I *will* say I didn't ignore the question of whether or not I could be a single mom. I think it's something any BW has to face and own. A baby is a lot of work and a solid test for ANY marriage!! If you discover false R or broken NC or anything down the road, will there be resentment for the pregnancy or happiness that you have someone else to think about? (For me, I knew I wanted a second kid and figured even if my M didn't work, at least my kids would have the same dad... Warped, I know, but that's where I was back then.) even now, with Dday #3 last month, I have zero regrets on the baby thing. My kids give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)
Our situation seems to be working out very well, but not all do. The pregnancy and our son had nothing to do with R. Yes it did make me stay at first but it was my H actions that made me finally say yes I want to R. And not 3 years later after him making some major changes I can say we are R. We still have struggles but that is to be expected.
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
We have both agreed it is not a great time and if anything would have been something to talk about in a few years at least. Here we are regardless. We'd previously talked about having another a few months prior to her erratic behaviour starting so we weren't ill-prepared for the idea, just bad timing.
All that said, the pregnancy is a separate issue to our reconciliation. It honestly has helped bring us together in many ways, bonding over future possibilities and planning for our son's arrival. It hasn't hindered us really. Yet I can't say it's helped with reconciliation either. Us being healthy partners for each other and good parents for our child(ren) are two separate things. It's slightly complicated things, but we've also had talks about how we'd co-parent should we not be together in the future, how we'd handle custody and other issues. Kid's are responsibilities that shouldn't be burdened with "saving" the marriage. I'm not certain if your wife is pregnant or you guys plan to. I'd suggest waiting until you're solidly reconciled before trying to conceive if that's the case.
Also as a fellow betrayed husband to another, be prepared to be told to get a paternity test and/or questioned if it's your's should you talk about it with certain people. A member here in the Betrayed Men's thread in ICR harangued me about that months ago, so I tend to avoid it now. I admit there's that small dreadful doubt of "what if he's not mine" but I'm reasonably certain he is. Just letting ya know that's a unique issue for betrayed husbands.
ETA: I just read through some of your previous posts, and wanted to ask is your wife currently pregnant? And is it her AP's?
[This message edited by VD2012 at 8:17 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)]
Surrender to the truth of life.
I certainly would not have gotten pregnant had the first year of R not been "perfect"- IC, MC, transparency, etc.
Me- BW, 28
Him- fWh, 34
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August
We are in R.
We weren't trying to get pregnant. For several reasons. I have a condition however where I cannot be on birth control, so it just happened. Feelings = excited to have a second chance at having my family. Terrified that he is going to cheat again and ill be a single mom, nauseous about telling my family who are so involved and protective of me and against R, embarrassed for even having sex with him after dday, stupid for the same reason, scared that I will loose this baby too. I am considered high risk and doctors told me that my second pregnancy will be extremely stressful (in a normal relationship)- and here we are. Dealing with a high risk pregnancy, R, the loss of our sweet boy and then all the little complications: me living with my mom, finances, my family and friends by approving of him. All in the span of 3 months. 2013 has been the biggest challenge. And I honestly am just trying to stay calm for my baby. I have hope. I guess that's a good thing. But after the A happened I don't really trust myself anymore because I was so certain that he would never do that in the first place. So how can I trust my heart that is telling me he won't do it again?? Everyone is going to think I am the bigger idiot in the world. I haven't told a soul I'm pregnant.. Except him.
Any advice or success stories?