I'm surprised places aren't set at the dinner table for "it".
Ha ha ha
I basically had it like some sort of religion style thing...I believe I can be happy...
There are so many books written about this subject - how to get happy in 10 easy steps, blah blah blah.
We often comment how the happiest people have the least in life, and I can appreciate why.
My mum was talking to me yesterday as my grandmonther died last week.
She was saying out loud, what if grannie had wanted this, and if I do this, what happens with that and I mustn't forget this and oh god, if that happens then this might happen....she went on by herself for at 15 minutes.
When she stopped I realised I felt really sad for her, not least because of her loss; but mostly because she's spending all this energy chasing shadows. I asked her "can you do anything about worry A?" She said well no, but ....... So I said "so why are you worrying about that, it quite likely will never happen. On the balance of probability the outcome will be totally different. When you reach the outcome, why don't you see what it is and if you even need to worry about it?"
She loked at me like I was a alien for a minute, and then shrugged. No answer because it makes perfect sense.
I overanalysed every conversation I ever had. I realised the greatest source of frustration between my mother and I and the conversations we had was that she did the same to what I said.
The outcome of that was this: I said what I meant in plain english. She heard what I said, and then thought about it so much she had some completely random allocation of meaning attached to my actual sentence.
When I'd remind her of what I said, she'd say always "well yes you did say that, but I though you meant xyz." No mum, I meant exactly what I said.
So much wasted effort. So much anguish. So much angst. So little happiness.