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User Topic: Support for BS that WS used prostitutes
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tired...

I am so sorry for the added hurt and challenges you have in dealing with the SA.

As bizarre as it is for me to say this, I have even more respect for YOU, for staying and trying to work it out.

I have no understanding of SA, or how to address it. I wish you much strength and success.

And I hope that you will remember the kind and encouraging words you have given me here, when times get really hard.

Thank you.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
16forever
♀ Member
Member # 37255
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS used hookers to I didn't find out till he had a ea/pa with a high school friend there were 10 he says and the pain was something I can't quite name his were the first ten yrs of our marriage and then he didn't tell me for 8 yrs when he started his A he was leaving me and our kids for this woman he told me he loved I guess he felt he was leaving so he could share then it changes for me how I look at those first 10 yrs I married very young and never really had anyone who stayed and protected me and when I met my h I thought finely someone who loves me no matter what but I know now I was never enough might not ever be I was young willing so why the hookers he says he was selfish maybe he is a sa I don't know he is not in ic we can't afford it we are in R and he says some wonderful things to and has done some wonderful things but I can't help but feel like its all a act after the EA / pa he actually moved in with her talked about marrying down the road so I guess only time tells but if he could keep his secret for 8 yrs ......then leave me 2 times .....does he really love me always runs threw my head


Me:BS
Him:WS
3 awesome kids

Posts: 179 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: My own nightmare
AnneOther
♀ Member
Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read this thread a few times and while I DO 100% get the icky factor with wrapping my head around the fact my husband did the deed with hookers – I honestly do think though that this is easier - for me at least - to deal with than it would have been if he had slept with my neighbour or friend or his coworkers or anyone REAL, anyone in my town or county or wider social circle.

I found this website shortly after Dday, and initially I felt so down because all the other WHs seemed to have had “normal” affairs. By that I mean, with neighbours, friends, coworkers, or just other regular people. Why did mine have to do it with hookers? I felt repulsed to the point of vomiting.

But, as the months have gone by and have read on SI story after story along the lines of
- he still works with coworker OW
- I see OW daily when I pick the kids up from school
- we had to move 1600 miles to start afresh away from OW and all the memories
- wanted to change the car, the furniture, sell the house after I discovered OW had been in it
- people triggering when driving past OWs home or work place or place where WH and OW hung out

Well, I have kind of changed how I think now and am kind of happier that his indiscretions were with hookers and not with people in my world. At least with a hooker you CAN tell them to fuck off and be pretty certain they’re not going to call your home or ring your doorbell or turn up at your favourite restaurant and proceed to hug your WH. At least with a hooker the emotional investment with our partners’ is next to nothing. It’s “just” paid sex. Yes I know all too well how gut churning the very idea is, but I honestly don’t know if the grass IS greener on the other side of the offence where husbands screw around with friends, colleagues and neighbours.

Of course I wasn’t given the choice of who he should stray with, but with the benefit of hindsight, while paying for sex seems alien and repulsive to me, and of course it points to insecurities, I still prefer this reality than having to deal with the reality that many on here have to deal with when the reminders of their WHs infidelity touch every angle of their lives on a daily basis.

[This message edited by AnneOther at 3:33 AM, March 6th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
AnneOther
♀ Member
Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used the word "happier" above - and that was a stupid choice of words really.

I just mean that I think it's easier to reconcile after an A with a hooker than it would be with a husband who had an A with a neighbour, friend or coworker, or with anyone really where emotional connections are made. Sex with a prostitute has no emotional attachment, it's paying for a service. And while I like the guy who cuts my hair and tip him accordingly, I have zero emotional bond with him, nor him for me. I view paid sex in much the same way. And while it's still far from ideal, and still heartbreaking and stomach turning, it could be worse. IMHO.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
Bobbi_sue
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Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AnnotherOther,

It is different for everyone.

I just mean that I think it's easier to reconcile after an A with a hooker than it would be with a husband who had an A with a neighbour, friend or coworker, or with anyone really where emotional connections are made.

Not for me. My current H cheated with a woman that he had a relationship with 25 years prior. While this was every bit as devastating as what my first H did, maybe even more so, the huge difference for me is that I can't really "love" and remain committed to a man who would pay a woman for sex, much less so many of them that he could not begin to remember them all, as is the case with my XH.

In spite of the equal or greater hurt in my second M, I find that I can still love and forgive my current H since his remorse is extreme and evident. So for me, it was not easier to R with a man who paid hookers; in fact it was impossible for me to R with him and I did divorce him, though not immediately after learning of the hookers.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 2:51 PM, March 1st (Friday)]


Posts: 5730 | Registered: Apr 2006
DrivingPast
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Member # 32984
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, for me its "worse" in a way that is unforgivable or maybe, it changes how I view him as a human. I mean, I can 'understand' making a drunken mistake, or even developing feelings for a coworker (that would hurt like hell, not saying it wouldnt). I can see the human-ness in that though. Im having a hard time to respect or accept a person who would "buy" women like objects.

It definitely is a different kind of pill to swallow.


BW
married more than 10 yrs to a possible SA
D-Day May 5 2011
"Because one knows people best through their fears - the ones they overcome and the ones they are overcome by."

Posts: 1304 | Registered: Aug 2011
Tiredofthepain
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Member # 37932
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I had to choose how he or who he cheated on me with,yes, I am thankful there were no feelings involved ( God I hope not!) and that there is technically no OW. But in my WS case, he spent almost 3 months trolling Backpage,left for work early at night to call them see them. He had to make sure he had the money,,it was all planned out so carefully. This was no drunk party where he made a mistake and fucked the stripper. He made a very conscious effort to do this, and if he is telling the truth it comes out to at least one a week for 6 weeks, and he says it would have been 8 but once he changed his mind? and once he couldn't find one. So, the pain of knowing he did and that he so carefully planned it makes it unbearable. He is a SA and going to whores is a big part of that, but that doesn't lessen the pain at all.


ME-BS 48
HIM-WS 38
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there

I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NC
Tiredofthepain
♀ Member
Member # 37932
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, March 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whatsright...yours words put a smile on my face. Thank you so much for saying such wonderful things to me. I don't feel strong at all, just broken, but if anything would make me happy it would be to feel that I have made anyone on here happy or feel better. {{HUGS}}


ME-BS 48
HIM-WS 38
WS is SA, multiple visits to prostitutes.
Status: Hanging in there

I would rather be told a hurtful truth than a comforting lie.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NC
AnneOther
♀ Member
Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Bobbi Sue,

Not for me. My current H cheated with a woman that he had a relationship with 25 years prior. While this was every bit as devastating as what my first H did, maybe even more so, the huge difference for me is that I can't really "love" and remain committed to a man who would pay a woman for sex, much less so many of them that he could not begin to remember them all, as is the case with my XH.

In spite of the equal or greater hurt in my second M, I find that I can still love and forgive my current H since his remorse is extreme and evident. So for me, it was not easier to R with a man who paid hookers; in fact it was impossible for me to R with him and I did divorce him, though not immediately after learning of the hookers.

But we’re talking distinct and separate issues here

1. Showing genuine remorse, which enables a BS to heal versus showing zero remorse
2. The number of affair partners a WH had, possibly coupled with the length of each affair

Of course I can understand that you couldn’t forgive your WXH, he showed no remorse, so that’s a deal breaker in most people’s book. Couple that with the fact he had had so many prostitutes that he couldn’t even recall all of them, well that’s also pretty extreme beahviour too. That’s not the same scenario as someone who has a ONS with a prostitute and tones genuine remorse afterwards. Your scenario with your XWH and the scenario of someone who has ONS one where the WS tones genuine remorse afterwards are really two very very different things, so much so that they can hardly be compared.

A fairer comparison would be something like, what’s least sick making for me ?

Scenario A
1. My WH having a ONS with my best friend (or my neighbor that I see 5 times a day or his coworker that he has to see daily)
versus
2. MY WH having a ONS with a prostitute

or

Scenario B
1. My WH having had 3 affairs, one with the girl next door, one with a coworker and one with my best friend. All the affairs lasted a month, in each affair they had sex weekly.
versus
2. MY WH used a prostitute(s) weekly, for 3 months.

I know in both cases I would choose the second scenario for the reasons I explained in my earlier post, but I absolutely agree and respect that it’s different for everyone, I just like comparing like with like.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
AnneOther
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Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it changes how I view him as a human. I mean, I can 'understand' making a drunken mistake, or even developing feelings for a coworker (that would hurt like hell, not saying it wouldnt). I can see the human-ness in that though. Im having a hard time to respect or accept a person who would "buy" women like objects.

I so get that bit, I too have trouble getting over that bit of it.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
Bobbi_sue
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Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But we’re talking distinct and separate issues here

I'm pretty sure that was the main point of my post. It seems like you took it as an argument to your post. There does not need to be a "fair comparison." Every body has their own situation to deal with and there is little point in comparing what is worse for anybody but ourselves.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 9:46 AM, March 2nd (Saturday)]


Posts: 5730 | Registered: Apr 2006
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I honestly do think though that this is easier - for me at least - to deal with than it would have been if he had slept with my neighbour or friend or his coworkers or anyone REAL, anyone in my town or county or wider social circle.

As a double winner in this, I have to say that each hurts in its own way. My X used prostitutes for years, too many to count, but also had a girlfriend. I don't know that he ever had sex with her but it was full-blown every other way with endless texting and lengthy phone calls, early in the morning and late at night, dinners in fancy restaurants, gifts, and pet names, for over two years. Basically he was cheating on her with the prostitutes, as he didn't want her to know about them once I found out. I'll always despise her, and would tell her, if I ever ran into her, "As long as I'm alive, there will be someone who despises you." The prostitutes? Sickening for all the reasons others have posted.

It's hard to say which was worse because they do hurt in different ways. All betrayals, and so many. Maybe one day, years from now when I am more healed, I will be able to say which was worse for me.

In the end, the worst part of my marriage was that X is a sociopath, in my opinion.

Hugs to everyone, as we make our way past the wreckage. And thanks for this thread - it helps!


Posts: 1243 | Registered: Aug 2010
AnneOther
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Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think what I am trying to say, in a very roundabout manner is, I think ALL the details (how much paid sex, how often, how many different hookers were involved, how long did this deceit go on for, how much if any genuine remorse was toned by the WH) are really what makes or breaks the marriage/reconciliation deal, more than just the mere fact the OW was a prostitute.

AND, it did help me an awful lot, back in the early weeks after I found out, when a good friend of mine pointed out to me the situation an old school friend of hers was in. Her husband had a 3 year long affair with a coworker, and apart from facing all the hassles and heartache and horror of reconciliation that we all face, they also had to move a few hundred miles, both had to get new jobs, uproot their kids from school half way through a vital exam year, leave all their friends and family behind, leave their support network behind too. At a moment in time where I felt the hardest done by person on earth (because I felt really pukey about the whole idea of a hooker and kept saying over and over “why couldn’t he have gone with a normal woman?”) it did help me bring some perspective to the situation to look at another angle. Yes my world was rocked to the foundations on Dday, but that other woman’s world was shattered to pieces. Assuming we had husbands who were equally remorseful and other details were more or less comparable, at least the only thing I had to deal with was betrayal. That other women had so so so much more taken from her (her home, her job, husbands job, kids school, friends & family no longer close by etc).

Every situation where we are deceived by those who are supposed to love us most sucks big time, I just thank my lucky stars that everything else important stayed intact and it’s only our marriage we have to work on right now, I really couldn’t handle the added stresses of moving home, jobs and everything else that so many of us do have to face when affairs are more up close and personal.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
Want To Wake Up
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Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just mean that I think it's easier to reconcile after an A with a hooker than it would be with a husband who had an A with a neighbour, friend or coworker, or with anyone really where emotional connections are made


I think for me this ^^^ makes it harder... the knowledge that MY husband is the type of man who is capable of having sex with someone he has NO feelings for, no emotional connection with at all, that he can have "just sex" is sickening... and frightening.


In some ways it's as though it makes ALL women potential OW. I don't have to 'worry' about him getting too close to a neighbour, co-worker or friend... because he'll screw anything. He doesn't have to know her, doesn't have to even like her, she just has to be available IYKWIM To me it's as though in his eyes I (and every woman) am merely a hole to be poked (sorry to be so crass)


It makes me doubt his love itself... did he ever really "love" me or was I merely a means to an end? Just something he was expected to do? (get married, have kids) Was I just in the right place at the right (or wrong) time? If he is the kind of man who can have "just sex" (and I now KNOW he is) how do I know the difference between the two? Is he having "just sex" with me or is he "making love"?


I don't know the difference anymore.


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
Latest TT... Nov '13 (not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 475 | Registered: Mar 2011
AnneOther
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Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think for me this ^^^ makes it harder... the knowledge that MY husband is the type of man who is capable of having sex with someone he has NO feelings for, no emotional connection with at all, that he can have "just sex" is sickening... and frightening.


In some ways it's as though it makes ALL women potential OW. I don't have to 'worry' about him getting too close to a neighbour, co-worker or friend... because he'll screw anything. He doesn't have to know her, doesn't have to even like her, she just has to be available IYKWIM To me it's as though in his eyes I (and every woman) am merely a hole to be poked (sorry to be so crass)

hi want to wake up,

I can relate very well to this bit. It IS very tough to accept the replusive side of it. The way I see it is like a double edged sword where one side is easier (the practical side – no OW to encounter at work or in our neighbourhood, social circle etc), but the getting your head around the icky f-ed up part of a WS that sets his sights so low that he sleeps with a hooker. Yes, that IS very hard to accept. I am not sure though that I agree that a man who sleeps with a prostitute would automatically mean he would sleep with ANY woman that crossed his path. I think often they CONSCIOUSLY choose a prostitute as it’s easier, no need to even pretend at dating to get the goods, no phone calls, emails, or pretense at anything relationship wise. It’s just buying sex, it’s a lot less time consuming than wining and dining a “normal” woman, less chance that a prostitute would out a man to his wife or coworkers. Not to mention for men who are too shy or socially awkward or inhibited to approach normal women, a prostitute is the ideal solution.

I also can’t say I am against “just having sex”, before I was married I had a couple of short “relationships” that were just purely or mainly physical. There was little or no emotional connection. I think that’s fine if both people are unmarried and both know there is no chance of a proper relationship. So maybe I approach this whole thing from a different angle as I do think sex without love is ok. Providing it’s between consenting and single adults that is. I also have no issues with single guys who use prostitutes.

And please don't apologise for possibly appearing crass, you genuinely didn't. I have come to the conclusion that there simply is no refined way to state this kind of stuff. The actions of our WSs are crass, not our reactions to them.

I hope you find some peace for yourself.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
Want To Wake Up
♀ Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also can’t say I am against “just having sex”, before I was married I had a couple of short “relationships” that were just purely or mainly physical. There was little or no emotional connection.


You see Anne, my WH and I were one and onlies (once upon a time) and for years (and I'm talking over 30) he said that he couldn't imagine having sex without 'feeling something' for the other person... that was either untrue or his views have changed (and he never mentioned it) but what it does to me is call into question EVERYTHING else he has ever claimed to believe.


I now know that evey time he agreed with me that our status of being "one and onlies" (that I took great pride in... and a little comfort too I suppose) was something special was in fact a lie, he never felt that way, it was pure dumb luck, just the way it turned out.... happenstance.


So maybe I approach this whole thing from a different angle as I do think sex without love is ok.


I have no problem with what two unatteched consenting adults choose to do (in private LOL) I only know that for me sex without love is not a possibility.


I also have no issues with single guys who use prostitutes.

I do, I always have taken issue with them because to me they reduce sex (which can and IMO should be an expression of deep feeling/love between two people) to a commodity to be bought and sold IYKWIM they cheapen it in my eyes. That's what my WH has done, cheapen my view of sex, made it... "dirty".


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
Latest TT... Nov '13 (not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 475 | Registered: Mar 2011
painpaingoaway
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Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every single story I have read on SI is horrible and heartbreaking in its own different, yet unique way.

My H's whore was a stripper that worked in the nastiest, sleaziest, most drug infested filthy stripclub in our state.

The fact that he would even walk thru the door of that establishment is in itself enough to make me puke, but the fact that he FUCKED that piece of human excrement without a condom, became infected with her disease, came home and fucked me and gave me her disease is horrifying, ghastly, and simply unbelievable to me.

For me, the use of prostitutes is exceptionally nasty because they are simply cumdumpsters that are with Lord knows how many different men in the same day, they are more often than not drug addicts, and they are far more likely to carry and spread disease than the girl next door would be.

I find it humiliating in many different ways. But, I still find myself feeling grateful that it wasn't my best friend, or someone I would have to encounter on a daily basis. How fucked up is that?

I must be insane.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
Missymomma
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Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, March 2nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but the getting your head around the icky f-ed up part of a WS that sets his sights so low that he sleeps with a hooker. Yes, that IS very hard to accept.

This! It has changed the way I look at my SAWH. He didn't do this all of his life but started in his late 40's. I just think of that seedy element of life as nothing I would ever associate with. It just isn't a choice for me, so to find that it is for my H was a shock! I am no prude, and I am up for anything between a husband and wife (that doesn't involve others). That is the frustrating part, I was the one being denied sex and intimacy. He was more interested in having sex with someone that he didn't view as a person.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
AnneOther
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Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, March 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTWU,

“You see Anne, my WH and I were one and onlies (once upon a time) and for years (and I'm talking over 30) he said that he couldn't imagine having sex without 'feeling something' for the other person... that was either untrue or his views have changed (and he never mentioned it) but what it does to me is call into question EVERYTHING else he has ever claimed to believe.”

I can see all too well the issue here. I think for me that my husband and myself have always has had similar POV’s of prostitution or sex outside of a meaningful loving relationship. I suppose we are both fairly tolerant of it (for single people that is!). If you had always assumed your husband held the same or similar views as you, it’s a double whammy now for you. I really feel for you.

PPGA,

“My H's whore was a stripper that worked in the nastiest, sleaziest, most drug infested filthy stripclub in our state.
The fact that he would even walk thru the door of that establishment is in itself enough to make me puke, but the fact that he FUCKED that piece of human excrement without a condom, became infected with her disease, came home and fucked me and gave me her disease is horrifying, ghastly, and simply unbelievable to me.”

Shortly after dday I thought I had caught a STD. It wasn’t an STD, it was a cyst and nothing to do with WHs cheating. But I was beside myself. I cannot imagine the horror you must have gone through. My visit to my family doctor and that initial call to the STD clinic were two of the toughest things I have ever had to do.

“For me, the use of prostitutes is exceptionally nasty because they are simply cumdumpsters that are with Lord knows how many different men in the same day, they are more often than not drug addicts, and they are far more likely to carry and spread disease than the girl next door would be.”

My WHs hooker was at the other end of the whore-spectrum. Just a regular person, mother, well educated, working a skilled job, who whores herself out occasionally to wealthy businessmen for some extra cash (quite a lot of extra cash as a matter of fact). That’s the thing really with prostitutes, they range from the $20 crack whores to the $1000 per hour top of the range “escorts” or “call girls”. So for me I didn’t have to think of drug addiction or her having multiple partners per day. But she still screws for money, so she is still a whore, and I still feel repulsed my husband would stoop so low.

“But, I still find myself feeling grateful that it wasn't my best friend, or someone I would have to encounter on a daily basis. How fucked up is that? I must be insane.”

I had and still have the exact same feelings. Oh yes this is shit, yes my world was rocked, my gut was punched, I will never be the same person ever again. But I am coping, we are coping as a couple, we will come through this stronger and more united than we were before. That could never have been the case for me had his A been with my best friend or anyone at his work or in our social circle. I couldn’t have coped with anything more (like switching job or moving house or betrayal from a female friend) on top of the deceit of my husband.

As for feeling fucked up and insane about feeling the “thank god it wasn’t my best friend or neighbour” (been there, done that and still wear that t-shirt every single day), these are not my words of wisdom, they came from my therapist. She asked me “ok, your friend gets attacked in the street and attacker gouges out her eye. You go to visit her in hospital and she tells you she is so sad about losing her eye but is just thankful she has two eyes and has only lost one, would you think she is insane or fucked up for feeling grateful under the circumstances?”.

I don’t know if it will help you, but it did help me. I used to hate wearing that t-shirt because I thought it was a poor reflection on me, that I was crazy in some way for a degree of gratefulness. But I have come to accept now that it’s just more a reflection that (for me in any case) it could have been worse, and it’s not wrong to feel that as long as I also accept and remember the enormity of what I did lose.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
AnneOther
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Member # 38368
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, March 3rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This! It has changed the way I look at my SAWH. He didn't do this all of his life but started in his late 40's. I just think of that seedy element of life as nothing I would ever associate with. It just isn't a choice for me, so to find that it is for my H was a shock! I am no prude, and I am up for anything between a husband and wife (that doesn't involve others). That is the frustrating part, I was the one being denied sex and intimacy. He was more interested in having sex with someone that he didn't view as a person.

I think for my WH he turned to a prostitute, yes because she wasn't rwal, but also because his mental instabilities, his lack of self confidence, his feeling a failure in life, the fact that he is very awkward around women, very insecure about his abilities with women, his utter fear of rejection in any form - well of that kind of rules out hitting on the cute chic at work or the attractive lady down the street. Plus, like I said earlier, my WH travels a lot, he calls me for long periods every evening. You can't exactly tell the cute chic from the office to hide in the hotel bathroom for an hour because you have to video chat with your wife, but you can do that with a prostitute.

God, how did I (all of us!!!) ever end up in this world.


Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: U.K.
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