Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Turtles (43206)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 30
Teach8
♀ Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP...I'm so sorry. I certainly hope you get to see your kids soon. ((DP))


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 468 | Registered: Aug 2012
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP-
So sorry that your WW is using your children as pawns.

What exactly is she so angry about?

She's the one that cheated.

Sometimes it seems like the WS are angry with the BS because they hold up a mirror to them and remind them of how immoral and uncaring and selfish they are.

Meanwhile, if they are around the affair partners they do not feel bad...the AP is like them and does not remind them of how low they have sunk.

Hopefully, the courts will see through all of this and you will be reunited with your children very soon.

Be totally honest and open with the judge about the reasons for the divorce, the infidelity, and document all of her nasty actions!

In my case I got to know the MOW's husband. We spoke on the phone a number of times and even met up in person once for coffee (to exchange email evidence). He was a very nice guy and wanted to protect his wife even after her betrayals.

Her first affair was in the 1980's-he forgave her, swept it under the rug, and kept her secrets. The result? she never had any consequences and continued to cheat throughout her marriage.

After d-day I contacted MOW's husband and was surprised to find out that he had known about the LTA for 2 yrs!
He never told anyone (including the MOW!).
He was getting his ducks in a row to divorce.

I so wish he had told me.

Anyway, he finally divorced her and called me to let me know. He said she showed zero remorse. Never apologized for the affair or any of her actions.
He also told me that the Xmas after d-day when he tried to bring some gifts to the children he was not allowed into the house.
The reason? the MOW had lied to her kids and family and friends and told everyone that the reason for the separation/divorce was the fact that HE was cheating on her!!!!
Yes...she was so sure that he would protect her image and keep her secret that she felt OK making him out to be the villain.

After he told me this story I told him that it was time to take off the kid gloves and tell everyone the truth.

Now that she was impacting his relationship with his children it was time to set everyone straight as to what really happened in the marriage!

Sorry,I went off on a tangent here ....
but it really makes me so angry when the WS villifies the BS and worse yet-tries to turn the children and family against the BS.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP...

Despite what you might think, your wife’s family will always be on your wife’s side. There is some sort of chemical bond in our brains.

You are going to win this in the long. Stay strong, good quality, and fight fair for your rights.

We both know the laws are against men. Your wife is evil right now and all we can do is hope she changes on her own. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Good things will come to you. Peace brother.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DP... I am so sorry. The pain of betrayal, infidelity in and of itself is almost an insurmountalbe one to deal with and overcome.

And to be denied contact with your precious children is a pain that I cannot begin to feel. My thoughts and wishes are with you for a much, much, much better 2013 and beyond.

When my children were infants, I wrote each of them a letter to be read far in the future expressing my love, committment, and hope for a fulfilling life ahead. Maybe you can do the same for your children now, seal them, and give them at a future time when you are reunited. Just a thought.

h%c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

droppin in to say hello, i hope everyone had a wonderful xmas and i hope in the new year we all attain a greatest dreams...

i only skimmed, but those of you who know me...i need to put my 2 cents in...

m3: the new baby is beautiful, how are the rest of the kids lovin "their" new baby? and how is baby paddy doin?

dp: i am so so sorry for all your pain, your wife will one day pay the price of choices.....and sadly until then it seems as though you and your precious children are paying it....i am praying for you andthem, i hope the new year brings you "new" happy life experiences

laura: i love that message from strong....it gives me a bit of boost....and of course regenerates the hope i have for a new future

honest: i too agree with allgood...for waaaay too long now you have let your fear guide you....when we make choices based in fear they are rarey if ever the correct choices....its time dear heart for you to move FORWARD to a bright future...and yes the path is scary as shit, but i think staying in a sich that is so hurtful and full of misery is scarier....i would much rather look forward then dwell in the past...i cannot change the past, i cannot undo what has been done, but i could take it and make it the bestest i can....

"it is what it is, and it can become what i make of it"...and i would think that making something out of it is much better then living with it

allgood: love that you are co-parenting so well, but losing you in the bargain does not do you any good.....you are allowed to move on, as much as i understand that sometimes rocking that boat only makes one seasick...sometimes its just what the boat needs to get to its destination.....

not sure if i am making any sense, i see it all in my head, not sure if the words are matching it though....so in that regard i have not changed too much...


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

droppin in to say hello, i hope everyone had a wonderful xmas and i hope in the new year we all attain a greatest dreams...

i only skimmed, but those of you who know me...i need to put my 2 cents in...

m3: the new baby is beautiful, how are the rest of the kids lovin "their" new baby? and how is baby paddy doin?

dp: i am so so sorry for all your pain, your wife will one day pay the price of choices.....and sadly until then it seems as though you and your precious children are paying it....i am praying for you andthem, i hope the new year brings you "new" happy life experiences

laura: i love that message from strong....it gives me a bit of boost....and of course regenerates the hope i have for a new future

honest: i too agree with allgood...for waaaay too long now you have let your fear guide you....when we make choices based in fear they are rarey if ever the correct choices....its time dear heart for you to move FORWARD to a bright future...and yes the path is scary as shit, but i think staying in a sich that is so hurtful and full of misery is scarier....i would much rather look forward then dwell in the past...i cannot change the past, i cannot undo what has been done, but i could take it and make it the bestest i can....

"it is what it is, and it can become what i make of it"...and i would think that making something out of it is much better then living with it

allgood: love that you are co-parenting so well, but losing you in the bargain does not do you any good.....you are allowed to move on, as much as i understand that sometimes rocking that boat only makes one seasick...sometimes its just what the boat needs to get to its destination.....

not sure if i am making any sense, i see it all in my head, not sure if the words are matching it though....so in that regard i have not changed too much...

i also hit submit b4 i was ready.... again....no changes...

dip: still grillin i saw...good for you....

life in the miracle house has been quite volatile these days...manchild has lots of anger issues...seems he picked up where pfm has left off with the temper tantrums....pfm continues to do stupid really well, and apparently so does manchild....

the latest pfm comment: "i dont understand why you (me) won't just try on our marriage, after all, all i did was cheat"!!!

i am workin, working and workin....i love what i do, but not where i work so much....so much drama, like i really need more drama in my life..
i wil be revising my resume and start looking actively for a new job in the new year...

h&c...from what little i have read of your posts, you are an amazing man with an amazing heart....

ok...time for me to get some sleep, i have work early tomorrow...

main thoughts...i wish all the bestest happiest new year ever!!!may we all find that what we need most!!!!

much love and of course many many hugs to all

[This message edited by iwantamiracle at 10:55 PM, December 27th (Thursday)]


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Miracle

Wonderful to hear from you. Thank you for your good wishes for the New Year. I would like to be the first of the tribe to wish the same for you and yours except

"i dont understand why you (me) won't just try on our marriage, after all, all i did was cheat"!!!

PFM

I had to read this statement several times until I was sure I hadn't misunderstood. After all these years, yes, he still does stupid so very well. I am actually surprised he is still standing. Several smacks upside the head are clearly needed to unscramble his addled brain. Then again, forget that. You might hurt your hand and I doubt the smacks would help

HUGS honey

Thanks for checking in
Laura

[This message edited by Laura28 at 11:26 PM, December 27th (Thursday)]


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, December 27th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes it seems like the WS are angry with the BS because they hold up a mirror to them and remind them of how immoral and uncaring and selfish they are
.
NJgal, you are absolutely correct with this. Really feel this tonight after a big fight with NPD.

{{{{{{DP}}}} I am so very sorry for what you are going through. It's terrible what she's doing with the kids. I really don't understand why you can't see them for so long. It's cruel for you and them.

Miracle: It's so good to see you. We've missed you sooooo much.

the latest pfm comment: "i dont understand why you (me) won't just try on our marriage, after all, all i did was cheat"!!!
OMG!! It's so ridiculous that I actually laughed when I read that!! Doing stupid well is an understatement!!! Please come and visit us more often, Miracle. YOu need to vent!!

I'm so tense and angry right now. Just had a huge fight with NPD where he was screaming and yelling. Despite all the details that I think I was trying to explain to him, (why should I bother anyway?) I realized the point was that he makes a lot of plans and doesn't consult me, like inviting people over at the last minute. I finally realized it was the point of me not being consulted that bothered me and said so, where he went off and yelled and screamed that I never want people over, blah blah blah.

In the middle of his yelling, I told him that I would be glad to discuss this further with him when he calms down and left the room (yeah me)
He still continued to yell.
I finally realized, that there is no respect for me.

I have been taking care of him since he came, taking him to doctors etc. Going to the hospital spending hours there (an hour drive to get there), waiting on him hand and foot since he came home Dec. 18, trying to do all the Christmas stuff. Did he buy me a present? Of course not. Today he said would it be ok if he gave me some money for Christmas instead of a present. The man spends hours on the computer and it doesn't occur to him to buy something, anything from there when he's often done so in the past? I'm drained beyond belief and he invites his whole family for new years, even though he said he'll order in food which he is discussing with his aunt about. and me saying something about not being consulted about all this, I get screamed at?

I'm done.

I know that I'll have to spend the next few days, or perhaps the next few weeks with him giving me the silent treatment.
Oh well.

Sorry for the vent. Wasn't going to, but it just started.

I'm sooooo angry and hurt and felt like I was slapped and stabbed.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sooooo angry and hurt and felt like I was slapped and stabbed.

Honest.. I can only say that my thoughts and hopes for a happy and serene life come your way.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...the next few days, or perhaps the next few weeks with him giving me the silent treatment.

honest, you say that as though it is a bad thing.

Hi iwam, glad to see you are still alive, sorry to see you now have pfm x 2 in your house.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3967 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
old dipstick
♂ Member
Member # 25598
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest.

You are right NPD does not respect you. NPD only cares about NPD. That is his job! You did right by walking out while he was yelling at you. Do not argue with him. You will never win as he will alter the rules. Yes I know this is hard as I live with a button pusher too. They can get you into a "discussion" before you know what hit you.

Miracle.

Good to hear from you. All he did was cheat? Stupid and selfish. This sorta of goes along with Mr. NPD. Please check in more often miracle girl.

DP.

More stupid and selfish. Seems to be the theme around here. When we first met, you were living with your WS with a in house S, with you taking care of everything, most of all the kids. I would love to hear her reasons for not letting you see them now. I am sure that she would have some answer that would sound just as stupid and selfish as Mr. NPD and PFM. I hope the karma bus pays her a visit.

All aboard the Karma bus. Can we make the destination [Stupid and Selfish]? That should cover most of who we are after. Pack a lot of clothes and supplies. This will be a very long trip with many stops.


Her WW 60
Me BH 60
M 36 yr
D-day#1 fall of 76 OM#1 2NS
D-day#2 summer of 89 OM#2 LTA 8 yrs OM#3 Short Term A


Posts: 751 | Registered: Sep 2009
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, December 28th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PAIN Recovery PLEASURE Pain

So yesterday, I was using the time off of work to do some organizing. I came across a family vacation photo taken shortly prior to DDay. At that time, things were very strained between WW and I such that I was feeling miserable. Sill, I made an effort to enjoy being with my W, our children, our friends and family. My WW had planned a "girls night out" with some college friends as a cover for a planned tyrst with her AP.

PAIN: So yesterday, my WW saw the photo and commented on how it was a very nice picture. I immediately replied without raising my voice that "I wish I could burn it". No visible reaction, no reply from WW.

Recovery: I never did look directly at the photo but saw the images of myself, my children, and maybe my W (not sure). After saying "I wish I could burn it" there was no lasting anger or pain. Less than a minute later, it was gone and I went on with my day.

PLEASURE: my W and I then spent the next 8 hours together preparing for guests on Friday. Shopping, cooking, cleaning up. I had a great time with her and I think she enjoyed the activities with my company.

Pain: So we went to bed and I was unable to sleep. I thought of the photo and began reflecting on the awfulness it represented. My right leg kept twitching uncomfortably (which side of the brain is it that dwells in this trauma?). I finally got up and took care of some work until I relaxed. Still I was not able to sleep.


So now it is Friday morning and I am relaxed again. I am looking forward to the day preparing for our guests this evening. I am looking forward to helping my W in the kitchen as we prepare the remaining dishes. I am looking forward to holding my W and telling her what a wonderful cook, mother, and hostess she is and those are some of the many reasons that I lover her.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, December 29th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hopeandchange
Good for you... Me? If I don't like a photo, object, item.. It is gone. I throw it in the trash. We took a family photo I hated because it was taken the very time my wife started her A. That photo was a trigger of bad feelings. I put it away and replaced it with an older one. My wife never said a word. Recently, I was able to get it out again. No real bad feelings come from that photo any more.

Silent treatment... Me, my wife not dare give me any silent treatment. The verbal pressure I would throw on her....

Honest, You can pressure your H with a few easy words.. Sit next to him and tell him you need money. LOL.. about $150,000 with the most serious face possible. (maybe his heart will stop.. just kidding) See what he says. Let him react to you.. you stop reacting to him.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
Sue1964
♀ Member
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, December 29th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My h had 3 year affair embarrassing as it is I took the creep back 13 times each time I was given a 2 week window to get my act together.

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, December 29th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H&C: thank you. I hope all went well with your guests. Your post was very positive and your WW doesn't deserve you. With the photos, I feel Tryn gave good advice. Put it away for a while. If the pic really really hurts, get rid of it.

Ats: LOL!! I thought of that later. It may be a good thing.

Dip: You are right. He's like my mother, changing the rules as the "discussion" goes along. I also just realized as I'm typing this, that like my mother, he lost his temper because I was right and his old method wasn't working. I was calm and logical and he had a temper tantrum.

Tryn: Nothing works when he decides to do the silent treatment. He does answer questions with a blunt, cold, yes or no, or simple sentences. In the past, I used to try to conjole him, be super nice, apologize even though I wasn't wrong. Lately, I would say I was sorry we argued and wish that we could talk about the problem, but not apologize like I was wrong. This time, though, I'm not doing that. I'm talking to him as though nothing happened, which is not good communication, and he is still "silent". But I can't force him to communicate. I've tried, and actually that was what made him explode. I was communicating my feelings without any blame, calmly. I was proud of myself. The response was his outburst of a temper tantrum.

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. Geez, I feel like a kid just learning to get a handle on my emotions and what to do with them. I think growing up with my BPD mother showed me the most inappropriate way to deal with my emotions and it didn't work.

I'm finding that either journaling, or venting here among you wonderful people who give good feedback helps me get myself into perspective. Then, I can communicate my feelings more appropriately to NPD, mom, or anyone else. This is new to me, believe it or not. I used to try to vent or explore feelings with Mom or NPD, and of course it didn't work because I expected them to understand like a "normal" person would and they can't. Talk about insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result!! I've been acting insane for years and years!!

Hugs to this fantastic wonderful tribe!!


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, December 29th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

honest- keep venting !

Sue1964-
How are things now? Are you still together? Are you trying to reconcile? or are you separated?


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, December 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So WW went from "uncomfortable" to "frustrated" to "uncomfortable" in less than 24 hours.

Last night, we had a splendid evening with our guests. Lots of things were accomplished prior to their arrival to make our home comfortable. Good food, good spirits, and good conversation. After the guests had left and we were almost finished cleaning up, W says she is tired, needs to get some rest as she has an early start in the morning (W runs with a group very early on Saturdays).

Ihad did a LOT that day to prepare for the evening over and beyond what was needed. These things are VERY IMPORTANT to my W and I wanted to be sure she was comfortable and enjoyed the evening. She did a great job as the hostess and mentioned to the guests how I did not work this week and had done a lot of work around the house.

I was a disappointed that I did not receive more appreciation for what I had done but that was all, just disappointed.

Sorry Tirbe, TMI to follow.

So I slept in Saturday and woke up with W next to me on her iPhone. "Too cold to run and I decided to stay home". We talked about the plans for the morning (DD soccer game) and I began to sexually caress her. "What are you doing?" Expressing my desire for you... WW gets up closes the bedromm door and IMO comes back with a pissed attitude (so you want to f___, then let's do it). I did not feel loved by her.

So we talked on the way to DD soccer game (it was just her and I). h&c "were you angry with me this morning?". WW "No, just FRUSTRATED!" h&c "Why are you frustrated?" So the reasons given and fed back for confirmation were:
1. h&c was not talkative and just sexually caressed me - I did not know what you wanted
2. Our bedroom door was open and the kids could have walked in
3. It was late in the morning and we had a short time in which to make the soccer game.
4. She got aroused and she would feel pissy all day (if not ahem then satisfied.

The whole episode was not consistent but there was no point in me prodding further. We then spent the rest of the day together at the soccer games, cooking dinner (my sister was in town and came over).

My sister had left, our kids were out, it was early evening, and W was falling asleep on the sofa. I suggested we download a movie, she was interested, and searched both ATT and Netflix to no avail.

At my suggestion we then viewed a 5 min porn clip on my phone (we hav viewed a porn movie every 2-3 years over the past decade so it is rare but not uncommon and W has expressed enjoyement when we did). So W was stiff, unresponsive, no interest in being affecionate or playful afterwards. And in her words "I am uncomfortable".

h&c "okeay, nothing sexual. Let me just tell you what a wonderful person you are without mentioning anything about your physical beauty" and I proceeded to do so. AND (drum roll please) a very pained look on her face. h&c "honey, I am sorry. You look like you are in such pain. I will shut up and just give you a foot rub" which I did. During which, W says "I enjoy having my foot rubbed".

So right now, my household is in a deep sleep and I am kicking back with a Crown & Coke, and posting on SI. Thanks for being there and my apologies for TMI.

BTW. I still had a Wonderful day! I enjoyed watching DD soccer games. I spent time with my sister this evening. I had one of my favorite meals for dinner. My oldest DD is on break from college and just snuck in from a day out with her friends - we had a nice conversation before she wnet to bed. And our dog is worn out from all the attention I gave him today.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
hopeandchange
♂ Member
Member # 33287
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, December 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sue1964

I am so sorry for your pain and the many troubles that you WH has caused.

I have learned some of your story through your posts on other threads. Here are my thoughts based on what I learned.

Why does he see all the hurt she has caused me emails,tapes prison wrong but if I'm upset he runs off,sorry rambling

Yes, the OW isvile. But it is your WH and HIS CHOICES that have caused you this pain and heartache! And he is making the choice NOT to change by going back to her, refusing counseling, drinking, etc. Until there is firn NC with OW, then there is no hope for R.

I still love h and,s don't ask me why I don't know and so much hurt to me and my boys 17]_22

Honey, it is OK to still love him but that does not mean that you have to stay M to him and tolerate his abusive behavior towards you. Your sons are adults and they can (or will learn quickly) to take care of themselves.

Ask for your sons (or someone else's) help to figure out what you need to do to survive financially without your WH and put those plans inot place immediately.

I am so sorry you have to go through this torture.

h&c


BH (me, 50)
WS (her, 48)
Divorced!
3 wonderful teens
Heading for Happiness

Posts: 401 | Registered: Sep 2011
Sue1964
♀ Member
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, December 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks advice no I'm not back with him.yes I know it was h who has hurt me but this ow has caused me so much pain and I knew no way in hell would she let us get back together.i know I will be fine but knowing they are playing happy family's I hate it.if he moved on with a diffrent woman i wouldn't care but this trash I hate sorry :(

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, December 30th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sue: I totally understand what you're saying about this particular OW. My xWH #1 stopped seeing the OW and after our D , years later, he met a very nice lady who had nothing to do with us, and I was able to accept it more easily when they got married many years later.

H&C: You are doing everything right, you are being loving, affectionate, affirming. The only thing I could suggest is to continue doing that, but do not make any sexual advances for at least a week. Cuddle, be affectionate, etc, but don't let it become sexual.(unless of course she wants to) It will make her feel secure that you love her, and not just to have sex. This has nothing to do with you, but her own insecurities.
After a week you may talk to her about how sex is important to you, ie, it makes you feel closer, loved, etc. Share your feelings about it so hopefully she understands it's not just the act, but love making.

As for me, well I ended up saying to NPD this morning that I didn't want to start the new year with us being angry with each other. His response:" I'm just supposed to stop being mad after all you have done?"
I said what did I do? and he says that I blamed him for me being upset about company coming over when it's my problem about how I panic when we have company and I blamed him!!! I repeated about just wanting to be in the discussion and decision making and he yells bullshit that's a lot of crap. I told him that it was hurtful to call me a liar.

Crazy making at its finest!

I should have listened to Dip! BPD's and NPD's go by their own rules.

All I have done?


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Lock This Topic is Locked
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.