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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fear: Another Affair
n0tm3
♀ Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My gut is screaming at me that he is at it again. He said that he isn't but I just don't believe him. I need to figure out what to do next. He knows all of the tricks now of how to hide an affair.


Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
years
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 242 | Registered: Dec 2012
IslandGirl18
♀ Member
Member # 36781
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what makes you think he is having another affair?


me: BS
him: WS

D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012

Divorced


Posts: 103 | Registered: Sep 2012
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong sweetie, listen to it.

Start digging but whatever you do do not let him know that you are. Don't confront him, try really hard to act like nothing is wrong, and go undercover.

If your gut is right, something will come to light soon. We are great detectives when the scent is in the air.

In the meantime, please make sure you BREATHE.

We are all here for you and there will be others along with sensible advice. Take heart sweetie, you are not alone, and if this turns out to be a false alarm, then you can talk to your H and find out what raised your hackles and put you in a state of alert.

Thoughts and love to you


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
n0tm3
♀ Member
Member # 37884
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Time spent away from home. His behavior and the things that he says. His refusal to give up playing in the orchestra when he said that he would if it bothered me. This was his social outlet to other women. Flirting and going out for drinks. I have not seen him do this but he is late after reherseals. His OW he meet this way and use this time to see her before our after reherseals. The worst part is that he wore his wedding tux to play and then did it with her afterwards.


Me: BS 45
Him: WH 45
DDay #1: 12/17/12; OW 47 married 23
years
DDay #2 2/1/13 EA 6 years ago for 2 weeks with a married college friend through FB
Married 18 years, together 21 years
3 kids; 7,13,16
R trying IC and MC

Posts: 242 | Registered: Dec 2012
wantreallove
♀ Member
Member # 37534
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((nOtm3)) I know it's so hard in those first days and months. If your gut is telling you something then listen, but take care of yourself. If he is doing it again there may be nothing you can do to change it. So take care of yourself first. I know this is hard to do and I am guilty of not doing it. So rough to hear he wore his wedding tux. (((n0tm3)))


Me,BS 32
SA fWH (masame5) 34
Married 12 yrs 6 kids age 17-1, and expecting #7
D-day 10/9/12 (caught him through fb chat) D-day #2 11/19/12 thru 11/21/12 (found out about all the rest of the A's.)
8 AP, 12-7-12 WH sober date

Posts: 196 | Registered: Nov 2012
Changed72
♂ Member
Member # 38723
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, go with gut feelings for sure. If I would have followed mine, I would have learned a long time ago about her A's.
At first you trust them, once that trust has been broken, all bets are off...

I hope it's not true, but you have to find out for yourself...So you can have some peace.


Me-38
Her-41
Married 15 years
1 DD13
DDay 3-2-13
Working on R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013
PointMan
♂ Member
Member # 38577
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, March 27th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say follow your gut feeling. There are some things you can do to uncover an affair or verify his faitfullness: Keylogger on the computer (good for obtaining passwords), GPS on his car, Voice activated recorder in his car, etc.
Look in the Investigative Tips section for more info.
It helped me alot when I had that gut feeling but couldnt prove it.


DDay: 1/16/13
ME: 49
WW: 43
2 boys: 9 and 13
Trying to R.
Married 15 years.
"keeping the faith"

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: NE
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've already had 2 DDays....and now your gut is screaming again. Listen to it....go into sleuth mode, or just call it quits. Either way, you are entirely justified. He's already stabbed you in the back twice. If your gut is screaming, my guess is he went underground with the second A. If you need proof, dig, and dig some more. Eventually he'll screw up.

What are you going to do then? That is the question.

eta: if you're able to act like everything is "normal" while you're digging, your chances of finding something are much better. How good an actress are you???

[This message edited by exhausted lady at 2:18 AM, March 30th (Saturday)]


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
NotsureIcan
♀ Member
Member # 38113
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, March 30th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get afraid sometimes also. Yet my WH has done everything right. I have told my WH in past days that I don't trust him and I will do whatever I need to do to verify. If he doesn't like it, he can leave. Trust me, there are days that my mind goes literally crazy and I still have that horrible gut feeling. For me, I know it's lack of trust. It takes time. In your situation though it seems your WH is back to his old ways. You need to do some verifying and remember you have every right to do it.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 9

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