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Newest Member: Hurtingnnc (44284)

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User Topic: Just A Mess
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, December 6th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why didn't she talk about the "cousin event?"

If she won't talk to you,then tell her you're taking R off the table. She must communicate with you. Painful or not.

Unless its the rapes she's talking about. I have been raped when I was a teenager. I have dealt with it. And I reserve the right to refuse to talk to anyone about it,even my WH.

But if it's her infidelities she is refusing to talk about then that's different. She has to talk to you about it,or this marriage is not a marriage.

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:03 AM, December 6th (Thursday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7140 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
annoyedman1976
♂ New Member
Member # 37155
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, December 7th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She has talked to me about all the rapes. The reason she didnt talk to the psychologist about the cousin event, was because it was her first session with this psychologist, and they ran out of time!

She wants to talk things over with the psychologist before she starts going over things again with me. Which really irritates me


Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, December 7th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like she wants to allow her IC to decide what you should and should not know.

YOU get to decide what you want to know,and what you want to talk about. Not her IC.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7140 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
annoyedman1976
♂ New Member
Member # 37155
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The wife has been to a few psychologists appointments, but at the last one, the psychologist told her she needs some medication before she can do much with her. Saw the doctor the other day, and are organising a pyschiatric review with a Psychiatrist. When I had my IC session, the psychologist said possiblity she may have a personality disorder.

She is having multiple health issues at the moment, with stomach and woman problems. So life isnt exaclty easy on all fronts.

She has now deactivated her facebook account, and continues NC.


Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2012
annoyedman1976
♂ New Member
Member # 37155
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, March 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyday is just so freaking hard. I know i need to leave, but for some reason i just cannot do it.

She will not talk about the affair, just doesnt want to go there. Apparently i am the one that keeps her esteem so low. According to her, i am the one the tries to keep her down emotionally and in that kind of state.

She will not read "Not Just Friends' on my suggestion. Apparently it will mess her work up with her Psychologist, and she doesnt want to get confused.

I go how can you get confused.


Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2012
jimbo25319
♂ Member
Member # 31891
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, March 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not giving advice, but if I were in your situation I'd call it a day and be done.

Posts: 480 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Maryland
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, March 9th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it possible to ask her Dr to suggest "not just friends" to your wife?

Here I can speak to anyone's dr about them. The dr. cannot speak to me regarding anyone.

I utilize that window every so often with my parents physicians. My parents tend to keep things from the good Dr's... so the Dr's don't think bad about them. Problem is that secret sometimes has a big part in how they are treated. But my parents won't give in and come clean. So I call or write the Dr's office and tell them the secret.

I wonder if you can do the same with your wife's Dr?

Good luck,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4851 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
annoyedman1976
♂ New Member
Member # 37155
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still living in this limbo. Still no contact. Wife has been good in that regard. She goes to mental health this week for her first visit with a psychiatrist. I think they need to get all this cheating information as well, but do i wait till she has been at least once. She still refuses to talk about anything to do with the affairs.
She has let it slip, she hates the cousin, and wants to kill him. Wont tell me why, and says i will never know.

She says she has too much shit going through in her mind, and she doesnt want to talk about it to me.

I know i should leave. I dont know how i would go with just me and the kids, with work etc. Just a stuffed up shit situation


Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2012
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, October 5th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your wife sounds like she has borderline personality disorder.

if you do a search on google, you can find another forum called BPD Family and they have an awesome support forum for people who have a BPD in their life.

Your wife's issues do not just seem to be the infidelity.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
headdesk
♀ Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I have to say here that there is a LOT of stuff going on, and while I can totally understand why the infidelity is the one pinging the highest on your meter, there is so much stuff at play here that it's pretty scary.

The biggest worry I have, frankly, is the kids. No matter how any parent tries to cover stuff up, the kids understand and see a lot more than they'd expect. I saw some pretty dysfunctional things from my mom and between my parents/stepparent and it left me a lot to work on as an adult. My mom was 'only' mildly bipolar. This seems like a bigger deal.

If your kids aren't in counseling, you might want to talk to the therapist if that would be something they'd recommend. I'm sorry that you have to be the one dealing with so much here and I wish you the best of luck.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
annoyedman1976
♂ New Member
Member # 37155
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, October 6th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, i have just checked out BPD family and will do some reading.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2012
annoyedman1976
♂ New Member
Member # 37155
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wife was diagnosed with BPD Borderline Personality Disorder today with a psychiatrist today at mental health. Her case worker will work with us to get her into DBT therapy and psychotherapy. Hopefully a step in the right direction. Thanks.

Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 32
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