I just know that she would not get down on her hands and knees and come back. Her pride would not allow that. I could be wrong!
I've had the hands and knees and it was all false. I wanted him fixed, not begging. Read about regret vs remorse in the healing library. Begging is a sign of regret and a classic manipulation tactic.
Everyone reaches a point where they've had enough, they've been hurt enough, they've allowed themselves to be hurt enough. You haven't reached it friend but you will.
You'll know when you've reached it - one of the signs is you'll find your anger. Then you'll focus on you - not on her. Then you'll make choices - not sit around waiting for her to choose you.
Right now she is not choosing you. Not out of pride but out of a broken fucked-up-ness.
How much this hurts is up to you.
No judgement - I've been where you are friend and it sucks arse so bad I couldn't think straight. I thank fuck every day that I'm not still in that place, that I'm not still in that M, that I'm not still with that shit human being, that I finally loved myself more than that. Every.single.day.