Don't be shocked if you get a resounding silence in response.
I'm usually pretty gutsy and have no problem stating my opinion- not even caring about being "popular"...but the blowback would be pretty bad.
Working to improve me, IC and MC for both of us. We'll see how it goes.
I told everyone I came across pretty much from DD onwards. I did it to free myself of the shame of it and also to ensure it was very very difficult for R should I ever consider it.
If they were mutual friends and I came across them I'd tell them. I didn't bother telling his friends - their view of him is his problem now.
His family are going to support him no matter what (which I know they did whilst expressing deep disappointment in him - his mother blames herself). I expect they would support him without condoning what he has done/is doing. Maybe he's giving them a spin - again, his problem, not mine.
I would not expect his family to NOT support him unless he hurt me or the girls physically or was a danger to us in some way.
They are casualties of this too in losing their relationship with me. I am unable to have a relationship with anyone who supports him, even if they have to. I don't say this from a place of spite or anger, but from pain. It would be too painful to me.
However, I have made it very clear to fWh, OW and OWH that if they every socialise again or breach NC or if I ever have to encounter her socially or professinally (My company is a client of their company)then she will be outed in public and humiliated and it wold probably lead to her loss of job. I hope she lives in fear of this everyday.
If introduced to her, I will say "I have heard of your reputation for picking up other people's husbands in your people carrier and shagging them...."
Better to fantatsise and frighten her than to carry it out. I thought I was outing her to the OWH, but he didn't seem bothered at all.
Yeah...he soon lost his job...(i will never admit to having anything to do with that happening...).
My FWW was not a patient there....however they met at a AA meetings......every day. In a 12 step program...this is known as the 13th step...and its a HUGE no-no.....and as a drug tech...HE KNEW BETTER!
[This message edited by openedupmyeyes at 6:13 AM, November 28th (Wednesday)]
The OM does not know that I know according to my WW. However, how can I really know what to believe from her right now??? And yes, she still works with him.
I talked to her about that a couple of nights ago as well as some other things. Obviously she needs a job but she's not exactly doing anything to work toward an eventual transfer or anything.
Obviously she needs a job but she's not exactly doing anything to work toward an eventual transfer or anything.
She moved back home to her parents...who were aware of her relationship with WH, but thought he was divorced. A quick call to "mom" straightened that all out. At one point she tried to pull the "my daughter is the victim here"
I simply told her that her daughter knew about me, knew my children and had been a guest in my home, twice. She knew what she was doing.
At this point she was either laughing or sobbing...I figured I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and say crying. I was very calm, collected and professional in everything I said to her. It would have done me no good to lower myself to OW's level. I felt much better afterward. Then I had to deal with WH...
Mommy's are very forgiving and will usually go after whoever is harming their cub.
Not this Mommy. My children know for certain that I would never stand by and defend/support their bad behavior. They know quite well that I don't care if they are 2, 20, 35, 48, or 55 years old...if they are doing wrong I will speak my mind and let them know it. Period.
I agree with the Solution:
"It just takes ONE PERSON in the RIGHT POSITION to make a difference"
I have a 23 yr old son and I assure you I WOULD WANT to know if he was involved in an A. I would want to address it with him, do all that I could to correct his inappropriate behavior, and help him to develop a stronger character so he would not hurt others again.
So, if you contacted me (his Mom) I would thank you.
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 1:00 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
I'd disown my children if they behaved this way and didn't go on a quest for fire from the gods to make it right, but I've accepted the unhappy truth that not everyone else sees it that way.
Out the guy sure but like I said, don't expect anything other than serendipity. If you can confront and throw a scare into his ass without beating him down then hell yes do that.
wrt her still working with this guy? You can't R in that situation imo. If she isn't even trying to find something else while working with this guy then I would assume she's still involved in the affair. No, you can't believe anything she says right now. She has to earn that back.
In all fairness, my male friend pretty much cheated the entire time they were married (it was a teenage marriage).
Anyway, after they separated and the divorce papers were in the pipeline, he found out about his STBxW and his so-called buddy.
Even though he was hardly in a position to throw stones, he nonetheless set out to get revenge - and in a hideous way.
He knew this guy had some fetishes and whatnot, so he did a random search for him on AdultFriendFinder and low and behold, there the guy was - nude pictures, profile, and what he was looking for..all visible to my friend.
Well, my male friend did a bunch of screen captures of that profile, making sure to get every single nude shot and every single word in his ex friend's profile (talking about the threesomes he was seeking and other wild things). He had the 'goods' on this guy, simply no doubt about it.
He made two color copies of everything on that AdultFriendFinder profile.
Then, he mailed one package to his ex-wife (who was blissfully 'in love' with pervert boy and had NO IDEA he was soliciting on a hookup site) and one to the guy's MOTHER.
I kid you not.
And she got it too, because the guy called a week after my friend mailed out the packages, screaming at him for having done it.
I'm on the verge of sending out about 6 letters to female members of his family. My lawyer advises against it but she did not read the body of the letter. Main thing that scares me is that the family is Hispanic and people try to remind me that they would "circle the wagon" around him and maybe get aggressive or make trouble for me.
I formed the letter based on a few examples my SI friends here shared. It reads as follows:
I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the life of Rudy XXXXXXXX. On October 23rd, I learned that Rudy has engaged in an adulterous affair with a co-worker at the XXXXXXXX. It began in the early part of 2011 and went on for anywhere from a few months to a year and 1/2. I know this because the woman he had an affair with was my wife of 15 years. They tried to do this in complete secrecy and kept their affair going no matter the consequences. Most or all of it happened in Rudy's home.
We have 2 children ages 15 and 10. Rudy and my wife still work in the same department and I cannot say with 100% certainty that the relationship is over (whether that be physical or emotional). I implore you to use whatever influence you may have on Rudy to convince him the error of his ways by interfering with a marriage and family. I think it is important to let you know so that you might do what you think necessary to correct his inappropriate behavior, and help him to develop a stronger character so he would not hurt others again.
If this notification has spoken to you in any way and you want more information or need to speak to me, I have no problem with that. You may call me at 479-XXX-XXXX or email at XXXXXXXX
Best of luck. If you're lucky, A will stop. If he's a typical 23 year old, then he'll take more pleasure in hurting you.
How about sending a copy to the local police station ?
I can tell OW has a sister with small children and I've been tempted (really, really tempted) to contact her. OW has told WH that if he wants to be with her he must cut contact with not only me but his children as well. I've wondered if this sister as a mother could do something. I can't imagine that anyone with small children would think that it was a remotely good idea but of course her loyalty ultimately lies with OW and I'm sure she'd put on the performance of a lifetime over it. I just ache for my poor kids over this...
Its strange you should mention that....
The OM's sister is a record keeper at the local police station and I was going to send her copy directly to her work!
Maybe I should report my activities to the police beforehand just so I have made the first preemptive move in case his cousins or friends decide to slash my tires or something....
thought about posting him on one of those cheating websites as someone who'll willingly fuck a married woman with children.
Hey, I don't mind making an enemy outta someone I just worry about the close-knit "brotherhood" family aspect of his Hispanic family and whether I'd be 'picking a fight' with all of them.
Yes, if you are anticipating trouble then, it'll be a good move to inform the local law enforcement authorities and keep them in the loop. It sends out a message that you are covered in case the "brotherhood" tries something heroic.
I'm not very positive about the family giving some 2X4 to the 23 year old but the focus will shift away from you.
So expect very little to happen and focus on your wife after the letters go in the mail box.
Best of luck.