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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Any BS regret divorcing?
SoyLatte
♀ Member
Member # 37634
Default  Posted: 3:11 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, I made a mistake on the first post, I meant BS not WS.

Either because you wish you would've saved the marriage, or because it is more miserable now than before? Like ex still being a jerk with the kids and other issues?


Me: BS, 50
Him: WH, 49, serial cheater and compulsive liar, possible SA and NPD
Married 17 years, together 26
3 kids: 10, 13, and 15
Was afraid to confront while overseas, now home safely and can decide next step

Posts: 247 | Registered: Nov 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not divorced yet but I don't regret S.

IMO unless there is true remorse you cannot have True R and you can't stay married without being miserable for another 1, 2, 5, 10 - 20+ years unless you have True R.

There's a saying here that you shouldn't expect in S/D what you didn't get in your M.

The same can be said in reverse - what you're getting in S/D is almost exactly what you'd be getting in your M albeit delivered differently.

S hasn't changed who I am fundamentally - I still have the same values, I still hold the same levels of dignity and integrity. I still treat others with respect (even though I may say not nice things). Fundamentally I'm the same. If anything these positive traits are magnified in me now.

monster is unfortunately still the same too. I just didn't see it until we were S. Its delivered in a different way but he's still has lacks values, he still lacks dignity and integrity, there is still that very same lack of respect for himself, his children or for me.

The hardest part of seeing who they really are is believing what you're seeing. I'm still finding it hard to believe it but its there, clear as day. I can no longer deny it nor find excuses for it.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5532 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:14 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I regret that he ever put me and the children in this position that required us being divorced.

Being divorced is not something I ever wanted but the choices he made and continues to make left me no other option but to divorce him.

He was in such a hurry to divorce me in the beginning that once the waiting period was up he did nothing to start the divorce process, so he forced my hand and I proceeded and got it done. I didn't want to wait around another few years to be free.

He was in such a hurry to marry the OW in the beginning, that now that he can he doesn't seem to be so much in a hurry now


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1318 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. Like Bluebird, I regret the fact that he put me in this position. I wish I had married a good man instead of a broken one. I never wanted to be divorced (that just doesn't happen in my family.) I loved him, thought he was my best friend, and also thought I was insanely happy in my marriage.

However, being away from his constant negativity and dysfunction is fantastic. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten (frog in the boiling water) until I was away from him. And now I'm happier than I have been in years.

I honestly feel that very, very few WSs (as in less than 5%, probably closer to 1%) are able to work on themselves and eventually help rebuild a marriage where things are as good or better than they were before the A. I'm so happy that I don't have to live a life worrying if he's really working late, will I get an STD, or to suffer the devastation of another D-Day.

It hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3311 | Registered: Dec 2011
sheila0304
Member
Member # 25041
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. No regrets.
I never wanted to be divorced therefore I put up with way too much nonsense for way too long.
edited to changed to to too.

[This message edited by sheila0304 at 7:05 AM, December 3rd (Monday)]


Posts: 1171 | Registered: Aug 2009
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. WS will never change, I'm glad I left. Life is hard, don't get me wrong, some ways waaay harder than before. But, on the flip side, I'm happier than I was before. I don't have to worry about what he is doing, I make my own decisions about my life, and I get to raise my children.

Overall, it is a win!


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4110 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nope

he was a jerk while we were married. therefore it doesn't matter how he acts now. he's nicer but he was already a jerk so really nowhere to go but up.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

ďMany of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.Ē -foulton oursler


Posts: 8438 | Registered: Apr 2008
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all. Now I know for sure what is going on in my life. There was none of that with a lying, manipultive, NPD man.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Jan 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all. Now I know for sure what is going on in my life. There was none of that with a lying, manipultive, NPD man.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Jan 2010
Dadof2
♂ Member
Member # 28023
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me see...ummm...nope.


A bad marriage is just like a bad investment, cut you losses and exit and don't look back because there's always a better investment opportunity lurking around the corner.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Mar 2010
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No way!

I regret getting married in the first place though, does that count?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
ManBearDivorce
♂ Member
Member # 36258
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No regrets. Like others say I never wanted my family like this but it has to be for me to be happy again. I wasn't the best husband but that dont mean you could do the worst thing in the world. I rather they have me killed then go through this again. I know what death is but a heart ache hurts so damn much. The only regret was not knowing about these kind of behaviors before hand.

Posts: 339 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: St.Paul Minnesota
944man
♂ Member
Member # 22077
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. Everytime i have to deal with her i am so thankful i don't have to deal with her psycho azz full time


43 and loving it

Posts: 2320 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: US
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, nadda, no way, never, etc....and if that isn't clear enough, HELL NO


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13719 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
crushedheart09
♂ Member
Member # 28573
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(frog in the boiling water)

^^ That analogy is so very true looking back!

Life is just so much better now overall, even compared to the last decade of my M before her A. If I had not D'd her I would still be living in her NPD zombie land

[This message edited by crushedheart09 at 8:58 AM, December 3rd (Monday)]


M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I had no choice, he was with someone else and not coming back.

I regret not divorcing earlier but I was so committed to the marriage and to being a martyr in the marriage, i didn't consider it.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5796 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope.

I don't think he could trust himself to know what the truth was. I have no idea how he kept track of all of those lies.

My life is rock star awesome since I've been single. Seriously - I am that happy.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7537 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No; he did me the biggest favor in the world. My life has been so much richer since the D.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19998 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Dawnie
♀ Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NOPE! I didnt realize how unhappy I was until I was away from him. I regret that I allowed myself to stay unhappy for so many years for the sake of my son. I am so much happier today then I ever was when I was married to him. Walking away from him and filing for divorce was hands down the hardest yet best thing that I have ever done for myself!


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 47)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 801 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, December 3rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not at all. I did everything *I* could to work on the marriage. But since it takes 2 people, it wasn't working.

My life is better now. So much better. I'm happy. My kids have a stable life. Their father isn't coming and going as he pleases. XH appreciates the time he gets with his sons now that it's limited.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4143 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
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