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User Topic: Spouses/Partners of Sex Addicts-10
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, May 31st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And yet I can't help reaching for joy while it is on the table

Wow. Just WOW! THIS is amazing and I am so happy for you. THAT will see you through so much, it's the perfect attitude, a true sobriety for YOU.

I am going to try to emulate it!

I think you are my new hero!


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2932 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
putonahappyface
♀ Member
Member # 30269
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, June 1st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats Hath! So happy you have that peace of mind. Hugs to all!


BS (me) - 49; SAWH- 50 (hurtherbadly)
Married 26 yrs
2 DS - 20 &16
Dday 6/4/2010. 2 EA/PA
11/15/12 update: found lots of porn on phone: SA discovery


Posts: 708 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Bluegrass
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, June 2nd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hath, sooooo wonderful for you!! Makes the future a little brighter ay!

As for me, reading all your stories and then realizing that my WH is still not admitting he has a problem. We have been in regular MC to vent some things out and he is still saying "I didn't do anything wrong" still lies so much.

Now he says he can't receive text, just from me. He gets them from everyone else except me. Ridiculous! We had a family day for our kids and he was nice and cordial, but really like a vegetable. Its like his depression/SA doesn't allow him to fight for me or be affectionate. I am tired of being the one to try and make this marriage work.

He does nothing to get into MC, to pursue me. Its horrible when I get asked out by other men and say no, but he is married to me and it doesn't even feel like he's attracted to me.

Sorry for the vent, but I am in a position right now where we are almost done with the D and have been living separate for 18 months.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

cds22, thanks for the recommendations. I'll try to look into some natural alternatives. I used to take 5htp a long time ago, but I don't remember if it helped at all.

Another question for you wonderful ladies out there :) How important is it to have your spouse tell you about slip ups? My H had one last week with porn (though he was able to stop himself after a few minutes which I see as a vast improvement...he still felt so much shame). He didn't tell me about it. Again I had to ask him how he's doing. He says that he just thought I wouldn't want to know every time he struggles, but isn't it important for me to know? It felt like he was hiding again.


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 456 | Registered: Mar 2013
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello ladies. I don't post too much just read mostly.

WH was diagnosed as SA during last DDay. He was in IC and actively involved in 12 step SA program. IC has mostly stopped due to finances. His participation in 12 step has dwindled.

We are in crisis right now as we have had a setback. I asked for more rigid boundaries with a woman who he coaches her son. I got a bad vibe from her and told him I wanted contact to stop or to become very limited - he is coach and league president so contact via phone and text with females does happen.

The phone calls stopped and text messages increased. I had been questioning this for the last month or so and fighting over this has escalated in the last two weeks. He has been deleting the messages. I have seen some and have no indication that its a affair but he has fought me tooth and nail about taking a hard line with this woman as she is friends with his male friends, she likes to hang with the boys and drink. Both deny anything is going on. She's not the problem he is.

He was doing so well with boundaries and putting recovery as the highest priority along with protecting our marriage boundaries. Now I have an angry dismissive husband who is pist that I'm not taking his word at what has transpired. He gets so angry at me looking at phone records and at his phone because he has already told me its nothing and I need to let it go.

How many here still monitor activity, even if they appear to be doing well? I didn't go into this mode until I suspected he was lying about the texts.

We are heading to the celebrate recovery program that used to attend regularly. They now have a COSA group for the ladies. I am hoping it will help. I'm also inquiring about their marriage crisis program for help.

Now that he is so angry with me, he's been pushing the idea of separating. I have told him I will not agree until after some counciling has been done and make the decision from there.

I'm at my wits end. I realize we've had a ton of really bad events in the last 6 months and the stress has been crazy but acting like this is not the answer.

I'm hoping the programs at church and the IC/MC will help. He just doesn't seem to care

I'm focusing on fixing my issues regardless but I wish he would wake up before its too late.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1258 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told my friend today that H is in SAA. I'm riddled with guilt now. I was going to not tell him, but since he is trying to be honest, I should be too right?
All I wanted was to confide in a friend. I can't even do that any more. :(


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 456 | Registered: Mar 2013
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((renee21))))

I can't imagine the gut wrenching situation you are in right now. I'm so sorry!

I think you already know but, if you need validation I'm going to give it to you. I see his cavalier attitude, requests for separation and dwindling participation in SA as huge red flags. He is hiding & keeping secrets & everyone here knows that most probably equals acting out behavior.

I have to admit that while I was tempted to initiate GPS tracking & spyware, I now feel it would only serve to drive me crazy. Don't get me wrong as I most certainly check his cell phone, phone records & bank accounts on a regular basis but I simply don't have the stamina to chase him around & make sure he is behaving himself.

If you know that your husband is deleting text messages that most certainly means there is something he doesn't want you to see. It's time for you to decide your boundaries. If you have a problem with your husband contacting or being with this woman, he should respect you enough to remove himself from that circle. In fact, he is showing his disrespect by continuing contact with her (and possibly others).

You have to remember, it's not you that is broken. It's him. SA's are powerless over lust & only he can can do that work to turn that ship around. you can help him make healthier decisions by setting your boundaries firmly in place. you are powerless to control him & his behavior and this is where life becomes unmanageable.

IMHO, he is heading down a dangerous path. Please don't let him take you with him!

I am in a very precarious place right now myself & am desperately looking for direction. May I ask you something out of pure curiosity? Has he learned anything from the work you both have done as a result of the previous d-days? I sometimes wonder if I will come thru this incident but, if I can find the courage to forgive & fully reconcile, my very firm boundary is that I won't even consider it if it should happen again.

This is such unnecessary shit, isn't it?


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For a long period of time - last 21/2 years he was really devoted to his program, learning and counciling things have started slip in the last year or so. The last 6 months we have had 4 deaths some were very close family members to him and I. We just lost a friend 2 weeks ago buried him this weekend. Financial stress has been reaaly bad too. He has also had to accept his SA behavior cost him a career path that he really wanted. I tried to suggest him getting grief counciling but he never did.

Our marriage has been rough and I have not done much work on my anger issues and how I deal with him. I own that. If he is acting out that is 100% on him. He has the resources and accountability partners to work with. He has let it slip.

I went online today to look at my group legal coverage to see how much is covered for a divorce. I didn't think it would shake me so badly but I still can't catch my breath.

I'm not willing to do a physical seperation while he lives like a single man. He either is willing to go all in or I will be forced to file. I'm starting to try to mentally prepare because I am expecting at any time to find him packing a bag.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1258 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really sorry renee21! I wish I had some great pearls of wisdom but unfortunately I'm a newcomer to this special hell. My SAWH started SA about 3 months ago & seems to be all in with it. I told him last night that the thought of drifting back in to the complacency we were in is terrifying to me. I can't help but wonder if/when he will decide he will be ok outside of his weekly meetings and what my boundary will be for that. We still have so much work ahead do us it's simply overwhelming at times.

I tend to think that given what you have said about your present circumstances your husband is intent on pursuing his current "interest". I've been attending the SAnon meetings for 4 weeks now and another member has a similar situation. The general consensus was that agreeing to separation equals loss of control over the relationship with the SA.

Two very good points to consider for a temporary separation would be 1.)
It could be the reality check that the SA needs to be jolted out of this place he's in. 2.)It may prove to be beneficial to not have daily physical contact in order to detach so that consideration can be given to where you need/want to be in the future.

Again, I don't have the answers but, I wanted to share that with you from the sisterhood here in my neck of the woods.

Sending thoughts of strength & courage your way right now!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 36 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Posts: 497 | Registered: Apr 2013
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((renee))))) Outta has given you good advice, and you have great instincts. He does own this. You must look out for yourself.

One of the most valuable thing I got from my Sanon lessons was the slogans.

You didn't cause this, can't control it and can't cure it.

Please take care of yourself.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2932 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((sadone)))))

I see no reason to feel guilty. It's the nature of SA for spouses to be isolated. It's important NOT to be. Did you tell to be vindictive? It sounds like you confided in a friend in order to build a support system for yourself, which is HEALTHY and APPROPRIATE.

I told no one. I did tell my best friend about a conflict long ago, she knows we have had problems and are working on things.

I think it's important to choose carefully who you tell, especially if you decide to try to reconcile. Don't tell the friend who will forever hold a grudge or take out a contract for a hit But do tell someone you can lean on.

I so wish I had someone in real life to talk with and I applaud you and envy you for your resources. Use your friend as part of your support system.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2932 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
sadone29
♀ Member
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, June 3rd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you scaredyKat! I was feeling so guilty that I apologized to both of them. I didn't want both of them to feel uncomfortable if they ever ran into each other.
Both of them assured me that it was all right.
We've been friends since high school and we've been through a lot together. She's been supportive and understands why I haven't packed up and left. And H understood that I've had no one else to talk to. I still think I should have spoken with H before I talked, and I'm glad I made amends for that.


SAWH: working hard on all addictions
Out of limbo hell. R Feb. 15
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding -proverbs 3:5

Posts: 456 | Registered: Mar 2013
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone,

I saw my IC today for only the second time since last fall and today she used the SA words when talking about the xpos.

I only began to really read this thread and start thinking it applied to him over the winter. I had never mentioned it nor asked her about it. It was a real eye opener.

She said that she had no idea if his SA was long-standing or if it came about more because he retired and had more time online and was bothered by thinking of getting old, and frankly it didn't matter how, when or why for the point she was making. I was stunned to say the least.

I have not asked her how much she knows about SA or how qualified she is, so I don't know how accurate this dx may be. And, for sure, she has only what I have told her to go on. And I'm also sure I have no idea of the whole story of what he has done.
I got TT'd for only a few weeks before we stopped talking and it expanded from two months to over a year in that time. Then, last year he told me in a note that it was too late for us 4 or 5 years before that, which I take as a confession that he was unfaithful for that long because he knew it was a deal breaker to me.

I wish he had told me right away and saved me all that time. I'm sure the stress I experienced during those years living with a controlling, emotionally and mentally abusive person, not to mention his porn habit, porn site dating memberships, CL trolling and hookups, motel meetings with them, being up all night on the phone and computer talking with them or maybe meeting with them (I'm a sound sleeper), then "napping" afternoons and who knows what all else he may have been doing wasn't good for my health. And now I'm that many years older.

What do you think of her dx? What should her qualifications be?

Edited to finish a thought.

[This message edited by thebighurt at 12:29 AM, June 4th (Tuesday)]


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 1972 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thebighurt,

What do you think of her dx? What should her qualifications be?

My question for you, is why does her diagnosis matter to you? I think she recognizes as well as any of us do that your X has issues with compulsive sexual behavior. The behaviors you describe definitely fit the mold.

I think the most important thing you can focus on is your healing and moving on. The only value I see from determining whether or not he is a SA at this point is in knowing that you need to do work on healing yourself before you move on into any other relationship, so as to avoid ending up with another addict. There are divorced spouses who attend S-Anon and you could certainly also see a CSAT if you feel that you need more intensive treatment than your IC is able to provide.

I can understand where you would want an "official" diagnosis (but without his participation in the process, even by a qualified professional it will only be a defacto diagnosis), but know that you are not crazy, and that his behavior likely spanned many years of acting out and had nothing to do with you (I don't really know/remember your full story). At this point, take care of yourself and focus on your healing. Good luck on your journey.


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
TooManyYears
♀ Member
Member # 26108
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

renee21,

The fact that he is angry, defensive, and not working on his recovery all points to relapse; he is acting out.

For a long period of time - last 21/2 years he was really devoted to his program, learning and counciling things have started slip in the last year or so. The last 6 months we have had 4 deaths some were very close family members to him and I. We just lost a friend 2 weeks ago buried him this weekend. Financial stress has been reaaly bad too. He has also had to accept his SA behavior cost him a career path that he really wanted. I tried to suggest him getting grief counciling but he never did.

Was he really working the 12 steps or just attending meetings and going through the motions? Part of recovery for an addict is learning how to navigate the stresses that are going to occur in life without the self-soothing behaviors of acting out. It does not appear that he had changed who he was and his coping mechanisms at their core level. He may have been sober, but it was on a white knuckling level. SA's can and do white knuckle for periods of time. In a true recovery, those times of stress are the times to reach out to your sponsor, attend extra meetings, and work harder with the CSAT.

IC has mostly stopped due to finances.

In the beginning, both my H and I realized that seeing a CSAT was a priority, even though it was expensive and not covered by insurance. At $100 per hour, it is still cheaper than a divorce. I know that many people view it as optional, due to the financial sacrifice, but without a CSAT really working hard with my H and all the support he has received while working the 12 steps, he would not be where he is today.

Now that he is so angry with me, he's been pushing the idea of separating. I have told him I will not agree until after some counciling has been done and make the decision from there.

The unfortunate reality of this is that if he chooses his addiction, there is NOTHING you can do about it. Right now it is more important that you focus on yourself and your children and let go of the outcome. You do not have any control over his addiction.

This is a hard spot to be in, but this is why we have to work on ourselves. I would venture to say that all of us want/wanted our spouses to enter into a real recovery, but we do not have control over that, they must choose for themselves. Letting go of the outcome and focusing on our own health must be paramount. I am hoping you attend COSA and seek the IRL support you need right now to deal with your SA's relapse. I am glad you realize that this is 100% on him. That in itself is a big sign of growth, to be able to hold him accountable.


Me- 40
H, rSA- 46
2 young adult children
Married 21 years
Last D-day 9/19/09 (Many before this)

Posts: 496 | Registered: Nov 2009
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, June 4th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TooManyYears, you hit upon the exact reason I would like to know. I want to heal ME.

I discovered that a CSAT is almost in my neighborhood where I spend winters. So, my next question would be just how much value I might find at this point in spending the money to see him when I go back this year, given the elapsed time of two years.

I know for sure that he totally destroyed my self esteem with the controlling, belittling, etc. for decades. Add to that the porn that I asked him please not do so much online because of what it put on the computer as well as what it represented to me. Then the shock of being blindsided by his admission of the infidelities totally threw me, coming from the man who would "NEVER do THAT because only a piece of shit would ever do THAT! " and I wonder just how much difference the CSAT might make to my healing because we are D and also the passage of time. This is a new element to the situation because I only came to realize the possibility myself in recent months.

The best move might be to discuss it frankly with my IC to get her take now that she has brought it to the table. I was just totally shocked by the words she said because she has never suggested it before.

We were discussing him yesterday because he has started doing things to me again lately. My first visit was all about me and my healing. It was very healing to be away with loved ones and virtually no chance of any contact with him in either place. But he is SOOO happy, so why is he even thinking of me?? He is happy for the first time in his life and finally knows what love is.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 1972 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
cds22
♀ Member
Member # 39083
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Curious, how do you all deal with the spouse shame?

I am finding it very hard to mentally get past how disgraceful and shameful this all is. I know that many, perhaps most of our friends, would not be friends with us anymore if they know. Although my H has zero problems in this regard, they would worry about their kids' safety, the wives, probably even shaking his hand given what goes along with porn viewing.

Our kids are young and we were in the process of building such tight friendships and community. That all feels threatened to me now.

Am I over-reacting? How did you deal with the "disgrace" aspect of a spouse's SA?


Posts: 210 | Registered: Apr 2013
Missymomma
♀ Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, everyone. Life has been busy and good. Both my SAWH and I have been doing a lot of work on ourselves. Marital work is waiting on some things that we both are working on. I am working on an impact letter and he is working on his 4th step and Emotional Restitution.

CDS - That is a valid concern. That is why it is recommended to be very careful whom you disclose this information to. I told 2 friends that are both in long term recovery for other addictions and they were extremely understanding. Otherwise, it is no one else's business. That is why a support group is so important. If there is no one to talk to, this will drive you bonkers! SI is good for this but a therapist and 12 step group are life savers.

Renee - Absolutely agree with TMY! It does sound like a relapse. When an SA stops attending meetings and therapy, big red flag! Starts being secretive and angry, big red flag! I monitor activity if I get a gut feeling that something is off. This is what my CSAT and I agreed upon. Some COSA groups say no snooping and some say the same that my CSAT and I agreed upon. Sounds like your "gut" is screaming at you. Listen to it! Hope that Celebrate Recovery and COSA help you. I love my COSA group. As far as separation, could you try in-house? There is a real disagreement among leaders in the recovery world. Some are for separation and some are against it. Only you can decide what is right for YOU!

Hath - So happy that you got the post-nup! We are still working on negotiating that.

Thebighurt - Hope you can find some healing and move on! Diagnosis or not, getting into recovery and staying there will help you. I didn't stay in recovery and ended up with another addict. So back into recovery for the long haul!

Hope we all find peace.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ thebighurt

My question for you, is why does her diagnosis matter to you?

Many of us felt some measure of relief (and confusion) with the diagnosis. It validates us in that our suspicions were correct that things were wrong, it is a "disease" that "maybe" can be "fixed" and it confirms the knowledge that the infidelities aren't our fault, they are a result of his dysfunction, his disease. But, of course, unless he is present, the DX can't be made without his presence and cooperation. I think you have what you can get in that regard: the opinion of your IC that the behaviors you have described seem to indicate SA tendencies.

On the other hand, the specific knowledge and training of some CSATs can be useful to you, IF (and this is MY MHO) they deal with your issues from a trauma model) Most recent research and writing deals with SA and spouses does not treat *us* in the same manner as spouses and loved ones of other addicted people, that is, as co-addicts or co dependents. While I clearly became codependent, I was never co-addicted, as I was unaware of my SAfWH's activities.

My suggestion is to vet the CSAT to see if that person can help you.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2932 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
scaredyKat
♀ Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, June 5th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who to tell...This came up in IC this week, as I work through the Carnes workbook Facing Heartbreak (Thanks Missy!)

I don't have anyone to tell IRL. I do have friends, good friends. But I cannot tell them this. As a matter of fact, there are so many things I cannot say to these friends IRL. I can't be vulnerable or whiny, or complain. They just expect me to always be the one who is strong and the listener.
By "best" friend was my SAfWH's friend before she was mine. Not only do I not want her to judge him poorly, but I believe, that in spite of her best efforts, her strong religious upbringing would unconsciously work against her ability to be openminded about my situation. She would not be able to understand the whole "trying to reconcile" thing. And forget me just having a once in awhile meltdown, a can't-take-it anymore, too-tired-to-keep- this-up, sick-to-death-of-hearing-one-more-thing-about-recovery event. She just couldn't be there for that.

So the suggestion is to find new friends. I don't see that happening. I'm supposed to open up to a total stranger and bare my soul about all this sordid crap? I don't even like to think about it, let alone talk to a stranger.

And I still have trouble with my Sanon group. Once again, I couldn't have survived my first year without them. But, once again, I wind up as the listener, I don't get the opportunity to be on the receiving end.

I can't quite figure out what I'm doing wrong, but I do know that this RL isolation isn't helping me.


Me-BS-59
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 2932 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
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