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User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 30
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, December 10th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack: I feel your pain man. These A's are the gifts that just keep on giving. TT or finding something out on your own is the worse. IMO it can actually reset you back to DDay depending on what you find out. It trully is the worst thing I had to deal with in this entire ordeal.

Here is a question for all: Why did our WS's find it acceptable to have us believe (even work to make us believe) something that was not true for so long?

The answer is they are broken people and they in some cases don't even know why they did it but it does make you sit there and wonder WTF kind of a person lies to their spouses face so convincingly for so long. I gave up on trying to figure out why. It's up to my wife to find that out for herself if she can ever get around to fixing herself. For me, it's no longer about what is wrong with my wife, it's about my kids not coming from a broken home and hoping the W will eventually get her act together and not destroy this family even further. The only thing keeping me here is I know she is still struggling with herself. She still can't sleep is stressed and it's starting to show more and more. It's harder for her to put on the happy face each day and live whatever story she tells herself everyday. Pushing me away didn't work, getting the dog didn't work, focusing on volunteering didn't work, if she ever does move out that won't work either. At some point you have to wake up and face yourself and really deal with your issues. I know my wife is broken. She knows it deep down but still hasn't completely figured it out enough to proactively fix her problems. I just hope she actually goes through with going to the counseling sessions. And at the end of it all if she does go and fix herself we still may not end up together.


For me: why am I afraid of letting go?

I fought with this one for along time as well. For me the glass has been half full but fear kept pourign the water out and I kept having to run tot he faucet and fillit halfway again. I feared her cheating again, being by myself, what would happen to the kids, what would people think, how would I handle being in the house by myself when she had the kids on her week, so much fear. Slowly through either understanding, just being tired, or dumb luck, I realized the only thing I could control was my fear. I guess you could say I feared being stuck in a constant state of anxiety and angst for the rest of my life more than I feared the things I listed above. So I let some of the fear go and stopped running to the faucet. Now I just look at the glass as half empty but I am not spilling anymore water out.

Last week I made the decision to give that metaphorical glass of water to my wife. I chose to stop monitoring her completely. I had never found anything so far and all I did was tire myself out and keep worrying. I also stopped looking for old stuff. I know they talk about the stages of grieving with the last being acceptance. Well I think I just accepted last week that my marriage may in fact be over. I still hope that's not the case but it is a strong possibility. I am by no means happy about this but I feel like I did what I could so now the only thing I can do now is wait. So I no longer fear letting go since I guess I have let go and I am floating. It's up to my wife now if she wants to reach out and pull me back in or not. We either move further apart or she gets her act together.

I can no longer accept a M like we had before. If my W actually fixes herself, we will literally be starting from square one. Will I have the energy or desire to move forward? If we get to that point maybe she will see what I have been through to try to save our marriage and she will carry her share of building a new marriage. Either way she can either empty the glass with her actions of slowly fill it up over time. I have done what I can to this point so it's up to her now and I will just deal with the decision she makes.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 2:57 PM, December 10th (Monday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1574 | Registered: May 2011
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, December 10th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MCJack
Glad your WW is remorseful, providing support, and engaging sexually.
It will make it much easier to find your way to a good place.

Hey folks,
Attended my Nephew's wedding this weekend and during the reception they announce Johnny Menziel as the newest Heisman trophy winner. The place broke into a roar with hundreds of Aggies singing theur war gymn. Pretty soon all of the other SEC school fans will know the workds all too well.

Personally, the wedding was tough for me and I let my WW know before hand. Her support was tepid.

Things have not been going well over the past few weeks. Last night we talked:
- She has no desire to be my wife
- She has put herself after the needs of the kids and me
- She is surpirsed I am still bitter about her A.
- She had the A because their was an opportunity and it made her feel good.
- At times she is optimistic about the M. But now she is very unhappy.
- She wants time to herself. She is busy. We approach schedules differently. She likes to keep busy; I like to just relax.
She doesn't like to see me in pain and she should get out of my life.

I told her that I would be better off with her in my life (as a true wife). If whe wanted me to get out of her life, I would do that. It no longer matters why, it is just that her behaviour towards me is absent of love.

WW looked so, so sad.

IMO (which does not matter). She got very little, if anything, out of IC. She needs to self justify that her choice to have an A was a reasonable one. She dislikes things about herself and it is easier to put the onus on my faults rather than facing her own.

Our lives will be different, not necessarily better, Yes, the absence of the day to day paing felt by each of us should lessen more quickly. Yes, I will be able to find a woman that appreciates me and the person I am.

We both will lose the joy of our shared experiences over the years. We will both suffer a loss in our finacial standing. Two houesholds; increased in expenses as we no longer compliment each other in maintenance activities. Our children will lose a balanced / united guidance from their parents and most likely will be negatively impacted in ways I cannot imagine.

While my heart is filled with sadness, it has begun to heal from the actions of the one who I committed to protect and promised to do the same. There have been some tragic items in my life) and none of them have come close to causing the devastation of infidelity.

Peace to all this holiday season and for the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:19 AM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi H&C

Great to "hear" from you.

I am SOOOOO sorry your M has reached this point.

if she ever does move out that won't work either

Of course it won't. Because the problem is with her, not the M. She chased after solutions by screwing OM. But that was never going to give her the answer.

This whole f...ing infidelity shit is just so sad!!!!

I wish I knew the answer. So many of us wish we knew the answers. So often on here people talk about the WS being "broken" and needing to understand their own brokenness.

Personally, I think there are some - not allwho are just broken and there isn't a reason. They just ARE! I look at my FWH who really is trying hard and really wants to save the M and I have very little respect for him. I try to respect him because I know he is trying. He gave up his OWs over night. He TRIES to do the right thing by me. There are lots of good things about him. I try to focus on these. But there are so many not so good things. Things that I have pushed aside over the years. Most of these are now gone or hidden.

eg. He was (is) one of the most racist people I know (learnt from his FOO - it's one of the main reasons I refuse to speak to his mother now.....her racist rants really piss me off ) I just hated hearing the venom spewing from her mouth. As a good DIL I kept my feelings to myself until dday. So many of his family are like this. I despise them. Now he keeps his comments to himself. Now and then something will peek out. It is still there but hidden. He knows how furious that crap makes me so he hides it. But it IS STILL THERE!

I truly think that for some the brokenness is still there. Some want to change it and try and can. Some try and just can't.

Hoping for happiness for you

BIG HUGS

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 1:19 AM, December 11th (Tuesday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, December 11th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is a question for all: Why did our WS's find it acceptable to have us believe (even work to make us believe) something that was not true for so long?

I think it's because they are cowards. An affair is nothing more than running away from what ails you. What's that phrase? A hit of coke, a fifth of booze, a different vagina -- it's all the same thing ...


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Friends

Saw this on FB today, read M33's post and couldn't resist. I thought of you all

BIG HUGS to all

Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 1:18 AM, December 12th (Wednesday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah, great. So that's how it is, huh?


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
mitz66
♀ Member
Member # 17888
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Everyone: It is tough to see the pain written, but I am still glad SI is here. I post occasionally, lurk almost daily though.

Update on me-

WS and I live separate due to me moving and he stating a million reasons why he could not move with me at the time. Work, his adult children etc. So 4 yrs later he is actually taking action to move, closed business, selling house. He comes where I am and spends 2 weeks here. He has had contact with ow, it never stopped although he said she was only a work acquaintence.

I went to pay the phone bill and found 12 calls to her over the two weeks from our house phone. I confronted him last night. This man has been gaslighting me for years. It was hard to hear he wanted a good marriage with trust when he continually lies. He justified his actions, I did not back down. He made more promises that I don't believe. He cannot/will not see that it is wrong to have continued contact with this woman that he has had a pa/ea with for our entire marriage. He said he will tell her today that they will never have contact again. I do not believe him.

The line has been drawn. Her or I take your pick. At this point I told him I am indifferent to him and he has continually sliced off pieces of my heart with each lie and contact.

Well that is my rant for today. Have a good day LTA survivors.


Me:44 BS Him:43 WH
M May 07 Adult kids
DDay #1 Pics on cell jly 07
Jan08 DDay #2 "Just Friends" admits EA DDay #3 July 2010 - he insisted on platonic contact ..False R - until Dec 2010 admits PA in April 07
Dec 2012 NC succeeded

Posts: 542 | Registered: Jan 2008
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

'morning all.

m334455, we expect more than oneline posts to update us with all thAt is going on in your life....or maybe time for just oneline posts tells us all we need to know?

Nice card Laura.

mitz66, I am sorry you have to keep dealing with such cluelessness from your WH.

Pretty soon all of the other SEC school fans will know the workds all too well.

A belated welcome to the SEC. I was going to make a wise-ass crack about SEC expansion teams and Vanderbilt, but y'all did beat Alabama.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is a question for all: Why did our WS's find it acceptable to have us believe (even work to make us believe) something that was not true for so long?
I think it's because they are cowards. An affair is nothing more than running away from what ails you. What's that phrase? A hit of coke, a fifth of booze, a different vagina -- it's all the same thing ...

Yep

MC_Jack... All I can say is that you will hurt for several more months. Your mind will go over and over until it slowly starts to have less and less impact on feelings. Just focus on staying in the right frame of mind... Be the quality man and NEVER accept bad behavior.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Teach8
♀ Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33...right on...they are just addicted to the thrill and rush of it all aren't they? Whatever makes them feel good. They are like children. ((LTA Tribe))


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 468 | Registered: Aug 2012
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been lurking here and there too. Just wanted to give hugs to everyone.

NPD is going to have triple bypass on Friday. Of course I'm playing "Nancy Nurse" because I don't have it in me to kick him to the curb right now, but my heart is breaking.

I think I'm finally coming out of the "bargaining" stage and more into acceptance of what has happened and I guess I've been mourning.

Still so scared to take the next step, but I know I have to.

Still have the hurricane evacuees with me and Mom is relentless with her demands.

I'm sooooo drained.

{{{Tribe}}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest - hang in there. ATS -- I'll do my best to do a proper update soon :) This is CHAOS.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, December 13th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest, 1st ((honesttoafault))

Next, the nice thing about having more on your plate than you can get to in a day is that it makes little difference whether you finish 75% or 90% of what people expect of you. Someone will be upset with you regardless. So my advice is that as long as the demands are overwhelming, be sure to carve a couple of periods of me time out of your day. These should be more than 20 minutes and less than an hour. Sure, if you do this you won't get everything done, but you weren't going to anyway. Your Mom will still make demands, NPD will still have needs. Nothing will change except you get some time to be and recharge.

Hi mitz66, thanks for the update.

7yf, how are you doing?


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, December 14th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey all hope everyone is being safe leading up to the Xmas holiday. I just read a post in general that made me want to ask a question. For those of us that had to deal with LTA's, are the holidays always going to make you feel like crap? I just can't get into it anymore. I put on the good face for my children but for me it's really just kind of bleh and I want it to be over with. All the non-children realted memories associated with the holidays from the past are now tainted. Maybe it gets better with time as I make new memories. The only thing that keeps me somewhat upbeat is the excitement of my kids.

7yf, how are you doing?
Doing okay for the most part. I have been pretty level for the last 2 weeks. I don't think it's "lethal plane of flatness" level but I am in a good space. I am just focusing on myself and the kids and really trying to figure out exactly what I want. The detaching is going well for me and I have another counseling session today so we will see. I kind of want the holidays to be over so I can start making some plans and setting some goals for myself and the kids. That is the kind of stuff I used to do so I am starting to feel somewhat normal again. Hopefully it lasts for a bit.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1574 | Registered: May 2011
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, December 14th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrsflushed

You are still deeply hurt. It gets better as your mind processes your pain. You just get to a point you accept. A bad thing happened to me. So you know, I had the very same feelings you have today.

Today, I donít hurt near like what I once hurt. On a scale today of 1 being no hurt to 10 the worst hurt, I might on some days feel a 2 or 3. Most days are a 0. I can think about anyoneís infidelity without my thoughts of negativity.

It might be like if you have a scar, you can look at that scar on your body and remember that day it happened. You can remember that pain that day and going to the hospital, the days that followed taking care of that womb. But you donít have that feelings of ouch, both from a mental or physical point.

I lost a special pride I have for my wife. I do not view her as a special person like once. I can brag she is a great cook, looks good, good hard worker and things like that, but as someone who is good at love, she is not. I donít look at her and think, now that is a damn good woman. I view her a flawed in many ways.

Her dad had a heart attack shortly after my dday. Inside me, I felt glad, satisfied, she hurt. Recently, her bother had a stroke and she felt great pain. I did not have those same feelings. I hurt because she hurt and did not feel glad, satisfied she was hurting.

Today, my gifts I give her bring me some joy, some happiness, a smile, and good feelings. A gift back during my pain was me being nice.

I no longer cry. I have not cried in over a year of what she did.

Her discussing men at her office give me this cautious feeling but I am confident. I just donít care if she wants another man. She can have that man.

I was very confused about love of touch. Sex was that much important to me back then. Sex is very meaningful to me and does mean love of touch, but I do get a woman much more today then I once did.

Occasionally, I have look at our phone records. So I donít completely feel safe. I never find anything but my W is way to smart to even do that these days. Phone records tell the story. You text, you call a man often, you are having feeling for that man. And if I find that going on, I will leave her. No arguments, no debate, I will not ever go through this again.

I am firm in my values. I have courage today and I am not afraid to stand up for my values and I just could give a damn about her feelings when I confront. I am much more forward with the words ďI WantĒ.

I am very conscious and cautious about being a quality man. I think about things before I say them. I try hard not to bring on any feelings of guilt to my wife. I do this to protect my own feelings. I make extra effort to be loving. I have made this the new me.

When Tiger Woods infidelity was exposed, I had anger toward Tiger. I posted on his web site what a scum sucking pig he is and vowed to never buy any product he promotes. I wanted to see him punished. When General Petraeus was exposed, I felt pity on that fool. What a dumb man I thought. I had no anger and did no actions.

I still have fantasies about a future married to another woman. But equally, I have fantasies about my being old and my wife taking care of me with Alzheimer. I think, that will be Gods way of getting even. I know I shouldnít but I do have those thoughts.

I have had a few days where infidelity did escape my mind. No thoughts what so ever about it. I know coming here does force those thoughts to continue. There will be a day I no longer will be a part of this group to share things I learned for others who are on that path I walked.

So I am looking forward to Christmas this year. I donít have those feelings you describe.

You will get to my point. My wife did choose to love me. She never did everything I thought I needed but I accept it. I accept the way she is today. I open my eyes and can see all the loving things she does do for me. Most of which bring me happiness.

You will feel the same as me one day and/or better. It may be with your wife or without. Demand only good happy behavior from your wife and make sure she stays that way or she will not be in your world. I know way too many good quality woman are available, those woman dumped by fools who placed way too much value on their penis, ego and self gratification.

Peace brother.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you M3. I hope all is going well with your precious little one and give hugs to Baby Paddy!

Ats: thank you for your good advice, it really helped. LOL, you are absolutely right, I will NEVER get everything done, EVER!

Tryn: Your advice to others is really fantastic, and it is helping me too. Thank you.

I'm getting to the point of really starting to be able to let go. Codependent issues or whatever. The surgery went well, although NPD is still in a lot of pain.

Funny thing, God answered my prayer in an unexpected way tonight. NPD was in a lot of pain and pain meds weren't helping. I said The Lord's Prayer aloud and prayed to help NPD. When I was finished, all of a sudden I felt so calm. It really sank home that no matter what I do, no matter how "good" I am, no matter how nice and selfless I am, it will not change how NPD is and feels about me. I know he cares about me and loves me.....but not enough.
No matter how much I wish and try to change it and try to control it, I can't. I've tried for almost 25 years now.

I looked at him lying there in bed, in pain, but the color in his face is soooo much better. He is no longer gray. I realized that I do love this man with all my heart..... and I have to let him go.

It's so sad. But I'm not devastated. I'm mourning, and hurt, but I have to pick myself up and go on. I will help him with his recovery when he comes home and then he'll go back overseas again....

But I have to work on detachment so my heart will stop breaking. NPD was able to have open heart surgery for bypass, but there is no surgery for a broken heart...


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest.. you are so compassionate!Taking care of NPD and praying for his recovery. Wow, incredible. You are such a wonderful woman. The betrayal, the pain and yet you can still be caring.

I hope the New Year brings you more strength, peace, and happiness.


I lost a special pride I have for my wife. I do not view her as a special person like once. I can brag she is a great cook, looks good, good hard worker and things like that, but as someone who is good at love, she is not. I donít look at her and think, now that is a damn good woman. I view her a flawed in many ways.

Tryin... spot on. I too no longer see my wife as special. During part of her A, I was overseas and was always telling my friends and colleagues what a great person my wife was. I would send her loving notes telling her that she was a wonderful mom, talented, smart, beautiful, sexy and I was glad she was my wife. I would bring her special gifts when I would return home.

While visiting her parents over Thanksgiving, her mom commented to me how cute WW was and what a wonderful person she is (they do not know about her A). I could only respond with silence. And I now see the lines on her face,theravages of time which I never noticed before her A. I see herflaws. Her insecurities, herpassive-agrressiveness, her relationships with others,and onand on that I easily brushed off before her A noticing only the positieves.

And today, IMO, she is still unable to face what se did and its reflection on her. She still defends it to herself as it made her happy.

At the begginning of December, we had a deep conversation where I expressed the lack of support (emotionally) that I got from her and she responded with that we should D so she would no longer make me unhappy. Later in the week, she commented on how content I was and asked what had changes. "I significantly lowered my expectations of you. I saw the sadness in your face. And I have made a New Year's resolution to never bring up your A with you unless you ask me too." She looked pleased, then puzzled.

So I stuff down the pain, work on my own happiness, enjoy the time with my children, treat my WW nicely. But those special feelings for her have been stuffed away as well.


m3.. a belated congratulations!

7years.. I read your posts and see someone that is truly grounded, understands one self, and will be able to move forward.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, December 16th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't had time to catch up and really give a welcome to all the "newbies" here.

H&C: I was so sad to read that your WW still defends the A to herself and doesn't seem to feel remorse. At least remorse that she hurt you so deeply. So many WS's rationalize what they did because they don't want to face the fact that what they did was wrong, so they blameshift.
You are on the right track, focus on yourself, but don't stuff down the hurt. You need to work it through, either by talking to a friend or a therapist. Don't let it fester.

mitz: You need to decide what YOU want, forget about what WH wants. It's like you are starting a new marriage. Make your boundaries and let him know what they are. After 3.5 years I finally realized that when I was talking to NPD about my boundaries, he never really listened or got very defensive UNTIL last week I sat down with him and talked in a very unemotional matter of fact way. Just telling him that I was not telling him what to do, but that his actions hurt me. He could do whatever he wanted, but if the actions continued, I was hurt and had to detach emotionally for my own sanity. So, for you, Mitz, calmly tell WH what your boundaries are for the marriage to continue. If he cannot do it, neither can the marriage. It's hard to do this without getting upset, but you can do it.

7yrsflushed: The holidays are filled with triggers. It's a very tough time. All I can suggest is to focus on the traditions that YOU enjoy. Don't feel you have to keep up all the old traditions, especially the ones that are filled with triggers. Try some new traditions with the kids, perhaps some that you always wanted to do but never had time for. For example, when my first xWH left, I packed the kids in the car one night (on a school night so it was "special" for them) and we started taking a tour around the neighborhood to look at the lights on the houses. I played Christmas music on the radio and we had fun. This became OUR tradition.
I really understand the "Bah Humbug" feeling that comes. I seem to get it every year. But I have found that sometimes it's like a party you were invited to and don't really feel like going, but once you get there, you have a good time.

Hi Laura!! Good to see you.

Hugs to all the tribe.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, December 16th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h&c
why are you protecting your WW?
why haven't you told her parents about the LTA?
why create a fantasy that does not exist?
I am a mom and have 2 adult children.
I would NOT want their spouses to keep something like this a secret from me!
Infidelity affects the whole family. It affects your children-their grandchildren.
and you are talking about divorcing your WW.
Why wouldn't you want your in laws to know the truth?
why deceive more people?

I made a vow after d-day-that I would no longer keep my FWH's secrets.
I had covered for his alcoholism etc. for years-always trying to protect him, the kids, but also trying to protect my image our family's image.
It did no good and in fact I think it was very damaging.

I am also in favor to outting the affair partners due to what I found out about MOW's marriage and how her betrayed husband covered for her and rug swept her affairs over the years....
if he had confronted her in the past and made her face all the consequences of her behaviors-maybe her infidelities would have ended years ago!
He enabled her to continue hurting more and more people over the years.Including ultimately his own 3 children.

I feel very strongly about not keeping their secrets for them!

Trust me....
the truth will set you free


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, December 16th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi!

7yrs flushed -- I LOVE the holidays!!! And my Dday was Dec. 1 (actually the same day all the Tiger Woods stuff came out.) Now, the first Christmas sucked rocks, but now Nope.

By the way, I was just looking at some of my old Facebook posts, and there is a glowing review by me of a vacation we took with OW and her family -- where I now know WH was banging her whenever I turned my back. Made me think -- why do I let those dumbasses taint that memory? I had an awesome time!

Update around here: STILL chaos.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
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