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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: More Growth Pains
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think about that.. he tells you how hurt he was by old Aubrie, because you aren't that person any longer. No longer a threat, no longer going to belittle him or hurt him. You will HEAR him. That is huge.

I think this is a huge step when this happens in R. It is when you know that some measure of trust is being established again.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 4524 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mr. Aubrie doesn't lurk on SI much anymore. But he got on so he could read this thread. I think it's helped him.

Think about that.. he tells you how hurt he was by old Aubrie, because you aren't that person any longer. No longer a threat, no longer going to belittle him or hurt him. You will HEAR him. That is huge.

Meta, he said you totally nailed it. There are times when he's feeling something and doesn't know how to convey it. Your phrase was how he feels exactly. He said, "Yes! This! Totally!" Thanks for helping him find the words.

KB, I'm not a quite person. Since we've been dealing with all this, I have learned to stay silent and think before I open my mouth. For you it's the stuttering/stammering. For me, it's quietness. It's kinda funny because he's so not used to that out of me. He'll be talking. I'm just listening. He'll look at me "Ummm, why aren't you talking...?" At fist I think it threw him off, scared him a bit, but now he recognizes that I've learned to just shut. up. (For the most part)


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6065 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
ladypersephone
♀ Member
Member # 38638
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was so mean. So very cruel. Who did I think I was to say those terrible things to him? To beat him over the head with it? I had so much hate and anger towards his family. I could see what they were doing. But I couldn't see it in myself. Yeah, I know. Hypocrite.

I can remember this, too. I went through a hard time when I finally faced my abusive past and was diagnosed with PTSD. I was out of control sometimes with my lashing and anger. I took so much out on him. He told me at the time, I remember some of it, but I was so consumed in my pain I didn't hear him.

It's a harsh reality to learn that you were exactly what you were trying to avoid from your past pains. I am so glad that you are working on it together. It really is a beautiful thing to see as hard as it may be from the inside. Keep your head up, heart strong, and love love love.


WW (Me) 33 (MH)
BS/RA (him) 36 (MH)

Formerly fiercely in love.
Currently on desolation row...


Posts: 55 | Registered: Mar 2013
CheaterMagnet
♀ Member
Member # 33581
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HUGE, GIGANTIC, ENORMOUS (((HUGS))) to you my friend. And to Mr. Aubrie.


If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5

Posts: 999 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Kailua-Kona, HI
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

CM!! Hiiiiii! Geez I miss you!


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6065 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, March 17th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

KB, I'm not a quite person. Since we've been dealing with all this, I have learned to stay silent and think before I open my mouth. For you it's the stuttering/stammering. For me, it's quietness. It's kinda funny because he's so not used to that out of me. He'll be talking. I'm just listening. He'll look at me "Ummm, why aren't you talking...?" At fist I think it threw him off, scared him a bit, but now he recognizes that I've learned to just shut. up. (For the most part)

I've had the "quiet" thing already, partly because I'm non-confrontational (I don't like arguing), and partly because I'm horrible with expressing myself properly/correctly during any kind of tense argument situation. I can see how that could be a major change in someone who doesn't normally sit quietly during conversation.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 754 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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