DDs..11,10,8
M: July 1998
D-Day: August 9,2012

Posts: 75 | Registered: Aug 2012
starstruck
♀ Member
Member # 29547
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear all the good support from BAN. I am trying to get to a meeting in my area. Even though I am 2 years out-still feel the need for support.
Hugs would be good!!


DDay 7/29/2010
Am hoping to reconcile!! Am I crazy or what?
If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves-Thomas Edison

Posts: 323 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Pa
larac123
♀ Member
Member # 32088
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, October 7th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

while we are on the subject..i thought about going to their take your life back seminar..anybody been?


Bw-me 30's
FWh-30's
d-day- second week of jan.2011
we are working on R and so far so good...not..divorced him!
I know how to spell..my fingers just dont like to.
The grass is greener because its sitting on a septic tank.

Posts: 417 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Larac123
wreck3d
♂ Member
Member # 36536
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, October 8th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be interested in any feedback about the seminar as well.

I was so lost in the first week after d-day and I inquired about the seminar, but my email was forwarded directly to Anne and she told me that I wasn't ready for it yet. I'm pretty sure that was sound advice and showed me they weren't just trying to take my money.


BS(me)36
WW 34
3 DDs..11,10,8
M: July 1998
D-Day: August 9,2012

Posts: 75 | Registered: Aug 2012
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, October 8th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is BAN?

ETA: Ahhh...I googled it. (Its Beyond Affairs Network for others who dont know). Thanks!

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 11:14 AM, October 8th (Monday)]


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6443 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
phoenix54
♂ Member
Member # 36574
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, October 8th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a local support group through B A N but it wasn't formalized and only meets occasionally depending on availability.

I did come across ISA - infidelity survivors anonymous - online but they only have telephonic meetings right now. I guess it's still pretty new.


BH: 45 (me)
WW: 43
11 month PA/EA
4 children
D-day: 5/4/12
Married: 17 years
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 436 | Registered: Aug 2012
jandjs1st
♀ Member
Member # 36087
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, October 8th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to my first meeting last month. It was awesome. You feel safe around those you relate to you. There were 5 people in the group. We were all new and each spent 20-30 minutes telling our stories. The leader of the group was amazing. She gave such great advice. She is 22 months into this and is so strong and encouraging. I walked out of there realizing how important it is to stay focused on making me happy. I look forward to going to another meeting and I highly suggest you go if you have the opportunity to attend a meeting.


BW-32
FWH- 33
2 DD
Status - Working on it
d-day- April 21, 12

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Southeast
sadsad
♀ Member
Member # 24400
Default  Posted: 2:53 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, wrong post

[This message edited by sadsad at 3:08 AM, October 21st (Monday)]


Married 20 years
No children
Admitted texting and phone affair 2-09 TT until 4-09,found out PA. They dated in High School. PA lasted 7 months
We're in R after a very long road.
I will never be "over it" and don't know if I will ev

Posts: 128 | Registered: Jun 2009
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish there was one in my area. Unfortunately I contacted the one listed and no one ever replied.


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced 8/5/14


Posts: 1342 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
momoffive
♀ Member
Member # 27352
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I go to one in our local area. There are now 7 of us all with different but ultimately the same stories. We go around and each share where we are at... struggles, successes, it's a wonderful place to know you are safe to share what's on your heart with others who understand. We are at different stages in healing but all share the same goal.

These ladies are some of my dearest friends and I know I can reach out to them 24/7. We typically meet once a month, sometimes twice over the winter months.


BW 44, SAWH 45(sorry1)
M24 yrs
DD 23,16,13 DS 21, 19
Dday1-7/3/09 EA OW4
Dday2-9/1/09 PA OW4
Dday3 3/14/10 Farmville sexting, OW3
Dday4 3/13/11 Secret texting, would be OW5-she said no
Dday5 8/2/11 PA 10 years ago OW1, kissing 4 years ago OW2

Posts: 1123 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Pennsylvania
FeelingMN
♂ Member
Member # 32240
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a BAN group in my area and sent an email asking fir info. Heard back from someone who asked my story (is anyone else tired of telling it like me). Said I'd get on a mailing list and they usually meet once a month. Not sure that ill hold my breath. Communication is sparse


Me 41
fWW 37
DD(19), DS(17), DD(11) (Mine, hers, ours)
Together 14y, Married 12
DDay Aug 2010, 4 mos TT & gaslighting
ONS + EA after 15yr Class reunion out of state

Posts: 267 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Minnesota
sunshine226
♀ Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would love to go to a meeting but there are none in my area, but I do receive their newsletter and listen to the recorded telephone seminars. They were my first online source of help on this rollar coaster ride I'm on and then I found SI.

Wish there was some sort of support group here, finding ones for cancer, death and stuff like that but nothing for infidelity.

Thankful for close friends and online support like here


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
Drowninginitall
♀ Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow thanks for this information. I need to find if this is available in my area. I know alanon help me immensely during and after my husband's addiction to drugs and alcohol came out. It would be a huge support to find other people in real life were going through the same things.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Oct 2013
Drowninginitall
♀ Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I found out this isn't available in my area. Does anyone know of anything similar in the New England area?

Posts: 105 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 17

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