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User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

its true...he has


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
hardlessons
♂ Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SG, if you are unwilling to buy the Maiden tee shirt you shouldn't be able to use their lyrics!


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 838 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

40 bucks for a concert shirt is NOT METAL.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone should tell Metallica.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Metallica is to metal as 4E is to RPG's. I don't need to tell them anything.

Has anyone else seen Hemlock Grove? Am I far off in saying it's like Twilight for guys who like to kill things in some capacity and read sci fi? They made every character likeable but at the same time a potential villain. It confuses me. It should be a chick show but I can drink beer to it and pause it to rant supportively. It's like if White Wolf came with an Xbox controller and you got points for punching the emo vampire. Which means you could play it drunk and win every time.

I really need to go to bed.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

40 bucks for a concert shirt is NOT METAL.
I remember paying $20 back in the day, the new album was Powerslave. I still have that shirt, along with Priest's Defenders tour shirt, and Scorpions Love at First Sting shirt.

Someone should tell Metallica.
**-Typo Alert-** That name should be spelled Metalic-uh, and I am pretty sure they know a lot about not being metal.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:30 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember paying $20 back in the day, the new album was Powerslave. I still have that shirt, along with Priest's Defenders tour shirt, and Scorpions Love at First Sting shirt.

I remember rupturing an eardrum at a Cannibal Corpse concert but volume and tailgate trolls still won't sell me.

Also I can't really tell you WHY I was at a Cannibal Corpse concert. I just remember being uncomfortable there. Even before the eardrum thing.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7116 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guys. I've been catching up on this thread for awhile now and the advice posted has helped me tremendously. I'm in a difficult situation with my WW as all of you are. She hasn't come clean with the events of her affair and I believe Karma has hit her pretty hard. I've reshape s my life because of this and I'm becoming more in tune with my former married self. Working out and going places with friends. My story is long and in my profile. I figured I would share a day of textual drama with all of you so I can get an outside rational opinion. Wy WW is living a life of gloom and doom and she still doesn't get it. It started with me not giving her a kiss goodbye before going to work and she saw me the previous night reading this website. Thanks in advance.
Her
I love you. Sorry I am so depressed all the time. I hope you have a great day

Me
I understand your depressed. Only you can fix what's wrong with you. I don't know if I can deal with it. Nothing personal. I love you but we need changes. We need to find what makes us happy. I hate seeing you depressed all the time. It makes me feel like a bad husband and lets face it you made that determination already. So why are we hanging around? We can still be friends and I'm not in a rush to make anything happen at the moment but I feel it's inevitable. I'm not angry at you I just feel bad for you.I guess I want to feel what you felt and I haven't.

Her
I came to bed and saw you on that website again. I can't fix either of us. You are free to go find someone better. I know you have never been happy. I know you have a lot of women you are friends with and attracted to. I'm just more of an au pair really

Me
Truthfully. It feels that way. The website helps me relate to the same people. Men and women who talk about it openly from both sides. I get my answers there. I understand you don't want to talk so I relate to people who do. I find my own way.You woke up the old me. I wasn't whiny. I'm more alive inside.More confidant.We all get in a rut baby. I saw the tunes you downloaded bet oct 20 and through nov. I envied that you felt like that about someone.I tried but I can't be that someone for you.I hate your depression.

Her
Ok, go be free and happy. Why did you have to burry me then? You weren't fighting for me, you were making sure I would be miserable and homeless with no family or friends.
You won
Go be happy. Have several girlfriends etc.
Just let me get through this mess before you file for divorce. Trust me, after, you will never have to deal with me again. I promise .Just wait till I move out to bring girls overnight.You're wrong about that music btw. That was all music I listen to. Exception the one album and I didn't even like that album. You created that in your head. If you don't like the music then you don't like MY music. You can stop creating more issues about that within yourself.

Me
You'll always be special to me. These things happen. I can't make you happy. It's ok. We grew apart for one reason or another and lost our way. It's ok we have 2 very special boys and well always have a relationship for that. Well get through our current mess before we make any major changes. We can't be miserable anymore. Your heart doesn't belong to me anymore. I'm not upset. I've had months to evolve and grow from that on my own. I'm not in a rush to start any other relationships, they will come when I'm ready and I won't disrespect you.

Her
I don't know why you spend all night reading that crap and then expect me to perform for you. I'm not a circus monkey that you own. If a few great nights a week were enough it would feel right but it consumes you all day and I don't feel it is genuine. Hard to explain. You made me feel like a piece of meat so you could put me in my place.Blah blah blah. Whatever
You have been putting me down for years. I just couldn't take it anymore. I always needed your permission to do anything. You suffocated me. Isolated me.

Me
Sorry you feel that way

Her
I was never good enough. The boobs, you couldn't stand them so you made me get new ones. That's when our major problems started. You never wanted to go to dinner or a out.
You would buy me something but not let me sleep in or do anything before to really help with the kids or house
I could only workout during daycare hours, you went at will
If I wanted to get a haircut I had to take the kids
Again, you just leave and go.
It added up

Me
I guess you were justified. By all means carry on

Her
It doesn't matter. You are happy. Move on. Bye.You need to take my name off the mortgage too. I'm getting sued .I'm going to jail one way or another

Me
Hey don't be upset. I'm not arguing with you. It is what it is now we have to move on. It's cool

Her
You made up your mind. I'm going to bed
I can't even make my body move anymore

Me
That "crap" website btw is about couples that came together and discussed what happened. The people that did usually make it. Those that didn't talk usually ended because they felt that by not doing so protected the events. That a secret was still being kept making their marriage untenable. And I will never get past that. You have made the issue about other women and if that makes you feel better than that is ok. If you want to rewrite our marital history that is fine also. But I don't agree with it. We're cool though. Just so you know. I just want you to see where I'm coming from.As for your comments on sex. I'm an above average,strong, healthy male. Your drive has changed. Either it's decreased or your just not interested which is fine..

Her
I'm too stressed out to enjoy anything other than sleep. I have constant migraines and bad dreams. All I do is cry and worry and miss being able to just be a mom and wife. You wouldn't understand

Me
Honey
Whenever I talk to you you put up a wall, push me away, shut me out. I know it's difficult. Believe me I do. I want to work this out but you continue to justify what happened which makes it difficult for me to accept anything. I try to listen, I want to hear you. I absolutely won't use anything against you. I don't like you crying and having migraines.

Her
Obviously I haven't completed my punishment. My whole life I feel like you will make sure I am miserable to punish me.My life sucks too bad and if I go to prison and you file papers I really have nothing left to even hope for anymore
Sorry. It seems over for me.My fate is sealed. It makes me too sad and is too much pressure. I'm suffocated.Go be happy. I'm old and washed up anyway. You deserve young and pretty and fun

Me
I'm not punishing you. Your punishing yourself. Beating yourself up. You knew what you were getting into. You knew I wouldn't live with that. Yours was an exit affair. At the time you had a plan to leave. You knew I would find out and you risked it all. I understand you weren't happy. You rewrote our history and made several justifications. I don't agree with them. I feel you should have left us prior. I'm most unhappy with the failure to communicate it. We can't get better without that. I explained that I am willing to forgive for the first time in my life because your important to me and I wanted to understand and see the whole picture but you pushed me away. Talking about it is nonsense now anyway. It only makes you angry and you don't care about me. I'm over it

Her
I can't argue with you anymore today. My bucket is full.At least you can find that red head you've always wanted. That's good for you

Me
Why do you say these things. I have stood with you through this mess you created for yourself. You call this arguing I don't. I'm conversing. And you can make this all about other women if you want but you know what it's about. If it makes you feel better to say that than ok and I'm insulted that your in such a fog you can't face reality. You had this wonderful romantic sexual affair but its my fault. It's because I drove you to it and because I want a red head. But you had magnificent oral so it wasn't that bad. Lets sweep it under the carpet. And carry on with our marriage right?You never even apologized. Your the depressed one

Her
Everyday you are telling me goodbye. Always stomp around in the morning and make as much noise as possible and don't kiss me bye. I know you, you hold grudges and can't forgive. You want me to beg and plead till I die. I'm already dead inside. I'm fat, ugly and wear a scarlet letter. It was not romantic. Someone actually listened to me and didnt give me anxiety all the time with stuff like dishes and laundry. You ignored me for over six months, yeah it was nice to have someone actually act like they liked me because you sure as hell don't

Me
I wonder if its because I scared him away,I remember the way you stared at him as he walked away.Hurt,Ill never forget it.

Her
I was already about to dump his ass. Rene and I laughed about it that morning, I just liked having someone to didnt turn everything into a fight

Me
Duh. Of course he did. He played you and you played him. The land of unicorns and rainbows. He didn't pull a baby out of you or hear you fart. Put up with hemoroids or diarrhea. Have good times and bad. Raise kids and pay bills. He wanted to be in an unhappy house wifes pants. Plain and simple. You fooled yourself for his pleasure. He was happy to go. He seemed relieved. He accomplished his mission and left you with a mess.You were easy. You weren't the one to do the dumping. He looked done.

Her
Feel better now? Did you get enough off your chest? Told you! You don't have it in you. You're just as mean as your mom. I hate you and I hate her.

Me
You're more upset about your faggot boyfriend who used you like receptacle.most people say he looks like a fat monkey. I guess I have to compliment your back swing to get anywhere. Sorry but that's how I feel when you don't talk. This is useless.And your girl rene laughing with you is disgusting. You weren't laughing when he left you. And I know he used you much more than twice. He snapped his fingers you were there. He's the one laughing

Anyway that's it. That's where I'm at. I went home and she had the house clean she acted like this conversation never happened. Gave me a kiss. Thought I would share a bit of my WW's mindset. Any advice?

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:34 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So....there's a lot there to process.

To some degree (and maybe people will disagree with me here) you're maybe being too nice. Your WW is trying HARD to frame this whole thing as a continuation of her being the vicitim. IMHO, not only to feel better about (and hence, justified) in her mistakes, but also so that she can tell herself that life as it is now is just "more of the same" and that "you didn't care about her feelings then, and you still don't now." It's blatant manipulation to me.

I mean, really...did she think that your response to finding out she was having an affair would be to act MORE loving? I suspect, as you said, that she was having an exit affair.

Obviously I haven't completed my punishment. My whole life I feel like you will make sure I am miserable to punish me.

This ^^^ right here sums it up to me. Like she expects to go out and screw around, and just "be punished" and get on with life without making any significant changes....it goes hand in hand with this...

I can't fix either of us.

Which is half true. She can't fix you...but herself is another matter. She can absolutely fix herself, if she wants to.

I think you have to stop engaging her, with the exception of finances and kids.

She doesn't sound ACTUALLY remorseful to any degree at all. It seems like she kinda-sorta-acknowledges that maybe she messed up, but since she had really good reasons that you should stop punishing her, because hey, it was kind of your fault, too, you know. Anytime that there is an 'A' conversation going on and the WW attempts to steer it in the direction of your past misdeeds (real or imagined), it seems to me to be a justification.

Which is bullshit, obviously.

Obviously I don't know what your marriage was like pre-A, but if everything was so miserable to her, she could've divorced you...even that would've been a preferable option to this for you, I'd assume.

Also? I'd stop giving her so much insight into your feelings and thoughts. Those are reserved for remorseful WWs, and even they aren't necessarily entitled to it if on a given day you don't feel like letting them in. I'm curious to know if you're in MC, and if so, what's that experience been like thus far?

Everyday you are telling me goodbye. Always stomp around in the morning and make as much noise as possible and don't kiss me bye. I know you, you hold grudges and can't forgive.

Poor her, having to deal with a husband who's pissed off that you cheated on him. The horror of having to face the emotional consequences of her actions.
You want me to beg and plead till I die.

How about you start now, and let me decide when enough is enough.
I'm already dead inside. I'm fat, ugly and wear a scarlet letter.

Sounds like she's got some real self-hatred that she wants to believe that you share and is looking for you to reinforce for her...it'll make her feel better about what she's done to you.
It was not romantic. Someone actually listened to me and didnt give me anxiety all the time with stuff like dishes and laundry.

Again, more justifying. It sounds like you guys are headed for D, or you are at least...is she really headed for prison? It sounds like she's got a lot of self-hatred she projected on to you, so maybe it's for the best? Good luck.

[This message edited by FacePunched at 2:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
hardlessons
♂ Member
Member # 35025
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Betrayed444, sorry for all that. To keep with the theme that was going, you don't have to get on the Crazy Train if you don't want to. The 180 is a great way to learn how not to engage in the act/react roller coaster. That was one of the biggest hurdles for us to overcome. Besides all that just because a wayward isn't "in" an affair doesn't mean they figure their shit out and it sounds like she isn't willing to pull her weight on fixing her own shit. Sometimes fucked up little birds need to fall out the nest. A 180 is a good start.

What are you doing for yourself to heal? Especially since your on your own with this?


Me WH
Wife Tired Girl
3 adult sons
"a wayward...annnnd just a tad betrayed."

Posts: 838 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: Arizona
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Face punched
I have read many of your posts and appreciate your insight and response because I'm having a hard time flying solo with this. Yes she is faciing prison. I put the story in just found out and on my profile.
My WW is actually very attractive. She was a personal trainer (i actually got her certified online by testing for her)that recently got fired for sleeping with OM, a tennis instructor. He was an overweight pussy who pissed in his pants when I confronted him. I am a former US Army Drill Sergeant and he couldn't take my in his face hard core verbal barrage articulating exactly how I would dispose of him if I ever crossed paths with him again. He also quit and fled the state.
However tough I may think I am though, I'm being a pussy in this situation because she bore me 2 children and I loved her. No shit bro, I thought I had the perfect family. Beautiful home, six figure income, a few cars and a brand new Harley I bought her. I would grab her a Louie Vuitton at the drop of a hat. I referred to us as beauty and the beast. I'm a good looking guy and work out almost every day. Great shape. The last thing I expected to find was an affair. I disregarded red flags. I was killing it at the job on overtime and I still serve in the military on the side

When I say other people were envious I'm not just touting my own horn. I worked hard. And I was proud. But I was very nice. Sure, for most of our pre A she was a home maker, she didn't have to work and I expected equality. I worked she should keep house. Mundane stuff. Dishes, laundry, kids. I was jealous. I love my kids. I would love to do that.3 years ago I delivered our son e route to the hospital then
Her mom and brother passed a month apart. Not justifying her behavior. Downward spiral. I didn't even know. She started on pills , then she was spending 4000 dollars a month running up credit cards, then l found out She opened secret cards, got a PO box. I had to cut her off from my accounts last June when she blew up about me finding out about her bills. then i uncovered her A last oct 20- nov 14 though I'm sure it had to be emotional before that.
Anyway the full story is posted. It's a good long read
She's a mess. I'm I. IC
She's in rehab and domestic violence classes. She has supervised visits and 5 hours unsupervised. CPS is on her ass
She has 3 felony dwi charges for having the kids in the car with the motor running. I was upset at her. She called 911 and put them in the car. She had been drinking, got locked up.
So with CPS and the district atty after her it's all poor me. She hasn't owned up to any of it. I've spent 18 grand cash on atty's and 1000 on her bail.
So in an instant my whole world blew up.
Mental movies, anger, frustration and on top of it I see many past possible affairs because I am reviewing all other past red flags I dismissed. Other men, phone records, names, drama involving one of her girl friends ex boyfriends where he supposedly made a pass at her but she deleted the email.
A woman on FB who tried to friend me because my WW friended her husband who WW knew in HS.
It's bullshit. I don't know what to do. I know what I should do. I try 180 but I just come off as angry. Plus I can't turn her down when she puts out.
She has no job now, no license, no place to go.
If I go D ill end up with the house and kids which is great. One of my biggest hang ups is daycare. I work a rotating shift and weekends.
Guys I just want her to wake up and own up. That's my line. I know she's playing me. You guys are very knowledgable. Maybe someday I will be also. I thought I was. But when the heart is involved I guess the brain shuts down.
I'm on a roller coaster
Some days I'm fine. We have decent sex and we bond
Other days the sex sucks
Others I'm going over the events in my head.
Thanks also hard lessons.
I apologize if this post is ALL over the place.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 4:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW is actually very attractive. She was a personal trainer (i actually got her certified online by testing for her)that recently got fired for sleeping with OM, a tennis instructor. He was an overweight pussy who pissed in his pants when I confronted him. I am a former US Army Drill Sergeant and he couldn't take my in his face hard core verbal barrage articulating exactly how I would dispose of him if I ever crossed paths with him again. He also quit and fled the state.

Had to get a chuckle out of this....you got a reaction out of POSOM that most of us would have killed for.
However tough I may think I am though, I'm being a pussy in this situation because she bore me 2 children and I loved her.

Yeah, I was not trying to criticize, I apologize if it came off that wey. I feel like most of us (probably all of us) were in similar shoes prior to the A. I doubt there's too many BM running around saying "Hey, you know what? I kind of expected this to happen." Even if we haven't had the perfect life, career, etc., the one thing we felt like we could count on was the love and loyalty of our wives. And I think it's probably natural to also do what you're doing and start looking back at some red flags you had previously dismissed and think, "Hmmm, maybe I SHOULD'VE seen this coming." I don't feel like there's anything wrong with that...you were married, and thus were supposed to be able to trust your wife....she betrayed you, and so now you're re-examining past 'off' behavior. Being constantly vigilant and the like is probably not an ideal relationship model long-term, but for right now it makes perfect sense for a person trying to get ahold of the story of what they thought was their life.

Plus I can't turn her down when she puts out.

Hahaha. I don't know what to tell you on this one. I heard WAL say that you could just give her no more emotion and thought than you would a dirty rag, basically just treat sex with her as the biological need it sort of is. Maybe give in if you want to. I've never been one that is able to separate sex from emotional closeness, but the flipside is that I can easily turn down sex if I'm pissed off or upset. I'm almost 4 months post-DDAY, and while hysterical bonding has been over since like week 4, we still have sex occasionally. It just has to happen when I feel really close to my wife, which is not super often. When I actually feel close, the mind movies don't occur.

To me, it sounds like your wife has some really serious shit she's going to have to clean up, both legally and personally, before she's healthy enough of a person to be able to be have a productive relationship with. How are your kids doing? Because they are the ones who probably have it the worst in this situation.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey face
I didn't feel like you criticized me at all. I appreciate your responses! In a way were all a band of brothers here in some kind of modern relationship battlefield. Using all the cover, concealment, and tact we can muster to survive against them and ourselves.
I'm glad you liked my confrontation. POSOM threw her right under the bus. Said she totally misrepresented our relationship. He was scared. Wide eyed and did actually piss himself. This may be too much, well it is, but when she had been with him she was on her period. She came home at 3:14 am. Ill never forget the time. I know this because she jumped me the next night while I was in a sound sleep and was extremely horny. I wasn't aware of the affair at that time but KNEW she was up to no good. As I was chewing him out I told him I had sex the night after while she was on her period and explained that when I was done with her my bedroom looked like a f**kin crime scene! He was aghast. She was mortified. Apparently she told him she wasn't sleeping with me. At the conclusion of me reading him the riot act I commanded him to do an about face and move out smartly before I reconsidered my attitude towards him. As he was walking to his car I told him to double time. Which he did.
He was a coward. My WW thought he was a coward. He didn't even try to stick up for her or stand up to me. She only stood there like a statue staring after him. At one point she did say I was crazy. I was. I looked at POSOM pointed a knife hand at his face(all four fingers extended and joined) an inch from his nose and said " what do you think? Am I crazy? Your with my wife in a restaurant when she should be with her family and your still breathing!"
He quit and left the state. He told his employer he feared for his life. My WW thinks I had another conversation with him. I didn't.
She has a lot of shit to work through. She was hit by the karma bus,train, and plane.
Part of me should have let her stay in jail after her stunts. Then her next stop would be a homeless shelter.
So a middle class wife would instantly be homeless and facing state prison. No priors. Squeaky clean. Was living the dream.
I didn't want my kids mother in that situation. Even though part of me wants it those places are extremely dangerous and I don't want to have to tell my kids I threw mom to the wolves because of her betrayal. I'm just like a lot of you. We're still men with our sense of responsibility. She seriously fu**ed up. I'm hoping she owns it.
The kids are fine. We don't expose them to much of it. After the initial blow up they were. I had a domestic violence report against her and a protective order. She was nuts.
Then I got my kids a therapist to see if it affected them adversely. Now it is gone. I show my WW love in front of them. My boys have been exposed to the POSOM though. They had free tennis lessons, nice huh? I told them he was a bad guy and they call him "Pee Pee pants" although they don't know why. I just said he pees his pants. It's funny because they think its funny and randomly bring it up. Even in front of her.
Last night after the gym and before bed she bathed, lit candles, and put on nice music in the bedroom. She had massage oil out and we took care of each other. She knew I was stressing and she was very loving.
I know she is afraid. I'm being hard core. I'm changing. I don't know which way to go. I know I can meet someone who may be so much better. New. She knows I go from R to D in an instant. I have never i. My life forgiven infidelity from anyone. This is new territory. I just can't for the life of me figure out why she won't talk. I've been as kind as I can about it and I've been stressing her also. Like fishing. I lure her in with absolute love and kindness then I push her away when I'm on the roller coaster. It's screwed up. I see those movies and I put things together. Hear songs she downloaded over the course of her A and read about how brave you guys are and feel I'm doing it all wrong.
I've read books. How to be a bad boy. Which isn't hard for me
The way of the superior man
Survive her affair
Married man sex primer
Etc...
Sucks dude. Only satisfaction is that I scared the hell out of POSOM and he looked like Seth rogan. I was like damn! Really? Channing tatum I can understand.
I didn't know what to be more embarrassed about.
Oh then a month later 2 days after our domestic she goes to a Christmas party with a 56 year old doctor, 20 years her senior, that looks like Mr. Bean and sleeps at his house. She said she slept alone in his guest bedroom and he was creepy. She left her car in a parking lot because she thought I planted a GPS device. She was clueless. The car has a big blue button on the mirror that says "ONSTAR". I saw a few calls between them but she says she wouldn't go out with him and he got upset she wouldn't go to the movies. I left word that we would meet someday. I gave him an opportunity to call but he hasn't yet.
Anyway thanks again! All suggestions are appreciated.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 11:01 AM, April 28th (Sunday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Mikey56
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Member # 38063
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In a way were all a band of brothers here in some kind of modern relationship battlefield. Using all the cover, concealment, and tact we can muster to survive against them and ourselves.

B444 this ^^^ is great.

Also I gotta say the OM pissing his pants is priceless. Too bad you didn't get a video. It would have gone viral..

Hang in there brother...


Posts: 108 | Registered: Jan 2013
Betrayed444
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Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Mikey!
I did take a picture of him during my initial approach and recorded the beginning of the encounter on my iPhone for future posterity. i was so livid and pumped up on adreneline that I had the shakes and could very well have broken him in half.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
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Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE:
Contacted wife of WW's HS buddy on FB and she is gathering messages from last may for me. She mentioned this, be advised that POSOM wasn't in the picture last may. He wasn't even here and she didn't know him yet.
WW's former girlfriend
I do believe she was cheating with someone, but to be honest I can't remember his name, but worked at the gym. I can get on my computer and send you all the fb messages.
I just went through them all and clicked forward and sent them all. Wasn't sure which ones I sent. When on computer it lets me just click all and forward. To be honest I thought we were really good friends even though we never met and was very hurt when she just disappeared. I know she brought up the guy in the month may but honestly I don't really remember much about him except she said he made her happy and that she had to be very secretive about it because you would "kill her".

Ok. Now how do I tactfully approach this subject w/o inviting chaos. Currently she is home and says she loves me and can't wait to see me?
I know she was talking to guys and I had red flags and told her to be "careful" but she said I over react. I just know guys.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
h0peless
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Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you guys want to reconcile, this all has to be brought out into the air. Everything. She can't have any secrets. If you're going to divorce, honestly let her have her secrets. I KNOW there is shit that my ex did that I actually don't know about but at this point, it's completely irrelevant to me. I know it's a bit different for you because you have kids but still...

You're not going to get through this by avoiding conflict.


Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Betrayed444
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Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks hopeless. I'm heading home in a minute. I'm going over the most tactical way to bring this up w/o ruining a gorgeous day. I'm reciting my mushy approach and I'm going to ask her about her relationship last may. It will be open ended. I won't divulge details. Ill make it sound like I know all about it but want to hear her version since I really don't know anything. I do recall an incident in July I think where my buddies in the gym saw her measure a co workers bicep. They thought it was inappropriate and I was there! I spoke to her about it and in a roundabout way made fun of him. I think I told him he had to grow a bicep first before my wife measured it and I didn't like it. I didn't over react. I didn't want to make waves for her and at the time I trusted her but now...red flag.
He was a dopey kid but after seeing her other picks why not.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
Betrayed444
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Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE:
I approached her as nice as pie, made her a cup of coffee. Told her I wanted us to work out. She said that she felt like I was her lowest priority. That the last few years i was not therr for her and i did my own thing. I said i was working on that. I Broached the subject. She got angry and defensive.
She said I made it up. That last may we had an argument on our anniversary. She started her job last may and was talking to wifes who lost their husbands. She said I fabricated it to make her feel miserable.
She cried. Told me to leave her alone. Said she wished I was dead then left the house.
I wasn't pushy at all.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
h0peless
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Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What you really need is some distance. It's so much easier to see the logical conclusion to these sorts of things when you're looking at it from the outside than it is when you're living it. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. She sounds like she really needs help and is completely unwilling to get it.

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
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