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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
stillstrong
♀ Member
Member # 36144
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my7sxZ0KfHU&feature=fvwp&NR=1


An addition to the asshole song.


Me BS 47
Him WS 51
DDay LTA Feb 21, 2006
R until DDay 2EA's 1/31/12 ONS 2/5/12 Broken NC 7/12/12
Moved out 9/12
Legally Separated 3/13


Posts: 848 | Registered: Jul 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering if I might be here since I think my STBX is NPD as well as SA?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8784 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Nature


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NG))) For me, the SA had faded into the background for me, ever since we separated and I'm somewhat unaware of his daily activities.

The NPD is what has made my life a living hell ever since we separated.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Nature Girl, pull up a chair and watch the NPD show. Everyone is welcome to join!


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CHope, that's kinda where I'm at, too. I have to keep the SA part "active" while we go through the divorce/custody process. However, there has always been the overarching NPD issues driving his abuse & cruelty. I feel like the folks in this forum perhaps have a better handle on the pain & devastation I'm dealing with than those who are dealing with "nice" SA's who commit to recovery & reconciliation. There's nothing nice about my STBX.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8784 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems like maybe this forum is the right place for this song. First heard it last year. Warning: Extreme bad language of the worst order, aka very cathartic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU0f79Ydp2k


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8784 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ps: I have a new attorney, as of tomorrow! He totally "gets" NPD and "high-conflict personalities." He accurately predicted STBX's behavior to date, and then predicted what he will probably do next. It isn't pretty.

But what a relief to have someone finally understand.

Choosing,

I can't tell you how happy I am to read this. I think that it will make a huge difference for you.

Nature, I know for me the addiction issues became less important than the abuse, as I moved through the divorce process. My SA didn't ever have remorse over his sexual acting out, and while I don't doubt he is an addict, it's secondary to his personality disorder in terms of problems for me. I have read on the NPD threads for awhile. I feel like mine is a sociopath, which is just so scary.

I'm happier than I could have ever imagined to be divorced from him. He still tries to bother me, even though I give him ::crickets:: in reply. I keep hoping he will find someone else to bother.

I have bought two tubes of caulk and I worry about it!!! I have actually used them, though, so does that mean I am not a narcissist?


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The new NPD thread always feels like a "roll call" to me so

HERE!

wb2, I love that the last thread concluded with love and wisdom. Nice touch my friend.

For those (NG and CH) coming over from the SA thread... I read somewhere that most NPD are SA (sexual acting out is one of the signs) but not all SA are NPD. Kinda like most NPD are assholes but not every asshole is NPD...

I have also found that when you are dealing with a full blown NPD fucktard you will know and feel right at home here. And if your situation just doesn't fit with the "love and wisdom" you find here, we bless you and may you find your special brand of asshole in another ICR thread...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5301 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ Compartmented...

I have bought two tubes of caulk and I worry about it!!! I have actually used them, though, so does that mean I am not a narcissist?

as a diagnostic tool, I think 2 is such a reasonable number that it doesn't register. And that you have used them also seems reasonable. Just don't accumulate a collection of half used caulk guns of double digits...


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5301 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a while since someone mentioned the zebra duck.

If you have thoughts of going back with the NPD, READ THIS OVER AND OVER, as many times as you need to.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2011/08/03/reconciling-with-a-psychopath-the-dangerous-lure-of-the-honeymoon-phase/

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 8:22 PM, November 13th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is the zebra duck???

Unlike the caulk, I don't think I've ever seen any of those lying around here!

This thread is reminding me of the time that STBX wanted to make a "sled" for his father to use to carry firewood up the hill in his backyard. I can't remember all the details - it was more than 15 years ago - but I remember his parents rolling their eyes as he tried to hammer together a bunch of things - skiis? sleds???

Anyhow, needless to say, it didn't work and was quickly discarded and never brought up again.

In addition to the caulk episode, I now remember that he broke a drain by forcing a snake down it the wrong way. He painted a huge wall in our basement in black magnetic paint and then "forgot" to finish and put the white paint over it. He even forgot to take down the blue tape and put the covers back on the electrical outlets.

I could go on and on. This is very eye-opening for me.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
wontdefineme
♀ Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caregiver9000 posted this in NPD Thread Part 9 the pics didn't copy over, but go back and see, or caregiver9000 will probably be able to put them back up again.

The people who come before us are so helpful as they have survived not only the A but the life of hell they lived. Thanks to their experience and honesty once I was told that i was probably married to an NPD, it was the beginning of the end for the control that my wonderful NPD WH had over me.
.................

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7MuwPlOiNQ a theme song.

eta: because I AM scared of the heebie jeebies...

The items came from a discussion about how to spot a NPD. Turns out a lot of them keep weird useless stuff around. Like half used caulk guns in abundance. Or broken stuff. Junk.

The zebraduck. That is a play on the "if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck" cliche. So many people come here and want to describe the NPD in their lives and ask "Do you think he/she is NPD?" But the NPD is almost never what they appear to be on the surface. So much of the time the NPD is putting on the "human suit" or being the person they know we want them to be (short term) to keep us off balance or in their lives for various reasons. Just because an NPD looks like a caring husband, devoted father, church going car pool driving, grilling fun buddy at the lake on Sunday DOESN'T mean he isn't an empty soulless NPD asshole!!!

I am stuck on how to put the snippets of wisdom in one place? There is so much of it in the boards. How to chooose?

[This message edited by wontdefineme at 9:31 PM, November 13th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2079 | Registered: Mar 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

awwwww, I went looking and it goes all the way back to Thread 8

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=366254&AP=421&HL=

JJCT started it at the bottom of the page with some titles for possible NPD books. I followed with a title that led to the zebraduck as a tribe mascot. jj found us a pic.

The caulk discussion hits in the next two pages from the zebra duck for those who want a good laugh. My favorite line? Caulk is cheap.

Looking back at that thread (8) takes me back and I am compelled to thank the shining lights who held my hand and led the way and became real beacons of hope leading me to the future free of NPD horror and healing.

veritas, sadtoo, ALWAYS there for me.

jj showed me how to laugh.

wb2 just solidly strong and ever present to comment and welcome new posters along the way.

Others who shared AHA moments and tears and laughter.

Such a healing place. The new thread always causes me to look back and then of course to look forward!!

Onward tribe!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5301 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Idunno...I'm kinda favorin caulkhead at the moment...

PLUS
Our very own v has the official zduck pic, her very own (ours now).

For every one who gets away from these 'high conflict' NPD's, an angel gets wings, and a kitten lives.


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:54 PM, November 13th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awwww...I just love this place we have here. I feel warm and fuzzy reading everyone's posts tonight.

But I have some true NPD bullshit for y'all to help me with...

How do I deal with my DD who is suddenly asserting that she wants to live with the Assclown week on/week off? This has been brought up in her IC sessions 2 weeks in a row. This is the IC that is supposed to be helping her to deal with the assault that occurred in Assclown's home at the hands of her brother. The IC has little knowledge of the Assclown, our history, our D, etc. She's only seen DD 3 times.

Anyway, I was called into session to discuss this. I expressed that custody was set by the courts like it is for a reason (with him getting a 28% share of visitation). I said I did not feel it would be in DD's best interest to be with her father half time. DD was very angry. When I or the ic asked her during the session for reasons she wants to do this, she said, "I just want more time with Dad.", "It's not fair to dad that he doesn't get 50/50.", and "I want to have a better relationship with him."

I just don't know what to make of this. I am angry at the IC for focusing on this issue rather than the assault and how she's handling that. I'm angry that she didn't talk to me privately about this. I'm feeling rejected by my DD. I'm feeling like I"m being attacked by Assclown. And I'm feeling somewhat judged and attacked by the IC in some ways too - Like why don't I just go along with what my child wishes.

I spent 2 years and $15000 to get the lion's share of custody to minimize NPD exposure. Am I just supposed to let it go? Am I just to let her go live half time in the home where she was just molested? Where her Assclown father felt it was ok for teen children of opposite sexes to share a bedroom?

Also, I caught a glimpse of some text messages she exchanged with her father after the IC session tonight. I saw, "Well I will just have to get my attorney involved then..."

Do I want to fight this battle? Go into court again? Spend thousands of dollars I do not have? Do I go against what my DD seems to want? Will she hate me if I fight it?

I'm barely coping as it is right now. I just don't need anymore drama or loss in my life.

What would you do? I can only seem to summon up tears and not too many logical thoughts.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, November 14th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((w2)))
It's a given that he's manipulating DD to reduce his obligation$. OW is lurking like a spider too. Le$$ to you, more for her.
What do they do with DD when they have her? Drag her around to OW son's stupid tournaments - keep her cooped up in stupid hotel rooms. What's the attraction for DD?
Ahhh! Exposure to other boys - DD's just entering 'that age'...
pure evil.

Is there any way to see the IC alone, w/out DD present?
Clue her in on reality?
(That was a bonehead move to put you under pressure like that.)
Can you change IC for DD?
The IC that pegged assclown as a sociopath...can you recruit him/her (I forget) for a joint session with DD's IC? A phone consult?

DD's IC needs to get a clue or her ass kicked.
Is DD's IC even capable of understanding that her father is using her budding interest in boys (& the attention she must be receiving at an all boys sports event!) for his own personal gain?


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, November 14th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your asshat is using his child to gain custody and no judge would like that. To me this seems like parental alienation as he is making you out to be the bad guy. Can you get a copy of the text message? You need to fight this and also to show that the incident occurred at asshats home so you do not feel she is safe there. Pull out all the stops because you are really fighting for dd sanity and safety.

If asshat was a real father he could find time to spend with her away from his home and her brother. Maybe suggest to your dd that she spend time with dad by him taking her to the movies or the mall or just for lunch so they can spend time together but currently you are not comfortable with overnights.


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1194 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Being an AWESOME ME!
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, November 14th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a lot of caulk. I use it though. We live in a hundred year old house with a few air leaks. In my defense, it was NPD MIL who told me I had to have it!! She really did. She even showed me how to use it to seal up air leaks. I use the whole tube and throw it out.

I don't wanna be a caulkhead!!


Posts: 10973 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: North Carolina
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