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User Topic: Long Term Affairs - Part 31
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Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, my question to the tribe is do I just tell her to move now since she wants to D or do I let things drift for a few weeks? She takes DD on a college look trip next week.

I am not pro-D and I am not trying to be chicken little here but if D is legitimately on the table you need to protect yourself or at least find out what you have to gain and lose. You don't even have to tell your wife you went to see the lawyer but there is nothing wrong with educating yourself now.

Here is some stuff I got from google on D in Texas from the first link I clicked on. I am not a lawyer but there is some stuff in here that may make you start to think. From my quick glance it says Texas is a no fault state however you can file for a fault divorce. Don't agree to anything up front without talking to a L to determine your rights. I take no credit for what is cut and pasted below and I hope it doesn't violate SI terms of service. If it does MODS please delete it. I am nto trying to push you one way or the other but just want you to take care of yourself.

What are the grounds for a divorce?

Texas law allows for "no-fault" divorces. However, if one spouse is at fault for the breakup of the marriage, the court may take that into consideration in determining what is an equitable (fair) division of the couple's property. For that reason, you may want to include fault grounds in your petition for divorce. The statutory grounds for a fault divorce are: adultery, cruel treatment (that renders further living together insupportable), abandonment (for at least one year with the intent to abandon), long-term incarceration (more than one year), confinement to a mental hospital for at least three years, or living apart for at least three years. For a no-fault divorce, your petition alleges "insupportability," which is defined as discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marriage and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.

Can I get temporary spousal support in Texas while our case is pending?

Courts may issue orders awarding temporary spousal support if one spouse is unemployed or earning significantly less than the other. There are no guidelines for temporary spousal support, so if you're seeking support, you should be prepared to show what your needs are and what resources your spouse has to meet those needs. Learn more about Spousal Support.

How is property divided in Texas?

The court starts with a presumption that all the property earned or acquired by either spouse during the marriage is community property, owned equally by the spouses. If you have separate property you have to prove it by tracing it with "clear and convincing evidence." Separate property includes property acquired by just one spouse by gift or inheritance. For example, you might show that you inherited some money from your grandmother and always kept it in a separate account with only your name on it. The court divides community property between the spouses in a "just and right manner." In most cases, that means a 50-50 split. In some cases, however, factors such as unequal earning power and fault in the marital relationship can affect the division of property. Learn more about Dividing Marital Property in Texas.

Will the court order permanent alimony?

In accordance with Texas alimony laws, the requesting spouse must meet one of four requirements:
•The paying spouse was convicted of family violence within two years of the date of the filing of divorce;
•The marriage was 10 years or longer, and the requesting spouse lacks sufficient property to provide for minimal needs (including property awarded in the divorce) and cannot support himself or herself through appropriate employment because of an incapacitating physical or mental disability;
•The marriage was 10 years or longer, and the requesting spouse lacks sufficient property to provide for minimal needs (including property awarded in the divorce) and is the custodian of a child who requires substantial care and personal supervision, making it necessary for that spouse to remain at home with that child; or
•The marriage was 10 years or longer, and the requesting spouse lacks sufficient property to provide for minimal needs (including property awarded in the divorce) and lacks earning ability in the labor market adequate to provide for minimal needs.

If a spouse qualifies for maintenance under the first, third, or fourth requirement, maintenance can last no longer than three years, and the amount ordered cannot exceed 20% of the gross income of the paying spouse. If a spouse qualifies for maintenance

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 12:57 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1580 | Registered: May 2011
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Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From Trust gone: I have been on SI since last August. I was directed to the LTA thread by another member due to my sitch. I attempted to post a few times on the thread, but never was acknowledged and never got any replies to my questions, so I just stayed on the other forums after that. I guess it felt like a private club that I wasn't invited to join, so I didn't.

Wow...eactly how I feel except a few stragles actually acknowledging me....
Where so ya go??? I mean really,these are the people who have somewhat been through what I am going through,but I feel like I'm watching a television show,or when I do post,it's skipped over.

[This message edited by hisfool at 1:55 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

Me BS 43
Sad dude WH 43
1 D,20
11 year LTA
First DD: Feb 19,2012
Multiple other DDs,along with much torture.
Sept. 20 our ' marriage' anniversary -last DD,so far.
'The Farce' now at 24 years.

Posts: 14 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Midwest
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Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not thinking "jackass!" LOL. But I am going to continue to point out places where I believe you either go too far or completely miss the mark.

I think advising people to suck up their hurt feelings at what their partner or "partner" did AND calling the action of asking for a little extra love "giving your spouse guilt" is horrible! Cheese and crackers, man! That's the recipe to build resentment and distance between two people!!! You think you'll get a healthy M from pretending that everything is hunkydory and shitty actions have no consequences and dogs live forever? No! No! No! A thousand times NO!!!

Yikes all over the place.

ETA to take out a completely bitchy paragraph. Bad Nell.

[This message edited by ImNellNow at 2:25 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those who are feeling unwelcome, I am so sorry. In the past, this forum was for ongoing jokes, updating on situations, venting with others who "get it." Sometimes I would post questions in other forums (General was always nice) for quick input and come here for longer conversations.

IDK if that helps. Maybe?

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought this LTA forum was to help those who have also had LTA's relate with others in the same situation to help understand their own LTA they are dealing with. Sorry if I came here without an invitation. Sorry if I don't know the ongoing jokes that predate me. Sorry if I don't "get it" yet. I am only a few months out and working on understanding still.

Please realize that posts like the above make some of us (well at least me) feel unwelcome as well.

BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 406 | Registered: Nov 2012
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Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I'm not helping at all. Sorry.

Nell out.

BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
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Member # 35016
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my feeling:
I do want to say, though, that people who don't like the direction, please, please post MORE not less. There are a variety of points of view out there, and it's critical that people struggling with LTAs get to hear them all, and get different kinds of support. Don't feel driven away, just feel free to offer a different perspective.

This forum is big enough for everyone!!!!

I personally benefit from the discussions that RPangea is looking at. Hey, for some, it is part of their nature to want to 'understand' it, not just express feelings over it.

I understand that others are not looking for solutions, just empathy. I also know that even more are just looking to connect with old friends that have been around a while.

That latter point is a function of LTAs also - they may have a longer recovery time - so people wil be sticking around here longer. Plus as there is something particularly screwed up about LTAs, we probably have a more vibrant interaction here due to this common experience.

Finally, I can only say the more you post, the more feedback you will get as folks learn about you. My first posts here a year ago also barely made a ripple. Maybe not even that.

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 2:44 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
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Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks MC - you said what I was thinking better than me.

Sorry, my above post was harsh after I reread it but I was just growing tired of the negative vibe that is being brought here with regards to this LTA forum lately. Of course after a few months of being numb to my LTA situation I find myself more angry with it now at times.

Maybe I am wrong but the reason I prefer posting here is that I have an understanding of where peoples viewpoints are coming from rather than random posts from people that I dont know there story. It helps me pick the parts of what they are saying that best relate to me. I also benifit from hearing other peoples situations and understanding what the same people have to say to help them. I have a strong thirst right now to understand my situation. If I am doing something wrong here I guess I would hope someone would just PM me.

BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 406 | Registered: Nov 2012
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Member # 34728
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello everyone.

I am sorry there seems to be SO much turmoil here in the LTA.

I CAN understand as a newbie to the forum the feelings of being overwhelmed and second guessing actually joining and keeping up with these fine people, but they are ALL veterans and they are ALL still standing, regardless of if they are still M'd or D'd. I myself am in awe of all of them. Especially for those who are R'd and STILL choose to post here to help us. I try SO hard to keep up everyday even if I do not post and it is a click, but one that I have felt welcomed in and that is even more amazing considering I am the WS. I am just like your spouses who have lied and deceived you FOR YEARS. When I first joined in here, I asked permission from the veterans. I did not want to hurt anyone with my presence, but in my case I wanted to get the best advice possible from you all to hopefully try and get an even better look of what my BH is going through.

There are many times there are posts here that talk about the WS, as "they" and "all of them" and "they are broken" etc. And I have to say, these wonderful people have many times PM'd me with a quick apology, or they say it in the post itself, that they hope they did not hurt my I said, I am in COMPLETE awe.

I value EVERY SINGLE opinion that has been written here. I see how there are a vast array of ways to get through this. I have found myself taking ideas and advice from all of you. I absorb what resonates with me, and I leave the rest, that doesn't mean that way won't work, it just doesn't fit me. However that doesn't mean someone else won't be able to relate to it.

My BH is not the "softest pillow" out there, those of you who have read my posts can attest to, but the other night for the FIRST time, he read something here on SI. It was one of Tryin's posts...and my BH liked it. Tryin - He pointed out a few of the lines in your post and highlighted them as he was reading. At this point, I am SO thankful for any little glimmer of hope, and that in my book was WAY more then a glimmer.

I couldn't imagine going through my attempt at R without all of you here to get me would be one lonely dark world without you.


Posts: 259 | Registered: Feb 2012
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Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand everyone who feels like this is a bit of a clique. I first dipped my toes in the LTA thread in part 23. That was way back about 2 years ago. I was welcomed and everyone was very kind. However, yes, there was a lot of background and jokes and stuff I just didn't "get".

Nell, I feel what you posted and then deleted because you said it was "bitchy" wasn't bitchy, it was the truth. And, I figured that out on my own. If I needed and wanted a lot of feedback and I needed it fast, I would post in General or Recon.

Yes, sometimes, no one here had anything to say about a post I made. Sometimes this thread moved very slowly and other times, like now, there are pages and pages in a very short time. I stopped posting here for awhile and just lurked.

People come and go here. There will be some posting for a lot for awhile, and then they are gone. But, the base group, for the most part, are still here from when I first came here. They are going to be closer and have more "inside" jokes. I have to be able to not take it personally if I want to get the support here.

I think MC_Jack described best what ideally this thread is about.

When I come out of lurkdom it is usually because I feel there is something I really need to share with some one here, such as gotta.

Which, by the way, are you lurking gotta? How are you? Please let us know how you are doing.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 8984 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
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Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I was wondering what you think about my earlier post, copied and pasted below in response to one of yours on a previous page.

My concerns for this forum are:

1. That a certain kind of communication/thinking is being advocated very heavily, possibly to the exclusion of other points of view. This is where those who don't agree should please step up and offer a different perspective. That's the beauty of this forum, people can pick and choose what works for them.

2. That people are feeling excluded. As an old timer, but infrequent poster, I would say, please don't feel that way. The odds are that you aren't being ignored, but that the board is moving way too fast for people to keep up, let alone respond. Don't be shy about bumping for a response.

3. That this separation of men and women into generalized stereotypes may not be doing people any favours. For example, you wouldn't think it to look at me, I'm 5'3", weigh about 105 pounds, have long hair, work out 5 days a week, am amost always manicured and pedicured, wax religiously, etc. But if my H started talking to me about "submitting" or how he was "letting me have girlfriends," I'd be at the lawyer having divorce papers drawn up before he finished speaking. Great if it works for you and your W, but it wouldn't for us.

Tryin's post that I'm responding to:
"If my W see a beautiful man on the street and he might think.. wow, I would love to know what it’s like to have a man like that pursue me. (Notice I did not say.. SEX. Men think that way, women don’t.) It is m W’s inner thoughts. Please, someone tell me why sharing that inner could be good for the M?"

Ok, I want to respond. First of all, I think that kind of generalizing is or can be dangerous to people trying to R, as I think it's reductive and dehumanizing. Everyone is more complicated than that. In fact, I'd say that growing up in a FOO that adhered strictly to generalities about what men do/think and what women do/think contributed greatly to my H's *choice* to have an affair, his brother's three divorces, and his other brother's substance abuse. People are complicated individuals. We all have traits that are gender normative and some that aren't, so it's not tremendously helpful to reduce people to generalities.

Second, I don't know if sharing that inner thought in that situation would be helpful or not. I don't ask my H what he's thinking if we pass an attractive woman on the street, but I also don't assume I know based on his gender. Truthfully, I might not even really notice the situation. But if I had to take a stab at it--and I'm *not* saying you don't know your W, Tryin, just being hypothetical here--I'd say that knowing your W's inner thoughts might help you know/understand her as an individual/complicated person instead of as a package of pre-assumed traits. Maybe your wife would be thinking, that guy looks like a dick, he's walking like he thinks he's on the runway at men's fashion week, or, wow, that's a jolt, he reminds me so much of my uncle who used to play hide and seek with us, but who died before I met Tryin, or, thank goodness Tryin doesn't do that stupidass Euro suede loafers with no socks and his pants rolled up like that guy... I mean, she could be thinking any number of things that might surprise you.

[This message edited by brooke4 at 5:13 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

Posts: 1483 | Registered: Feb 2007
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Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brooke, pending Tryn chiming in, I think the phrase "letting me have girlfriends" can be interpreted as not being controlling.

Believe it or not, there are instances of men who really hinder their spouses from having their own friends. They feel threatened or something. One of my wife's friends got remarried and she disappeared. The H only wanted them to interact with his friends. Now she got a D, and guess who is back in the group?

wax religiously

Hah! damn, u are a 'quality' woman

[This message edited by MC_Jack at 7:48 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

I am not a marriage counselor. I chose "MC Jack" in the spirit of a handle like "MC Hammer" or Young MC"...there is a lot of 'rapping' here, no? At the time I did not know what MC stood for on this site. Duh.

Posts: 792 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: West Coast of Hopa-hopa-land
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Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

newbies this forum is not really a clique....its a place where basically the same people post all the time, and i mean all the for the most part we become like family, learning each other sich so well that we don't have to go through the entire history each and every time....and like someone else pointed out...there are times when the board is so so slow and then there are times when there are so many posts its hard to keep up.......

for most of us we respond only when we have something to offer....even if its just hugs.....i have been mia for a while.....prior to going mia i practically lived on this forum.....and the "tribe" as this place was dubbed even before my time became my family, my second family.....we all knew each other so well that we went from tears for one another to gut wrenching laughs........

and we always tried to welcome ALL ......and we always told others to post, post often and not to worry about learning about each of us....that learning who we were would come in time.....and we offered non-judgemental support....doesn't mean we agreed all the time...we simply tried to offer what we could, ......

now as much as i am an "oldie"...there are so many "new" people to me who have been here that i almost feel like a newbie... .... my rather longwinded way i am hoping to offer encouragement to post, and keep posting, and post in all is an amazing wonderful tool without which most of us would still be floundering....

tryn.....i think its time for us to agree to disagree......(just like old times.. ).....


i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok.. I have been rude. Allow me to introduce myself… my M life..
I was 21. Wife was 19.
My w ask me one day in the car.. “what are your intentions?”
tryn, “to marry you”
Next thing I know I’m buying a ring which I could not even afford.
I never got on my knee.
Working and going to school part time here and there.
1985, I’m walking down the aisle.
Why did I get M? Sex and I liked her mom’s food. Yeh you know.. fuck’m and feed’m.
I quit school for one year to save money.
I go back to school and finish in 1988.
I was a very good golfer. She bitched so much about me playing so much Golf, I quit.
She goes off to Florida and meets some chef. She starts her first A.
I tell her one night after she comes in at 3 am.. “You are in dangerous territory.” She stops it.
I graduate, work one year at a chemical plant, get transferred to Indiana. I take her away from her close family.
For all those years after that, she could never say, I never cheated. A gut feeling. “But when I would tell myself?” seemed weird.. nothing.

1989 – We are Indiana.

1990 – DS born. She is a homemaker. I traveled maybe 1-4 nights a week.

1992 – Wife tries to tell me something is just not right. I didn’t get it. Missing family? We saw them 4 times a year. I encourage her to go to Purdue. She goes. DD born.

1995 – W gets degree with Highest Distinction. # 5 or 6 in her class of 1000’s. She has an amazing very high IQ.

1997 – W feels something is missing. I don’t get it. I encourage her to work. Kids now in school. Part time job at kohl’s.

1998 – Opportunity at Law Office and she takes it.

1999 – Owner snake charms my w.

2001 – Now I realize something is not right. I still don’t get it. I convert to her religion to bring us closer.

2001 – 2005 What was missing I needed was turned to a focus on my job and kids. I coached and volunteered. Things gradually got worse. Less affection, less love, less being intimate, less sex.

2006 – 2008 Total misery in my M. I turn to obsession on my work. Hardly any sex, or Maintenance sex, No attraction, my best friend, his W is my W’s best friend Bf W caught in A. My best friend warns me. “Gut” in full swing. W mentions D in argument. Accused.. Our M got worse and worse and worse.

Now comes the worst part.

November 2008. Letter comes in the mail from “A Christian” NO PROOF. W Lies and lies. OM & his W are involved in our lives, OM W gets letter too. She calls me next day, She says OM has long history of A. I trick W’s BF to expose. W thinks I am out of town. She calls and confesses before I confront. I call OM W and tell her.

Nov 2008 to December 2008 – out of my mind. My Identity lost. PhD IC every 2 weeks is looking at that clock behind me on the wall. He says I have obsessive personality, first time I realize. W and I mention D mentioned many times. W’s IC attempts to lead her to D. She quits IC. I find W in fetal position twice. She confesses to her family. W finds new job but cannot work mental pain. She wants to commit suicide. Her mom comes stays with us for 4 weeks. She gets on AD. I visit dentist to get cavity filled. Dentist across the road from hotel they visit. I look right at it through window. I tell dentist I don’t want any shot, just drill. She does it. I take the pain without a flinch. Cried for 90 days in a row.. most days more than once.

February 2009 – real anger enters my soul. I want OM dead. Loaded gun to kill that SOB. He ruined my life. I called my BF perhaps not really to kill. I think I was ready. BF rushed to confiscate my gun. He saved my life that day. I submit to him my gun.

February 2009 I find SI from LHJ site.

March 2009 – So distraught I cannot control anger, I call my W c***, whore, bitch.. you get it. I decide to D. I start moving to BF house. I make a date with woman. W finds out and goes ape shit. W ask me to try one more time.

May 2009 – I physically abuse my W. She tells me she deserves it. I hate myself. I get on AD. Start to understand depression.

June 2009 – I want to throw myself over balcony while on vacation. I cannot do it because I don’t want fucked up kids to see it. I get new faith based IC. She recommends W and I go to Retrouvaille. Wife agrees. W still in deep depression.
August 2009 – This was the start of my own Reconciliation. Retrouvaille: a French word meaning rediscovery. I started to open my eyes.
Which brings me to my first post on the LTA board….

Posted: 8:08 AM, July 9th (Thursday), 2009
forgivenotforget.. thank for that post because I needed it right now.
Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it . . . I'm putting this happiness in a bank somewhere . . . held there as insurance against future trials in life.

I just got through with a long run… praying for a message, a sign, some strength.
All my life I have lived by that passage... except I "become lax" in my marriage, allowed my own boundaries to be pierced... and now I'm faced with unhappiness... I know I can pull myself out of this...

I commit to making myself happy...

My prayers did get answered that morning. I have that quote in front of my face at my office. A most profound quote FNF gave me.

February 2012 – I lost it again. I realize my W just was not sexually attracted to me. The fight. In a screaming hurtful comment my W told me.. “YOU DON’T GET IT”. I blamed her… She needed to fix her issues. I told her I was done. D. I prayed again to lead me to resolution. That next day, a man popped into my world by mere accident right? A sex therapist. No, I didn’t “get it” but now I do.

July 2012 – Wife starts to feel really good. She ended her AD…. And she started to take her attraction to me to a new level.
Today.. I know what I have and it is very special.

And now I am here today with all you fine folks.

Back on my first post, one lone man posted on this board.. Dipstick. But these fine woman had a huge impact on my life when I most needed it. FNF, Iwant, UKgirl.. all there for me at that time when I most needed it. I Thank You fine ladies. Later, others came to join our friendship and list is too long to list now, but you know who you are…. See, we became friends in the journey. Far more rewarding than posting on those other boards. Sure, we all pop over on the other threads to give opinions. So you new fine folks, come be our friend. Don’t be shy. Be OPEN. If someone doesn’t respond, post again!

So that is my introduction to YOU.

[This message edited by trynhard at 11:00 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


i remember your actually had made one for each of us...

i am taking my life back, one step at a time!!!!!

Posts: 5994 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: looking for my rainbow
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Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What about the bird on your road trip? Wasnt that an important event or am I crazy?

BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 997 | Registered: Apr 2011
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Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More of a lurker than a poster but I have the qualifications....12 yr LTA. This forum made me feel like less of a freak!

All the oldies are very kind...they always have answered my questions and finished with quips about grilling, chickens, babies, selling houses and fishing.

It's sometimes too hard to keep up with (I have always wished for a cheat sheet on the backgrounds) but I haven't met a nicer group of people.
Thanks LTA. Newbies just ask again...someone will answer.

BS (me) 49
FWH 49 newbeg2011
Married 29 years
Very Long LTA
DD 01/15/11-6/30/11
The hard work is done...let the healing begin.

Posts: 997 | Registered: Apr 2011
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Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well brooke4

I am not near the writer as my clever friend Nell. Ok… Rather than submit I’ll use “agree.” But heck, I usually use “submit” so this might take a few corrections before I change… I will do my best. (BTW.. just teasing Nell because I knew she would return the love by giving me a funny response.)

Oh.. I think you might have misunderstood my post. Let’s talk about woman who have no other woman friends. Guess what? That becomes a husband problem. So, a quality man must encourage his wife to have other woman friends. And if this man is not quality himself, like the man MC described in his post, that is far worse!

“sharing that inner thought” My point was that we should share only the inner thoughts that are GOOD for the relationship. Do you have a better example?
Maybe.. this..
Man thinks his wife is too fat. Should he share that thought? If a man that shares that thought is not going to not get his wife to agree to hold his hand, let alone sex. In fact, a man says his W is too fat many times, he is going to disqualify himself from her love. On the other hand.. If a man thinks his wife is too fat, he can lead her… by “Honey, I am going on a diet, it will be great for my health, do you want to join me?” or “I am joining a gym. You know? If we both go, this might be a time we can spend some quality time together, would you like to join with me?” or “I want to start now eating healthy foods sweetie. Will you help me by not buying junk food, if it is in the house, its too tempting"… or.. how about this.. say nothing. Love your W for who she is… as she is...

All the little things we do in life add up in the minds of someone not happy with you.

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:44 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You are right! I forgot about but that was a true story.

I love birds.. I guess that is why I loved Laura pic!

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, March 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got a good one for all you ladies… new and old..

This is about reconciliation.

One of the most key parts to all happy M is sex. I placed much pressure on my W to have sex. It really drove her away, not closer. That was me. But my W also has an issue. Soaps.

So, my sex therapist says.. A woman who watches soaps during the day will expend all her sexual desire and not want to give you sex later that day. He says a woman won’t even know it. I know, sounds crazy… but the pro says it’s studied to be true. Please just assume it’s true.. YOU GOT THAT! Anyone watch Victor?

How should a man handle this situation? How can I compete with that?

[This message edited by trynhard at 10:49 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 2636 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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