Has anyone else seen Hemlock Grove? Am I far off in saying it's like Twilight for guys who like to kill things in some capacity and read sci fi? They made every character likeable but at the same time a potential villain. It confuses me. It should be a chick show but I can drink beer to it and pause it to rant supportively. It's like if White Wolf came with an Xbox controller and you got points for punching the emo vampire. Which means you could play it drunk and win every time.
I really need to go to bed.
40 bucks for a concert shirt is NOT METAL.
Someone should tell Metallica.
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
I remember paying $20 back in the day, the new album was Powerslave. I still have that shirt, along with Priest's Defenders tour shirt, and Scorpions Love at First Sting shirt.
I remember rupturing an eardrum at a Cannibal Corpse concert but volume and tailgate trolls still won't sell me.
Also I can't really tell you WHY I was at a Cannibal Corpse concert. I just remember being uncomfortable there. Even before the eardrum thing.
I love you. Sorry I am so depressed all the time. I hope you have a great day
I understand your depressed. Only you can fix what's wrong with you. I don't know if I can deal with it. Nothing personal. I love you but we need changes. We need to find what makes us happy. I hate seeing you depressed all the time. It makes me feel like a bad husband and lets face it you made that determination already. So why are we hanging around? We can still be friends and I'm not in a rush to make anything happen at the moment but I feel it's inevitable. I'm not angry at you I just feel bad for you.I guess I want to feel what you felt and I haven't.
I came to bed and saw you on that website again. I can't fix either of us. You are free to go find someone better. I know you have never been happy. I know you have a lot of women you are friends with and attracted to. I'm just more of an au pair really
Truthfully. It feels that way. The website helps me relate to the same people. Men and women who talk about it openly from both sides. I get my answers there. I understand you don't want to talk so I relate to people who do. I find my own way.You woke up the old me. I wasn't whiny. I'm more alive inside.More confidant.We all get in a rut baby. I saw the tunes you downloaded bet oct 20 and through nov. I envied that you felt like that about someone.I tried but I can't be that someone for you.I hate your depression.
Ok, go be free and happy. Why did you have to burry me then? You weren't fighting for me, you were making sure I would be miserable and homeless with no family or friends.
Go be happy. Have several girlfriends etc.
Just let me get through this mess before you file for divorce. Trust me, after, you will never have to deal with me again. I promise .Just wait till I move out to bring girls overnight.You're wrong about that music btw. That was all music I listen to. Exception the one album and I didn't even like that album. You created that in your head. If you don't like the music then you don't like MY music. You can stop creating more issues about that within yourself.
You'll always be special to me. These things happen. I can't make you happy. It's ok. We grew apart for one reason or another and lost our way. It's ok we have 2 very special boys and well always have a relationship for that. Well get through our current mess before we make any major changes. We can't be miserable anymore. Your heart doesn't belong to me anymore. I'm not upset. I've had months to evolve and grow from that on my own. I'm not in a rush to start any other relationships, they will come when I'm ready and I won't disrespect you.
I don't know why you spend all night reading that crap and then expect me to perform for you. I'm not a circus monkey that you own. If a few great nights a week were enough it would feel right but it consumes you all day and I don't feel it is genuine. Hard to explain. You made me feel like a piece of meat so you could put me in my place.Blah blah blah. Whatever
You have been putting me down for years. I just couldn't take it anymore. I always needed your permission to do anything. You suffocated me. Isolated me.
Sorry you feel that way
I was never good enough. The boobs, you couldn't stand them so you made me get new ones. That's when our major problems started. You never wanted to go to dinner or a out.
You would buy me something but not let me sleep in or do anything before to really help with the kids or house
I could only workout during daycare hours, you went at will
If I wanted to get a haircut I had to take the kids
Again, you just leave and go.
It added up
I guess you were justified. By all means carry on
It doesn't matter. You are happy. Move on. Bye.You need to take my name off the mortgage too. I'm getting sued .I'm going to jail one way or another
Hey don't be upset. I'm not arguing with you. It is what it is now we have to move on. It's cool
I can't even make my body move anymore
That "crap" website btw is about couples that came together and discussed what happened. The people that did usually make it. Those that didn't talk usually ended because they felt that by not doing so protected the events. That a secret was still being kept making their marriage untenable. And I will never get past that. You have made the issue about other women and if that makes you feel better than that is ok. If you want to rewrite our marital history that is fine also. But I don't agree with it. We're cool though. Just so you know. I just want you to see where I'm coming from.As for your comments on sex. I'm an above average,strong, healthy male. Your drive has changed. Either it's decreased or your just not interested which is fine..
I'm too stressed out to enjoy anything other than sleep. I have constant migraines and bad dreams. All I do is cry and worry and miss being able to just be a mom and wife. You wouldn't understand
Whenever I talk to you you put up a wall, push me away, shut me out. I know it's difficult. Believe me I do. I want to work this out but you continue to justify what happened which makes it difficult for me to accept anything. I try to listen, I want to hear you. I absolutely won't use anything against you. I don't like you crying and having migraines.
Obviously I haven't completed my punishment. My whole life I feel like you will make sure I am miserable to punish me.My life sucks too bad and if I go to prison and you file papers I really have nothing left to even hope for anymore
Sorry. It seems over for me.My fate is sealed. It makes me too sad and is too much pressure. I'm suffocated.Go be happy. I'm old and washed up anyway. You deserve young and pretty and fun
I'm not punishing you. Your punishing yourself. Beating yourself up. You knew what you were getting into. You knew I wouldn't live with that. Yours was an exit affair. At the time you had a plan to leave. You knew I would find out and you risked it all. I understand you weren't happy. You rewrote our history and made several justifications. I don't agree with them. I feel you should have left us prior. I'm most unhappy with the failure to communicate it. We can't get better without that. I explained that I am willing to forgive for the first time in my life because your important to me and I wanted to understand and see the whole picture but you pushed me away. Talking about it is nonsense now anyway. It only makes you angry and you don't care about me. I'm over it
I can't argue with you anymore today. My bucket is full.At least you can find that red head you've always wanted. That's good for you
Why do you say these things. I have stood with you through this mess you created for yourself. You call this arguing I don't. I'm conversing. And you can make this all about other women if you want but you know what it's about. If it makes you feel better to say that than ok and I'm insulted that your in such a fog you can't face reality. You had this wonderful romantic sexual affair but its my fault. It's because I drove you to it and because I want a red head. But you had magnificent oral so it wasn't that bad. Lets sweep it under the carpet. And carry on with our marriage right?You never even apologized. Your the depressed one
Everyday you are telling me goodbye. Always stomp around in the morning and make as much noise as possible and don't kiss me bye. I know you, you hold grudges and can't forgive. You want me to beg and plead till I die. I'm already dead inside. I'm fat, ugly and wear a scarlet letter. It was not romantic. Someone actually listened to me and didnt give me anxiety all the time with stuff like dishes and laundry. You ignored me for over six months, yeah it was nice to have someone actually act like they liked me because you sure as hell don't
I wonder if its because I scared him away,I remember the way you stared at him as he walked away.Hurt,Ill never forget it.
I was already about to dump his ass. Rene and I laughed about it that morning, I just liked having someone to didnt turn everything into a fight
Duh. Of course he did. He played you and you played him. The land of unicorns and rainbows. He didn't pull a baby out of you or hear you fart. Put up with hemoroids or diarrhea. Have good times and bad. Raise kids and pay bills. He wanted to be in an unhappy house wifes pants. Plain and simple. You fooled yourself for his pleasure. He was happy to go. He seemed relieved. He accomplished his mission and left you with a mess.You were easy. You weren't the one to do the dumping. He looked done.
Feel better now? Did you get enough off your chest? Told you! You don't have it in you. You're just as mean as your mom. I hate you and I hate her.
You're more upset about your faggot boyfriend who used you like receptacle.most people say he looks like a fat monkey. I guess I have to compliment your back swing to get anywhere. Sorry but that's how I feel when you don't talk. This is useless.And your girl rene laughing with you is disgusting. You weren't laughing when he left you. And I know he used you much more than twice. He snapped his fingers you were there. He's the one laughing
Anyway that's it. That's where I'm at. I went home and she had the house clean she acted like this conversation never happened. Gave me a kiss. Thought I would share a bit of my WW's mindset. Any advice?
[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:34 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]
To some degree (and maybe people will disagree with me here) you're maybe being too nice. Your WW is trying HARD to frame this whole thing as a continuation of her being the vicitim. IMHO, not only to feel better about (and hence, justified) in her mistakes, but also so that she can tell herself that life as it is now is just "more of the same" and that "you didn't care about her feelings then, and you still don't now." It's blatant manipulation to me.
I mean, really...did she think that your response to finding out she was having an affair would be to act MORE loving? I suspect, as you said, that she was having an exit affair.
Obviously I haven't completed my punishment. My whole life I feel like you will make sure I am miserable to punish me.
This ^^^ right here sums it up to me. Like she expects to go out and screw around, and just "be punished" and get on with life without making any significant changes....it goes hand in hand with this...
I can't fix either of us.
I think you have to stop engaging her, with the exception of finances and kids.
She doesn't sound ACTUALLY remorseful to any degree at all. It seems like she kinda-sorta-acknowledges that maybe she messed up, but since she had really good reasons that you should stop punishing her, because hey, it was kind of your fault, too, you know. Anytime that there is an 'A' conversation going on and the WW attempts to steer it in the direction of your past misdeeds (real or imagined), it seems to me to be a justification.
Which is bullshit, obviously.
Obviously I don't know what your marriage was like pre-A, but if everything was so miserable to her, she could've divorced you...even that would've been a preferable option to this for you, I'd assume.
Also? I'd stop giving her so much insight into your feelings and thoughts. Those are reserved for remorseful WWs, and even they aren't necessarily entitled to it if on a given day you don't feel like letting them in. I'm curious to know if you're in MC, and if so, what's that experience been like thus far?
Everyday you are telling me goodbye. Always stomp around in the morning and make as much noise as possible and don't kiss me bye. I know you, you hold grudges and can't forgive.
You want me to beg and plead till I die.
I'm already dead inside. I'm fat, ugly and wear a scarlet letter.
It was not romantic. Someone actually listened to me and didnt give me anxiety all the time with stuff like dishes and laundry.
[This message edited by FacePunched at 2:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]
What are you doing for yourself to heal? Especially since your on your own with this?
When I say other people were envious I'm not just touting my own horn. I worked hard. And I was proud. But I was very nice. Sure, for most of our pre A she was a home maker, she didn't have to work and I expected equality. I worked she should keep house. Mundane stuff. Dishes, laundry, kids. I was jealous. I love my kids. I would love to do that.3 years ago I delivered our son e route to the hospital then
Her mom and brother passed a month apart. Not justifying her behavior. Downward spiral. I didn't even know. She started on pills , then she was spending 4000 dollars a month running up credit cards, then l found out She opened secret cards, got a PO box. I had to cut her off from my accounts last June when she blew up about me finding out about her bills. then i uncovered her A last oct 20- nov 14 though I'm sure it had to be emotional before that.
Anyway the full story is posted. It's a good long read
She's a mess. I'm I. IC
She's in rehab and domestic violence classes. She has supervised visits and 5 hours unsupervised. CPS is on her ass
She has 3 felony dwi charges for having the kids in the car with the motor running. I was upset at her. She called 911 and put them in the car. She had been drinking, got locked up.
So with CPS and the district atty after her it's all poor me. She hasn't owned up to any of it. I've spent 18 grand cash on atty's and 1000 on her bail.
So in an instant my whole world blew up.
Mental movies, anger, frustration and on top of it I see many past possible affairs because I am reviewing all other past red flags I dismissed. Other men, phone records, names, drama involving one of her girl friends ex boyfriends where he supposedly made a pass at her but she deleted the email.
A woman on FB who tried to friend me because my WW friended her husband who WW knew in HS.
It's bullshit. I don't know what to do. I know what I should do. I try 180 but I just come off as angry. Plus I can't turn her down when she puts out.
She has no job now, no license, no place to go.
If I go D ill end up with the house and kids which is great. One of my biggest hang ups is daycare. I work a rotating shift and weekends.
Guys I just want her to wake up and own up. That's my line. I know she's playing me. You guys are very knowledgable. Maybe someday I will be also. I thought I was. But when the heart is involved I guess the brain shuts down.
I'm on a roller coaster
Some days I'm fine. We have decent sex and we bond
Other days the sex sucks
Others I'm going over the events in my head.
Thanks also hard lessons.
I apologize if this post is ALL over the place.
[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 4:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]
My WW is actually very attractive. She was a personal trainer (i actually got her certified online by testing for her)that recently got fired for sleeping with OM, a tennis instructor. He was an overweight pussy who pissed in his pants when I confronted him. I am a former US Army Drill Sergeant and he couldn't take my in his face hard core verbal barrage articulating exactly how I would dispose of him if I ever crossed paths with him again. He also quit and fled the state.
However tough I may think I am though, I'm being a pussy in this situation because she bore me 2 children and I loved her.
Plus I can't turn her down when she puts out.
To me, it sounds like your wife has some really serious shit she's going to have to clean up, both legally and personally, before she's healthy enough of a person to be able to be have a productive relationship with. How are your kids doing? Because they are the ones who probably have it the worst in this situation.
[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 11:01 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]
In a way were all a band of brothers here in some kind of modern relationship battlefield. Using all the cover, concealment, and tact we can muster to survive against them and ourselves.
B444 this ^^^ is great.
Also I gotta say the OM pissing his pants is priceless. Too bad you didn't get a video. It would have gone viral..
Hang in there brother...
I do believe she was cheating with someone, but to be honest I can't remember his name, but worked at the gym. I can get on my computer and send you all the fb messages.
I just went through them all and clicked forward and sent them all. Wasn't sure which ones I sent. When on computer it lets me just click all and forward. To be honest I thought we were really good friends even though we never met and was very hurt when she just disappeared. I know she brought up the guy in the month may but honestly I don't really remember much about him except she said he made her happy and that she had to be very secretive about it because you would "kill her".
You're not going to get through this by avoiding conflict.