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User Topic: N P D Thread - Part 11
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Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So....background... WH works with the OW....EA had been going on for a few years...supposedly it is over but they still work together. There is a work event tonight, he asked me if I minded if he went. I didn't answer because I didnt want to deal with an argument. That was last night.
He asks me again this morning if i minded if he went. I told him if he has to go for work, he has to go. Then he tells me it's purely a social thing and he said you don't want me to go because OW will be there.
I told him I don't care. I can't control him etc. So he said I'm not being honest with him. So I said I don't want you going and he says you don't want me hanging out with them because OW will be there.
He expects me to give him permission to go to a party so he can hang out with OW? I don't get it. At least one other person that is going to be there called up OW a few weeks ago and said I heard you are having an A with WH.
Why would he want to be at a party where at least one person knows about the A?? And hes asking my permission of whether not h can go. Shouldn't he know he shouldn't be there? If I tell him no, I'm the bad guy. If I tell him yes, he's hanging out with OW. So confused....

Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just for you, Skeerd; just for you... this hot off the presses today...

Dickhead: I have a stack of the letters they send out after services in my truck, for you, Lola, and the boys.

Me: I am not interested in the letters; I was moreso interested in the checks that you were cashing on medical claims that I overpaid.

Dickhead: I have not cashed any checks. But, I'll look for them from now on.

Me: That was the whole reason why I sent off for the EOBs to be separated. You only cashed two before I caught on and sent the letter to Jeanne.

Dickhead: Are you insane? I have not cashed any checks. Please go away!

Me: You told me you were entitled to them because they had your name on them, so I got that fixed.

Dickhead: I did not tell you that I have cashed checks from the insurance company. I have never seen a check from either insurance company. If so, it was way before BCBS stepped in the picture. I have not cashed any checks from either insurance companies that I can recall.

I have never heard of an insurance company sending checks for over payments. When I have over payments for services, the service provider sends me a check. I have the last one sitting on my dresser dated sometime back in 2011-2012, for services provided for me... it was never cashed... because I usually don't open the mail for months after receiving it or get it to a bank in time, they expire first. I've had similar issues with tax returns as checks.

Provide a copy of the checks/proof or stfu!

I've only retrieved the stuff from my post office box Saturday while I was near the Cajun Dome... first time in months, first time since before switching to BCBS. If there were ever any checks, they should be in the pile of mail in my truck. As for cashing some already, you can get that idea out of your head - I didn't do it. Eat me!

If your silly ass would get direct deposit, I'd never have to go to the bank and you'd get CS faster and regular. Open another account or something if you're concerned about me "playing" with your money!

You seriously may need to consider some psychiatric help.

I'll get all the mail addressed to the kids or you together you can take it all and the CS check when I see you this weekend.

Do not contact me further on this issue... I'll order the extra cards, and talk to Kim again about getting your stuff sent to you. I don't need more of this crap in the future!

Me: I wouldn’t *have* copies of those checks. At any rate, as I explained already, the “child support” that you have been paying for the past 2 years is an amount decided upon by you, not by a judge, and is under the state guidelines. Once the divorce is final next week, I will get the state amount reassessed as well as any arrears that are owed to me and consider contempt charges for anything else that you have been ordered to pay and failed to do so. At that time, I will be more than happy to set up direct deposit.

Dickhead: You can't prove I cashed any check(s) and I can't figure out a way to prove to you I haven't seen a check(s). So, why you'd accuse me of cashing them I'll never understand. How in the world would you even know if they were issued?

This all started as some simple stuff... 1) get more insurance cards, and 2) figure out a way for you to get EOB's (I assume that's the printouts that come any time we use the insurance). That's it, right?

How we get here makes no sense to me. I suspect you do need to see a professional about whatever issues you're dealing with.

This close to being divorced/separated for this long... I'd think this behavior would subside. Being civil is free. Accusing me of stealing isn't civil.

Those are rhetorical questions. I do not expect, or want an answer. I am adding your email address to my spam/block list at work. You can contact me via email, or when setting up times to exchange the Lola by phone, sms preferred. Lola and the boys are welcome to call me anytime. Sending me email at work accusing me of stuff you don't know about is annoying and distracting.

I'm not in the mood to keep this BS going all day. I'll wait for subpenas/court documents and communicate with you about exchanging Lola.

If you need more than the insurance cards and the mail from BCBS you can respond here at gmail.

Me: It was 4 years ago and $26; trust me I am not sweating it. I’m also not going to tell lies to suit your ego. Have a nice day.

Same manual, different guy...

[This message edited by veritas at 8:33 AM, May 30th (Thursday)]

Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LMAO, Veritas! What a prick! Thank you. I love knowing I'm not alone dealing with these assholes.

Me BS45. XWH44 NPD. M 8 yrs. DD8. Dday 1/26/10. DIVORCED 5/16/11. Harassment charges twice. Judge ordered NCO for 1 yr, as well as parenting & anger mgmt classes. NCO has since expired, so harassment continues disguised as concern for DD.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: USA
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Member # 27541
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatdoido -- God, can I EVER remember dealing with that same kind of crap. I just wish some wise person on here would give us some great "go to" line so we don't have to use the lie "I don't care."

Me BS45. XWH44 NPD. M 8 yrs. DD8. Dday 1/26/10. DIVORCED 5/16/11. Harassment charges twice. Judge ordered NCO for 1 yr, as well as parenting & anger mgmt classes. NCO has since expired, so harassment continues disguised as concern for DD.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good to post these crazy conversations!! These NPS's can argue circles around us, and try to engage us with any means possible. I know with my WH, it always ends up in a circular argument where he throws in a grain of truth and then emotional stuff and I almost always get hooked. Posting it here helps us see the craziness and helps others to know they are in the same boat.

I posted on the LTA forum that I'm like a blender. My mother installed the low range buttons and NPD installed the high range buttons and they know how to push them. Pulse is reserved for my teenage sons!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother installed the low range buttons and NPD installed the high range buttons and they know how to push them. Pulse is reserved for my teenage sons!

I love that!

Me BS45. XWH44 NPD. M 8 yrs. DD8. Dday 1/26/10. DIVORCED 5/16/11. Harassment charges twice. Judge ordered NCO for 1 yr, as well as parenting & anger mgmt classes. NCO has since expired, so harassment continues disguised as concern for DD.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, after about 20 more emails, I responded to XHNPD so I would have proof that I told him to leave me alone.

You ask why I don't look at you. It's because I can't stand to, and I really don't give a damn whether you like it or not. There are other reasons, but I won't go into them because I would say some really ugly things, and I'm not going to do that.

The reason i have to keep communication with you to a minimum is because any communication on your part turns into a mile-long blamefest. Nothing is simple with you. You pretend that you are only trying to do what's best for DD8. Sometimes that is true. Sometimes it is not. I can show you plenty of texts to DD in which you didn't care about her well-being. You were just out to get her mother. The prosecuting attorney saw these and was appalled that an adult would send those messages to his young child. That was the reason she recommended the counseling for you.

The biggest reason I don't communicate with you like you think we should is that your logic is ridiculous. For example, you tell me I should have never gone to the police when you harassed me 24/7, even though I begged you to leave me alone and warned you several times. Any normal human being would have stopped, but you just wouldn't. Another example of ridiculous logic is your BS about how I didn't HAVE to OPEN your messages. We had a child together, so yes, I did have to open your messages. YOU didn't have to send them.

You need to stop emailing me all the time. I don't tell you how to do things; however, I will tell you this: You need to stop acting like a baby with all the crap about me trying to get you in trouble. That is so immature. Just act like an adult. If you need to send me a message about DD, ok. Keep it brief and to the point and about DD only. You've already made your point about the communication. I've read it, so drop it. If you continue bothering me about unnecessary stuff, I will go to the police again.

This is ONE of many responses from XHNPD:

I'm sorry it bothers you to have a simple discussion and communicate like a normal person and your only answer is to get me in trouble. That's sad for DD. It's not a "blamefest". It's just trying to get you to accept some responsibility. But you just can't do that. It's just to easy to play the victim. [THEN X WENT INTO ABOUT 4 ARGUMENTS FROM OUR MARRIAGE FROM WHICH I WILL SPARE YOU.]

Even though it was a Wednesday and I was working and you had DD, you HAD to open and read those texts because we have a child together and you HAD to open them because ...

That's between you and your maker. That's just simple honesty and its between you and God.

As far as not being able to look at me because you can't stand me and texts I sent to DD's phone in January 2012 when I KNEW you had her phone and all that - let it go BXW. Stop living in the past. Just grow up and act like a normal person. You are childish. Normal people get over stuff and don't act like babies their whole lives. ____ and _____ don't act that way. I'm willing to bet ______'s dad and mom don't either.


I'm not trying to bother you. I'm just trying to get you to act like a normal person for your daughters sake and stop being selfish and putting you first. I've never seen anything like this before. It's incredible that you can't just act like a 45 year old woman and communicate and accept responsibility. It's a shame your only answer to anything is "I'm going to tell on you!!!" Most people grow out of that by 6 or 7.
I'll leave you alone. If you can't be any more grown up than that ill leave you alone cuz you'll go tattle and get me in trouble again.
But that's just sad. It really is.

He didn't leave me alone. He even started throwing Bible verses in my face because I'm a Christian and he's not.

In a previous post, I shared that X was going to have a counselor call me so we could work out our communication problems. This is a counselor that he met when he had to go to his court-ordered parenting and anger management classes. I had planned on NOT talking to this lady, but she called today and I told her what she was dealing with. She asked how many messages I had received this week. When I told her, she just couldn't believe it and said she was very concerned for my daughter and me. We are supposed to follow up later.

Me BS45. XWH44 NPD. M 8 yrs. DD8. Dday 1/26/10. DIVORCED 5/16/11. Harassment charges twice. Judge ordered NCO for 1 yr, as well as parenting & anger mgmt classes. NCO has since expired, so harassment continues disguised as concern for DD.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Good Lord! It's like they all have the same script and just tweek it a little to personalize it.

I can't help but continue to be amazed at how similar the reactions and even statements are between one NPD and another! My STBX recently said just about everything in that email in some form or another.

The ironic part is every single thing they say applies to them! It's one of the more crazy-making aspects of this! To have a person say all the things that they can't accept about themselves is like being in the Twilight Zone. It's like the bank robber lecturing the teller on how wrong it is for the teller to steal. A total "WTF is going on here?" sensation.

[This message edited by Housefulloflove at 4:23 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
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Member # 27541
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The ironic part is every single thing they say applies to them! It's one of the more crazy-making aspects of this! To have a person say all the things that they can't accept about themselves is like being in the Twilight Zone. It's like the bank robber lecturing the teller on how wrong it is for the teller to steal. A total "WTF is going on here?" sensation.

It IS like being in the Twilight Zone. It also makes me question myself, which pisses me off.

Me BS45. XWH44 NPD. M 8 yrs. DD8. Dday 1/26/10. DIVORCED 5/16/11. Harassment charges twice. Judge ordered NCO for 1 yr, as well as parenting & anger mgmt classes. NCO has since expired, so harassment continues disguised as concern for DD.

Posts: 781 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: USA
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Member # 36700
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, May 30th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure whether I belong here or in spouse of addict forum. I've heard that the two are very similar.

I'm scared that I may fall for the newly displayed caring acts again. I've built up a wall to protect me and I won't forgive myself if I let him break it down again.

Maybe it's a little flame of hope. It whispers that his NPD behaviors were extreme due to his addiction and that maybe this him. The newly sober him isn't so bad and could possibly be open and honest with himself enough to let go of his ego and change. Don't get me wrong. There are severe selfishness and entitlement and Peter Pan syndrome type issues going on but he portrays a man trying slowly to change. How can you tell if its real or an act to get what he wants.

I need help I need guidance but I don't know where to start.

WSO: 29
BSO: 27 mommy of 3 under 7, #4 due may 2013
D Day#1: august 25 2010 ow#1
D Day#2: jun 15 2012 from 7 mt PA/EA with ow#2
+ a couple of short term flings.
D Day #3 sometime the last week in march / false R Same ow

Posts: 222 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Tx
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Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Welcome to the NPD forum. We call ourselves the TRIBE.

As for knowing if change is truely a change... TIME will tell. They can't keep the mask on forever- if they truly have not changed. Although SA can have lapses in behavior.... it is the resolve to start again tomorrow that will tell you if they are truly wanting and willing to change. Till you are convinced by actions alone, guard your heart.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4031 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its been a long time since ive posted but really need some support.My exhusband (together 8 1 1/2 yrs) who is a sociopath left me a 1 1/2 yrs. ago with no closure totally abandoned me and our family(biologically are not his 2 children but raised them for 8 yrs) and 3 months after abandoning us coldly was in another relationship with a new victim. then 3 more months later she was 4 moths pregnant! that hurt alot. he even named their baby girl after our daughters name whom we lost when i was a few months into pregnancy. yeah he has no empathy. so the baby is born a few months ago i found out. a friend of mine tells me she knows someone who is a mutual mutual friend of my exhubby and she was told that he has several singles and dating hookup sites he trolls on his phone. this one women he is now talking to coincidentally happened to show a friend of mine a pic of this guy she has been sexting and emailing who she met online and when she showed my friend the pic of the guy it was my exhubby! she was shocked but didnt tell the girl. he told her he has to be careful bc a girl he had talked to before found out he had a GF and he thought she would tell so he had to protect his family. My friend said next thing she knew he was oficcially married to his GF now wife. i guess in case the girl spilled he could hook her so she couldnt leave easily. so he then met this girl and she told my friend he is so sweet and even though he is married its just fun and freindship but they exchange pics of one anothe and now they sex chat and he sends her pics of his privates. he even sends pics that he has cropped his wife and baby out of we found out. he even send her a pic that i took of him on our last vacation we had taken 2 years prior. sick. so now this girl is sad because they use to text and talk all day everyday for a month and he just stopped all of a sudden. one would think i wouldnt want to know anything but it actually helped me knowing this information. the reason being like most socios and npd he left me with no closure. this helped me see it was not me and what would have happened to me had he not left. i would have got more of the same but with his fake tears and fake words of undying love for me and our kids just to keep doing what he was doing. his wife i hear is bisexual and when dating had shared their bed with other women from what he tells this new girl he met online. he told this new girl he gets to be with other girls as long as his wife approves and even if she chooses not to participate, but her rule is she can only pick them, and has to be there watching. also no men. i told MY friend then why is he cheating and hiding these singles websites and other single women from her if she is ok with him being with other girls? she said he claims because he is picking them maybe. i guess the baby being in the mix now has to put a strain on the frequency of sex or threesomes if thats true. it sounds sick and crazy and comes to show even if i had reduced myself to that point of stripping myself of all respect and self worth to keep him it still wouldnt have been enough..

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2011
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Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


My thought with my X.. is if his lips are moving - he is lying.

Your X's stories aren't matching up... I spy a huge lie. What part of the story he is feeding this girl is a lie.. I don't know. But my spydy sense is pinging on he's a liar.

Things like this, make me glad they knew me enough to know I wasn't going to follow them down that road.

Being rejected without any reason.. still hurts one's heart.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4031 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
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Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your NPD WS sleep well?

Posts: 384 | Registered: May 2013
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Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for the response kajem. its crazy to know my ex socio is now married with a child. he is still doing the same things he did with me but i didnt find out his double life till the 7th yr of our relationship. i tried counseling bc he promised and begged to change and give him a chance. i had forgiven him years prior for texting other women and he begged me to give him a chance and that was a red flag i should not have rug swept so easily. in all our time together i cant believe how hard he worked to remain a great father and husband by doing all the right things through our entire relationship. even when he got caught those few times he worked so hard in counseling and giving me all his passwords for everything, but in the end my gut had me goto measures i had to take bc i didnt want to keep my head in the sand. after he abandoned me and as the months went on and now a year and a half i have found out the extent to how he hid his double life. i ts crazy. but socios are heartless no empathy. im an object. i didnt serve my purpose to accept his im sorry and overlook it. i wasnt "security and convenient" anymore. i became too much of a problem and was discarded and quickly replaced with one of his backups to start new and a women who he could start on a clean slate with that was unaware of who and how he is. although i exposed him before he had his next target ready and he socios love sex so of coarse this pit stop girl who works with him is not very attractive and overweight and most likely has low self esteem but has a grood job(profile of a socios victim) ended up getting pregnant so im sure he made the best of a bad situation. socios mirror what the victim is they are targeting at the time. whatever you dream your partner to be they will become. the mask and image is everything. so now he has taken the image of a country cowboy. its actually pretty funny. i cant believe it. he is all country now. he use to love the music but hated western wear but now thats all he wears. he even tells this new girl he was talking to online that he has all these guns and goes hunting too. He really is building this image to be what her and her family will love. he did that with mine. he played husband and dad so well in the end when we seperated my family wanted to know what happened bc he was soo perfect and they loved him. i just told them it didnt work out bc i am very private with my personal problems. but the image he potrayed is tough for people to believe you. they see for so many years how great they are with this image they pull on everyone that in the end when i told my sister who i trust what was really going on she didnt believe me. she said noway he is and has shown to be too nice. i said please come see what i found and hear the recording of his activity in his truck of him having a conversation with his affair partner and coworker. she saw all the evidence and was shocked. so alot of people in his family took me off facebook immediately after bc he did a smera campaign on me. telling them i am psycho and mistreated him and he couldnt take it anymore. all while he was actually attending counseling telling me he was wanting us to work on it and he loved me so much still but was confused. yes crazy. it wasnt until he just up and left never came home, no texting or phone calls to me and our kids. just gone. it was then i began to nvestigate bc i couldnt understand what was happening. i put a keylogger on our computer and what i found showed the real him. it wasnt until a good year til i found out what type of person i was dealing with. a sociopath. when my therapist who is qualified to make a diagnosis told me to fillout a questionare on my experience and his personality he told me then what i was dealing with and it was then i felt like i wasnt crazy. someone believed me and actually was telling me how things happen with them their image they build patterns and discards. it was like he was telling me my story. to this day im sure several people believe his false story that im psycho and mean bc the image he presented for so many years is what makes the lies uncovered in the end will not be believed bc they are soo good at making sure what people see will make the aweful truth in the end unbelievable. so this new spouse of his im sure thinks im so eveil. i was so mean and mistreated him. but i find it crazy that most of his family dont question if it was so aweful why he stayed around? he may have said our kids, but biologilcally they arent his so i would think they would still recognize he could have left sooner with no obligations at all. so this friend of mine says his new online sexting friend that she knows is sad bc now that he stopped talking to her all of a sudden she wants to find out why. if his wife found out. he just got married 2 months ago and he was already hooking up prior and after their marriage. well im sure he never stopped since he is a socio. but i i feel sorry for the now wife and child. my friend said she wont tell the girl she knows him or me and will persuade her not to meet him should he contact her again. he has 2 std's and says he is clean. and supposedly his wife and him have threesomes under her rules since she is bi. he told this online sexting friend she will get mad if she finds out he is talking to other girls she didnt approve to have sex with them. he can only talk and text women after work hours if they agree to do a threesome but even at that his wife may be mad bc he is bringing the girl in not her. it makes no sense. anyway, this online girls is wanting to know what happened that he stopped talking to her two so they had to keep their communication hidden since she isnt bi and they are interested in eventually meeting. and the wife is clueless of the whole thing. the crazy thing is i was told a guy had asked him about me bc i look really different(lost 115lbs) and he wanted to hookup with me but wasnt sure if it was really me so he showed him some pics he saw on my fb and asked is that her? she looks hot. he said yes thats her but she isnt pretty she looks aweful and if i were him i wouldnt contact her bc he will see she isnt pretty and if i were him i would stay far away. i thought after all this time why is he still angry. my therapist said bc i outsmarted him at his own game. i exposed him to his married affair partner and her husband in a sneaky way and his wanting my answer that i was the one who ruined his game but refused to give him that so he is always going to remember that. thats why he left me with no closure and strung me along till he just dropped me to make me suffer. sorry toramble but just needing to get it out. any input or advice is welcomed.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2011
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Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Starlight: Thank you for sharing your story. Many times when we share our stories, it helps others too.

What I realized as I was reading, is that I believe that I wasn't seeing the forest because of the trees.

I would get caught up in the details, trying to make sense of it all. There is so much that has happened.

Reread your own post. You will see the pattern of your WH. You already know he is a sociopath who can be super charming. We want to believe that image that they project. We want to believe it so badly that we ignore or try to explain away all the red flags and abnormal behavior.

I know how much this hurts. You are mourning a betrayal, and also you are mourning the death of someone you thought you were married to.

That person isn't real. Sometimes you see glimpses of that charming person, but it's all an act.

Take all the piecemeal hurts and work out a few at a time, but keep focused on the whole forest.

Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
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Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have asked my H if there was something wrong or something bothering him just about every day for the past 20+ years - no exaggeration. Every day it seems that he has some sort of an issue and his answer is always the same - nothing is wrong. Even our kids ask him what's wrong at times and he gives them the same response. I do believe that he has many NPD / PA characteristics. Is this another one of them? It has been so draining over the years.

Posts: 22 | Registered: May 2013 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your NPD WS sleep well?

No, he never did sleep well. One of his favorite ways to start the day would be to complain about how he could not sleep, tossed & turned, woke up & couldn't get back to sleep, or whatever else reason he could think of for not sleeping. He'd get so angry with me when I'd say, gee, you say you couldn't get to sleep before 2:00 in the morning, yet when I checked in on you at 11:00 you were snoring away.

How he sleeps now I don't know since I kicked him out last year.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 8785 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
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Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my first post in the "I Can Relate" forum, so let me know what I have to do to become inducted into the Tribe, cause I feel so at home just reading all these posts

Does your NPD WS sleep well?

Mine never slept well at all..

So, I have a question about contact. Reading the exchanges you guys have with your NPDs, I feel like I'm reading my own emails and texts with my STBX POS. It's crazy how similar they are.. It's always about everything I do wrong, I'm crazy, I need counseling, I need to get over it and move on with my life, on and on with the blameshifting and gaslighting..

I guess what I'm wondering is if I should break no contact to let him know that I AM over him. I learned very soon after we separated in October that I should stop responding to emotional communication and not let him know about my feelings anymore. I think I've done very, very well at ignoring all his assumptions about my feelings towards him and sticking to the facts. Of course it took a while to fully accept that he was never going to change, so my feelings have changed over time, but he doesn't know that..

I think the last time I talked about my feelings was in November when I filed for divorce, and I was still kind of hoping that he would pull his head out of his ass and feel some sort of remorse or regret for what he has done to me (still wish he would do that even though I don't want him back). But this means that I've never really told him that I AM done with him and never coming back.. I guess it should be obvious to him by all the ignoring I do, but I still don't feel like I ever told him, and maybe I should..

We are about to go to mediation again, and he was telling me yesterday how this needs to be the last one and we don't have any assets and I should just not be vindictive about holidays with the kids and generally insulting me and telling me how I need to let go and move on with my life.

Most of this is ridiculous as after repeated attempts at trying to discuss assets (like the stupid furniture and stuff), he keeps telling me to "wait till mediation." And he tried to refuse me Mother's Day and I had to go through lawyers to get it, so obviously HE is the vindictive and unfair one about holidays, so I want everything clearly spelled out in the divorce. And he still hasn't provided all his financials, including his pension plan, so he's delaying the chances of reaching a financial settlement by not disclosing everything yet..

I just HAVE to roll my eyes when he continues to blame ME for stuff HE does.. He actually called me materialistic for suggesting we talk about the assets..

I know shouldn't try to figure him out too much, but I'm getting the feeling that I've been emotionally divorced from this guy for months and months now, so I'm ready to get to the finances and parenting plan and get this over with. But with his constant refusal to talk about specifics, I'm wondering if he is feeling emotionally divorced yet.. Like he's still holding on and doesn't want to face the consequences yet..

I remember back to when we were together, when he was rude or in a bad mood, I would talk to him, try to comfort him, try to figure out what was wrong, etc., etc. So it makes me think he is so rude and in a bad mood to me now so that I will be the same and try to comfort him and figure out what's wrong and try to fix it somehow. I don't think he gets that he fired me from that job, and talking to me like that is NOT how to get my attention anymore.. I feel pretty stupid for how much attention and love I gave him when he did that crap before..

I guess I feel like crickets is still the way to go, but I'm really wondering if I should let him know that I AM over him and I AM ready to move on. I just feel like I never told him that, and I'm wondering if it would wake him up at all and make him realize that this divorce is really happening, so it's time to shut up about emotions and deal with the financial and parenting issues..

Thoughts? I feel like people fall off the NC wagon a lot, but that means they got a chance to tell the NPD how things are different now and set some new boundaries around the relationship. I guess that's what I want to do. I want to let him know that emotionally I'm done and ready to get this divorce figured out.. He keeps saying how I'm not over him and holding on, and I keep ignoring him, but I'm wondering if it would help at all to finally correct him on this..

BW~ 35, Two Darling Sons~ 10 and 6
D-Day 9/2012
S 10/2012
Filed D 11/2012
Divorced! 4/2014

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Feb 2013
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Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if I should break no contact to let him know that I AM over him.

Sorry, I stopped reading right there, but no.
I'm gonna make that a hell no.
Your silence tells him you're over him far more profoundly than words could ever form.

See skeerd's stuff above. Any attempt to reason with such creatures always ends up involving you in more toxicity. Self doubt. Sanity-questioning.
Wasted emotional time.

As a man thinketh, so is he.
Those wise words give weight, and an escape for rational loving people who are here
((((((WELCOME TO TRIBE)))))))
"Hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue."

You're not crazy.
They are.

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