Buhbye! Thanks for visiting and your kind words!
2.) Be Narcissistic
Yes, all about her. I should be begging to have her back. If I stand up for myself, I'm not being nice or am being "hot and cold". Guess what, I don't give a crap that I should make her happy anymore.
3.) Self indulgent, to the point were everything will be sacrificed and justified in order to continue the adultery
I believe skipping out on the kids to go away on a trip with POSOM counts.
4.)Become very angry that we have the audacity to hang in there and torture them by being in their environment, (love that one)
Not at first, but now that I don't call her and only talk about kids and finance, I'm suddenly a mean bastard. Good, I need to be more of a bastard.
5.) Acquire a core group of supporters, usually people from their work place
LOL, this hasn't happened. Her friends at work consist of all the losers that have serious issues. One is having an affair with a boss and is such a bitch, she is lucky to have a job. Another is a pathetic weenie afraid of his own shadow. Even POSOM was a loser friend a work with serious low self esteem issues who worships the ground STBXWW walks on.
6.) Attempt to destroy us; financially, emotionally and if possible, physically, (not through bodily harm, but just general wear and tear).
She has flaunted her affair, worn sexually promiscuous clothes and then said "see what you lost." She wanted to destroy my self esteem and it almost worked, only I'm on my own now and I'm finding my esteem is better than it ever was during the marriage. I have a ways to go, but I believe this D will make me deal with issues I avoided all my life and make me so much stronger. The WW plan of me being a weeping loser has blown up in her face.
What a great list. Thanks for this as it shows what a screw up STBWWXW is.
I hope you guys are taking care of yourselves too.
[This message edited by h0peless at 9:36 PM, December 22nd (Saturday)]
[This message edited by stilllovingher at 9:58 PM, December 22nd (Saturday)]
Per your assertion, "dealing with issues":
After I found out about the A, I read the book "When Things Fall Apart."
A quote from the book which I always think about is (paraphrasing)...
"We should look at unexpected events as good news, for they allow us to deal with unresolved issues without having to go find them."
Still sober 5 months, 3 days.
Literally don't get in a pissing contest with the OM. I can walk into any sex shop and buy a 14 incher that has more values and morals than that DBL(douche bag loser) has. If that's really what your SO wants, why the fuck would you want to stay with her? We are not making a porn film. This is real life, most men are normally hung and the true value of a relationship ain't dick size.
I'd rather be with someone who values a man who puts bread on the table, comes home every night and shows the kids what the value of keeping a promise is.
IDK, maybe there really are women who value a man based on his dick size but i don't want to have anything to do with them. I can't imagine the mother/daughter talk on how to pick a man.
Sorry to sound like a smart ass, but i really wonder what f###### planet some of these women are from.
Also, cheaters lie a lot dude, especially when trying to justify that which is not justifiable. Does her story really make sense?
Sorry you are here, but welcome. You've already met some great guys, more are on the way.
Stay strong brother.
Eta: just reread your post and relied you were going the other direction. If all she claims is true, why mention size at all. It doesn't matter (really). The values i talked about do.
[This message edited by 5454real at 11:02 PM, December 24th (Monday)]
Merry Xmas, All.
I remember my FWW asking what I would do after she left? My reply was as follows:
1. Go to bed and wake up when I want
2. Lay around the home in my scivies, drinking beer all day if I wish.
3. Buy my new Glock 45calibre wirhout getting a hallpass
4. Take my boy for a long ride on my Harley Sportster. No permission needed
5. Take the new 22year old hotti foe a ride.
I focus now on this - She has done me a favor. I am free
I have complained regularly about FWW, and with good reason. She TT'd for 7 months and was a day late and dollar short on most R efforts. Just shy of 1-year post dday I moved out for a month after a boundary violation. I moved back in when she demonstrated commitment to IC and she really did get better. She owned her A and pre-A issues, she apologized fro demonizing me.
After I was moving past the A-crap there was still her underlying personality issues. She was not comfortable expressing her wants. She still spiraled into toxic shame and did things out of guilt as often as not. There had been little to no sex for 3 years prior to dday and except for some HB, there was little to no sex (< 1 month) for most of 3 years after dday. In October, we were talking about separation. She was looking for an apartment and was moving out in January. We both agreed we were good friends, but the M part was not working. Then she was laid off and moving out is not possible, at least not short term.
During the last month, she has been attentive. She bought me Christmas gifts that reflected things I had mentioned or really could use. This is a first. She wrapped the gifts too, not just put into a gift bag. We are touching. Not weekly sex, but 2-3x a month is better than <1x a month, and it is not just sex, it is touching and connecting. She is seeing the drama and issues within her FOO.
So now I am feeling..... unsure.
Two months ago, it was over. How long do I wait to see if she is "faking" out of fear of being unemployed and abandoned? Maybe it is not even faking, but her BPD traits kicking into survival mode.
I was done, ready to move on. Now my best friend is showing signs of real emotional connection, but then I read what I just typed and think what little scraps I am happy to have thrown to me.
I look at the history of change not occurring until I moved out, until I told her it was time to separate.
I found myself checking her phone yesterday and wonder who wished “Missy” a wonderful Christmas for “her and hers”. The number is not on her directory, and rarely calls tests, so hard to think I have missed another OM, but I am still checking and researching.
I know I can be happy post D. Our DSs are 17 & 20, no little kids, and I can do fine on my own. But then, after I moved out or discuss separation, she takes the next step. I would hate to leave now, wondering if this last month was the result of her making the last or next to last steps to healthy enough.
There are times I envy the clarity of a unremorseful WW.
Jason. Dealing with this shit will make you insane. WW had a 3+ year PA. EA started probably about 5 year before that.
The LTA ended because my suspicions were high and I was closing in on proof positive. WW knew it and dropped OM.
I got the usual. Blame. Demands that she deserved her privacy. Every fucking thing that you see here my WW followed that script.
Then after I thought we were in a sort of R. TEN years after Dday I found evidence she met up with her OM again. WW claims they were just *catching up*. And she felt that since she and OM had been friends before the LTA they could be again. While WW claims nothing happened she was still out of contact for at least a day.
Comparing yourself to OM. Why compare yourself to a dog turd? That's exactly what he is. If you WW wants to romance a dog turd thats her call. Dont go down that rabbit hole.
OM was better looking. Had a larger tool. Was more interesting. Whatever.
Honestly. If your WW is giving you that line of shit. Show her the door. Tell her to pack her bags and go back to OM. Tell her she can have 50% of everything. Co parent kids. Tell her that if she wants to be with OM. GO AHEAD. He lives in that direction. And have a nice life.
Its unfair that we are first abused physically and mentally by our WWs cheating on us. THEN we get emotional abuse (blame. comparisons. all the rest) afterward.
Be well. But I feel you need to cut that insanity out of your life.
As sad as it is...