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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 30
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, November 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP.. soon, you are going to be at some good peace. My advice to you is do not get rattled. Take what is rightly yours and be fair. Come to this end in love, not anger, not revenge. Good things happen to those who are good. This will be you. Work hard at being a qaulity man like I know you are.. reading those good books and applying them to your life. Your are going to be bless soon. The freedoms you are about to have will be very good for you if you become.. That quality masculine postive man.

Teach..

win me over with consistency over time

Never allow your H to NOT be consistent. This is the new YOU. You believe that next time there will be no trauma for you. Any bad behaviors, signs of not loving you like a man is suppose to love you, is going to be addressed with conflict. Healthy conflict, yes, maybe yes in fear, but with courage. It is YOUR H’s choice to be a good man or not. Not yours. You just demand good behaviors. And YOU become a quality woman. Forgive. Never let any man tell you "fake it until you make it" when you make the choice to forgive, it is real, not fake. You make the choice to forgive. The final phase of forgiveness from the heart will come later...

IMO, You are ready to forgive. Forgiving is not easy. You cannot ever again make him feel guilty. This means, you make the choice to not ask any more questions. You know it all anyway. It was all evil. I can tell you what they did. Do you want to know again? I can give you every detail. The details are always all the same. When you fail to forgive, and you likely will, you pick yourself up again, and try again.

I did not mean to make you cry or hurt you. I closed my eyes for months and months not seeing what my W was doing to love me again. Your H may not be doing all necessary. It is up to you to KNOW what good behavior is about.. not controlling, not manipulation, but all loving. Then YOU apply it… Love is kind, Love is patient, Love is not self seeking, Love doe not keep records of wrongs, Love always protects. Love will bring you peace again.

Love always protects. When you love yourself, you protect yourself. I am not going to allow my H to come home at 2 am. I will protect myself by not being around such a man. When my wife moves into a different bedroom, I protect myself; I will not be around such a woman who makes that choice. That women's choice is ruled by selfish broken mental feelings.

Feelings come and go. Feelings can be bad or good. It is up to us to place ourselve in good thoughts. With good thoughts bring feelings.. Good feelings.

A quote I fell in love with when FNF posted it here on the LTA board..I live this today. It took me way too long to get here. Every word means so much, can have a million words behind it... it changed me because I now live it...

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


personal effort!
Fight for it!
insist upon it!
never become lax!
a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever!

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:39 AM, November 26th (Monday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, November 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and extended weekend.

There is also an older book by James Dobson- Love Must Be Tough. He is a Christian author and very much in favor of marriage.

NJgal: Thanks so much for recommending this book. I got the digital download and just got around to reading it. Lots of the books I read were hit and miss but didn't tackle my specific scenario but this one did. I mean it hit everything I had done (right and wrong) and felt and also described my wife and her reactions and behaviors perfectly. This was even more confirmation that I am headed in the right direction no matter the outcome.

Just a general update: I am still doing my own thing and being a "quality" man as Tryn put it. I called to make an appointment for some IC counseling for me. While I am making good progress on my own I really like this counselor that we went to last year. My wife has been all over the place the last few weeks with me doing my own thing so things will be coming to a head at some point and I figure I better be ready with the counseling already lined up.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 1:23 PM, November 26th (Monday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope all over there had a good and peaceful Thanksgiving. It seems to have been very quiet in the LTA house over the holidays, so I hope that the inactivity is a good sign.

Honest,

still have evacuees staying with me from the hurricane

Wow, hope you’re holding up okay. Take care!

DP –
Things seem to be moving on in a more positive way for you, so that's good. stick with what you know to be right, carry on in the same way as you have and things will turn out better than you have hoped.
The DVO is the most unfair thing and damaging to your relationship with your children, so hopefully that will be withdrawn. Keep ahead of things, anticipate so you are prepared and keep going. You are a good man and so I am going to echo Tryn’ when I say that good things will happen to you.

7yrs,
Sounds like you are coming on at a pace. The reading of Tough Love may well help you stay a step back and be able to communicate with your wife in a confident way so that you get the best outcome for everyone. Especially you and the children.

So we had a pleasant weekend away to see friends in Spain - I've come back subdued. The wife is going in for an operation on Thursday to remove a leaking breast implant after cancer surgery 20yrs ago. She had a hysterectomy at 21, more surgery for more cancers for about 10yrs but has been clear since. They moved to Spain 10yrs ago when her DH had an aneurism and decided life in London was too stressful. We’ve not been out to see them since d-day. WH was texting MOW many times a day at all hours while we were out there, pretending it was work. fWH used to stay with them when they lived in London and he would still stay even if the husband wasn’t there. So, naturally, I have assumed that there was inappropriate behaviour between WH and the wife. Mr UKg has insisted not, but he’s a proven liar, so I don’t really believe him. And now I feel bad because I said nothing about my own (cosmetic) surgery and said nothing about the real reason why we haven’t been out. But she would have denied it even if they had something going on back then. I like both of them a lot, but fWH has destroyed my ability to believe and trust people we have a common connection with. And so I couldn’t really relax in the way I should have been able to.

And then I come home in the hope that MOW hasn’t been on Linkedin since she’d been quiet for almost a week, but she had. This morning, she was back to the top. fWH’s page is very busy, so she has dropped off the list again (but not before I caught the screenshot). fWH says he will not engage when I suggested he sent a curt message telling her to stay off his profile. I have thought about joining and sending her the simple message “I do know how often you are looking at Mr UKg’s page and I have taken screenshots of you doing so. Maybe it’s time you stopped.” Or sending it all in the post to her BH and deal with the shit when it flies. Of course, if Mr UKg had told me and then nipped it in the bud telling her to fuck off the first time he saw her name….. I have to accept he is just weak and spineless. Sadly.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 11:20 AM, November 27th (Tuesday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrsflushed-
I'm glad that the book was helpful.
I think it is helpful in terms of understanding how the tough love approach helps in cases where the WS is not 100% committed to R.
Stay strong.
You may start seeing some changes in your WW soon.

Ukgirl-
Oh my......
are you saying that you suspect your WH had a EA/PA with the woman that you visited this weekend?
sigh....I'm sorry if that's the case.
Here you had a chance to enjoy some time away and instead you have triggers there too.

Meanwhile...back to the linkedin saga...
Is there any way that your husband could log in to the site under a different name? This way he can check on it but the OW would not see him on there?

If you're right and she's not just looking for the sake of looking....if she's looking in the hopes that he will see her there and he will connect with her...
then, if she never sees him log on she may quit?

could he create a fake name and log in under that?

I know people do that on Facebook so that they can stalk... LOL.

or could he just avoid going on there for a few months?
does he really need to go on often?

ignoring and shunning the OW may be the way to get rid of her.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mrs Espana is one of those people who treats both sexes as “mates”. Slap on the back, laugh a lot, entertain, drink, hugs, kisses on both cheeks – treats everyone pretty much the same. She’s dealt with a lot in her life, including a poor little rich boy for a husband who retired at 44. But he’s nice enough, laid back and affable to her highly strung workaholic nature. But. Before they were m’d in 1997 (and soon after, I think), Mr UKg and Mrs Espana did have a certain rapport. Maybe I’m seeing it with hindsight (which can put a negative film on things) and nothing actually went on. But there are some occasions I remember – and the reason those moments embedded in my memory is because something was not quite right. Y’know? But I have to let that go now. If they did, it was short and they probably agreed it was best to not carry on. I’m just suspicious having found out about two other affairs that he still denies. How can you deny a std? Well, it seems he can!

I’m very fond of both of them. I’m certainly not going to bring anything up when what she is about to go through is pretty horrific.

The Linkedin thing is a no go. He has the screen up all day to keep up on updates and people do contact him through it. He won't change how he works and seeing that it does work for him, I'd be the same.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So UKgirl...

Are you happy?

Is your M what you want it to be?


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fWH says he will not engage when I suggested he sent a curt message telling her to stay off his profile.

UKgirl, the last line of your profile suggested you were staying in your M but you had one foot out the door. Does your H know that is how you feel? If he knows you aren't all in then he has no real incentive to tell you everything and put the hammer down on OW for the linkedin contact. With a history with OW as you described in your profile I think if you don't demand that he kill it completely then she will never stop looking.

I could be off but it sounds like he still hasn't given you all the info you require and he definitely isn't making you feel safe since he hasn't sent OW another NC letter/message concerning the Linkedin stuff.

Also there are tons of other social connection sites, google+, facebook, etc. I am sure plenty of others I am not aware of besides linkedin. He could join one of those that has better block/privacy options to do whatever he needs to do.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Howdy! I had the baby Sunday morning, the 25th, after 35 hours of labor (5 days late). I did go into labor on my own, but we made the decision to augment it with some pitocin at about 28 hours in and that finally brought his head low enough to break my water and finish it up about an hour and 45 min before he was born.

It was a regular delivery, but my second hardest birth so I'm still quite tired and sore. I've been instructed to do next to nothing other than eat sleep and feed the baby for the first 2 weeks and then very little additional for the month after that.

Baby M3 is very strong and healthy. He was 8lbs 12oz and 20 inches. I'm healing well to and will follow my instructions.

Mr. M3 is a very proud papa and the children are thrilled, though Miss Paddy finds being a Big Sister a little stressful (all the responsibility!)

Hope you are all well.

Much love, m3


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m334455,

Congratulations on an uneventful and successful delivery of a big healthy boy.

UKgirl,

I understand that LinkedIn is unique, especially for business, compared to all of the many social network sites. As an example, I have access to LinkedIn through work, but not Facebook. I also have many more contacts on my LinkedIn than friends on Facebook.

I am not a linkedIn expert, but I wonder if OW showing up could be a function of how LinkedIn stores and shows views rather than actual views by OW? I suspect Mr. UKguy has the upgraded LinkedIn and it will indicate who viewed and when. My version shows me how many and identifies some, but over the last 3 months. I know some of the contacts shown each time have not repeatedly viewed my profile.

Otherwise, I am inclined to suggest maintaining NC is the best option. If you send the copies to OW BS then she will know that she has your attention. I understand that it is really hard to get to acceptance in your M after an A when the WS has not done their part to purge the ghosts no matter how well they are doing in the present.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3968 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello All - I thought I would post here to say hello. I posted my lengthy story under Just Found Out but basically I found out 6 weeks ago that my wife has had an on and off relationship with OM1 for the last 14 years. We have been married for the last 10 years and were together 4 years before that. There have been good days and bad days and I have been working on getting through it all. I finally was able to get NC this last weekend with OM1 so things are doing better than they were before and we are working on R.

Thank you all for this wonderful website, it has been a big help in my healing process. I wish you all strength as you deal with your own reasons why you are here. Just knowing I am not the only one going through this has been helpful for me.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 406 | Registered: Nov 2012
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3: Congratulations!!! I am so happy for a safe delivery for you and the birth of your baby boy!! I love to hear good news!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi M3

Congrats honey and BIG HUGS.

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats M3!!!


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
deeppurple
♂ Member
Member # 28757
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M3 - Wonderfull news...congratulations & hugs.


Reunite - welcome to our corner of SI. Sorry you are here. The tribe are truelly an incredible group of caring people. Take care.

As for DP - meeting next week with lawyer pre-mediation meeting - thought I might start looking at some real estate this w/e just to see whats on offer.

Take care tribe.

& M bigs hugs for big sister Paddy.


Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

Posts: 522 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay strong.
You may start seeing some changes in your WW soon.

This is the hard part for me. I tried to R by myself and did it incorrectly for so long that some days it's just hard to keep pushing. I am just glad that I woke up.

What I have essentially been doing for the last month with some minor setbacks is telling her if she wants to leave then leave. Go build her house and live the life she feels like she missed out on. The book described her perfectly as the "New woman". Her entire fantasy fit the "new woman" model completely. She even hit all the self-rationalization points in the book, she can find happiness this way, her career is all consuming, the kids will be okay, God even wants this for her and is okay with it. How you deal with this new woman is to basically let them go and do their own thing. There fantasy will eventually run out of steam. They are like a teenager the more you fight the more it reinforces the fantasy for them. Once you remove the resistance they eventually run out of steam and come back to reality. I stopped trying to rationalize with her concerning all of it.

One of the last chapters in the books warns that one consequence of tough love for the "victims" (he refers to BS's as victims) is we can totally detach and once the WS comes back the BS may no longer want the marriage anymore. He warns that our job while they come back to reality is not to "kill" the marriage and be there when they return if we choose to stay. This is my problem. I am detaching from my wife which is good for me mentally but if I can I don't want my family destroyed. She is still saying and taking actions towards her fantasy but it has been losing steam and it gets pushed further out. She even made a comment about possibly going back to counseling herself but I will believe it when I see it.

So know I have a decision to make. I am going back to counseling for myself to try to figure out exactly what I want. Well I want my family to not be fractured and to heal but she must go to counseling for herself to facilitiate that. I have screwed around doing the wrong things for over a year. Now I am doing the right things for myself and it feels good. Now that I am finally getting into my right mind I am even more focused on the kids and the long term impact on them so I want to keep fighting longer if I can.

I knew when I made the decision not to leave 1.5 years ago that this was a war. Even though I have always lacked patience I guess I do have a bit of it after all. However my reserves are low. I know it's not a race and it takes time. I have grown from this unfortunate mess but now do I have the patience to wait around for my W to wake the hell up. I am going to keep focusing on myself and talk it through with the counselor.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 yrs flushed-
You are doing the right thing.
Open the door and let her go. Don't beg her to stay if that is not what she wants.
And focus on yourself and your own well being.
What are you doing for you?
IC is a good start.
Are you exercising? seeing friends? getting enough sleep?
If you have children are you focusing on them?
You don't have to make a decision about divorce right away.
Just detach and take care of yourself for awhile.
And... if your WW takes a long time to wake up from the 'fog'
and you no longer want her back-so be it.
It's on her to convince you and to win you back.

Right after d-day I kicked my FWH out of the house.
I had not found SI at the time and I had not even read any books on infidelity. I did not know anything about tough love or the 180.
I was just acting on pure adrenalin. I was beyond shocked.
I told him to leave and go to the OW! I emailed the OW and told her that they were free to spend as much time together as they wanted now.
And what happened? crickets....
neither one ever contacted the other again.
All those years of the affair and then nothing?
These LTAs are so crazy...so unlike anything that we as BS can relate to.
My husband calls it insanity.
Maybe he's right.

But,regardless...all you can do at this point is take care of yourself.
Keep us posted as to how things progress.

M33- Congratulations on the new baby! So happy that mother and son are doing well.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What are you doing for you?
IC is a good start.
Are you exercising? seeing friends? getting enough sleep?
If you have children are you focusing on them?

I am actually okay. I turned to physical exercise to cope immediately after Dday so I am fine physically. I started going out again and I do get enough sleep. I am spending lots of time with the kids. I met with a lawyer a few months ago. I guess I am trying to decide if she does come around if I even want to take her back but like you said I don't have to make that choice right now.

ETA: It's that I can't take her back even if she wants to come back unless she works through her issues. If she doesn't resolve her issues then it will happen again or I will be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. So I guess I kind of answered my own question.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:14 PM, November 28th (Wednesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone.

I answered my own question from last week: what am I searching for when I ask about a certain event in the past and what my WW was thinking at the time?

One of the kind ladies here suggested that it was the 'why'. I think it is a close relative of that rhetorical question.

I am asking what she thought to see if I was not 2nd choice, to see if she actually loved me, and if yes to both of those, how could she choose to be so cruel and callous for so long?

Boil all that down and I get: who was I married to?

Now, I will post tomorrow or soon thereafter my own revelations about myself. I have never been a 'quality man' in tryn's vernacular. Until now maybe. Same for her.

Like I've said b4 growing up at 45 is hard to do. Why did getting here from there have to be so painful?

Time to read tryn's dialogues on forgiveness. Again.


[This message edited by MC_Jack at 10:09 PM, November 28th (Wednesday)]


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
0115
♀ Member
Member # 31740
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33....35 hours?!?!?

Good grief you are a saint!! I hope that little one makes it up to you in dandelions, sloppy kisses and I wuv you's.

Congratulations


BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 997 | Registered: Apr 2011
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, November 29th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boil all that down and I get: who was I married to?
So much truth here. I asked myself this question so many times and finally came to the realization that I didn't know who I married with the exception of she is a very selfish person. I just didn't know how selfish.

I have never been a 'quality man' in tryn's vernacular. Until now maybe. Same for her.
the way I see it very few of us go into marriage knowing the right things to do. however many of us go in with unrealistic expectations of how marriage should be. If we are lucky both spouses have the common sense to figure it out along the way problems and all but some choose the easy way out.

Like I've said b4 growing up at 45 is hard to do. Why did getting here from there have to be so painful?
I will be 37 this year and I completely agree. I actually figured it out during the middle of my wife's A. I couldn't figure out why she would not respond but it was because there were 3 people in the marriage and no matter what I did it wouldn't be good enough. Then Dday hits and it screws you all up. It makes rediscovering or discovering things about yourself that much harder. You second guess everything. Once you start to get it you then wonder why your spouse didn't choose to work together to resolve the issue in the first place. If you love someone you don't just give up and go screw around to make yourself feel better. I find myself thinking all the time, "Really we couldn't have sat down like rational adults and discussed and resolved our marital issues...it had to come to this." Thus the constant who the "F" did I marry and who are you questions.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
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