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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Does NC apply to the BS as well?
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last Sunday my BH and I were having dinner and he casually mentioned that my AP's BW had reached out via email a couple of weeks back to see how he was doing?

I had been doing really well with not thinking about AP and this just brought it right back up. He went NC with me on 2/1/2013, but should that also apply to his wife?

Has anyone else had experience with this?


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
BaxtersBFF
♂ Member
Member # 26859
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC is best all around, but sometimes the BS's keep in contact to verify that NC between the WS's is being maintained.

Would your BH agree to informing you in a more timely manner when contact with the AP's BW calls?


WH - 44
BW - gerrygirl

Posts: 6097 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Boise
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think so. We brought it up in MC this morning. BH doesn't think she'll reach out again, but if she does, he'll either ignore or politely respond that he doesn't think it is a good idea for them to have contact.


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
thecaves
♂ Member
Member # 38062
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My BW and the OW's BH keep in contact on occasion.

We were very close friends with the other couple before. Of course I now realize that is not really true is it?

In the beginning, I was concerned that my BW could be headed down the slippery slope with him but that was me placing my shit on her. I was also not fully aware of what the conversations were about.

Now, she tells me when they talk and what they talk about. Most of the time it is to keep an eye on me and the OW to ensure NC and of course I think this is great.

They do talk about the A sometimes and share information. My BW does not really want to know much about the A from him as she knows my view will be different from the OW. I was initially concerned that the OW would take revenge and feed lies about me. I know I hurt her as well. Her BH also found out (or at least got confirmation) from my BW.

I would say NC does not apply as long as the conversation is kept to sharing of information and helping to avoid NC between the APs. If the conversation turns to consoling one another then I think there is cause for concern.


Me: WH
Her: BW
Kids: Yes
Married: 20+
D-Day: 12/2012

What defines us is how well we rise after falling.


Posts: 173 | Registered: Jan 2013
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She reached out to ask him how he was doing. Told him her children knew and that she felt like a failure as a parent. Told him that she knew of two times I reached, but both of those were before the NC request, which I have honored, and frankly needed to get on with my life and decision making.

He said he doesn't think she has anyone else to talk to about it. I think she should find someone. They have already shared all the know with each other about the A...there is really nothing there to discuss.


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
cdnmommy
♀ Member
Member # 30182
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, March 15th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he doesn't think she has anyone else to talk to about it. I think she should find someone. They have already shared all the know with each other about the A...there is really nothing there to discuss.

I believe that at a certain point there must be NC between the BSs for R to work, but I think 6 weeks into NC after what sounds like months of messing with their minds is too early to expect it.

If your BH doesn't feel like he wants to talk to her then he should definitely say something, but I would be very cautious of insisting he do it for your sake.

[This message edited by cdnmommy at 2:40 PM, March 15th (Friday)]


Me: BW
DDay: Oct 2010 + 6 weeks false R
2.5 (+?) year A with married coworker/my "friend"
1 great kid.
Reconciling and healing

Posts: 1726 | Registered: Nov 2010
Topic Posts: 6

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