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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeh, it doesn't really apply to situations where WW isn't having sex with you at all. The sudden appearance of regular and enthusiastic blowjobs could be suspicious in that sense but it's also probably about as likely as a giant fucking triceratops wearing a housing with miniguns that fire depleted uranium shells and a rack of heat seeking missiles appearing in your drive way for you to ride to work on so you can give a serious Fuck You to the asshole that dares cut you off.

Hell if you took that down route 18 around 5ish it'd be therapeutic. Almost like sudden and enthusiastic blowjobs. Question the dinosaur and the blowjob after the initial stress release.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7086 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Charwheeze
♂ Member
Member # 37689
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate to the BJ discussion. My WW did this for several weeks before D-day. Whenever we'd have vaginal sex during that time it was like she wasn't even in the same room. But she was always enthusiastic about the BJs. It was so confusing to me.

The current OM she's "in-love" with. Because of her loyalty to him, I bet she felt like she was cheating on the OM with me when we had intercourse. But somehow she felt like BJs were perfectly ok. Their thought process is so messed up. I hate her for keeping me "hooked" like that. Playing and deceiving me.


BH - me, 31
ex-WW - her, 31
Dday: 10-14-12
Divorced July 2013

Posts: 67 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Florida
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing,
Rt 18, New Brunswick? If so, yeah, a real bitch from 3:30 till whenever. I travel it weekdays on my way home.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
Madmichaelj
♂ Member
Member # 35192
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thought this was as safe of a place as any to say this; after 16 months since DDAY, I finally called my WW a whore...

Feel kind of awful for it too...

Thanks for listening!


"Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I Will Fear No Evil"
Psalms 23

Posts: 112 | Registered: Mar 2012
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I finally called my WW a whore...
Feel kind of awful for it too...

Both of these are normal reactions. At least I think they are. I sometimes struggled not to call her a whore, and I would like to think that feeling bad about that is normal.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, that's the one. With a new fucking accident every 6 hours because some asshole can't read a No Right Turn sign coming out of the mall and plows some guy that can't see him coming, and from the other direction a 16 mile long wait to get onto exit 9 because some engineering genius thought putting the on ramp right next to the divide for 1&9 was a good idea. All they have to do is put in a skyway to the GSP and that fucking thing will open a gate to the nine hells and loose a gang of surly traffic demons onto the earth.

Sorry, back to blowjobs.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7086 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 16 months of supressing? Not bad, I only made 8 and threw in a few others also. Felt 'good' at the time, yet I hurt later. I also saw the hurt it caused her, yet she said she deserved so much more and was just so very glad to be given this chance.

The guilt? This is the woman you married. Think of your reaction if someone else said that in your presence. It's natural to want to defend the one you love. Kind of sucks when that pain is given by you, but then again is some of it not deserved? Where/who else do you vent it to?

This is all just a shit sandwich, sometimes I feel that there are no answers.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2062 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MadMichaelj, 16 months is pretty long. I think after 8 months I dropped the bomb and called her a sperm burping gutter slut. Her response was pretty stone like and while drunk I have said worse. Don't beat yourself up. I'm 3.5 years out and still get pretty angry and have thoughts that she is a whore. Is it healthy? Normal? Yep! Repressing those thoughts and going all forgivness bullshit will only prolong the bad patch we have to endure. Is it a popular position here on SI? Probably not. It works for me. After 2 years of IC (EMDR and Gesault) and 18 months of MC I realized you have to embrace the anger to get beyond it. BTW those bad patches come out of nowhere. No matter how good your R is going they can come on from whatever alternate plane they exist.

[This message edited by dadof4 at 11:36 AM, January 30th (Wednesday)]


Me 51(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-23,21,16,14
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
Madmichaelj
♂ Member
Member # 35192
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys are spot on with your wisdom on this stuff...

As a military guy I kind of associated these episodes with an Infantry patrol through the poppy-seed fields in Afghanistan...

You know your gonna get ambushed, and you try your damnedest to avoid/prevent, but truthfully it's just a matter of time, so you need to have your shit together when it happens...

I think that's my anchor right now slowing my process; knowing how to be a freakin man while dealing with it...

Thanks


"Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I Will Fear No Evil"
Psalms 23

Posts: 112 | Registered: Mar 2012
toby
♂ Member
Member # 10337
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"sperm burping gutter slut"

I'm saving this one for later !!!! Thanks Do4.


Posts: 1493 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Texas
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mad... If that is the worst thing you've called her you're doing pretty damn good....

I called the ex things that would gag a maggot....

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whore? That is how my W acted. I can separate out behavior from the person. My W behaved like a gold digging whore. That is not her entire person - it never was. Yes when she was pole smoking her boss for a reference letter she was acting like a whore. But she also came home and took good care of my kids most of the time. She was being a bitch but she did not completely abandon the family.

She is changing now and hopefully she will not longer behave like a gold digging whore. Hopefully she won't be a bitch either. Although it is difficult, I don't need to feel bad about truthfully pointing out how she acted. In fact when and if she is inappropriate I tell her. I hope she would do the same for me. Could I have said, "Honey your behavior was inappropriate and hurt my feelings." Yes. Does that deliver the same message as "you are a gold digging, pole smoking whore." No. I was being clear. It didn't just hurt my feelings so I wasn't 'just' trying to hurt her. I don't continue to beat her over the head with it, but once or twice seems reasonable.




Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wert,

I have to say that you do have an edge over many of us in being able, as you say, to separate the behavior from the person.

I am not there yet as I am still in some kind of bargaining phase of grief: still trying to fit my WW on some kind of pedestal.

I liked your post.

Jack


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 788 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC -

It's someone cold to be honest. I don't think its based out of anger, but simply that she hasn't earned her way back into my heart yet. She is really trying. Will get there.

I hope everyone else who wants to get there also...

Pedestals are funny things. Broad at the top and narrow at at the bottom. Poor engineering. There not bad all the time, but they are never a true representation of a person. That chick don't exist...

take care..

[This message edited by wert at 4:08 PM, January 30th (Wednesday)]



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes when she was pole smoking her boss for a reference letter she was acting like a whore.
If this was done during work hours, it also fits the technical definition as well.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Toby,

I can't take credit for that one. My buddy from Brunswick Maine came up with it long ago. We were in a bar in San Francisco in the early 90's when he dropped that gem to describe the local talent.


Me 51(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-23,21,16,14
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

aesir -

I try and call them like I see 'em.



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The version I heard in the early 90's when I was working for UPS was "cum guzzling gutter slut." A bunch of teenage guys between HS and college working like dogs at 5 am standing around giggling. Weird shit.

The other one was "sperm burping dick leech."

I don't think I've ever heard them applied to an actual person before.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7086 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Two Cents,
If you are in R and have moved on, or trying to, then my gut feeling is that obviously still have sincere feeling for your wayward, untrustworthy, adulterous, slut wife!
Oops! did I cross over the line?
Too F-ing bad.
Those of us who are genuinely bashed, battered, partially destroyed and totally betrayed, (again, without any form of remorse), by nature, have to view our Wsluts just as they are.
Point! Not all women are the same, but the actions are.
So, if the person performing the actions is still unremorseful, then let the superlatives fly as they must.
Hell, do you, for a second, think, that if tables were turned, we would be spared the inevitable? NOT
So, let them know how you feel. They truly deserve it.
Will it change them? Probably not, especially if they are certifiably Sociopathic.
Still waiting for my BEST opportunity to unload on my ex slut, cum swallowing, (by the way, never for me, if that matters, lol), pole swallowing, hmmmm Mother of my boys, yuck.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, January 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The worst I've done was let a See You Next Tuesday fly when I was ranting to my brother's girlfriend about the situation. I actually feel bad about it. I usually make it a point to not pick on the mentally ill.

Posts: 1312 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
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