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The Book Club Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Books recs for Borderline PD parents?
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Frustrated  Posted: 11:29 AM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry if acronym is confusing. In this case, I mean BPD = Borderline Personality Disorder. I think a certain family member has it, and I am looking for a book to help children of parents (mother figures) with Borderline Personality Disorder overcome it. Also, it will help me because I am diagnosed with Borderline PD or Borderline PD traits or symptoms, so I want to be self-aware and not ever put my son through that hell.

Thank you for any recs.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETA: I was in DBT for a year and currently have regular therapy, so I'm more looking for a book to help me as a child of someone who has Borderline PD. Thank you again.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard good things about "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, though I'm not sure if it addresses BPD specifically. You may want to read the amazon reviews and see if it sounds like what you're looking for.

Then, you can look at the other recommended books to see if any of those might help?

I did read "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward while dealing with the fallout of XWH's affair and she was a good writer. That book helped me, and may also be helpful, depending on the type of characteristics you want to figure out how to address.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the recs! I have both of those books but haven't read them. I did peek inside of "Toxic Parents" this morning, and there's a small section on manipulative parents, and that's what inspired me to find a book that went more into it...

I will definitely check out "Emotional Blackmail"! I haven't read it yet. Thank you phmh.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, January 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stop Walking on Eggshells and I Hate You! Don't Leave Me! were 2 extremely helpful books for me in learning to deal with my mom and also my foster sister who are BPD.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2748 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
gotmylifeback
♂ Member
Member # 32693
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too would suggest Stop Walking on Eggshells. It is an easy, yet practical read. It helped me better understand the disability and why I felt so bulied and depressed in my marriage


Her-Unremorseful, Wayward ex wife
Me-No longer a betrayed husband

Happily remarried.

"You are what you do. A man is defined by his actions, not his memory." - Kuato in Total Recall


Posts: 597 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: between Oz and Wonderland
Newstart43
♂ New Member
Member # 36562
Default  Posted: 12:27 PM, February 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with HFSSC on BOTH "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "I Hate You! Don't Leave Me!" as good guides for those living with a person with BPD.

[This message edited by Newstart43 at 12:28 PM, February 4th (Monday)]


"Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow". "
-Maryanne Radanbacher

Posts: 34 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Connecticut
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Member
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Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, February 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personality Disorder Awareness Network has books on their resource list.

Posts: 1266 | Registered: Aug 2010
ThoughtIKnewYa
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Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, February 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

silver,

In reading on the NPD forums, I've found that there's a common theme of people living with PDs having "FLEAS"- bits and pieces of personality disordered behavior that they picked-up from the PD. If this is the primary role model in your life, how could you NOT look at the behavior and think, "OK. THIS is how we handle *that*."?? I think that the difference in PDs and non PDs is that a non can look at the behavior, realize that it's not quite right, and learn a new, healthy behavior in the place of it.

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 9:02 PM, February 4th (Monday)]


Posts: 11689 | Registered: Mar 2008
ThoughtIKnewYa
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Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, February 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On FLEAS:

http://joyfulalivewoman.wordpress.com/2010/01/17/fleas-bad-behavior-patterns-and-habits-picked-up-from-living-with-a-narcissist/


Posts: 11689 | Registered: Mar 2008
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone! Thank you for the recommendations. I am still reading "Emotional Blackmail" (it's helping!), and I will definitely check out "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "I Hate You! Don't Leave Me!" when I'm done.

TIKY, I am checking out the link you gave me right now about FLEAS! I've been thinking about that a lot lately - the difference between having the disease and having the traits of the disease but not the fullblown disease. I think I might have learned the traits from her... but that's another thread entirely! Thank you again.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
HFSSC
♀ Member
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow... TIKY, thanks so much for that information about fleas. Because it explains so much of what I learned from my mother.


Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2748 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Topic Posts: 12

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