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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HoldingTogether, a couple of lines of yours remind me of a quote that was going around here when I first joined.

It is not the waters fault the broken cup can not be filled.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HT you said it better than I seem capable of.

One thing here:

Sure enough some other douchbag comes along and starts to really go after her. Well he might not want her need her or love her as much as she needs but he certainly gives the appearance of wanting her needing her and loving her more than she has convinced herself that I do. More is better than less right? So off she goes.

Even if the OM didn't do as great a job, he wasn't obligated to at all! ALL that shit you do? Fixed that entire list? Well, you're the husband, obviously you're doing it because you have to, not because you want to and feel she's worth it.

Which is why no matter what you do, if your actions are devalued to the point they don't matter then you can't fucking superman your way back to happy. The best you can do is say fuck this shit and fly away.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 2:08 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you can't fucking superman your way back to happy. The best you can do is say fuck this shit and fly away.

Coming out of lurker mode to say when my D is ready to be final and we go in to do the depositions, I will have the above quote stenciled on a shirt and will be wearing it to the lawyers office.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1570 | Registered: May 2011
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even if the OM didn't do as great a job, he wasn't obligated to at all! ALL that shit you do? Fixed that entire list? Well, you're the husband, obviously you're doing it because you have to, not because you want to and feel she's worth it.
That presumes that it is even noticed. You know, broken cup and all.

** Long winded rambling story alert **
Way back, had some bad news regarding the health of one of STBXWW's relatives. I was out of town working (which was pretty critical, more than just a regular job at stake, as if that is not enough). When she called with the news, I made a few calls and went on the internet to book the next flight back home, then spent the rest of the day rearranging the entire managers schedule, and performing a few other tasks to make sure that things would function in my absence. Then after work I drove for 9 hours straight to get to the city with the airport, grabbed a couple of hours sleep before going to the airport to get on an obscenely early flight, got off the plane, took a cab home from the airport, walked in the front door with my bags, left them in the living room and we headed out so I could drive her to the hospice so we could spend all day visiting.

In contrast, getting the news shortly after I did, her OM came by in the afternoon to drive her across town and drop her off at the hospice.

Guess which one of us was the worthless fucktard who was never there for her and never did anything for her... and which one was the big fucking hero.

It doesn't matter what kind of shit you do, and what kind of lists you work off of. If your spouse is not receptive, they are not receptive.

[This message edited by aesir at 3:14 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess which one of us was the worthless fucktard who was never there for her and never did anything for her... and which one was the big fucking hero.

Aesir-
This is something that galls me, as well. My wife was having an EA (assuming I'm getting the truth, which as we know is NOT a given), well I caught it, and it went underground, then eventually became a PA. For some reason, it was reasonably easy for me to forgive the EA, because I could conceptualize how you could grow attached to another person, given the time and circumstances. But in the meantime there was about 2 1/2 month of confirmed NC, during which time I bought the whole story about not listening enough, helping enough, etc., and basically became SUPERhusband. However, it still gnawed at me how this fucker gets credit for just 'being available' to listen, and that gets him a +100 to his charisma score, whereas I run out and by tampons and bring them to work when she forgets them, buys soup when she's sick, etc., and somehow still end up with a hearing complaints about 'not feeling taken care of.'

It's like you said, if the target is NOT receptive, then it doesn't matter. And my WW was not at the time...I sorely wish I would've had SI at the time, because in retrospect all the signs that it might go underground were there, but never having been through this before, I didn't see them.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a splendid post, HT. Seriously, top notch.

Reminds me of another thing I dig about this thread -- the fact that we can give each other shit and nobody goes off in a dither. This thread is also Exhibit B in my claim that dudes who post here don't have issues with conflict avoidance.

You guys are all smart as shit. Makes me want to do a SI Dudes G2G in Vegas or something, even though I'm completely not a G2G sort of guy.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was a splendid post, HT. Seriously, top notch.

Reminds me of another thing I dig about this thread -- the fact that we can give each other shit and nobody goes off in a dither. This thread is also Exhibit B in my claim that dudes who post here don't have issues with conflict avoidance.

You guys are all smart as shit. Makes me want to do a SI Dudes G2G in Vegas or something, even though I'm completely not a G2G sort of guy.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bah. See that double post?

Fuck you, extra post. I'm not even going to clean your shit up. Sit there in your filth and think about what you've done.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Wink  Posted: 5:22 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Off the current subject a tad-

Anyone here have any experience with polygraphs, and did it give them any peace of mind?

I've been kicking the idea around a bit, unsure about it.

the fact that we can give each other shit and nobody goes off in a dither. This thread is also Exhibit B in my claim that dudes who post here don't have issues with conflict avoidance.

I sometimes get annoyed with things people say, but then I go grab a Diet Coke, smile, and realize we're all trying to swallow our own shit sandwich, and just washing it down with a different beverage.

Bah. See that double post?
Fuck you, extra post. I'm not even going to clean your shit up. Sit there in your filth and think about what you've done.

User error, perhaps...?

[This message edited by FacePunched at 5:23 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone here have any experience with polygraphs, and did it give them any peace of mind?

Didn't do it but looked into it some. No good for a court of law, but it might be good enough to get this kind of shit out of somebody...

I decided not to do it because I just stopped caring for a while and I was more interested in what she did and less so in what she said...still am to a large degree...

Agreed on HT and the money post. The way I see it we can all get better but not everyone runs around and uses deceit, sex and childish "love" symbols in texts to prop up their self esteem.


take care...



Posts: 1364 | Registered: Jan 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Makes me want to do a SI Dudes G2G in Vegas or something, even though I'm completely not a G2G sort of guy

Concur, some fascinating shit being posted lately.

I'm up for Vegas. Road trip.

[This message edited by Tred at 5:31 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


User error, perhaps...?

My IC says no, and that I'm fine just the way I am.

Road trip.

Shit, yeah. The road trip would be half the fun. Pack 10 or so SI dudes into a VW van and head for Vegas. That would be EPIC.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHat's G2G?


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have no personal experience with them but I spent too much time reading about them. If you go into it expecting a magical lie detector then you will be disappointed.

What they are good at is detecting deceit. Bear that in mind - deception and lies are not necessarily the same, so they can be useful tools in establishing a starting point for a solid foundation of truth.

eta:

I meant poly's, but I read a lot about G2G's too. Get togethers. I always chicken out of those.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 6:05 PM, March 18th (Monday)]


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7107 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHat's G2G?

Get together.

There are photos down in Fun & Games right now of the most recent one that Deeply Scared and Mangled Heart hosted in Houston.

Maybe wh5 will swing by and give some details. He's been to a couple with BrokenRoad.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I always chicken out of those.

I don't chicken out so much as...I just generally don't have a desire to cross the streams of interwebs and IRL.

I've been in a simulation baseball league (not to be confused with fantasy baseball -- managing fake players in a fake league using fake money) for 12 years now. I live less than an hour from about 5 of the guys in the league. Never met any of them. One of them visited me in the hospital apparently when I was recovering from encephalitic meningitis, but I don't have the faintest memory of it. Talked to a couple of the guys on the phone once...and it creeped me out.

I like my interweb people to stay imaginary, like God intended.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW, in my imagination, SG looks and carries himself exactly like Patrick Swayze in _Point Break_.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's been to a couple with BrokenRoad.

We've hosted at least four at our house

Someday I'll have to count how many we've attended. I don't particularly like people, and I really don't like parties, but I've been to amazing get togethers and met some amazing people. I've seen some incredible healing and met some people who have become very good friends.

If you ever get a chance, go.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've hosted at least four at our house

Dude, that is hard core.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, March 18th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

regarding the poly. if your ww is truly a sociopath, there is not a chance in hell you will get an accurate reading with a polygraph. Lies and deceit are second nature to the sociopath.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
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