Now 20+ yrs later, I find out her uncle actually molested her starting at about age 6 or so.
Indifference is so great, I wonder why I ever cared at all before-man was I dumb.
Gotta hold it together for the kids, and myself. Detach. Detach. Detach. Sticks and stones. I know you are, but what am I? Madness. Chaos. Bitterness. Much bitterness. Gotta let it go. Not healthy. Not productive. Focus. Laser beam focus. Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead! Cohabitate. Play nice, even if it's fake? Maybe. Detach. Be not ugly or nice. Just be. One day my a time. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. No, it's not a train. It's liberation. It's the man you strive to be, that you want to be. The world I put so much time, energy and emotion into building is turning out to be my pariah, my prison. Fool. Good intentions. High hopes. Big dreams. Gone. All gone. Life experience. Silver linings. A mirage. A pool of sand for a thirsty traveler. A cruel joke, or a valuable lesson? Time will tell, shit will smell, and water seeks its own level. It is what it is. Make lemonade. That's all, folks!
You'll end up swamping the boat. I've swamped a couple. Just trying to steer you clear here.
64's got it. Indifference is so great.
Go there friend, by tending to your deepest needs. AKA yourself...
Sail on brother, sail on.
She has extended an olive branch, of sorts...not to become "those people". I accept her truce. I can coexist, be pleasant, without giving up who I am or what I believe. We know where we stand. Now it's just make it through til all the dust settles.
No caving. No boat is getting swamped. I know what I want, and I'm going to get it. A new chapter.
Fuck her olive branch. Don't be an asshole but you never were one of "those people" - she was. Don't let her drag you down into her shit pool. Just detach, shut her out and full steam ahead on forging your own life man.
She has extended an olive branch, of sorts...not to become "those people".
Coming out of lurkerdom on this thread to say, where is that General Ackbar gif when you need it. It's a trap! I suspect you already know this but the truce will be broken and more likley sooner than later by her. I agree with Stillgoing.
Now it's just make it through til all the dust settles.
So you are continuing on with the D process and you are just keeping up appearances for the kids?
I admit I'm puzzled by the strident anti-porn views exhibited by a few of our BW counterparts. I can understand it if the guy is too spent from flogging it to porn to have meaningful sex with his wife (or interact with the family or get to work on time), but at least one woman came to SI claiming infidelity due merely to the fact that her hub looked at porn.
Maybe I'm missing something. Think I should look more closely into my wife's porn habits? I know she's pointed me towards some hot online erotica in the past that she uncovered...
Here at SI at least, that inbuilt bias is significantly reduced and regularly challenged when noted. But I do see it reflected unthinkingly in a lot of various comments that get made.
SI hasn't seemed to have changed recently in my opinion, but I've not been here nearly as long as you.
No clue why i picked the name Tracy though. Probably cause I've never meet a woman with that name, seems safer that way.
Just something to take our minds off this shit and have a chuckle. For those of those who wanted the fairy tale:
You the man!
The porn thing is hard to ignore since it pops up so much. I don't think it merits serious attention though. Some people are just too hurt to think straight about it, some people just want shit to blame, whatever. I know I get pissed off sometimes being told I'm as bad as some dude who beats his wife and fucks around on her because I watch porn sometimes, but I shouldn't. I should just let it go.
So I think, why the fuck do I care, why do I get mad? I think it's because I get stuck in that bullshit pigeonhole with no acknowledgement of the shit I've had to go through to be loyal and honorable and loving as a husband. Naw I am not perfect, way fucking distant from that post. I think it's just feeling shitty about being robbed of the trust, love and respect of being loyal and honest, and at the same time getting shit on for the guys who aren't.
I have no doubt there are guys out there who fap it 10 hours a day to flameco goat and shaved wookie porn, and they ruin their own and their families lives.
There are women out there who watch porn and are pretty open about it, but I don't think I've ever once seen anyone say "Women who watch porn are cheating on their husbands." As if slapping Br'r Rabbit with a double A power up to twaddle the beef curtains at mach 4 while checking out Erotic Romantic Jawa Hot Tub Sex doesn't count, needs to be a dick and a fapsock involved.
Shit, it's not like it's even easy to find normal porn anymore anyway, half the time if I go browsing around I end up bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" with an arm thrown up in front of my face, frantically trying to click the fucking browser window closed but since I'm not looking it's opening some cascade of Banana Monster Bukakke with horrible squelching sounds like some kind of B-movie alien monster trying to eat the head off an giant squid and it takes less than 30 seconds for me to howl like the hulk and stab at the PC power button in a panic,realizing belatedly that I have to hold the fucking thing down which takes too long, so out comes the power cord. Meanwhile, the room looks like a gang of orangutans had a play date, I'm trying desperately to hitch my pants up and not sob quietly at things that can't be unseen and, too afraid to power on the computer again to go stab taun taunts with a lightsaber I wander out to the living room to watch a documentary about spiders instead. Because I fear and hate spiders but their dripping fangs and mutifacted, dead-eyed vampire stares can quickly erase the horror of whatever the fuck that guy was doing with that donkey, clown and fathead fish.
I dunno, whatever. I just gotta remember the opinions of people on the Internet aren't worth getting angry over, except when they talk about the Hobbit movie.
That said though. As a minority we need to watch out for generalized comments about women. Allot of us. Me included. Have been spanked and warned by the mods about that. Even though this is a MEN forum women do read here. I wont go into depth about this because I dont wanna get spanked again. Just be careful.
About the woman view of porn thing. Yeah. I dont get it either. SOME women believe that viewing porn is like cheating. I dont really see how thats so since there is no other person involved. But whatever.
My WW says that my posting here is just the same as her cheating on me. I dont get that one either. I suppose that after I post this I should sit back and have a ciggy or something. Whatever.
I could also be wrong about our minority status. Who knows. Not me.
I am back here after a longish hiatus because Im seeing some storm clouds on the horizon. I needed some feed back and now Ive kinda determined what direction Ill go in should things go off the rails. This place is a good sounding board and I really hope it continues to be so. Not just for me but for everyone.
Sometimes its good to just air out what you are thinking and going through. Good to get the opinion of others.
For me it's very simple. I stay married as long as I have access to everything and she doesn't do it again. If not I'll pay any price to move on. And she knows it.
Never give up. Never surrender.