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User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 31
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7yrs....i too am living in an in-home separation...it sucks moose eggs.....

staying angry with her is futile, the kids see it and feel it....i know this because i live it....my ws is an idiot and does stupid really well and when he does it well it takes lots and lots of control not to lose it...especially when he comes out with comments like "i don't get it, i don't understand miracle why you won't work it out, after all, all i did was cheat"...and when i list how verbally and emotionally abusive he was, among the many offenses including raping me one nite because ow#1 had the audacity to stand him up....anyways i digress.....the point is that i found other outlets for it, i am letting go of it and of him....and i know that once he is out of the house the rest of it will go with him......

i have detached at every opportunity, kept as much distance as i could.....my kids had noticed the tension...and are noticing that its has been decreasing.....so you have to want it and you have to find other ways to control it....i still pop a xanax here and there when it gets nuts....especially when one of my kids gets on a roll....the battles have been quite epic......and again i KNOW when he leaves most of these battles with this kid will first of all not be with me around...and secondly i won't have to hear him with his "stupid" comments and horrible parenting......

will i still get and be angry with him....i am sure i will, because i am sure that as a parent i will still be that mother bear wanting to protect her cubs from him.....but i know i can't do that other then prepare them....which i do.....

its still a work in progress, and prob will until i get him out!!!...but its one of my goals.....to let go of the anger....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
ReunitePangea
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Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does your wife see this OM?

Yes

Are they in a PA now?

Yes but it is not frequent, once every couple months or so as there is a large distance between where we live.

How does that make you feel?

Safe actually. As long as OM2 is there I know I have 90% of my WW. 90% is better than 50% with potentially 0%. It also means that I have a 100% chance of seeing my kids every day. I know there is zero chance my WW would ever run away with OM2 so that is why it feels safe. I feel that I dont have to worry about OM1 or another OM situation as long as OM2 is in the picture.

Currently there is no betrayal with OM2. I know where and when things happen, there is no sneaking around. I have authority to stop it whenever I want, right now it just feels safe.

are the LTA relationships real?

well...once again the answer is different for every BS/WS.
all of the relationships really happened but were they all 'real romances"?
and the answer is No.

Maybe I am the exception but I feel these are real romances in some cases. In my situation OM1 was my WWs boyfriend already for a couple years when we met - I had no idea at that time. From OM1s perspective I was his OM I guess. If the answer to your question be always no than logically you would be saying our M isnt a real relationship. Are all LTAs a real relationship, no but some likely very well are. It may be easier for some to pretend they are not though.

[This message edited by ReunitePangea at 7:54 PM, March 4th (Monday)]


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 406 | Registered: Nov 2012
iwantamiracle
♀ Member
Member # 22812
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pangea:....you say you feel safe.....do you really???? and if you can stop it, then why don't you???...why don't you tell your wife that you have changed your mind and you want 100% of her??? that is what you really want isn't it????

and why settle for so much less???


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, March 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Laura: Thank you for posting our "dreams" picture!! When I see our Dip grilling it makes me smile. It's the LTA family. Thank you for letting us know how Strong is doing and tell her that we are happy for her and she should stop in for a "visit". I love the pics of the birds! WOW.

M3: I'm glad your new home is coming along well and you are going to have "Fckin ducks"!!
Anger is a stage, and some stay in certain stages longer than others, or go back and forth between stages. I'm realizing I've been stuck in the bargaining stage for far too long, and as I said to my IC last week, I think I've been in a bargaining stage almost my whole life. Give Baby Paddy a hug for me!

Tryn: You have shared with us from deep within you. Although I don't always agree with everything you say, you have made a lot of great and helpful points over the years. I do tend to agree with Miracle that I feel sad for you when you have feelings about the affair and you don't share this with your wife. I don't believe telling your wife that you have triggers from time to time, or that sometimes you feel very sad is trying to make her feel guilty. You don't have to go into great details, but if you are feeling down and your wife asks why, you should share. Openess with communication is good.
You also said something to the effect that you "allowed your wife to do xyz" prior to dday. Again here, you cannot take responsibility for another's actions. How could you have controlled her? I could not control my xWH#1 from going out drinking at the bar.

Miracle: You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you can find peace and keep detaching. That anger is one of the things that is hurting you and I know how hard it is because pfm is still there so the things that can get you angry are still there.

A dear friend pointed out to me that so many times I do "see" my sitch for what it is, and then I go back into hiding. This is true. There was so much to gather in and incorporate, and although I feel I've done a lot intellectually, emotionally I'm far behind and FOO issues that I thought were resolved are rearing their ugly heads. All kinds of scars are reopening.

I'll try to come back later and comment on other's posts. My memory gets bad and can't remember who said what anymore
{{{{tribe}}}


Posts: 1903 | Registered: Jan 2010
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jeesh tryn, now I feel like a total slug. I can't even find time to brush my hair for pete's sake! Seriously. I totally didn't even brush it last time I washed it, I put the tangled mess into a ponytail and there it has stayed. I have spitup on my shirt, I lost my keys for three days and then found them in the EXACT place that I thought I'd put them and looked for them in three times (on a HOOK on the DOOR) and, well, it just goes on from there. I don't even have any sheets on the bed because my dear husband also brings me coffee in bed in the morning if he's up first and when he so thoughtfully did that I spilled it all over -- and that was three days ago!

I could go on and on, but all I can really say is that there aren't too many dishes in the sink or too many clothes in the hamper -- the bathroom is clean as are 4 of the 5 kids and I've found fewer than average weird sticky surprises around this week. The plants are alive as are the pets and no one is sick right now. Oh, and The Pharaoh was admitted to a science magnet school for middle school next year. So, some things are going well.

My husband is a reformed jerk too, tryn -- but remember, you both have in common that you wanted to change and worked on it.

The key is -- are things improving or getting worse? That's pretty much it.

I don't know that I'm capable of being a quality person as you describe it, tryn. I'm kind of half wishing I'd never read your post because now I'm totally overwhelmed and def. feeling like a huge loser.

Ah, well, we all fail at something eventually -- I just feel like I'm failing at everything all at once. Whew. The other day I said -- if you're failing at everything, maybe you're doing the wrong things.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:45 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honest, I will give Baby Paddy an extra-special super-long hug just from you.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:23 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love this picture...

I told my W when I saw this that we are going to plan a trip Down Under. She said she'd love it too..

[This message edited by trynhard at 5:24 AM, March 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
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Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well m334455.. I will say a woman’s job to fill a man’s needs is far less. That was a man’s list... oh I did leave out a few things too.

Let’s see. You work and a bunch of kids.. It is far easier for me and my W. I guess my question for you is there balance in you and your H’s family task.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
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Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel sad for you when you have feelings about the affair and you don't share this with your wife.

I must first say it is not good to bury those A feelings during the first year or so. A WS must see the hurt. No real timetable, but I think anything past around 24 months you need to re-evaluate you! Should I be M. I can respect any man or woman staying M for the kids.

Ladies, please, don't feel sorry for me. I have nothing to feel sorry about. I have this power within me not have to share a few thoughts about my w's A. Do I think about them? Yes. Do I hurt? No. I call them triggers but my triggers today are about 1 of 10 compared to even 2 years ago. 2 years ago they were a 7-8-9 of 10.

I can think about things when I trigger, but I sure am NOT going to share those inner thoughts with my W. Those are not the kinds of feelings you should share.

If my W see a beautiful man on the street and he might think.. wow, I would love to know what it’s like to have a man like that pursue me. (Notice I did not say.. SEX. Men think that way, women don’t.) It is m W’s inner thoughts. Please, someone tell me why sharing that inner could be good for the M?

I should clarify... On the other hand, If I have this strong need to have the freedom to do things MY way, not hers, only different, I must submit my feelings.

My feeling just don’t hurt today. Honestly, I have hurt more for those posting on SI than my own W’s A during this past year. I know the reason but cannot seem to communicate it correctly or convincingly.

I know you folks may not agree what I have been sharing with you, but I would bet today, nobody on this board has as good a M as me. I would have to know more about Njgal and FNF’s marriages to really compare. I know this myself, I am confident not many men are as good at filling his woman’s needs as me. I am telling you, it is returned to me. You guys can R anyway you want. I really am OK with that.

My W did attend 60 hours of Retrouvaille which they claim over 80% success. Do I think that weighs heavy? Yes. But icing on the cake was for me to forgive and really start filling my W’s needs. All on me.

I found this study to show what healthy happy M have…

Studies that show what people in healthy marriages do:

- Shared Spirituality
- Have a support system of other couples who strongly believe in Marriage
- Frequently Affirm each other
- Spend quality and quantity time together
- Communicate and Listen easily and well
- Approach conflict constructively as a learning experience
- Have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship
- Are open to change
- Have s sense of commitment and faithfulness to one another
- Have unity based on shared values and goals
- Have a sense of Play and humor
- Have a deep sense of Trust
- continue to experience Forgiveness
- Value service to each other

All of the above we can behave in ways to achieve. We can make this about us...

And if you are not getting it in return.. Conflict. "Approach conflict constructively as a learning experience" But be warned.. You had better do it in the right way.

I can admit the only think on that list I don’t have back yet is “A deep sense of Trust”
“DEEP” being the key word. I make the choice to trust my wife… but deep.. Not like I once had. I think it will come with time.

[This message edited by trynhard at 6:05 AM, March 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
njgal480
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Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Reunite-
I said some affairs involve emotions and others do not.

I do not think that I am pretending about anything.

And once again a critical comment like that is totally unnecessary.

all of us on the LTA forum have to remember that everyone is dealing with a different situation.

Maybe your wife is in a 'loving' relationship with OM2?

and maybe that is the case with others on the forum.

but... I know many situations here on SI and in real life where the APs do not feel love for each other.


And what about these WS that go from one affair to another...

each one of these affairs is 'love'?

Then their definition of love is very different from mine.

I know plenty of single men that have sex with women and treat them like crap and do not love them.

sex does not always equal love.

people can label things any way they want.....

often they label the 'in lust' feeling as 'luv'

my way of looking at it this....
if my daughter or niece or sister came to me and told me that she thought someone 'luved' her and then described
the way my FWH treated the OW or the way other WS treated their AP I would never in a million years agree that what she was describing was a normal, healthy, loving relationship.

Bottom line is this...if the WS truly cared for the AP they would have done everything in their power to be with them 100% of the time.

And there's this...
did Tiger Woods 'luv' all of the OW he was with?
why didn't he date even one of those women after his divorce?

maybe your case is different and maybe there is love involved for your WS.

I'm not saying that does not happen.



Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

M33

I just feel like I'm failing at everything all at once. Whew. The other day I said -- if you're failing at everything, maybe you're doing the wrong things.

No honey. You are succeeding at what matters most

BIG HUGS

Laura


Married 30yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 59yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA til dday).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NJgal, well said.

I think men often think like ReunitePangea. I did. You know you and I debate this once.

RP.. you in the process of understanding the meaning of love. People can have feelings, physical one’s like ejaculation, touch, and mental ones like serene while in the arms of AP… those are feeling, but it is not love. Love is always 100% IMO. Meaning if you are making love to a woman, you are loving with touch. But you cannot be making love to a different woman when you vowed to love only one. Therefore, you are not loving either one. It is not love. It is just sex. Nothing but hurt comes out of that. You hurt yourself and others. At the best, you hurt yourself. At the worst.. it spills over on to many others.

You are a smart man.. I’ll give you some food for though..

What did you and your wife vow? What does it say?

Usually, they say I will love only YOU. If now then that person is out in secret, that is not exactly loving only YOU. Plus, honor? Is it really honor to let your W have sex with other men? Honor is about respect. Do you respect a woman who has a need to have sex outside a vow?

Or did your vow mean something different. I can accept that. I promise to love you and it is ok to have sex with others as we so choose.... Kinda no different than I think if two men want to vow to each other.. have at it. That is becomng the CHANGED meaning of M.

Perhaps you are breaking the vow by allowing you W to have another man. Now, go pay very close to your own feelings. What are they telling you? Are you lying to yourself?

[This message edited by trynhard at 7:18 AM, March 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
ReunitePangea
♂ Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NJ - sorry for my overly critical comment. Honestly though I took your own comments very critical as if I were to believe that LTAs are not real relationships it has vast meaning on my own situation.

Unlike many of you - if I peal back all the ugly layers on my onion to get to the good part, there is absolutely nothing left. I refuse to believe that I can simply toss away 15 years of my life and say none of it was love.


Tryn - Our vows were the standard ones. There were done in a church but honestly for me they could have been done anywhere. I am the type of person that believes that I dont need a church to make me a good person. For that reason maybe I don't carry my own vows in as high a regard as I should and you are right in pointing that out. My wife and I had been together several years before we got married and knew even before we were married that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Our actual marriage was more of a formality and maybe didnt take on as much meaning as it should - at least in my own mind that is how I see it.

I do however absolutely respect my wife. I do honor her and feel totally blessed for the family she has created for us. While not said at our marriage, being a wiser man who better understands myself more today that before - my vows today would be to create a life filled with Joy and Happiness for my Wife. To be there for her in pain and sorrow to help lift her back up again. If givin some time I would spruce up that wording some to make it more special.

I of course love my wife and she absolutely loves me. Unfortunately I now know her evil secret that she likely has never not cheated on anyone. I am not threatoned by OM2 in the slightest. I know his strengths and weaknesses very well, I know what my wife sees in him and I am 100% certain that it is just a once in awhile thing. Like I said, right now I feel safe with that situation, because I don't have to worry that there is something else going on. For me right now, it is more a matter of trust, and unfortunately I do not trust my wife yet. Having a situation that I fully know about, understand and I am not threatoned by is far more comforting that an unknown right now.

OM1 was a complete unknown to me - I do consider myself very intelligent and a good read of people - I was absolutely blown away by OM1, I had absolutely no idea that could have happened. If I couldn't recognize that, how could I ever know if it happened again? Yes, I have far more transparency now then I ever had before, but my wife is pretty smart herself and knows I would now be on guard. I actually hate the whole process of checking up on her - to me it is such an invasion of privacy - just a few months out and I can tell I am already slacking on some things I was checking on.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 406 | Registered: Nov 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes but it is not frequent, once every couple months or so as there is a large distance between where we live.

Reunite, everyone gets to live their life and work through this how they feel is best. This isn't a 2X4 just a question. Have you ever thought about what would happen if OM2 does move into your area?

I could be wrong but I am interpreting from yor posts that your WW is basically rugsweeping her A and not dealing with the issues around it. So if she never addresses her issues and you don't either then if OM2 moves into the area how will you feel when they start hooking up even more and your WW no longer has a need to hide it since you know.

I know for me codepedancy and fear had me rugsweeping the fact that my STBXWW was not putting any effort at all into fixing her issues which meant eventually at some point in the future the blackhole would open up again and I would be facing another Dday or some other soul satisfying hobby of hers that was detrimental to me and my children.


ETA:

Unlike many of you - if I peal back all the ugly layers on my onion to get to the good part, there is absolutely nothing left. I refuse to believe that I can simply toss away 15 years of my life and say none of it was love.
My STBXWW's first A was about 1 yr after we got married. She never told me about that one until after she got caught with the 2nd A which was the LTA. So when I peel back the onion and look at when her initial behavior changed I had about 7 months of a decent marriage out of 7 yrs at the time. Everything after that didn't count to me. So yes I tossed it but I tossed the past in favor of looking forward to the future. Prior to me filing I was willing to work on the M if my STBXWW was remorseful in the hopes of spending the next 50 years together happily. So IMO don't look at it as tossing away the last 15 years of your life look at is as trying salvage and make the next 15, 30, 45 years of your life with your WW totally AWESOME if she can do the work to fix herself. That is what I think so many people on this site fight for not the past but the hopes that the future can and will be better but the WS has to be willing to do the work to be safe for the BS.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 8:57 AM, March 5th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1585 | Registered: May 2011
MC_Jack
♂ Member
Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, today is March 5. That marks one year since I discovered the A.

I have never had any dread of this day, and I don't really feel anything today except a general amazement at how fast the year has gone by and how I thought last year that I would have been healed by now (hah!).

I have really looked at this day as an awakening, having reality restored. A harbinger of better things ahead.

I read in a book that (parphrasing) one should look at unexpected events as good news: they alert us to unresolved issues without us having to go find them.

I wouldn't go back to the pre-A me or M, even considering how f*cked up I am in the head sometimes. The list of unresolved issues is still long, but at least they are known.

Happy March 5 everyone.


I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
TrustGone
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been reading and trying to process all of these posts in LTA and am having a hard time doing it. Yes I realize that everyone's sitch is different and they had different relationships pre-A, different lengths of time, before marriage, after marriage, the whole marriage, etc. I guess my problem is that their are so many different perspectives here on what marriage is and what the LTA is. Maybe I am missing something from all the prior posts on this forum that I have not read. To me it is all very confussing and I can't imagine how confused a new BS would be by reading a lot of these posts. JMO


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TrustGone, You must get to know us. Tell us about yourself.

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:06 AM, March 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RP.. my dad is an atheist. He is a man of honor and good morality. I totally agree with you and took my question as faith, when this really has nothing with that. It is about commitment. Commitment and even re-commitment is directly connected to trust.

Trust should be mutual in a healthy M. Trust is more of a choice than feelings. My W earned my trust. I trust her by not VAR’ing her, not GPS’ing her, by not following her.. That is trust. Trust: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. My feelings are still not completely at that safe point. I view it as my new Identity. I think that part of my old identity will come back but I am not sure. When or if it does, it does.

Maybe I can direct you to think about this. If trust is not a feeling, your feelings are about being safe. This means you are in fear. You fear the loss of time with your kids it seems mostly. You fear the loss of your connection to your W perhaps. This is for you to discover.

It is impossible for you to know what is in the mind of your W. She is not going to tell you her true feelings for the OM. You might think so, but I doubt it. But our minds tell us things we must pay close attention. When you wife is that close to another man without commitment, I just don’t think it is possible to be intimate. What is it about your W she seeks intimacy with the OM? Sex with another man? Do your really respect a woman giving another man time, attraction, affection, trust, to another man? How can you? Really?

To build your feelings to get back to a point to make the choice to trust, 5 things come into play. Communication, attitudes, Everyday life, sexuality and intimacy.

Too me, I am pretty sure you have lost intimacy with your W. You may not care, fine. Stay in the M only for you kids. Your sacrifice. I say it is near impossible to give anyone trust without having some safe feelings. You are never going to be safe as long as she is not being intimate with you.

I know that show Sister Wives has a man who is intimate with different woman. But they all have commitments, vows. The OM interfering in you M has no commitment to you or your W. This places you at risk. You seem to me you are accepting to not be in a committed, intimate relationship. You are conflicted. Thus, you reap what you have.

Your resolution? You demand you wife only be intimate with YOU. She must now change and be a woman who lives her life in fidelity to only YOU. Ask her to re-commit. The answer will end your conflict.


INTIMACY – Where does it come from? Where does it go?
What creates the Desire for Intimacy?
Affection
Trust
Attraction
Respect
Understanding
Sharing
Time together
Time Away

What Destroys Intimacy?
Infidelity
Miscommunication
Lack of trust
Betrayal
Criticize
Silence

What Erodes Intimacy?
Blame
Baggage
Disrespect
Unforegiveness
Time constraints
Infidelity
Children
Married Singles
Unresolved conflicts

What Builds Intimacy?
Forgiveness
Respect
Dialog
Trust
Time
Faith
Baby Sitters
Positive Attitude
Affirmation


[This message edited by trynhard at 10:20 AM, March 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC_Jack

Good for YOU.


Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
trynhard
♂ Member
Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, March 5th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7years..

So yes I tossed it but I tossed the past in favor of looking forward to the future. Prior to me filing I was willing to work on the M if my STBXWW was remorseful in the hopes of spending the next 50 years together happily. So IMO don't look at it as tossing away the last 15 years of your life look at is as trying salvage and make the next 15, 30, 45 years of your life with your WW totally AWESOME if she can do the work to fix herself. That is what I think so many people on this site fight for not the past but the hopes that the future can and will be better but the WS has to be willing to do the work to be safe for the BS.

Your good is coming. You are going to be one heck of good catch.

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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