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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men- Part 9
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you can do what you want betrayed, but I know if I ever get rid of this one, I'll be single the rest of my life. Maybe that means I'm on the other side of this now.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For real!
My first W was pretty normal story. Joined military. Young. Got hitched. Spent a lot of time in the field and grew apart after 8 years. No real drama. This one started as a hot piece of ass but she hopped on board the crazy train. I played a lot between 1 and 2.
Whatever happens after ill be more cautious. I've learned or I think I did. We all know how that goes.
She moved out of the room tonight. I've read enough here to know not give any ground. I'm in the master. I even asked her not to use our master bath. She uses that dry shampoo and powder gets all over everything. She has to use a leaky inflatable bed now because her dad is in our guest bedroom that I totally refurnished. She's not a happy camper at all. She wanted to use the comforter that I keep on the couch and I shot that down. I'm being a real big dick( since she has a thing with that). I walked in prior to ask her for one of my pillows back. She was crying. I'm like doing a 180 on steroids. But the truth is the 180 is an honest effort to make yourself happy and that's what I'm doing and I don't feel bad. Is it wrong to admit I kind of enjoy it? I'm even turned off by her at the moment. Kinda like she turned off a switch. I saw she bought a Christian book about turning off her anger and controlling her behavior. I don't believe her. It's probably a game. When it comes to forgiveness, at the moment I'm happier not to. Fuck her, it's selfish that she wants it. At first, right after DDay I made that mistake and said I did and as I read here that was my first big mistake. It reinforced and rewarded her behavior. Now I'm saying game over. Buh bye. I have a brand new BMW that I drive and ill be a hot commodity on my own. I won't miss her income because she doesn't have any. I pay all the bills, our mortgage, groceries, everything.
I bought her whatever she needed without a second thought. She had everything while I busted my ass at work and over 300 hours of OT last year so that she could fuck a slob who rented a Bedroom in a dilapidated house and possessing a suspended DL and a POS vehicle.
Why would I want to let her climb back into a princess lifestyle. I'm embarrassed, my friends and co workers know of this and I'm considered a pretty good leader. They are scratching their heads. And on top of that she doesn't pull her fair share of weight in the bedroom. It's like Chinese food. I'm hungry again in an hour. It's not filling.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just returned from the visitation of a friend's 40 year old son. His wife left him a few years ago for another man and took their 2 kids.

He's been messed up ever since and took his own life last weekend.

Please, know that there is life after this. It may not be the life you envisioned. It may end up being better if you let it.

Get help if you get to this point. Please.


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35366 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Truth, wh5.

My condolences to your friend.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6690 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. My condolences bro.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Condolences. Prayers.
Sorry


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2071 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My sincerest condolences... That's a damn shame.
Get help if you get to this point. Please.

As my parents were divorcing, with suspicions of infidelity on my mom's part, my dad checked himself into a mental health facility for depression, and when he got out my brothers and I (teenagers then) all joked and made fun of him. No way in hell now.


“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”

Posts: 1616 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, May 2nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, WH5. Condolences.

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH5 - so sorry to hear about your friends son.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3305 | Registered: Dec 2011
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


..

wh5..so sorry for that father.

..this shit really does destroy peoples' lives

smy


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 66
Her 63
Married 41 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4018 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
64fleet
♂ Member
Member # 18710
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sorry to hear about your friend's son, wh5. I know if my kids were gone it would be tough.


time wounds all heels

Posts: 5359 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: deliverance land
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Please, know that there is life after this. It may not be the life you envisioned. It may end up being better if you let it."


one of the best lines ever written on this site......i have tears in my eyes....


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 753 | Registered: Jun 2011
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH5 so sorry for the loss of your friend.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE:
The lastest from WW. Apparently CPS wants her to find a place and a job with no overnights for a year. Of course they have to get the courts to agree. But the other day CPS fabricated some reports from the women's retreat. The retreat is upset and will denounce that. In all fairness I have discovered that CPS are in fact bullshit artists.so before I left for work she's ranting on how ridiculous it is. She's a house wife and should be home taking care of the house and kids not working a lowly 8 dollar an hour job and I really wanted to say "really. Is that what a wife is. Now you know what a wife is supposed to be? Not spending all hours of the night fucking strange dick while I'm putting the kids to bed? Anyway ever the drama queen here are today's texts.
WW:
You win, you got me out of the house without having to assist me and got custody of the kids. I can help you 8 hours a week but anything over that you will have to pay a sitter or au pair for. Just going by your statement when you left. Since reconciliation not an option we need to just let my dad go home. I need to find a place of residence ASAP but I don't plan on following orders from them since they obviously have no intentions of ever giving me more time with the boys. Once the orders are dropped next year we can work out something that fits better.
Btw, you were to go with me today and you decided to not go. It didnt matter. I didnt tell you not to go. You didn't come home in time and never said you were going.I just want to let you know that I DO LOVE YOU, I have ALWAYS loved you and I ALWAYS WILL. It breaks my heart this ended like this.
I know you will move on very quickly and be restored. You have done this before so know the drill.
Best of luck and I will miss you very much.
Good bye

The new 180 is kicking her ass.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 3:24 PM, May 3rd (Friday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
tfkeel
♂ New Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really wanted to say "really. Is that what a wife is. Now you know what a wife is supposed to be? Not spending all hours of the night fucking strange dick while I'm putting the kids to bed?

And, I would add:

"..However, it is too damn late for you to worry about being MY wife. You have proven beyond any doubt to me that you have a complete lack of respect for me, and are completely disinterested in my welfare and emotional well-being. Yes, you say you "have always loved me"...well, this statement is completely unbelievable, because you CHOSE to subject me to the worst rejection anyone ever feels, by cheating, then you choose again to use the most powerful weapon at your disposal in a statement having no possible motive other than to hurt me as deeply as possible."

"...and thirdly, our marriage did not end ITSELF. It was YOU who ended it, by your choices.

[This message edited by tfkeel at 11:35 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]


Posts: 38 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right on brother. Exactly! And I wanted to. I wanted to say all of that and then some.
But you know what
She doesn't deserve it. I'm not giving her any more scraps of my feelings to feed on. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of me engaging that.

Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not giving her any more scraps of my feelings to feed on. I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of me engaging that.

Amen to that!
That really is an epiphany.
It was for me for sure. It came to me because I realized I had to protect myself, my heart from further damage - and any peek she had into me, she could use, abuse.
Not that "she didn't deserve me" so much as I deserved safety.
(you see, it's all about loving me)
It is peaceful my friend.
Relief and release.
Joy. Freedom.
No more drama.
wh5))) I'm so sorry.


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So last night I went out to eat dinner after I put the kids to bed. Of course in her warped justifying mind I went to see a girlfriend. I got home at around 11:30 because I have reserve training today. I went into the master bedroom and locked the door. Then she texts me.
Her
If you are planning on staying over with someone else could you let me know so I could sleep in a bed please. The floor is very uncomfortable. Thank you. Please, lock the door like I am going to bother you. I hoped you would soften your heart and we could get along again. This has gone on too long. You let people who have always hoped we would fight get in your ear. I suppose you will purposely not buy toilet paper as to add one more thing to not allow me to have and continue your grudge.
I wanted to tell you I love you and miss you but I know you don't care and don't reciprocate the feelings. Good night.

Me:
Are you horny or something

Her:
I was but you won't speak to me. I saw an erotica book but didnt get it since you won't talk to me and have completely shut me out.
I'm not in the mood to just be used for sex right now.

Me:
Night

Her:
Real sex yes, used booty call sex, no. You locked the door anyway

I go to sleep. Next thing you know she's in the room and wants to talk. Asks if I have a girlfriend. I tell her no but if I did she would be the first to know and ill provide all the details. I asked her what gives her the right to tell me I have to be exclusive when she isn't. I added that I wanted every single detail of her affairs and since she didn't provide that we are now broken up. I said I'm not sleeping with her anymore. We're done. I related that meeting new women is soooo easy. And considered contacting an old girlfriend from years ago and said she was hyper sexual and so much better than WW. She said she didn't want to be punished anymore. Haven't I punished her enough. I said no. I gave you every opportunity to give me details and divulge all affairs. I know you had multiple affairs.
She then said your right , I have, happy now. And left the room. I went to sleep.
So I guess I have to make her angry and jealous to get her to say these things. However is she confessing, trying to make me angry or what? Anger removes her guilt? The nice shit doesn't work
JJCT you and WAL are my Hero's. I read the other BM sections and your quotes are so valuable I save them. I apologize to everyone for monopolizing but this place is a great release for the play by play. It's like using the handrail method to get through this. Like I'm blind and being led by seasoned veterans who are In Different stages of this process from beginning to end. Thanks

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 9:43 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]


Posts: 494 | Registered: Feb 2013
stilllovingher
♂ Member
Member # 29959
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger removes her guilt?

very possible...that's typically how justification works.


The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

Posts: 2385 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
Betrayed444
♂ Member
Member # 38389
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. I engaged.
I sent a text in reference to last night. Did I err or do I make sense? I wanted to take advantage of her loss of a filter last night.
Me:
I'm proud of u. You made a break through last night. Now I want to know how many and who with timelines. Be totally forthcoming. Any omissions are a deal breaker. These are the conditions. You want to work you clear the slate. You don't have to do the above. Well just call it a day. I don't care at this point. Your decision

Her:

You said you want T. I will help you find her if that will make you happy. I just want you to be happy. You have her social security number. Since Tracy is only 30 pounds overweight now and crying for your affection you can bring her up here too. You have T'a social security number.
It doesn't matter what I tell you. You don't love me, don't want to reconcile and don't plan on moving forward. I can't change that in you.
Now, if you came to me and said you love me, that would be different. You don't. You have many relationships with many women online and talk more with your ex and spend more time looking for your lost soul mate than trying to reconcile with me.
I'm sorry I lost you. I love you and will always love you but since you can't reciprocate this circle is nonsense. You admitted I am not your soul mate and don't love or even like me. Why continue then? If you don't have it, you don't have it. You don't love me. I get it. I got it. No need to further insert the sword.

Me:
Cool

Her:
Love you. Please come home with peace in your heart

Me:
Honestly. I am at peace. I am ready to move on with love in my heart. On my own to seek whatever I can find in life. You have the answers I wanted to make this work. To start fresh. I even considered renewed vows. But not on dishonesty. We all make mistakes, some of us several. But I need a loyal partner and confidant. The kids will always be that. I spent months wanting you to redeem yourself, fix yourself, and love. I have you every opportunity to sit down with me and clear your conscious. Hasn't happened and I'm not going to keep coming across trickle truth or new details. You understand my position. I'm done. I don't trust you. My mind is clear and at peace with this. If you ever loved me you would have trusted me enough to sit down and confide all of it good and bad no matter what

Her:
If
you are ready to move on then you proved my point. I do love you. It's your love for me that is gone and I cannot change your heart.
I miss you tremendously as my husband, best friend and lover. He is gone and I cannot repair the damage. I accept that. Even if we talk, you will continue to harbor ill will toward me and have me arrested more out of anger and seek to punish me further. You will continue to use words hate and seek revenge on me.
I am ugly to you now and cannot be made beautiful again. I am sexually unsatisfying to you and cannot be made appealing again. I am untrustworthy and cannot be trusted again. You will never stop revenge towards me and this I know. You did not want to renew vows. This is just something you say to bait me and make me feel more sad. Good job.
You're at peace. I'm glad. I love you and miss you and will always love and miss you. If you are as peaceful and healed as you say you wouldn't keep coming to me in such anger. I will no longer be the angry one anymore. I have asked for forgiveness, forgiven myself and accepted the blame and punishment. I am sorry for the pain you experience and wish to take it all away. What's done is done and an apology is all I can offer. I miss you very much in so many ways. XOXOXO

Me:
What's done is done and an apology is all you offer?
Nope
You bailed on us and the kids.
Your response to our marital problems were to sleep around.
You won't own up to it as an adult
Please understand this and I'm making it clear
I'm not angry at you nor am I punishing you. You knew I would not be happy when you crossed the line. You knew I would not want to stay with you anymore. My response to your affairs should not catch you by surprise. What's done is done. I gave you more of a chance than anyone I would have before you to make amends and let me decide how to proceed. That is my right.
I clearly outlined that without that was definite D. The other way you had a slim chance of finding me again.
I won't love a stranger with secrets anymore. Plain and simple. You can't protect those memories if you wanted me to be a part of you.
I'm not punishing you. I'm leaving you. It's my choice. To stay with you is punishing myself. I don't deserve that. I am worth a lot more than that and someone is going to jump at the chance to be worthy of me.

Her:
PROVERBS 10:12
Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

Me

Thou shalt not commit adultery

Her

You were planning to leave me anyway. You were plotting it for years. What I did changed nothing, it just gives you justification.
You admitted last night who your true sole mate was and I never lived up to her and never can.
What I did was wrong but its done and cannot be undone. The blame game is over. I was never in your heart to begin with and felt it from the start.
I understand your need to place all the blame on me. I will take it and carry it as my weight and burden if that will make you feel better. I will watch in envy as you prance girl and girl in front of me to make yourself feel better and be more whole.
You're right. Since you don't love me, don't need me, don't want me and can do better. There isn't much more for me to say.
I love you and I miss you and I will always love and miss you. I hope you find the woman can complete you as I never could have no matter what I could have done to try.
I wish you the most peace and happiness. You will forever be the one who got awayYou're right. I said sorry. I am paying for it and so are you and the kids.
Since you don't love or like me anymore it shouldn't hurt anymore.
Since you never loved me and found me to be your soul mate it shouldn't be so sad for you. I'm not the first or the second to put you through this. I am the one you loved the least so it shouldn't be difficult to accept.
You see me as fat and ugly and loose. Your point has been made clear. Crystal as you say. This conversation is pointless. I said I was sorry. I don't like to see you in pain because I love you so much and I caused your pain. I wish I could take away what I caused but I cannot. I can only make better choices in the following days to come and hope you can heal and find peace. A peace I hope you find. A love out there I hope you find.
I miss you and love you and always will .When you pushed me away, I should have fought back harder. I didn't and I am very sorry. I reacted out of anger and hurt and in selfishness. I am sorry. Sorry for the unfaithfulness and pain to you and the kids. You have now the opportunity to move on and be happy. Seize it. I will miss you and love you always. You will find better and be thankful for the excuse to push me out with nothing. I will accept the homelessness, loneliness and shame I deserve. I brought it on myself and I am truly sorry for the temporary pain it has caused you. You will rise and always find better than me because you deserve better than me. I will always love you and will always miss you. I will always be regretful and sorrow without you. I'm changing. Slowly but I am, it's really no more your concern or care. I can't argue anymore. I love you. I miss you tremendously. I will always miss you. I'm no longer in your heart so my words go onto deaf ears.
I'm sorry. I am. Period. Nothing I say will change anything.
I wish you best and will forever love and miss you and regret my mistakes. I'm changing. Slowly but I am, it's really no more your concern or care. I can't argue anymore. I love you. I miss you tremendously. I will always miss you. I'm no longer in your heart so my words go onto deaf ears.
I'm sorry. I am. Period. Nothing I say will change anything.
I wish you best and will forever love and miss you and regret my mistakes.

Me

I truly hope you take this as a lesson to take to your next relationship. Once this is put to rest it won't matter as much as it does now. I found that the need to know or the blame instantly disappears after separation.

Her

Good. I don't desire or care to ever have another relationship again. Not even for friendship male or female. I prefer to be alone and away from people who will judge or hurt me.
We are separated so you should be healed. Go and be happy. I'm grateful for the boys.
I will always love and miss you. Good bye. I cannot offer you any more words of good bye or peace. I don't know what more you could possibly want to hear. You have made your decision, you have moved on. You have shown there is nothing in your heart left to salvage. I can't change that.
I wish you peace and happiness and love and miss you always. XOXOXOXO
I failed, you did not. I wish you the best and a love that will last.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 2:09 PM, May 5th (Sunday)]


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