Topic: Any BS regret divorcing?
Member # 25624
| Posted: 7:35 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014|
I didn't have a choice. He was going to eat cake for as long as I let him
me too. 3 years out it's finally being settled. No way I could continue being treated like that
Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.
The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed
Posts: 1758 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 12908
| Posted: 8:25 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014|
Absolutely no regrets. The further away from the D I get, the more I find out that my entire 24 year M was a complete sham. Info I was provided yesterday confirmed the supposition.
IMHO it is best to move on.
BH - no longer 49
3 DD's - (29, 25 and 18)
Divorced on 8/6/09
Posts: 9192 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Member # 36726
| Posted: 8:55 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014|
Do I regret that my family isn't still together? Yes. Do I regret that I had to D that thing that use to be my spouse. No.
I am the same as many others here. I was doing all the work, she was running around getting drunk and having her fun and cake eating a perfect little life for her. At my expense. Hell she still is living her dream life at my expense, just monetarily now. But she doesn't have me and someday she'll realize what she lost.
The icing on the cake was the day she tried to appologize and then explained that she had been pretending to be someone she was not for many years. She explained I wouldn't like who she is in real life. At this point I certainly can't argue with that. Would of been nice to know that a whole lot sooner.
BH me 46
WW her 38
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13
Posts: 589 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Member # 22721
| Posted: 3:45 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014|
I regret not getting out sooner. I never wanted to get divorced and was willing to do whatever it took but he wasn't. I can only control myself and should have left as soon as it was clear that was how it was going to be.
Life is short and not worth wasting it on someone who isn't going to treat me well and be just as committed.
I am remarried and walked into this one with my eyes wide open. I dont believe it couldnt happen to us because it could. If we aren't as committed or find we are happy later on we are both free to go. We have a prenup so it is all pretty clear.
Ironically this is a great relationship because we both want to be here and want to do what it takes. There is so much more respect and we work very well together. It is a partnership, something I know was missing in my first marriage. I learned a lot and I am not repeating history but I also don't want anyone to stay with me if they are not happy, and I won't stay in something that is not healthy. It isn't perfect, nothing is, but we work together and enjoy each other. This alone is far more then my marriage was. But I think I may have been riding the unicorn over the rainbow the first time.
There are no unicorns or rainbows.
Ironically this is the best relationship of my life. We are more open, have more respect and work more as a team then ever before.
BW (Me) 44
W(ex)H 46 .... SA, Alcoholic, compulsive liar
Now: Happily married to a great guy who has the same birthday as my DD! Ironic. Now it is just my husband's birthday.
Posts: 295 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Va
Member # 8637
| Posted: 8:47 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014|
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.
Posts: 13264 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: GA
|Helen of Troy|
Member # 26419
| Posted: 8:47 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014|
I hate it for my kids that have divorced parents.
It's worsened by x and owife's hatred and distrust of me. I HATE that he still has control over my life.
I hate being financially poor while he enjoys a fat salary.
I hate having to scrimp and save, make my teens clean their rooms and do their own dishes while he takes them on expensive shopping excursions for fun, and allows them to miss school for no reason other than his and/or owife's convenience.
I hate single parenting while trying desperately to improve my financial situation by working full time and attending school.
I love not having to deal with him and his moods, emotional abuse, road rage and low maturity level.
I like that he has less influence in molding our teens' personalities,values, and integrity because they see him just once a month.
Overall I don't regret divorcing. It's been a never ending hell, yet the positives outweigh all of this other sh*t.
Posts: 4725 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 32616
| Posted: 11:47 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014|
It’s almost scary looking back on my thought process during limbo/false R. One of my main considerations for staying was “better the devil you know.” To think that I would have latched on to something that was admittedly terrible for fear of the unknown is mind boggling. Self reliance is amazing and I’m fairly certain I’m not a devil
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
Posts: 3521 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Member # 35983
| Posted: 10:44 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014|
Nope. . . D was final almost 3 1/2 years ago and the one thing i do regret is i’ll never trust anyone wholeheartedly again.
Posts: 1721 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri
Member # 42096
| Posted: 12:12 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014|
This is so encouraging:
Divorcing was and remains an emotional and financial disaster.
The only thing worse would have been pretending I had a wife and mother to our children
Yes. For me husband and father. I just couldn't be a plan b anymore and couldn't be someone's lowest priority.
"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"
Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Member # 30522
| Posted: 12:52 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
No regrets. It was a necessary end to not just a marriage, but a way of being in the world. The D was a catalyst to heal old wounds and someday that will bring me to a better, healthier, more mature love.
Finally living the life I was meant to live.
Posts: 806 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 42852
| Posted: 2:21 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
I regret that he ever put me and the children in this position that required us being divorced.
Being divorced is not something I ever wanted but the choices he made and continues to make left me no other option but to divorce him.
I regret having to be forced into a divorce because of his actions. I regret losing EVERYTHING and be financially scared I have turned to booze for a solution (its not )
I DON'T regret the finality of his leaving because I knew in a lightbulb moment that I could NEVER EVER trust him and be a walking lie-detector wasn't what I wanted for the rest of my life. I also knew that I could NEVER EVER let him touch me again. They talk about hysterical bonding. I could NEVER do that! I could NEVER EVER NOT see him sticking his dick into her or her blowing him and him doing other "stuff." NEVER. EVER. He so disgusted me.
THEN there was the fact that she got pregnant. I am sorry but there hasn't been ONE DAY since finding out of the OC that would ever want him back.
All sales final.
47 is the new year of treating myself better than I have in 6 years.
What ever doesn't kill me makes me stronger so long as I remember that
My favorite drink is no longer Guinness but water. Call me Dasani23
Posts: 685 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Indiana
Member # 34373
| Posted: 8:20 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2014|
I did everything I could to save the marriage. I don't regret any of it. I do believe to this day that the marriage and family could have been saved had he put an ounce of effort into R, that is not my regret to bear.
I have learned and grown so much that I can say the experience has been very enlightening and empowering for me. I would not have chosen this but I have made the most of the outcome.
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Member # 38923
| Posted: 6:25 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2014|
I never wanted to be divorced and I did everything I could to save the marriage. I am sad for my children and I am sad that I've ended up here but I had no say in it. No choice at all.
I can see that she was broken and nothing I did could change that so I am glad that I filed for D so early. I am glad that I pushed and pushed to get the D completed as soon as possible.
I don't regret divorcing her because I can now see it was the lesser of two evils. I'm actually glad she never offered me the chance to reconcile. That would have been even more painful.
My life is much better in many ways. I miss what I thought I had but I can also see that I was the prize, not her.
I am a better father to my boys and a stronger man than I ever felt possible. I am free of her (barring the house transfer and pensions) and women are giving me a lot of attention.
It's mostly all good
You can't fix crazy. All you can do is document it
Posts: 737 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
|Topic Posts: 73|