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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Pretending with family and friends
♀ Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am there. The problem is I only have the strength to pretend in front of my kids right now. I have turned into a hermit because I just can't hide the sadness anymore. I know that this will pass. It does make me mad sometimes. It would be nice if the subject were not so taboo. I always wonder about the family couples around me if they have survived this and how. It would be nice to have a family elder who you can talk to like other issues you get advice on.

Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 246 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was something I hoped too, that when I heard WH was finally telling his family of his A, he would show remorse and maybe the A would end.

Instead, he continues to live with OW and those very few inlaws I am still in contact with say that he is extremely pompous and very different acting. No remorse.

Is this the fog, or stage of mid life crisis? I tend to think both, but know each subject has critics.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ New Member
Member # 37717
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, March 26th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I am reading posts I have written. I have told one friend who does not know my WS very well, and my doctor. I have become a good actresss, but it is exausting. I believe we can R but if not I will tell everyone. I was embarrassed but no more, I know this was his doing.

Me bs 58
Him ws 57
Married 36 years
Children 2, grandchildren 3
Dday 1 2012-11-03, Dday2 2012-12-08
Dday 3 2013-06-20 separating

Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Ontario
♂ Member
Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 2 most important people I spoke to was my therapist and this forum. They knew what I was going through and could help.

For everyone else who found out, I now feel embarished to talk to them. I know I shouldn't but that is the way it is.

I also discovered I didn't want my friendships based on an affair. The affair rob so much of my life. I didn't want this also.

Posts: 159 | Registered: Mar 2007
♀ New Member
Member # 38671
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't told many people and none of our family know what's going on. I haven't told my family because I have seen how they treated my sister in law when she cheated on my brother and even though they are trying to reconcile, my mother and 2 of my sisters still treat her like garbage. I don't want my husband to be treated like that if we make it through.

I have told my boss only because I was such an emotional wreck when I went to work on Dday and a week later told my closest girls at work who is going through something similar. I wasn't planning on telling the girl but she called me on vacation, when she was supposed to be in Mexico but came home early because her H abused her twice at the hotel. It happened the same day as my H slept with the OW for the last time (day before Dday) so when she told me I just shouted "what the hell is up with that Tuesday" and spilled my guts.

Of course I have also told my therapist about what is going on too. I hate pretending but my mask must be pretty good because no one seems to know about the pain I am in.

BS - 44
WH - 46
Married 13 years together 16 years
D-Day 23/01/13
Working on it...

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right after D day (Jan 12, 2013) I quickly realized I had no support system in place. I turned to a coworker who had gone through a D a few years back and I felt I needed his perspective. I did not know it at the time, he was also a BS. His xWW had multiple A. He stayed another 2 years and says the M did not end due to the A's, but she had other problems. He has turned out to be an excellent friend of mine and our M. So I wish for everyone here to have a friend like that.

He is the only one who knows and I told fWW had it was hard as several of you here know, but my brother who lives across the street and whom I am very close to does not know. She did say that if I felt I needed to talk to him, I should. Honestly just her offering me the chance to was enough of a jesture that I doubt I will.

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 675 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
♀ Member
Member # 38787
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Again I can't thank this site and the people on it. At least I don't feel alone. That everyone have the same feelings. So I don't feel like I losing my mind.

Bw (me) 47
WH (him) 59
D day 3/7/2013
Married 26 together 28
2 adult sons 25 and 22

Posts: 167 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: nj
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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