In Korea, there are places called "Juicy Bars", where the servers are called "Juicy Girls." A Juicy Girl will approach a patron, ask him if he wants to "buy her a juice." He buys her a juice and then she "entertains" him. The folks telling me about this were never clear about how far it went, but the implication was that it was approximately strip club level to worse. Some of these girls are particularly desperate for the money and are extremely young.
Needless to say when I see Juicy Couture brand clothing with "Juicy Girl" written on it, I roll my eyes and wonder if the wearer knows what it means in Korea.
He thought about and spoke to some prostitutes but was afraid to "utilize" their services fearing STDs. He did get his wallet stolen from one, so I know he entertained the idea. I believe he had dates with women but it never became physical (because of them, he would have)
And you are basing that he didn't have sex with prostitutes or other women on what? He said so. No one and I mean no one gets their wallet stolen by a prostitute if they weren't utilizing them. Addicts lie.
[This message edited by wantreallove at 7:55 AM, December 21st (Friday)]
My H knows that for himself, & for me to take this chance on him, he has to continue on the path described above. For now, I feel pretty safe in the relationship so I will continue down this path. It's an individual journey, & each of us has slightly different factors that influence our decision to take that leap, or not. It's scary stuff, for sure. (((SA spouses)))
Wantreal - we were posting at the same time, so I just saw your new post. Welcome. Your WH certainly sounds like it to me. If you go to the beginning of the thread on pg 1 there are several websites mentioned. There's a quiz to help determine the diagnosis. For my H, it was the porn. It had become a daily part of his life - he had tried to stop the porn/mb cycle on his own, unsuccessfully. So all the questions of "does it impact your daily life," "has it negatively affected your relationships," "have you tried to stop the behavior & couldn't"...yes, yes, & yes. He never tried to argue that he wasn't SA; in fact, he was relieved when I found out so that he could openly seek help. I strongly urge you to go to the website with the CSAT search & find one in your area. The difference in treatment & knowledge is huge!! And hopefully you are in IC for yourself as well. Self-care is very important. I'm sorry you're here with us
[This message edited by putonahappyface at 8:20 AM, December 21st (Friday)]
www.sexhelp.com I think has a pretty good checklist you can look at.
Hugs to all!
And a little while back it looked like WH's work was going to "make" him go to Korea (which WH has never been) and I put my foot down and said I'd leave if if he went. So he got out of it. So he says.
So I am sorry Issa but if he's been to those places it is likely seen a hooker. There and here. :(
QVee - I agree with everyone. That is very scary! And so very sad.
I'm home in bed today. Have been sick all week and just wouldn't give in. Now I am really sick. So I'll be around and on the computer today. I have had more illness the last 3 months than in the whole previous 2 years. Ugh. Stress.
[This message edited by Missymomma at 11:06 AM, December 21st (Friday)]
And you are basing that he didn't have sex with prostitutes or other women on what? He said so. No one and I mean no one gets their wallet stolen by a prostitute if they weren't utilizing them. Addicts lie
Issa, you mentioned friendly women in a Korean bar. Do you mean actually *in* Korea?
I am so sorry you triggered from my post.
I had never even heard of such a thing.
Wantreal - I think there are just varying types of sex addiction. Just like with all addictions, everyone has a different bottom. For some it does take jail and for others it is something less. And of course, there are those that never get help. Also like all addictions, it will progress and get worse without the right kind of treatment. We went to many therapists over the years, before and at the beginning of his acting out. They just weren't trained to handle it appropriately.
When WH go this wallet stolen, he also got his nice watch stolen too. He was in New Orleans at them time and when he called me the first thing that popped in my head was "oh no, he was with a prostitute". He probably is lying, so I hear what you're saying. His explaination was he knew she was a protitue because he was in a bar, she approached him, offered him her services (that's how he knew) and then pick-pocketed him. Who knows???? ugh I never heard the term rolled before, but I had heard (maybe saw it in a movie) that it's not unusual to loose your wallet when entertaining with a hooker. gheez
I am so confused about my SAWH therapy. He said there wasn't any talk about abstinence, he didn't know what "inner circles" were referring to, etc. Someone said these were red flags for her SAWH prior councelor. I will talk to my husband about my speaking with his CSAT.
I'd like your opinion, I was the one who found this one for him but now I'm a bit concerned. Here is an excert from his website:
A little more about me...
As a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT), I was trained directly by Dr. Patrick Carnes through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals. I am also a professional member of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH.net) and Christian Counselors of Texas (CCTX.org). In 2003, I completed certification in therapeutic spiritual treatment with Dr. Paul Carlin through Therapon Institute in Houston TX. Active for many years in my church, Shoreline Christian Center, I have worked hand-in-hand with individuals and couples struggling to align behavior with belief.
I am certified in EMDR (level I & II) treatment.
His qualifications seem very good it just appears as my SAWH is having a different expereince than the rest of you.
Thanks again for your collective wonderful wisdom!
married 16 years, 2 kids: 11 DD, 13 DS
In process of R