Topic: Inappropriate or Not?
Member # 34678
| Posted: 3:43 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013|
I better not hear jack from my XWH if my Dad dies. My Dad is so sad for my sons that XWH left us like he did.
Maybe if it were an amicable split by a man who TRIED to make the marriage work but failed, that might be a different story.
me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Posts: 2216 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 25957
| Posted: 6:57 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013|
Any expression of sympathy from my XH would most definitely not be welcome.
He treated my family and I with such disrespect during the past 4 years that his condolences would mean absolutely nothing. How could he truly express sympathy for my family and I if he treated us with such contempt?
Posts: 1274 | Registered: Oct 2009
Member # 27457
| Posted: 11:59 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013|
I think he was having a human moment..... even ex-asshats can have those once in a while I think.
((BIGHUGZ)) My condolences to you and your family.
"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 12475
| Posted: 12:58 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013|
I suspect most of my anger comes from thinking that this was the type of thing X was supposed to be around to comfort me through. Just when you think you're in a really good healing place...
I am 7 years out, my X and I are very cordial, I have forgiven and moved on ...
but for some reason, funerals - any funeral - causes me to become very angry with him. It's bizarre. I go to weddings - no problem. There's something about the end of life, though ... I don't know. Just wanted you to know I understand how that kind of anger can bubble up.
And, yes, his response was appropriate.
Many hugs on the loss of your dad.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens
Posts: 8233 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: midwest
Member # 26367
| Posted: 10:22 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm so sorry about the loss of your father I lost mine last year and am still reeling from it...
Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced
Posts: 1874 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Member # 34823
| Posted: 9:12 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013|
I'm sorry for the loss of your father.....
Now about the cards --
Your X sending a card to your mom was fine and appropriate.
But to you? No.
He sent you a text that acknowledged your loss and offered his assistance to you if you needed it. Which, regardless of his motives or intent, was a stand-up thing to do.
But IMO the card, in addition to the text, was insensitive and thoughtless. I picture him at the grocery store, remembering that he wanted to send your mom a card and just grabbing one for you also, kwim?
I don't know.....for some reason that card just seems like salt in a wound......
(eta: Oops. Didn't check the date on this OP before adding my .02. )
[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:37 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Posts: 8087 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Member # 15300
| Posted: 10:09 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013|
So sorry for your loss. Maybe it's my life's-too-short-for-this-shit attitude, but I'd find it total inappropriate if he DIDN'T acknowledge the passing of his former IL. Why worry about what his motives were? A simple "thank you" would have sufficed. What you have given him is further "see, that's why I left her" material--rightly or wrongly. I understand that you were coming from a terribly emotional place--both with your loss and his former treatment of you--but sometimes it really is best to turn the other cheek and just accept these things at face value. He did what any human being should--and whether he did them because he thought he should or because he wanted and needed to--is moot.
[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 10:10 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]
Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!
"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks
Posts: 7285 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
|Topic Posts: 47|