I find it worrying when ex-WS call their affair partners “it” or “dirty whore”. I wonder if it’s a tool to blame shift and minimize. Don’t forget that if the OW is an “it” then the WH is someone that DECIDED to have an affair with all the risks and damage that incurred WITH “IT”, or WITH the “dirty whore”.
I think this is a really good point. In our case, WH never referred to that person negatively until I gave him permission. I was getting the feeling that he wasn't very fond of that person, but he never said it. And in my case, it made me feel like he was implicitly defending her. So, one day (after he had already accepted responsibility), I told him that IF he had negative feelings it would do me good to hear them. And then he had a plethora. lol
How do you refer to AP?
As seldom as possible!
If I have to, it's usually "that girl" or "that girl from ___" (fill in the name of the town). I don't like using either their names or insulting names because both get my anger either rolling or escalating, depending on the situation.
I use "your girlfriend" a lot for OW#1. It DOES seem to bother H more than using her actual name....probably because, as previously stated, everyone knows married people aren't supposed to have "girlfriends". Also, it makes his relationship with her sound really immature and teenager-ish, which it was.
I also refer to OW#1 as The Whore. However, I do NOT like it when H uses that term, because it strikes me as hypocritical coming from him, and something he's just saying to try to score points with me.
OW#2 is Chiquita Banana, because she is bananas, and her first name is similar to Carmen.
OW#3 is Brazil Nuts, because she and her H (who PARTICIPATED in the sex) are crazy/nuts.
The girl he kissed in a parking lot, who to her credit turned him down when he told her he was married, is Parking Lot Girl.
The stripper he felt up is Fake Boobs Girl.
When talking to the child psych, MC when we did that etc, I say "his affair partner". To him, I use some adjective (filthy, disgusting, nasty) followed by "whore", "your whore", "fat fuck", "fuck face", and "c***y". Hardly ever her name if I can help it, but I don't have any kind of physical reaction to saying it. I have names for WH too, in my phone he is "pig fucker"
I used to refer to her as Shrek. To call her Fiona would be an insult to Fiona.
I have also drunkenly referred to her as "Your Tranny Bitch" because she is very mannish in appearance.
Now I don't refer to her at all because whores are beneath me so there is no need to even acknowledge she exists.
[This message edited by Chicky at 9:56 PM, March 6th (Wednesday)]
That being said, she is "fff" for "frigid f@!kface". WH has started to call her that too most of the time, but when he actually uses her real name, I feel sick.
His EA/PA from 13 years ago, I just call "the first mushroom", referring to the affair itself.
As I write this, it seems a bit childish for me to use theseothernames, but saying their names, as I said, makes me sick.
[This message edited by hobbeskat at 3:16 PM, April 5th (Friday)]
Also went the route of hobag, your whore, the slut, etc. On addition, she was his coworker, so I love the COW acronym here!
I agree with Sister Milkshake as well, while she didn't take vows
to me, she did knowingly break her own vows and the laws of common decency and continued for two years after she was outed. What's worse....she still has no remorse nor the decency to acknowledge my questions, so deserves any and all of the names I could lavish on her.
I remember the conversation as well.
" you are sleeping with your manager and getting promotions and hikes, and telling me that I'm jealous of your progress ?"
This is when I was packing my stuff and leaving.
FWW : you are running away from your responsibilities.
Me: why do you think you need help other than your boyfriend. Is he not ready to take care of you and the kid? Or is your boyfriend interested only to call you his apartment ?
In legal notices it was last name ( referred to here in and hereafter as last name.)
In the police summon full name with company address.
Like Facepunched, I now call recent one "it" and the old one is "other". They don't deserve names.
The escort, the one that brought me here? She's just "the escort."
The payroll girl? Well, her first name is Ashley, so I call her Trashley. There's a funny rhyme with her last name too, but honestly she really didn't do anything wrong, other than return chatty emails/texts from my H, so I won't share it. I really don't mention her much.
The girl he hooked up with in NC - after we'd filed for divorce - she has the same first name as me. He referred to her by MY name one time and I went apeshit on him. She is "that girl from [Name of Town]." That's all she gets to be.
Really I don't bring these women up, though, at this point. It serves no purpose to talk about them. If I'm triggering or upset, I talk to him about it but I don't need to talk about them anymore.
ETA: I see I also answered this back in March.
[This message edited by JanaGreen at 8:03 AM, June 19th (Wednesday)]