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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Inappropriate or Not?
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I better not hear jack from my XWH if my Dad dies. My Dad is so sad for my sons that XWH left us like he did.

Maybe if it were an amicable split by a man who TRIED to make the marriage work but failed, that might be a different story.

Keep Calm and Happy On!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2318 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, August 25th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any expression of sympathy from my XH would most definitely not be welcome.

He treated my family and I with such disrespect during the past 4 years that his condolences would mean absolutely nothing. How could he truly express sympathy for my family and I if he treated us with such contempt?

Posts: 1278 | Registered: Oct 2009
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he was having a human moment..... even ex-asshats can have those once in a while I think.

((BIGHUGZ)) My condolences to you and your family.

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2732 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
♀ Member
Member # 12475
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect most of my anger comes from thinking that this was the type of thing X was supposed to be around to comfort me through. Just when you think you're in a really good healing place...

I am 7 years out, my X and I are very cordial, I have forgiven and moved on ...
but for some reason, funerals - any funeral - causes me to become very angry with him. It's bizarre. I go to weddings - no problem. There's something about the end of life, though ... I don't know. Just wanted you to know I understand how that kind of anger can bubble up.

And, yes, his response was appropriate.

Many hugs on the loss of your dad.


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God

Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens

Posts: 8233 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry about the loss of your father I lost mine last year and am still reeling from it...

Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1886 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, August 27th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry for the loss of your father.....

Now about the cards --
Your X sending a card to your mom was fine and appropriate.

But to you? No.

He sent you a text that acknowledged your loss and offered his assistance to you if you needed it. Which, regardless of his motives or intent, was a stand-up thing to do.

But IMO the card, in addition to the text, was insensitive and thoughtless. I picture him at the grocery store, remembering that he wanted to send your mom a card and just grabbing one for you also, kwim?

I don't know.....for some reason that card just seems like salt in a wound......

(eta: Oops. Didn't check the date on this OP before adding my .02. )

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:37 PM, August 27th (Tuesday)]

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, August 28th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for your loss. Maybe it's my life's-too-short-for-this-shit attitude, but I'd find it total inappropriate if he DIDN'T acknowledge the passing of his former IL. Why worry about what his motives were? A simple "thank you" would have sufficed. What you have given him is further "see, that's why I left her" material--rightly or wrongly. I understand that you were coming from a terribly emotional place--both with your loss and his former treatment of you--but sometimes it really is best to turn the other cheek and just accept these things at face value. He did what any human being should--and whether he did them because he thought he should or because he wanted and needed to--is moot.

[This message edited by lynnm1947 at 10:10 AM, August 28th (Wednesday)]

Age: 64..ummmmmmm,, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks

Posts: 7384 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Topic Posts: 47
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