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User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalliopeia,
Did anyone else here eventually get angry at the affair/gaslighting/npd stuff and really just cut lose on the WW NPD?

As hard as it is, the ONLY effective way to deal with an NPD is NC. Everytime you "cut loose" with an NPD, you are only giving him ammunition to use against you later.

You must cut off ALL contact. Do NOT engage. Do NOT allow yourself to be baited. These people are master manipulators.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His most effective baiting technique is to give me the silent treatment. Nearly 100% of the time I have shown a lot of upset to him is when he is doing it. I have reacted to it less as time goes on.

It starts with trying to talk to something important to him. He begins with refusing to acknowledge and saying something else. I redirect until he finaly responds and the comment he makes is nasty. That is is the hook that pulls me in. Then it is followed by walking out, hanging up or threatening to end the relationship, telling me I am stupid or selfish or how all I do is blame.

I try again, calmly to state what the issue is, and the game goes on. Over and over until I begin to lose composure, my anxiety build, a panic attack starts ( because I was hooked in, I am nearly incapable to disengaging). So then he says go to a psychiatrist, go to the drug store and get more pills.

If I react, suddenly he is cursing at me, very disrespectful. Then the real silent treatment begins. He will leave and disappear. Days, sometimes a week. Once it was 2 weeks. And I keep trying to contact him. He wants apologies and begins to chastise, tell me how damaging I am, how I hurt everyone.

I feel really scared at that point. The only way to gain peace is to agree and apologize. Lately when he sees this, he becomes vindictive to me. He attacks me, making up things I never did or said, and tells me how I have ruined our relationship. He is *really* angry about the things that DIDN'T happen. Then he wants apologies for those things.

I have been becoming increasingly depressed, anxious, upset. I don't understand how it got this way.

Sorry. Now I upset myself. I don't want to talk to him. I dream that God or something will dip him into the same well of agony and fear he has caused to me.

I just feel very anxious right now. I am amazed at the last few weeks on this site. I went from numb to feeling so freaked out.

I probably seem a little nutty talking about it, but it is really starting to sink in.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not nutty at all.

You are becoming aware... and with awareness comes it's own set of challenges.

Once you are aware - you can never be unaware again.

Kalli,

It has taken me a long time to come to grips with the ways in which my XH conditioned (programmed) me. It takes time to become aware as to how ingrained his programming is into your behavior pattern. Keep fighting your urge to contact him... the fear stems from the longer you go without giving into his demands... the bigger the price you pay for disobeying him.

I hope this helps... keep coming and posting... it will get better... with time.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4031 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kallopeia, that is very well-articulated. As scary as the realisation of his sickness is, isn't it really great to see that you are not the crazy one.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 4960 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalli,

Not crazy at all. In fact, you described my life to a tee over the past few years.

Do you have any books yet on NPD? I have one that's a loanable title for kindle, but it's on loan now to another SI member. I think there's 10 days left on on that one. I'll make sure to message you when it's available and loan it out to you.

Out of ALL of the insanity of the NPD relationship, I really think the reality shifting is the hardest to deal with. You said he's really angry for things that didn't happen. It's excellent you realize they really didn't happen. When we see what seems like such real emotions (anger, hurt, etc), it's easy to second guess ourselves and wonder "Did I really do that?". I did. I totally believed a completely altered world. I wonder sometimes how I wasn't hospitalized. So, no, I don't think you're nutty. I think you're very strong. You're aware, and like said above, now you can't become unaware.

The urge to believe, to hope, to listen will remain.....but your strength will only build from here, until you reach a breaking point where the truth is simply an impenetrable truth that he can't manipulate anymore. I'm at that point, and I want to protect this clarity so much that NC is all I want. It's the first time in 4yrs I've not wondered his why or what will happen to him or if it was for anything. I just want him GONE! You're close. Keep posting. (((hugs)))


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Windows, I don't have any books on the disorder. I also don't have a kindle. If you can tell the name of the book, maybe I can find it at the library or on ebay.

I have been reading and reading online and there is a huge amount of information.

I am experiencing a lot of shock about this.

I have allowed myself to be goaded into losing my temper repeatedly, trying to talk to him, and he goes into circles, playing games with words, saying one thing, then another, lying, until I AM really just freaking out and losing it. At that point he will put me down for the temper, telling me how he doesn't think he can be with someone like me who won't control herself.

Which kind of makes the upset worse.

God, I feel so manipulated.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
honesttoafault
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Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalli: You seem to be describing my WH!! It's scary how much they are alike!

First, STOP trying to have a rational, logical discussion with someone who is irrational and illogical. My WH can argue circles around me to the point I'm dizzy.

Do not tell him how you feel. It gives him ammunition. Don't try to discuss anything. It won't go anywhere. Do not expect him to help you emotionally...he can't.

His most effective baiting technique is to give me the silent treatment.

Ahhh the good old silent treatment. The last time WH used that on me, I didn't talk to him unless it was important and then he blamed ME for ignoring HIM!!!!

Crazy making.

Detach as much as possible. Keep posting.


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's scary how much they are alike!

It was one of the things a year ago that opened my eyes. Until I learned of NPD and began my own personal quest for answers, I thought he was SOOOOOO special, SOOOOOOO unique. Came to find out, he was just spewing the same carbon copy manipulations as every other NPD. It was a big moment, helpful, enlightening. I think there's power in realizing how similar their actions and statements are. There's power in accepting they're just not that special anyway.

...and @Kalli, you won't need a Kindle, I don't have one. I just use the Kindle app for my computer or phone.

The two I recommend are:

So. You're in Love With a Narcissist. (only loanable one, but out on loan)

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed (doesn't give a "loan" option for this one )

^^one of those (sorry, can't remember which) is a really quick read....you'd be able to get through it in a day and have a little more "aha" about things.

[This message edited by windowsnotwalls at 10:12 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Chrysalis123
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Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalliopeia, the tables are starting to turn in your favor my dear!!!

You are becoming aware of what has been happening to you. Next, is acceptance of the fact that you are dealing with a sicko that wants to manipulate, control, degrade, devalue, and discard you.

And finally, is the action step...

The cool thing is, you are seeing the pattern in his disordered way of relating to you. Do you see a cycle in his behavior?

Now that you are understanding this, perhaps you will find the strength to change the pattern for YOU. You see, he has conditioned you to act in a certain way.

I remember getting so enraged at the "word salad", especially toward the end.... I really fed his sick need for supply for a time ...I digress.

One of my strategies before I was in complete NC was to try and just reply with "Oh" or "that's an interesting way to look at it." and then turn my back and walk away. No fuss, no muss, no drama. I was a wall and he could not penetrate.

Eventually I got to the point of full on NC, but since we have kids if I have to communicate, I only respond in email. I will not talk to him on the phone. I write everything believing a judge will read it. Calm, facts only, no emotion.

I am sorry you are going through all this, and welcome to the tribe.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:16 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2373 | Registered: Jan 2010
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my strategies before I was in complete NC was to try and just reply with "Oh" or "that's an interesting way to look at it." and then turn my back and walk away. No fuss, no muss, no drama. I was a wall and he could not penetrate.

"I'm sorry you feel that way" was mine. I totally relate.

Also definitely relate to any communication being written as if it would be read by a judge. Helps tremendously in keeping your cool.


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

t/j MrWNW isn't the first NPD I encountered. My DS is to a different one. How fucked up am I to have not one but TWO relationships with an NPD before I awoke?

Anyway, today was exchange day, and as every other fucking day, I got another shitty and petty and bossy text from him. I still want to rip his face off after all these years. Is there no end to my anger towards him? I just keep hoping SOME fucking day he'll grow the fuck up and become a human being, not some pig piece of shit wannabe dad that only even acknowledges DS's existence just to punish me after all this time. I truly HATE it for DS, HATE it! UGH! So pissed.

DD is autistic, DS has picked up some NASTY NASTY NASTY mean behaviors from his dad's house. His words and actions are truly hateful at times towards DD. So I keep them separated on long drives now. (DS had hit her, bit her, said nasty things to her.) My car is a luxury one, airbags don't enable unless 100lbs pressure on the passenger seat. I read all the laws first, as even I was a little "iffy" of putting DS in front seat. However, it IS perfectly legal in the states I go through for the exchange. So I get this text tonight, no questions as to why of course, nothing like that, just a "command"......man I fucking hate him. ...especially after I always "let shit go" because I know talking to him about ANYTHING even shit that is of life matters will do no good. Every exchange day I go through this. I hate the guy. THIS is why I related to writing like everything would be read by a judge. I keep a google doc of every single conversation for court. There's no opening to this conversation I'm leaving out. First thing I hear from him in days is the following....


4-7-13

(Exchange Day)
Asshat: Just want to let you know that DS needs to be in the back seat of the car he's far to young to be in the front seat. I could care less about the dog it c 9:33 PM
Asshat: an ride up front or be left at home for that matter. Thanks 9:33 PM
Me: You're not the boss of my life. It's perfectly legal for DS to ride in the front. I had my reasons, none of which were of the dog, but if you have an issue beyond that, speak with your attorney.11:20 PM
Me: You of all people, being pulled over and fined for not even having him in a booster, should be the last to lecture me on anything of this matter. 11:21 PM
Me: Furthermore, DS *does* need to wear a helmet when riding a bike! I even sent one with him before. He should have one there. No helmet, no bike. That's the rule, and he was grounded from his bike for a day this week because he has learned from you that he shouldn't wear a helmet. 11:23 PM

Now just waiting on the make-no-sense reply that will just infuriate me more and wondering why the hell I even responded at all because I know better than to when I'm pissed, and I ***AM*** pissed. I was pissed when DS's heart was broken over being grounded, knowing it wasn't his fault but Asshat's. I was pissed when I heard he was pulled over and fined because DS wasn't in a booster, pissed when DS told me he doesn't need to be in a car seat because "the cops already told us once, they don't care now." Pissed, but didn't say a word, then he has the gull to order me around tonight without even so much as asking the reasoning???? Because you're a piece of shit and our son is picking up your hatefulness!!! It's destructive to DD and dangerous, and I've been FORCED to separate my children in car rides because of this inhuman behavior he mimics of yours!!!! I'm pissed, and I've been pissed for years. HOW do you survive kids with these monsters? Just how?

[This message edited by windowsnotwalls at 11:05 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, April 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wnw,

The best reply to his first text about DS riding in the front seat is *crickets*.

Do not reply. He is baiting you looking for a fight.

As long as you are legally correct in having DS riding up there, you don't have anything to worry about.

If he were to bring this up in person, the best response is probably a very unenthusiastic, "hmmmm...I'll have to check the laws again."


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 1:38 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Tribe....it's been a while since I checked in here. I wince when I see so many new members joining the "Tribe", but I am so glad you found this resource to help navigate the tricky waters of detaching from NPD. God bless you all!!!

I see some members that are concerned about their kidlets exhibiting signs of NPD. Worth watching, but I think most kids go through a phase of narcissism in the natural course of events. The true NPD's never outgrow that phase. I think almost every single teenager on the planet exhibits the symptoms at one time or another. Please don't panic too soon.

I just wanted to say "hi" again...I cut the NPD out of my life long ago. I was able (thank god) to go totally dark on him. NC, to an extreme. We didn't have children in common, so it was an easy road for me, or at least as easy as it gets with NPD. I truly feel for those of you that are forced to "co-parent" with NPD.

I ran into one of my NPD XWSO's sons yesterday. He's a good kid, and he always gives me a hug, and we visit. I feel for all 3 of his boys, but I could not sacrifice my life on the alter of his kids. They have a mother, and a father. I had to draw a line, and I did. I don't tilt at windmills anymore.

My main point in posting is to (hopefully) let the newbies know that there IS hope to recover from a relationship with NPD. You CAN get through this, and heal, and come out the other side. It's one hell of a lot harder if you have kids in common though. But, still very much "doable". NC is your best friend. No response to any of their bullshit.

The main thing is to hold hard and fast to the No Contact concept. Don't give NPD an opening into you, your life, or your mind. Cut it off cold.

It's amazing how much faster you heal without someone chipping away at you. Stay strong. I don't come here often because it seems to stir up "things" with me from the past.....but I wish all of you strength. You're gonna need it....but if you hold strong, you really will be okay. Honest!

I survived, and came out the other side. You can too. The only way to do it is to realize that you are dealing with a zombie with no soul, no empathy, and no feeling (other for themselves). A hard concept....but it's true. Don't ever make the mistake of trusting them for a single instant.

Hang tough, Tribe!!!


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 5:02 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wb2, you're absolutely correct. I know this. I know this. I know this. The man has walked me through hell, and I'm so "on edge" sometimes. Exchange days are the worst because I physically have to see him. I have severe PTSD and he's a definite trigger to some panicky physiological responses. I'm still so easily manipulated by him. Last week it was his shoes were a little dirty. He's a 5 yr old boy. He plays....plays hard. Seriously? So I said nothing, just bought him another pair of shoes he'll only wear there this week. Working on crickets....again.

EL, I hadn't really considered my son exhibiting NPD behaviors.....just hadn't made the connection. I know DS is a sweet, loving, funny boy. I know, even in the moment, he's only mimicking his other environment, and it makes me so sad. I always correct DS by reminding him that he is a loving, sweet kid, that he enjoys helping others, enjoys making people smile, so why would he be so mean?

He told DD a couple months ago, "God doesn't love you cuz you have autism." DD just adores DS, lights up soon as he gives her the slightest of attention, has a complete meltdown every exchange day when he needs to go (except yesterday, the new pup I'm training as her service animal kept her calm ). So she just crumbles in tears when DS's response to her "Hi, [DS]!!} is "Don't look at me! I don't WANT you [DD]! Shut your mouth! You want me to shut if for you?"

5yr olds don't come up with that kind of language on their own, and it's not normal 5yr old behavior. It breaks my heart to know what he must be seeing/hearing there. I don't ask him questions, and he doesn't bring it up much. I just try to ensure when he's here he gets the most loving environment possible, lots of positive redirection. Feel like I'm battling the devil for my DS's soul sometimes, though.


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really angry at him this morning

How do these people just go on with their lives and act like they did nothing wrong?


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do these people just go on with their lives and act like they did nothing wrong?

I know you read my thread in General with MrWNW's email the other day. That's how. Words direct from an NPD in that email to give you your answers. They compartmentalize. They put you in a box in their mind, close it, and don't look in it. All they see is the things they put into that box, nothing of what they take from you, nothing of the harm they cause you.


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On March 19, 2012, I received a link to a page online that had a set of photos on flikr. my ex, ex wife, had posted photos of the birth of the other child.

There was my ex fiance in the middle of it, looking miserable, thrilled, and cornered as he held his new son.

I, of course, confronted him. He admitted to the child and came up with a load of BS excuses for why I had not been told. The child was about 1 month old at that time.

In the midst of this shocked and disbelief, he begged me to stay and work through. I was so stunned. I loved him, I was not sorted through in my head on this.. I agreed.

Later in the day, my older brother, who lives in Texas ( and I do not) called me and told me that sadly, my younger sister, who had been struggling with depression and addiction, had chosen to take her own life. She shot herself.

Both of these events happened on the same day.

To say the least, I was in a state of grief. In the meantime, my fiance was very caught up with his golf. He had left the house after informing me of the reality of the OC. I called him to tell him of my sister. Simply, I wanted him to come home and be there with me.

I called him and told him. He said he was sorry. He then launched into an attack on me and said I had insulted his woman friend. I had no idea what he was talking about, and I realized he was drunk. He then told me "how many times have I told you NEVER to attack the people around me". ( at that point, my "attacks" had been to tell off his ex wife for pestering me. I realized he had been trying to conceal the affair from me and from her his relationship with me continuing, so he was raging if we had contact).

I had no idea what he was talking about. He then ended our engagement. He said, "farewell to you!"

And I was sitting there utterly stunned I said to him, couldn't you at least ask if I had done this before you jump all over me and DUMP me?

So the same day I find out about OC and my sister commits suicide, this man DUMPS me because he THINKS I was rude to his friend. A woman who I intensely disliked from the moment of her appearance 6 months prior.

I think about this a lot. He calmed down and he did not apologize. But I was so astounded and in such a state of shock, I didn't leave. I could not believe he meant what he had done.

Well he followed it up, epically, with more.

I feel so much pain and anger over this. I repeatedly tried to address this with him, and he never validated, continued the behavior..I guess as time goes on, I will say more about what he then has done. And how my own mental and emotional state degraded to where it has been.

I don't know what to do with this right now. I feel like I am still in shock and I can't understand why he thinks it is worse to tell his woman friend to go eff herself than what he has done to me.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I am still in shock and I can't understand why he thinks it is worse to tell his woman friend to go eff herself than what he has done to me.

The same way MrWNW feels my getting a service dog for my autistic/epileptic daughter is worse than 14 affairs, kicking me out of our home (first time to a women's shelter right before Christmas, I had no where to go) twice, abandoning me for important court hearings where he was needed to testify when my DS's father filed for custody (resulting in DS's father winning custody....I get him only half the time now)......and a salut of other abandonments and betrayals....

They are monsters. The harm they can cause is indescribable, and worse yet, they act the victim as if we have harmed them. It's the common response of an NPD. Because as long as we feel bad, feel we have sins to atone for, they can keep us supplying their demand. Please just know you didn't do anything to deserve this horrific abandonment from him in a time he was supposed to be there for you.

[This message edited by windowsnotwalls at 1:48 PM, April 8th (Monday)]


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He abandons every step of the way.

A couple of months after this happened with the baby and my sister, my mother, who under any conditions is a lady of great dignity and kindness... told me that she had been found to have a tumor. They said it was the side of a softball. It was ovarian.

Of course we were all terrified it was cancer.

She is 72 years old. She has pulmonary issues from years of being vulnerable to pnuemonia. We were told that she would not survive a surgery due to the likelihood the anesthetic would kill her because of her lung issues.

So as I watched, she began to fail She was in pain. She could barely walk.

We had all watched Dad die painfully and quickly due to pancreatic cancer.

So I am spending as much time as I can with her. I asked my ex to lighten up on the golfing things and being around that woman. It was all just getting to be too much for me.

Of course he refused. The more I asked, the more we argued. He insisted he was supporting me. I felt nothing.

I was cracking. I mean I was degrading emotionally and psychologically from the things that were happening. He was driving me literally over the edge with his insistence on being around that woman. He told me he would do anything to keep playing with her. He got into that fight with the other guy.. so I contacted her husband and told him what was going on.

Did it help? No. He became worse and worse, blaming me for the upset, telling me how lacking in humanity I am.

And my poor mother, who did not want to die, decided she would rather risk the surgery than not at least attempt to save her own life.

Well she did save her own life. There were 4 large tumors. They were not cancerous. She had pnuemonia 4 times in as many months, but she is recovering.

And what was my ex fiance doing while I sat in the waiting room during her surgery? He was with his golf team, with that woman, playing golf. And he did not text me, call me, email me on my cell phone, the whole day.

Nothing.

I lost another sister in early October. And he was not supportive to me. I had broken down over everything, that when he game home from a particularly humiliating loss with his golf team and didn't even tell me ( i was supposed to have known)he saw me there, minding my day, and trying to hold it together and he began to pick at me, being rude and baiting and I was confused. So he told me "you picked the wrong day to fuck with me lady".

And my day became hell. He walked out on me, dumped me about 4 times, told me I needed to take my pills because I was getting upset and having a panic attacked. This went on for days and finally I came completely apart one night and I wailed "Oh I want to kill myself".
And he said, oh I cant help you, too bad. You need professional help.

I am like the lady here who said she had physically fallen to the floor, unable to help herself in her kitchen and her husband stepped over her and left her there. Her child brought her water in a sippy cup.

I guess if I didn't have good friends then and my mother, I would have probably have done something serious to myself to escape the agony and confusion I was feeling.

And it goes on. I guess I am just venting, sorry :(

[This message edited by Kalliopeia at 2:07 PM, April 8th (Monday)]


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
windowsnotwalls
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Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, April 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Kalli))))

You've been heard. Keep posting.


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

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