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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LMAO h0peless!

Buhbye! Thanks for visiting and your kind words!
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Posts: 6005 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
WontStop
♂ Member
Member # 36246
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1.) Put the blame on us
Everything is my fault. I argued too much and therefore she had a right to screw another man.

2.) Be Narcissistic
Yes, all about her. I should be begging to have her back. If I stand up for myself, I'm not being nice or am being "hot and cold". Guess what, I don't give a crap that I should make her happy anymore.

3.) Self indulgent, to the point were everything will be sacrificed and justified in order to continue the adultery
I believe skipping out on the kids to go away on a trip with POSOM counts.

4.)Become very angry that we have the audacity to hang in there and torture them by being in their environment, (love that one)
Not at first, but now that I don't call her and only talk about kids and finance, I'm suddenly a mean bastard. Good, I need to be more of a bastard.

5.) Acquire a core group of supporters, usually people from their work place
LOL, this hasn't happened. Her friends at work consist of all the losers that have serious issues. One is having an affair with a boss and is such a bitch, she is lucky to have a job. Another is a pathetic weenie afraid of his own shadow. Even POSOM was a loser friend a work with serious low self esteem issues who worships the ground STBXWW walks on.

6.) Attempt to destroy us; financially, emotionally and if possible, physically, (not through bodily harm, but just general wear and tear).

She has flaunted her affair, worn sexually promiscuous clothes and then said "see what you lost." She wanted to destroy my self esteem and it almost worked, only I'm on my own now and I'm finding my esteem is better than it ever was during the marriage. I have a ways to go, but I believe this D will make me deal with issues I avoided all my life and make me so much stronger. The WW plan of me being a weeping loser has blown up in her face.

What a great list. Thanks for this as it shows what a screw up STBWWXW is.


D-Day 5/18/2012
Me-42 WW-46
D-13 S-9
Status: Divorced

Posts: 223 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Northern Virginia
Mypoorboys
♂ Member
Member # 33169
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, December 20th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WontStop,
That list was just the icing on the cake. Won't trouble any of us with adding on to it, because we all could do that bye now.
jjct,
You always da man! Remember that episode as if I watched it yesterday. Should have taken that to heart, lol.
Everyone, try to have a great holiday season. Don't let the sluts in our lives bring us down. Enjoy your wonderful kids, try to console them, educate them and always keep them near.
If you are still in the process of exiting, then please plan wisely.
Not all lawyers are created equally. Pick and chose wisely.
More money, doesn't necessarily mean better results.
Protect your assests and protect your health.
God Bless all my fellow travelers, not defeated, but renewed with dignity, honor and devotion to our kids and family members worthy of our respect.
MPBs

Posts: 176 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New Brunswick, New Jersey
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, December 22nd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love weekends. I hated them for the first few months after Dday (too damn lonely) but now I can do pretty much whatever I want and it's great. I should have been doing some stuff around the house. Instead, I took advantage of the great weather and went for a three hour motorcycle ride. Ahhhhh, freedom.

I hope you guys are taking care of yourselves too.

[This message edited by h0peless at 9:36 PM, December 22nd (Saturday)]


Posts: 1316 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, December 22nd (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*nevermind

[This message edited by stilllovingher at 9:58 PM, December 22nd (Saturday)]


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2384 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

h0peless, izzat you?
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Posts: 6005 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Won't stop:

Per your assertion, "dealing with issues":

After I found out about the A, I read the book "When Things Fall Apart."

A quote from the book which I always think about is (paraphrasing)...

"We should look at unexpected events as good news, for they allow us to deal with unresolved issues without having to go find them."


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 791 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Xmas guys.

Still sober 5 months, 3 days.


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
jasonguitarboy
♂ Member
Member # 22939
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you deal with shit? OM had a 8 Pincher. I don't. She sucked his cock over and over, let him cum in her mouth. She says sex didn't feel good... I have a hard time believing that. She says she never had an orgasm... I don't believe that. It was a year long... they had plenty of time to get familiar and comfortable with eachother. They did just abaout everything sexual a couple could do. It became "normal" for them. Got to the point they felt no guilt. It was just everyday life for them. This is all shit I struggle with. How do you fuckers cope?


What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.....right?
"And there's a change, that even with regret, cannot be undone."
"No one plans to take the path that leads us lower..."
Me-BS 35
Her-WS 32 (surviving1979)

Posts: 185 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: nowhere
Brandon808
♂ Member
Member # 35619
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jason)))
I coped by moving out when she was out of the house and serving her a** with D papers. In my case the xww was literally never faithful. The denial and gaslighting were dealbreakers on top of dealbreakers, sooooo...Done.


xBH
D final 8/2012

Posts: 3364 | Registered: May 2012 | From: southeast
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jason,

Literally don't get in a pissing contest with the OM. I can walk into any sex shop and buy a 14 incher that has more values and morals than that DBL(douche bag loser) has. If that's really what your SO wants, why the fuck would you want to stay with her? We are not making a porn film. This is real life, most men are normally hung and the true value of a relationship ain't dick size.

I'd rather be with someone who values a man who puts bread on the table, comes home every night and shows the kids what the value of keeping a promise is.

IDK, maybe there really are women who value a man based on his dick size but i don't want to have anything to do with them. I can't imagine the mother/daughter talk on how to pick a man.

Sorry to sound like a smart ass, but i really wonder what f###### planet some of these women are from.

Also, cheaters lie a lot dude, especially when trying to justify that which is not justifiable. Does her story really make sense?

Sorry you are here, but welcome. You've already met some great guys, more are on the way.

Stay strong brother.

Eta: just reread your post and relied you were going the other direction. If all she claims is true, why mention size at all. It doesn't matter (really). The values i talked about do.

Infidelity sux

[This message edited by 5454real at 11:02 PM, December 24th (Monday)]


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2065 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Merry Christmas to all, and two words: Egg Nog (homemade, not the pasteurized store bought crap fww drinks. :-)


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I agree with Merry Christmas wholeheartedly, though with a temp approaching ten below, I'm enjoying some of Al Capones original recipe. (after the gifts made it safely under the tree)


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2065 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kchip, congrats! That's a great achievement, ODAAT.

Merry Xmas, All.


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 295 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
jimbo25319
♂ Member
Member # 31891
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWW's other man was "bigger", but so were some other dudes she was with before me. It sucked, but it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it.

I remember my FWW asking what I would do after she left? My reply was as follows:
1. Go to bed and wake up when I want
2. Lay around the home in my scivies, drinking beer all day if I wish.
3. Buy my new Glock 45calibre wirhout getting a hallpass

4. Take my boy for a long ride on my Harley Sportster. No permission needed
5. Take the new 22year old hotti foe a ride.


Posts: 480 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Maryland
kchip
♂ Member
Member # 36365
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jason, I know what you mean. My stbxw had a 1.5 year A. Its hard stuff to get over. After 5 months, I am ok most off the time but sometimes just sitting a red light the flashes of the last 2 years come to mind. I guess more time will make all this shit fade. Lord knows its easier now than those first few weeks. Horrible pain.

I focus now on this - She has done me a favor. I am free


Me: BH (42)
2 boys, age 10/7
D Day: July 15, 2012
Status: DIVORCING
You know that movie, Sleeping With the Enemy? Well I am Julia Roberts in that one......sighhhh
"When we hit our lowest point, we are open to the greatest change"

Posts: 471 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: FL
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmmm,

I have complained regularly about FWW, and with good reason. She TT'd for 7 months and was a day late and dollar short on most R efforts. Just shy of 1-year post dday I moved out for a month after a boundary violation. I moved back in when she demonstrated commitment to IC and she really did get better. She owned her A and pre-A issues, she apologized fro demonizing me.

After I was moving past the A-crap there was still her underlying personality issues. She was not comfortable expressing her wants. She still spiraled into toxic shame and did things out of guilt as often as not. There had been little to no sex for 3 years prior to dday and except for some HB, there was little to no sex (< 1 month) for most of 3 years after dday. In October, we were talking about separation. She was looking for an apartment and was moving out in January. We both agreed we were good friends, but the M part was not working. Then she was laid off and moving out is not possible, at least not short term.

During the last month, she has been attentive. She bought me Christmas gifts that reflected things I had mentioned or really could use. This is a first. She wrapped the gifts too, not just put into a gift bag. We are touching. Not weekly sex, but 2-3x a month is better than <1x a month, and it is not just sex, it is touching and connecting. She is seeing the drama and issues within her FOO.

So now I am feeling..... unsure.

Two months ago, it was over. How long do I wait to see if she is "faking" out of fear of being unemployed and abandoned? Maybe it is not even faking, but her BPD traits kicking into survival mode.

I was done, ready to move on. Now my best friend is showing signs of real emotional connection, but then I read what I just typed and think what little scraps I am happy to have thrown to me.

I look at the history of change not occurring until I moved out, until I told her it was time to separate.

I found myself checking her phone yesterday and wonder who wished “Missy” a wonderful Christmas for “her and hers”. The number is not on her directory, and rarely calls tests, so hard to think I have missed another OM, but I am still checking and researching.

I know I can be happy post D. Our DSs are 17 & 20, no little kids, and I can do fine on my own. But then, after I moved out or discuss separation, she takes the next step. I would hate to leave now, wondering if this last month was the result of her making the last or next to last steps to healthy enough.

There are times I envy the clarity of a unremorseful WW.


LTA BS 53
FWW 60
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Reconciled

Posts: 3964 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been a LONG time since I have posted here.

Jason. Dealing with this shit will make you insane. WW had a 3+ year PA. EA started probably about 5 year before that.

The LTA ended because my suspicions were high and I was closing in on proof positive. WW knew it and dropped OM.

I got the usual. Blame. Demands that she deserved her privacy. Every fucking thing that you see here my WW followed that script.

Then after I thought we were in a sort of R. TEN years after Dday I found evidence she met up with her OM again. WW claims they were just *catching up*. And she felt that since she and OM had been friends before the LTA they could be again. While WW claims nothing happened she was still out of contact for at least a day.

So anyway.

Comparing yourself to OM. Why compare yourself to a dog turd? That's exactly what he is. If you WW wants to romance a dog turd thats her call. Dont go down that rabbit hole.

OM was better looking. Had a larger tool. Was more interesting. Whatever.

Honestly. If your WW is giving you that line of shit. Show her the door. Tell her to pack her bags and go back to OM. Tell her she can have 50% of everything. Co parent kids. Tell her that if she wants to be with OM. GO AHEAD. He lives in that direction. And have a nice life.

Its unfair that we are first abused physically and mentally by our WWs cheating on us. THEN we get emotional abuse (blame. comparisons. all the rest) afterward.

Be well. But I feel you need to cut that insanity out of your life.

R


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hopeless. what kind of bike is that?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3074 | Registered: Sep 2007
Madmichaelj
♂ Member
Member # 35192
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Figure it was about time to contribute to this forum...

As sad as it is...

Fellas...


"Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I Will Fear No Evil"
Psalms 23

Posts: 112 | Registered: Mar 2012
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