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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
Ready4NewStart
♂ New Member
Member # 38871
Default  Posted: 6:57 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

windowsnotwalls....

I had not seen my IC since late last fall, but went to see her after changing my phone number..She light up like the 4th of July when I told her..Then went on to explain that NPD's will find very subtle ways to try and keep control of us..

I admitted that it was like an addiction at first...Not wanting to see her, but still texting..But really what made me do it was reading this site and seeing how some of the BS's that have to maintain contact due to having kids are still dealing with the insanity...I stayed up all night reading their stories and went to the phone store at 9am and shut it off.

I think I am more excited about thinking about dating than actually dating..I have this huge fear about having to tell this horror story to someone that does not understand it.

My EXW has now lost custody of her kids..In January she was evicted from her house...Called and asked if she could move in with me. Of course she said she would make it worth my time. I don't know what her bottom is...I just know I don't want to be anywhere around when she hits it..

I still think of my step children..They were such great kids..I was kind of an island of normalcy for them in the constant war between their mother and Dad. God knows how they can survive and become emotionally healthy adults. I just hope they realize I did everything I could to help them before I had to save myself.


Me: BH 42
WW: NPD
DD: 6/2009
Divorced: 4/2010

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southeast US
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still think of my step children..They were such great kids..I was kind of an island of normalcy for them in the constant war between their mother and Dad. God knows how they can survive and become emotionally healthy adults. I just hope they realize I did everything I could to help them before I had to save myself.

I think of mine ALLLLL the time too. I commend your strength. It's a lot of the allure that kept me trying to return, trying to work things out. I just wanted all the kids back together again, playing, laughing, rolling down the backyard hill together. He had two boys, and they too were, and always will remain in the war zone between him (NPD) and his ex (Borderline Personality Disorder). Like EL said on the last page though, we can't lay ourselves down on the alter of the children. Sad for them, and sad for us, but there is no other way. I'm glad you found your strength!


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know all about extinction burst. I am the one who had them. HE never openly has one where he is trying to contact me, pestering.

No. The first thing he does when he wants to hurt, and he has done this dozens of times, is the silent treatment. Cuts off all contact, leaves, blocks on IM's, refuses to answer emails, refuses to answer telephone.

Then *I* get frustrated and rage at him. Usually through email, get no response, break down, fall apart.

He won't come back unless I apologize profusely and tell him how right he has been and promise never ever to abuse him again by getting angry at him (for his cheating, lying, emotional abuse, walking all over me).

It's been a cycle. I do hold it all together, he comes back. Then the eroding of everything begins again as he openly does his BPD/NPD or whatever it is thing again. This time it took me three months of daily exposure to ignoring, lying, disregard, disrespect, openly conducting his little "friendship" in front of me, me asking him to slow it down on thr hurtful things that were sending me into panic attacks every single day. It took 4 weeks of him ramping his activity deliberately up before I blew apart.

He will not have an extinction burst back at me. I publically humiliated him, told people things about us and him that he wants concealed, AND I told him off in email very angrily and rudely many times before I came over here and realized I was SCREWED no matter what I do.

So I stopped. He does not want me. He won't be back.

Though if his raging and extinction burst IS the silent treatment AND the astonishing increase in the golf team activity in the last few days that is being reported to me by a friend over there ( he is doing this nearly 24/7 in the last few days) then ok.

But broadly, I think he hates me now and he DID say before he went quiet that he was giving up on me because I was getting so upset and was not even behaving in a human way.

That last one because I told that woman off and told her to go eff herself. This is not ALLOWED. She just laughed at me.

Anyway, I will look at those links you gave.

Also, funnily, I have not given this guy silence back for more than 6 weeks ever. Which was when we were broken up in 2011.

I was quiet on him in December a week at a time due to his refusing to respond. What is the point when he is off silent raging. When he came back last time, he came back with a load of accusations on things I never did and called me a sociopath, insane, lacking in humanity.

Little tired of that.

[This message edited by Kalliopeia at 9:41 AM, April 10th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kajem
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalli,

I have been called everything from bipolar to manic to N!

My therapist as well as others on NPD forums that I joined told me to switch the Yous in his statements to Is and the Is in his statements to yous. Then replay them in your head.. chances are they will accurately reflect what has been going on. THAT is called projection.

I sometimes still have to do this little exercise...because I need to reprogram my mind to realize what he said isn't true about me.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Kajem. I have a huge amount to guilt for the loss of control. It would happen every few months when the strain over rode my control and I was freaking out at him in ways I never dreamed I would before the last 3 years.

All is quiet. I am continuing NC and he has not made any attempt to be in contact. I feel anxious and deeply depressed.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know Kalli, if it is any help.. I still occasionally struggle with NC with XSO. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning.. but once in awhile when hormones are a bit whacky, or the moon is full.. I struggle too.

We can keep posting here that way we won't contact them..


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My therapist as well as others on NPD forums that I joined told me to switch the Yous in his statements to Is and the Is in his statements to yous. Then replay them in your head.. chances are they will accurately reflect what has been going on. THAT is called projection.

I sometimes still have to do this little exercise...because I need to reprogram my mind to realize what he said isn't true about me.

That's definitely something I need to work on. I was called selfish so many times that I believed it. It was confusing for me because in my mind he was everything to me, so I wasn't sure at the time how I was conveying something so opposite of how I felt. Then I got those emails, where he felt so betrayed because I got my daughter a service dog, where he didn't even so much as mention me or the kids in either message, and that's the moment I realized, it was all turned around. I wasn't the selfish one. Projection is a nasty weapon. It'll take me years to sift through what was real or not.

I'm feeling kind of manipulated tonight, looking back on the past few months. I wish I would've held off like I had originally planned. I feel like I played right into what he wanted. Months of the long periods of withdrawals, angry over everything. I really felt he was screwing around again, but I kept believing him (so familiar by now). I feel like I played into his hands when I ended it....did what he wanted, he gets to walk away on the high road telling people I ended it with him after he gave me 7 solid months of trying so hard. Feeling a little out of sorts tonight.

I'm just waiting for the bomb to drop, someone to slip and "like" some pic that shows in my news feed or something of him and some other chick again, find out again it was someone close to me. God, I just want to crawl into some cave and not come out until I'm healed because I'm so afraid every little thing is gonna make me break down.

[This message edited by windowsnotwalls at 8:47 PM, April 10th (Wednesday)]


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've had some trigger things happen the last few days..so I understand the other shoe dropping.

And it's ok to cry, to wail, to get mad, just keep NC. And if you break that.. it's ok, tomorrow is another day to start all over again.

I prepare myself for the worst thing happening and plan my reactions sometimes. It helps me to think of the worst case scenario and to expect that... maybe that is a way for you to figure out what you will do if someone likes a pic of him with a new girl? You do have a choice on how you react...

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard a lot from my ex in the last couple of months how hard he was trying.

He told me my behavior was so substandard, animal-like, and what he wanted was for me to take steps to make the relationship better, to him it wasn't about taking steps to go from being an animal to becoming a human being.

I was so stunned, I couldn't even respond. I desperately wanted that relationship. But the constant lies, cheating, the other child, manipulations, the gas lighting, the concealing of his actions.

I just can't even respond to his statement. He refuses to accept that he has taken me down so far. I don't have the words for it.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you find that you break NC on your own?

I get by myself and what he has done comes back to me, then I feel so hurt and angry I will write to him and vent at him.

That is how I break NC.

I am not feeling the urge all that much this time. It's like having the NPD out there is a deterrant. It makes me feel helpless. Like he is dead and it is what it is.

I mainly get called insane and lacking in humanity.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he hates me

vicarswife - first and foremost, understand that the N hates themselves.
Do you see where that began? In their abandoned and abused childhood days?
Even with adults abused, develops Stockholm syndrome. In children? Is it a far stretch to see how they come to believe they deserve it?

This hated thing, this thing that deserved it, must be denied at all costs. I am ugly. I am unworthy. I am trash, I deserve it (the abandonment and abuse), I must deny it.

Let me construct its polar opposite.
To distract from what I really believe about myself. (which btw is false too! - who deserves this as a child?)

Now. We have two, countem two! false personas.
Constructed. Entirely to avoid pain. Abandoment. Ridicule. Hate is the acid that burns them inside. Is it any wonder they pour it outside? To relieve themselves of its burning?

The scars, just like welds, are stronger from burning.
Silent. Silence-loving and all.


Posts: 6027 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Elaine2012
♀ Member
Member # 36099
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I'm ready to join the tribe. I've been reading for awhile now and I've learned so much. I never realized STBX had NPD behaviors until I started reading here. It was such a relief as I read and began to understand the crazy making from his NPD. Of course, he has only been diagnosed by me and clearly I'm no professional. I've just lived it for 37 years so I guess that could qualify me.

As I've read there have been so many things that have been aha moments. It's helped me realize that the things that have "set me off" have been reactions to NPD behaviors from him.

WNW: this really stood out to me.

and that's the moment I realized, it was all turned around. I wasn't the selfish one. Projection is a nasty weapon. It'll take me years to sift through what was real or not.
I've tried to make sense of nonsense.

I'm often reluctant to post but I think I really need the support I've seen here on this board. Thanks for reading.


Me- 53
WH- 57
Dday - Blindsided July 2012
Married 34 years; Sept 2012
Together 37 years
He doesn't want R.
In hindsight neither do I. For me adultery is a deal breaker!
4 adult DD's, 1 SIL, 3 grandchildren

Posts: 278 | Registered: Jul 2012
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, April 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you see where that began? In their abandoned and abused childhood days?
Even with adults abused, develops Stockholm syndrome. In children? Is it a far stretch to see how they come to believe they deserve it?

This hated thing, this thing that deserved it, must be denied at all costs. I am ugly. I am unworthy. I am trash, I deserve it (the abandonment and abuse), I must deny it.

Let me construct its polar opposite.
To distract from what I really believe about myself. (which btw is false too! - who deserves this as a child?)

Now. We have two, countem two! false personas.
Constructed. Entirely to avoid pain. Abandoment. Ridicule. Hate is the acid that burns them inside. Is it any wonder they pour it outside? To relieve themselves of its burning?

The scars, just like welds, are stronger from burning.
Silent. Silence-loving and all.

My GOD. Do you know that you just managed to explain the link between NPD and Sex Addiction?????????????????? They are the same thing, come from the same place, at least for my STBX.

Wow. Thank you. I have been searching for an explanation, unsuccessfully.

Also re: projecting. My NPD SA STBX controlled me through fear and threats. He told me I was difficult, mean, abusive. I wasn't. But I believed him. Even now, I can understand it in an abstract way, but I can't really absorb it as truth.


Posts: 1433 | Registered: Oct 2011
windowsnotwalls
♀ Member
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning, Tribe.... Something I ran across this morning, and it put me in a good place. Sending strength to all of you, today. Have a good one.

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is AUTHENTICITY.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it RESPECT.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it MATURITY.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment, so I could be calm. Today I call it SELF-CONFIDENCE.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it SIMPLICITY.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.Today I know it is LOVE OF ONESELF.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is MODESTY.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it FULFILLMENT.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection WISDOM OF THE HEART.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS LIFE!

(Charlie Chaplin)


"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails" (Elizabeth Edwards).
http://youtu.be/62oby83NtGw
Forever Conditionally Detached

Posts: 503 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
Ready4NewStart
♂ New Member
Member # 38871
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kallie.....

I think you should use this site when you get the urge to break NC. Also, this is all way too fresh for you to be beating yourself up for doing it.

One thing I have learned and accepted through this hell that my NPD EXW subjected me to is that I don't think any of us will ever be "healed" I think it will always be a constant process of healing.

One thing that differs in my situation that I have read on here is that my EXW spent for time degrading me to my friends and family than she did to my face.

I think the first thing we all have to realize is that we did not do anything wrong. I spent months maybe years before I found this site and realized that.

Also you don't realize the things that they will key on to try and make you look bad..I started having a few drinks when I would get home from work...She turned me into a down and out drunk.

Another thing I did not realize is what a hermit I had become. A built a defense mechanism w/o even realizing it. After a year of her drunken humiliation in public...flashing her breasts, falling down, being rude and crude to people. I just started refusing to go out in public with her.

Also I got to the point when I would want to break NC that if the thought of contacting her came into my head, I would think of all the shitty things she did to me, read a nasty text from her etc. Trust after a period of time the desire to break NC wears off


Me: BH 42
WW: NPD
DD: 6/2009
Divorced: 4/2010

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southeast US
Ready4NewStart
♂ New Member
Member # 38871
Default  Posted: 5:41 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

windowsnotwalls....... thank you for posting that this morning and I am glad you are in a better place than you were last night.

Everything you are feeling is natural. You are about to go through a process....and a long one. My NPD EXW was very close with my Mother. My Mom has not see or spoken to her in almost 2 years. Just last night my mom called me and kept me on the phone for 2 hours wanting to discuss what we call my EXW's "nonsense" My EXW was so good she even was able to suck my own mother in and had her believing her bullshit for a while.

But the longer you stay away and maintain NC, you will get out of the fog..Once that happened for me, I went through a long period of being pissed at myself for being duped. I wished I had found this site as early on as you have and it may not have taken me this long to get to where I am. I did not discuss this with my family and friends as openly as I do on here bc I was embarrassed.

Sorry I went on a rant. Just wanted to say to be patient with yourself..There will be both good and bad days down the road. But it does get easier


Me: BH 42
WW: NPD
DD: 6/2009
Divorced: 4/2010

Posts: 14 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southeast US
curiouswiz
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Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've spent so much time here, thank you. I'm surprised I didn't clue in the NPD factor a long time ago. Why? I thought it was a healthy ego. Really? Really. Ok, chuckle away folks. I was in my own fog of love I guess.

What's really hitting me today is the night shitlicker "earned" her name.

After a few nights apart in the early days, and so many miles, moons, months and madness since then, I've found this thread. I cannot stop thinking of that night.

It was just after dinner time, though we weren't eating. My cousin was with us and trying to keep us calm. Or at least civil. There were quite a few times she was here for me and though I'm grateful there may have been some times when she should not have been..we may have settled some issues if she hadn't been there.

Sorry, rambling. After showering and getting dressed in what has always been his dress up outfit. A nice pair of pants, dress shirt and sweater. Smelling good, looking good (still, but not for much longer) He stood in the doorway and with his arms outstretched presenting his wonderfulness he said "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Seriously. It was so obvious that he was going on a date.

I said you're looking good in response to his declaration of his own specialness. Then I asked him if she liked it when he shit himself even if he was dressed to kill? He was only taken aback for a moment and he came back with "She loves it! She loves me! Shit and all! She licks it up for me!"

And that was the day that shitlicker was born. It's come in handy. I use it for my attorney, who immediately saw my discomfort using her name. I use it in general conversation with STBXWH. I use it and use it. He once used her name and it was that afternoon and I very nearly ripped his head off while screaming do not ever speak her name in my home nor in front of me! Don't speak her name! I screamed it over and over while heading towards him to rip that smug smile off his face.

Thankfully my cousin was with me that day. NPD. Yay me. I'm grateful and stung. It makes so much sense and it's put so many pieces together for me and my impossible puzzle.

I hate to join this thread. I love that I've found it and hate it at the same time. Knowledge is power so I guess I'll get back to reading. Deep breath and a sigh....Courage to all of us in this boat. Courage and confidence. This is where I belong and why I feel as though I've lost myself is finally making sense. Guess I'll go find Melanie Tonya Evans this morning. Thank you.


God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 600 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Running you down to people behind your back... :(

I didn't say much here about that, but yes, it has happened a lot. When it first happened, I couldn't accept it. The thought to me that he was really doing that was incredibly destructive and unbelievable.

I never accepted it until last year. It became really clear at times he was running a campaign to make me look really bad. He would get mad, run off, and trying to gang people up against me.

What was I thinking? I was half insane from the loss of my younger sister, my mother appeared to be dying, and I was still in shock over the baby. People kept coming to me and telling me he hated me, he couldn't figure out how to get rid of me, that I kept harrassing him, that I was lying we were engaged. That I bought the ring for myself. He told them he wasn't living with me.

I was, honestly, close to suicide last September from the relentless blows. Again, what was I thinking? I couldn't accept he was doing it. I couldn't believe what was happening, so my mind thought of other reasons, other excuses.. and mostly came up with nothing, except he was a monster and I had been making a terrible mistake over him for years.. which was something I couldn't accept. There was NO explanation that I could understand.

I guess I beat myself up because letting him see how upset I have become, because I directed it at him, just gave him ammunition to degrade me and blameshift even more.

The horrible things he has done, he tells me he basically decided, after I lost it a few times ( for the lies, cheating, he stole from me, the amount of gaslighting) .. he told me the reason he detached from me enough to do these things is because I am crude and temperamental and he thought to himself, could he spent a lifetime with that? No. He decided, he could not.

This morning, there is no one in this world I want to slap as much as I want to slap him. I keep thinking monster! monster!


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see he has his facebook page back up from where he deacivated it last week.

Not a peep out of him to me. Silent treatment goes on. Makes me want to dump all his belongings on the kerb.

He is probably expecting me to come zipping out and trying to contact him. So he can ignore me, block me and otherwise use the leverage of it to jerk me around.

The usual way it goes.

Someone please tell me if it annoys this man at all that I am not saying a word to him. It would be really gratifying for once if he actually felt crap that I am not around.

Not that I can fix the relationship. It would make me feel better though if he were sitting there and some part of his reptiliam brain was saying osht I pushed Kalliopeia too far this time.


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
Luvlyla
♀ Member
Member # 38692
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, April 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does make them notice, i broke NC with my WXBF last night when he asked me to take a call regarding my (not his) daughter, he had "important things to say" apparently.

i took the call, asked what he proposed to arrange with DD. nothing, he didnt have a single plan nothing for me to agree to.

then projected on me that i was taking all my anger out on him and not letting him see DD because i was angry and he was just trying to stop me making the wrong decision.

then he exploded that i hadnt replied to an email he sent last week, that he has been having a really difficult time and i havnt contacted him - how dare i???? also begged me to send him my new number and unblock him from gmail. (i havnt actually changed it, just dont answer his calls anymore - but of course he thinks i must have a new one because how could i possibly ignore a weedy message from him!?)

I explained that since he had ignored my initial email where i outlined my boundaries and needs if he wanted to reconcile, i dont think hes in any position to manipulate me and that in my experience he doenst have anything worth listening to, so he didn't deserve my contact details.

I think it definitely touched a nerve and he told me ive been "playing hard ball and he doesnt know what to do". I think my hard ball is revealing his NPD more and more to me.


Im now aware that he is trying to maintain contact with me via her.

I really dont want to get drawn into his mess, he has nothing worth saying, and i fear he will let her down eventually when he sees hes not going to get his own way.

I think he wants to keep me close and he believes i will come running back for him when i "stop being angry and forgive him" and stupidly he thinks that process has nothing to do with him lol.

GRrr!!! i just want him out of my life altogether!!!

how do people read the delicate line between NC and contact re children only, when he constantly refers to "your anger" and draws you into an argument by a completely false version of history and pure denial!!!??

Do you eventually just be able to ignore his pathetic control attempts for what they are? i suspect a tiny part of me still hopes he might suddenly click and "get it" and be remorseful and everything could go back to being good. I know that's unrealistic and never gonna happen. but think that might be why i am bothered at his rewriting history.


When he's your Romeo,
and you're not his Juliet,
it means you are Rosaline
- and you survive the play.

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