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User Topic: Of all the low-down, dirty tricks...
struggling16
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After Dday, I made a long list of his perfidious behavior and gave it to him. He read it once.

A few of the more gut-wrenching "tricks":

Agreeing that we needed to work on the M. I thought we were; he was making life easier for himself.

Leaving me sick on the couch after a trip to go to our cottage to do "chores". When I asked him to please stay home to care for me he said, "There's no point in me getting sick" and raced out the door for his "date".

Calling me and pretending that he was safe at the cottage when he was really with the AP.

Asking me to get money for him at the cash machine (he was careful to use only cash for the "dates"). I kept wondering where the money was going.

Using me as a cook and housekeeper when family and friends visited. He pretended to be a good grandfather, son-in-law, etc. while plotting his next "date" as soon as the social obligations were met.

The list is long, painful and brings up bad memories. I've been to adultery university and earned my doctorate; he'll never put one over on me again without dire consequences.


Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2011
Happydays
♂ Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my, the things she did.

The ones that take the cake are:

1) I had just slept at around 11:30 PM, a day before exW's B'day and I hear this roar of an exhaust. It was OM and he had come to collect exW for a suprise cake cutting ceremony. I hear exW's phone ring and she is pleasantly suprised in her other room.

In a minute I hear loud banging on my room's door. We slept apart as I knew about he A but not confronted yet.

I opened the door half in sleep and she told me take care of DS as she was going to office as there was an urgent issue and she had got a call that her team has reached office already.

I told her since the team is already there she can direct them from home, why go at this unearthly hour to office ? She didn't reply but started to get ready and put on some clothes took her company badge to fool me.

I told her point blank that take the DS where ever you are going. She looked at me puzzled and told me in a rude way "Why have I kept you in the house then if you can't take care of DS ?".
I did not reply and closed the door and pretended to go back to sleep.

She took out the car with DS, and zoomed off. Buy this time OM was making rounds in the neighborhood with his overly loud exhaust.

In the juggle she left her hand purse at home and I conveniently went through the shopping receipts and gathered time stamps (she was supposed to be at office all those times). Got her secret telephone number (The SIM card holder was still in her purse with IMEI information) Took a note of that etc.

She came back with DS at 12:30 AM with a cake which was cut, some red roses and a gift.
I wished her happy birthday and got no response. I asked her if her office folks had planned this event then they should know that you are not single and you have a family. Got crickets. As I was leaving, exW got a call from OM and she said everything is fine and she was a little scared. I went back to sleep.

Woke up the next morning and left early to office. She was getting too late from office so I locked the gate in front of my house so that she calls me up or calls my name to open the gate. Nothing of that sort happened. I heard OM's car. Apparently OM got out, helped her with the gifts and getting her over the fence. By the time she entered the house it was 11:30 PM and she had a lot of shopping bags, red roses, bouquet of flowers, cake, and dresses. Ohh I forgot to mention she wore a dress brought by OM the previous night to office on her B'day.

Then ExW returned the calls she missed during the day to her family members and told them that she had a fantastic B'day.

When her elder sister called to wish her, her sister asked what I had got exW. ExW said I didn't even make plans for her B'day. She told the cops later I did not wish her on her B'day. Liar.

2) I was picking up DS from his pre-school and noticed OM's car parked in a neighboring parking lot. ExW and OM were sitting inside and watching me pick up DS and leave for home with DS. I guess they were making sure I was with DS and at home, so that they could proceed with their evening plans undisturbed.

3) Every Saturday she went to work. One day she left her office badge (required for entry in the office premises) deeply and neatly hidden in her laptop bag. She came that day at around 9:30 PM. Later on PI told me she was at OM's place the whole day.

4) One Sunday she was cooking and OM came by in the afternoon to pick up his packed lunch from my house. I was in my room letting PI gather evidence.
The same evening she tells me she needs to go out. I told her take DS with you as I have a cold and don't want DS to catch it and I want to visit the doctor's clinic as well. She gets pissed and leaves with DS. An hour later I hear OM's loud car near the neighborhood and OM and ExW are playing with DS around the corner. I am filled with rage. I took out my bike to break his neck but ExW alerted OM and he made a run for it. I had to act as if I was going some place else. I couldn't even follow OM and break his jaw at the first signal he encountered. Sigh! God has been so kind to OM.

5) Of course the most dirty trick she played was to falsely complain to her parents about my false erratic behavior so as to justify and initiate a planned divorce. She planned to torture me with her behavior and frustrate me into a quick divorce so that she could marry OM on a pre planned date of 03/19/2013.
She would get all assets, alimony and CS. Her plan also included to get OM to D OBS by taking care of OM to show him who really deserves to be with OM. She did everything possible. Cooked for him, slept with him whenever he called her to his place, gave him lap dances on his request, followed up with OM's doctor's appointments etc.

She is left with a D, A exposed to the whole of the office, exposed it to her sisters and brother.
The best part is OBS is back from her 180 and OM is living with OBS and hasn't left OBS and doesn't plan to. OBS is equipped with the laws of the land for DV and mental torture, neglectful behavior towards kids etc.
ExW lost it all. Poor thing.


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"opposing" had my DD plan a birthday surprise for me. A three week trip to see my mother who had terminal lung cancer. He gave her dates he wanted me gone. Didn't consult me even though she told him 3 weeks was to long he insisted it was a good idea.

Week one he traveled out of town to meet the OW.

Week two he began selling off "his" things.

Week three he sat at his dying mother's side (he later implied it was an inconvenient time for her to die). My MIL passed away on the day my flight left for home. I was so upset that I wasn't with him during such a sad time in his life. I didn't get to say good bye to her.

Two days after I arrived home I discovered text messages to the OW. That's how I found out about his affair and the trip to see her. Turns out all the while he sat at his mother's bedside he was texting OW. She even told WH to give his mother a kiss.

My own mother passed away in Dec and I wasn't able to be with her.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Divorced - May 22, 2014
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 35 years
4 adult DD's, 2 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 285 | Registered: Jul 2012
IAmPsycho
♀ Member
Member # 39337
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was pregnant during the A, and both my WH and OW ( my best friend) were in the delivery room. My WH didn't protect me when I was vulnerable. He could've asked her to not come, or he could've played sick and stayed home himself. But instead, they would leave the room together to go " get coffee". It's just such a horrible and painful thing for me to think about.

Second worst was that while I was in the hospital recovering, the OW was at my house folding my WH's socks, and cooking for him, and organizing my new baby's clothes. She wanted to show him what a great wife she would be for him. She wanted him to D me, and get custody, and she would just move right not my spot.

The high point? That my life is so great that she wanted it :). Too bad it didn't work out the way she hoped. I just wish the whole A hadn't traumatized me so much.


BS (me) 43
WS (him) 48
Married 25 years
Reconciling for 12 years
DDAY 01-16-01
A with my best friend
Lots of children from 24-4 weeks old

Posts: 62 | Registered: May 2013
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm... lots stand out, but here are a few...

1. Easter - I thought we were doing better. Wrong. It's the day I saw his face when he got a text and hid his phone at the speed of light. I knew. I absolutely knew that day and he denied.

2. Our 24th anniversary when HE brought up going back to our honeymoon location for a long weekend this year for our anniversary.

3. He sent chickie a message before me that he was back in the states after an over-seas trip.

4. Within 2 hours of putting my youngest and I on an airplane to visit oldest child, he was hunched in front of facebook chatting away. Why in the H8ll he didn't just go see chickie is beyond me. The real kicker ... My children and I had a car accident on that trip and he had the balls to tell me he was chatting with chickie because of the stress of the accident!

The list could go on and on.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jan 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This one is funny; I went crazy asking him what was going on. He said go ahead and call her and ask her what is going on, meaning OW1. Turns out, it was ANOTHER woman. Joke was on me....


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Dec 2010
whensenough
♀ Member
Member # 36700
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, May 27th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Took me out to eat on my birthday. Told me he was falling in love with me all over again( <---red flag. didnt know you fell out of love?!)Told me it was the best time of his life etc. Said he had to go home and go bed cause he had to much to drink. After I had begged him to go out for mths and mths. I wanted to spend the whole night with him. (I dont get out much.) Drops me off and I end up going out wit out him cause hes "not feeling well". And I find out later he goes out to a club with OW.

How do I know? Cause she told me on DDay#1 where me and WS went to eat and what I ordered, etc !!

Awesome Bday trigger for the rest of my life!!


WSO: 29
BSO: 27 mommy of 3 under 7, #4 due may 2013
D Day#1: august 25 2010 ow#1
D Day#2: jun 15 2012 from 7 mt PA/EA with ow#2
+ a couple of short term flings.
D Day #3 sometime the last week in march / false R Same ow
OVER IT ALL!! DONE!!

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Tx
champ
♂ Member
Member # 8559
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about inviting OM out to dinner with MY parents to celebrate our 15th wedding annv

Posts: 108 | Registered: Oct 2005
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1).Encouraged me to take a job out of state during the week so OW could live in my house while I was gone and she could save on her bills because I was paying them at my house.

2). Took OW on an exotic game hunt that costs thousnads of dollars and left me home by myself very sick for a week.

3). Had OW sleeping in my home while I was in the hospital in ICU on two different occasions.

4). Gave OW an engagement ring a year before DDay#1.

5) Left work early several mornings a week to go see OW before work with the pretense he was working overtime.

6) Let OW drive my brand new truck while I was working out of state and she burnt a hole in my backseat.

7) The list goes on and on. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror had I treated someone this way, especially the person I am supposed to love. I am still in shock when I think about it.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With my oldest son crying (then 18 yrs old, yes it does affect older kids) and asking him why he was being so mean and had moved out of the house?

Told him that the sex with his mother was not good.

Yep. Still can't really get over that one.


Posts: 5632 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
Topic Posts: 70
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